Bargain Hunt

Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp is back in Frae Bonnie Scotland so don't expect mega returns during today's auction where wallets will be steadfastly clamped shut, with only the occasional Highland moth escaping. It's well-healed Edinburgh, the place that launched a thousand biscuit tin lids. The Tat Bazaar is hosted in the Highland Centre, what's that's doing in Edinburgh, know doubt it will be sandwiched between a kebab shop and an Edinburgh woolen mill emporium, if they haven't all gone bust.

The experts today are the delightful Tartan temptress Roo Irvine, who could wear a bin bag and still look good, and the erectile dysfunction inducing David Harper. DayGlo Dave, the Middlesbrough Montelbano. The distraction is the Forth Bridge. Cue old tired jokes about painting it. There's an old souvenir of 'The Pen' like the one snaffled by Robert De Niro in Ricky Gervais' Extras. This one reveals a naked boat.



The Auction House is in Roswell, so named as it's alien to see anyone spend more than a fiver on something that can't be eaten, drank, smoked, injected, or hoovered up their nasal passage. Auctioneer is Sybelle Thomson, who looks like she escaped from Hangar 84, gives the impression that she is not to be messed with and is truly one of the worst auctioneers on the programme.

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The Red Team consists of a work couple who work together and live together which I assume means in the biblical sense. They have a wacky sense of humour and prove it with some corny jokes. The female half flashes the occasional sneery look akin to when Jimmy Krankie has to meet Boris Johnson. They carefully purchase: Portable WWI trench gramophone (BS) for 150, it looks good, but they didn't haggle on the price, it turns out it's been fiddled with to make it work, this deflates the estimate (30-50) the purses will be tightly shut, 70 quid internet bid, big loss, nuff said;
Silver and Amber fringe necklace, Roo knows her jewellery, it looks nice, and at 30, it's a nice price (20-40) good chance, goes for 20;
Scottish crystal decanter and glasses (Challenge) for 40 Scottish pound notes, once again strict Natasha almost DQs it, she loves wielding the rule book (20-30), another tight estimate, 15 another tight purchase, ye gods, getting blood out of a stone would be easier.
Roo's BB is a lovely set of Art Deco enamelled silver spoons 45 (30-60), probably too pricey for the cheapskates in the auction house, different auctioneer, 55, nice profit as it should be.

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The Banjo-playing brother and sister make up Team Deliverance (Blue). Squeal like a McPig Dave. They plucked:
Rosewood writing slope 35 nicker (30-50) 20, yet another loss;
Shoe case with labels 55 (30-40) it goes for fifty-fiiiiivvve, evens, remarkably not another loss;
Worn Art Deco Globe (BS), dealer's best price of 140, yeah right, finally bought for 90 quid, could be good but probably overpriced, depends how tight the auction attendees are, (30-40), hmmm, a pattern seems to be emerging with these estimates, 70 s0ds internet bid, as the misers in the Auction house don't budge.
DayGlo Dave's BB is a battered half-burnt African ceremonial rattling tribal drum, somehow I don't think it'll stir the skinflints in the house, 50 motes paid, unless there's an internet bid, otherwise it's going to be a big loss, (40-60), internet bid with a different auctioneer 65, a profit. Well done both experts.

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Decent Hi-Kick this episode. 2 reasonable teams, 2 of the better experts, just let down by the Auction misers. Not a good advert for Roswell.

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Terrible Auction Audience and Sybelle Thomson is woeful. The wee Scottish chap who did the BB was better. The rural Lancs/Yorks and Scottish ones tend to be the worst. A real skinflinting tightfisted bunch.

 

Just go here:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/schedules/p00fzl6p

or here:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/schedules/p00fzl97

for the current BBC1 and BBC2 schedules, they will always take you to the correct current episode.

 

Yeah but then I have to search the hundreds of episodes on iplayer to find the right one, or is there a quicker way?

Watching today's now. They always have a chance when they're buying from a fair at a race track.

Got to say, think Caroline's reds overpaid on the ring, but the pin and the writing slope have a chance.

Raj's blues went too strong on the porter's trolly, but I lived the Asian table. The Japanese dish could be worth hundreds or a tenner, I've no clue.

Looking forward to the auction. Wonder who is wielding the gavel today?!

It's wet fish, Becky Gilbert. Absolute excitement vampire she is.

 

Dull auctioneer estimates profits on reds' slope, pin and a possible loss on the ring. Caroline's BB is a Georgian caddy spoon. Auctioneer estimates 40-60 against 30 paid.

Now the blues- She estimates their asian table as 40-60 vs 30 paid. She estimates their japanese plate 70-90 (79 paid) and trolley which they paid 54 for, as 40-60. Raj's BB is a crappy box. Paid 30 quid. Estimate from gavel zombie is 70-90.

I'm pretty sure she's gonna disappoint against all those punchy estimates because she is terrible.

 

Reds' Writing slope unsold! Utter shyte auction. 36 lost. I'd have had that! Was lovely.

Pin sells for 22 against 19 paid. Running total -33

Ring which cost 82 goes for 50 quid. RT -65.

Big win needed from Bonus buy.

Caddy spoon, cost 30, god this auctioneer is awful, sells for 40 pound commission bid. Final total for reds -£55


Blues up next:

First item is the oriental table, 30 paid - sells for 25 maiden bid.

Next up is the Japanese plate. Bought for 79 sells for £18. Wow. A 150 year old artisan created plate and some cheapskate wouldn't pay 20 for it! The craftsman is probably spinning in his Japanese grave.

Trolley up now 54 paid, sells for 45. Running total of -75.

Bonus buy time. Crappy Russian box they are going for it. 30 pound paid. God this action is making me lose the will to live. Sells for opening bid of £40.

Final toal of -£65

You cannot win at an auction that bad. I think 1 or 2 purchases were poor, but neither team deserved to do that badly. Appalling auction action. Sickening.

 

Average kick at the end. Man on red team looked itching to get his leg up, but didn't exceed 80 degrees. Disappointing.

 

Really feels like shoutbox needs opening daily during BH air time. Though I guess the mods would have to really police it well given the chance of spoilers.

 

Today Uncle Eric Knowles is in the Land of my Fathers in Builth Wells. Experts are Psychedelic Tartan-wearing Caroline Hawley and Raj 'Dr. Evil' Bisram.

Auctioneer is well-heeled Becky Gilbert, fresh out of finishing school, she looks like someone who wouldn't say boo to a goose. She's the sort of girl you could take to meet Granny or your Nain, as it is in Wales. She does need to go on some auction assertiveness courses though. Perhaps she is a bit shy of the cameras. It's also a very sparse auction room, so nothing to work with.

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The current distaction is Welsh Love Spoons, which along with the Welsh Love Iron, and the Welsh Love Cooker, make up the traditional set of gifts given to Welsh feminists from progressive Welsh males from the 17th Century onwards.



It's 2 married coupled (OAP) teams. The Red Team is not a good advert for Welsh dentistry, the chap's face looks well chapped as he probably lives halfway up a mountain. They Welshly purchase:
Wooden writing box "Victorian laptop" 36 (50-80), UNSOLD, CLIVE WE'VE GOT ONE. Trouble is, it's a nice item, it's a shame. Mr Red looks shell-shocked;
9ct Gold horshoe hat pin 19, profit all day long, (20-30) the evaluations are generous, as you would expect for The Cotswolds, 22, small profit;
9ct Gold acquamarine and topaz ring 82, might struggle with that (50-80), 50, yup a loss.
Caroline's BB Georgian silver tea caddy spoon, get the brew on, 30, Cotswolds-stamped profit surely, (40-60) confirms this, 40, nice little profit. Another goal scored by Mrs Hawley.




For the Blue Team, we have that rare item, an oriental female ventriloquist dummy. For a gottle of geer they bestow on us:
Exotic wooden table 30, should be OK, (40-60) 25, not much room activity. Some things today are not popular for some reason;
Japanese satsuma charger dish 79, touch and go, depends on the audience or internet bids, auctioneer has done her research, and pronounces the Japanese names with panache,(70-90), let's see, 18 s0ds, ouch;
Wooden sack truck 54, a Squeaky-type item, bit overpriced, (40-60) might have a chance, obviously it's an area of the country where money burns wholes in pockets, what a contrast to yesterday's Scottish MiserFest, 45, small loss.
Dr Evil's BB is a Russian Knackered, I mean Lacquered Box, 30 notes, pretty steady, (70-90), a bullish-estimating Auction Lady, 40, 10 note profit. Well done Evil.



Probably the weakest Hi-Kick ever seen, even Uncle Eric barely makes 90 degrees. Arthritis is obviously rife in Wales. However, there was some quality gurning and face-pulling especially from the Reds, along with a mythicall NO SALE, which ends up saving the episode.

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She's a bit too polite to be an auctioneer. Needs to be a bit more 'in yar face'. Her Japanese pronunciation was good. She would do very well working for a Japanese company. Escort work might be a bit tricky though unless you want to end up dismembered and buried in a beach.

 

Today (Wednesday, yesterday now), BH is from Lewes with the bidding man's crumpet, Christina Trevanion, and some really poor special effects from the Brighton Toy Museum.

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Auntie and Niece Dullard Red Team are Sarky Mark Sleazy groupies. They whoop and scream like little girls when he creepily grapples them. The half Italian Blue Team get dull posh Catherine Southon, their reaction much more muted as their excitement is tempered.



Today's auctioneer is "expert" vain clothes horse John Cameron.

Distraction is at the toy museum where Christina coos at the trains.



Reds hastily assemble:
Art Deco soap dish 60, overpaid (20-30), a close 5 quid profit;
"Striking" i.e. revolting green and black necklace 35, looks like one of those kid's wooden toys or the sort of item a colour blind person would wear, no chance of being mowed down by a car in the dark wearing that, (20-30), goes for a huge 75 pound profit, but it is disgusting;
Silver and mother-of-pearl menu holders at an overpriced 125, Sarky Marky influence there, (80-120), 120, 5 pound loss, no golgen gavel, tee-hee.
Sarky Marky BB is a Liberty Tudric bowl for 65 quid, so, are they glowing to risk their profit on it? (40-60), 28, big loss. Oh dear Auntie talked niece out of rejecting it at the last mo. Yet another failed vanity Sarky Marky item.



For the Blues, they present to us:
19th Century Kiddies Cutlery Set 75, pricey, (80-120), 75 so evens stevens;
Mandolin 45, maybe, (40-60), 40, fiver loss;
Naff Monopoly-style hat champagne bucket 35, another maybe (40-60) 48, 13 s0ds profit, not bad in the end.
Catherine's BB is a tidy travelling case for gents perfume for a bargain 20 quid, profit all day long. 42 quid, nice profit. Good purchase.



Close result, small profits for both teams but a pretty poor Hi-Kick finale.

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Completely missed this episode. Couldn't see it on the schedule anywhere. Thanks for the summary. Wont waste 45 minutes watching it on catchup.

 

I had forgotten to mention the decanter. Natasha was gagging to DQ it wasn't she? They also pointed out that they weren't even fully decorated, with the pattern only going half way around.

You're spot on as well, she is a terrible auctioneer. The wee lad who took over for the Bonus Buys wasn't much better.

I'm gonna start a change.org petition against Raskin-Sharpe and her zelous rule enforcement and **** auctioneers. They're ruining BH.

Just watching today's. Pretty sure I've seen it before and I vaguely recall big losses all round. The toy car/moon buggy is gonna sink like a stone.

 

Red team are a wacky US guy who looks like Squeezy Jibbs (look him up - he is amazing) and his chipmunk of a wife/partner.

Auctioneer is a pessimistic but cheery irish woman.

First item was a fish and chip shop sign. 45 paid, makes a 15 quid profit.

Moon scout toy car cost 200, sells for 20. One of the worst losses I can recall. Bad buying and a terrible auction price combining for an absolute bath.

Next up is crappy 80s novelty Ferrari phone - cost 15. Sells for 26.

Running total -154

Caroline's bonus buy is a big ugly vase. Cost a fiver. Can't lose surely, even though it's awful. Sells for 20. Total loss -139.

Blues are average middle aged ladies and friends probably bothered called brenda

First item is a pair of soda siphons. Paid 30. Sells for 30. Washed their face.


Next is a posh photo frame - paid 75. Sells for 75 washed its face. Still at a round zero.

Next up is the treen snuff box with Masonic Mark. Bought for 100. Low estimate of 30, but goes for 140 - a solid 40 quid profit!

Amazing these ladies haven't made a single loss. If only they'd haggle the extra quid off per item they'd be galavanting off with a golden gavel.

Raj produces an iron piece of something that is purported to be from Wembley stadium. 95 pound paid. Estimate 20-30 and 'oops' says auctioneer. Rejected by these cautious ladies. Are they right?

No. It goes for £120! Bisram vindicated and 25 sovs of pure potential profit rejected by the blues.

Still, with a 40 notes profit, the blues walk to victory over the useless reds.

No disqualifications. I can't remember what the challenges were as I was only half watching.

Kick at the end is disappointing AGAIN. BH is becoming like watford. Come on guys! Play a decent episode tomorrow please Beeb. It's my last day before I start my new job and some golden gavel action plus a shoulder high kick would set me off just right.

 

Just written to the club, suggesting that in future, all Watford matches end up with the players all linking arms and shouting "See you next time for some more Premiership, yes?"

 

Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp is in Detling in the garden of England assisted by experts Psychedelic Caroline Hawley, who forgets she's not in Scotland and wears Tartan, and Raj Bisram, our very own Dr. Evil, both of whom are not too annoying which is a good start.

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A couple (of what?) comprises the Red Team including an annoying male indoor cap wearing septic (aren't they always). Blue team is formed of charity shop volunteer friends, including a purple-haired Jimmy Krankie Klone, so they should be used to sorting through tat idling the time away with swinging orgy stories. Auctioneer is Cliona Kilroy from Canterbury so it looking odds-on for an upmarket auction. She is lively and engaging which always helps. Distraction is a trip to a farm which grows hops. The posh Kent farmer drones on a bit about the soil but the Hops look good and get me wanting a beer.



The Reds blow their load on:
Fish & Chips Roast Dinners electric sign 45 (15-25) overpaid, but there is a phone bidder which is a good sign (geddit), gavel bangs at 60, that's a nice profit;
NASA Moon Scout carousel car 200 notes, severly overpaid not taking it seriously (40-50), big loss predicted, 20 quid sold, could see that coming a mile off, he is in line to win the spunk-it-up-the-wall cup;
Ferrari telephone 15 (8-10), maybe, goes for 26, another small profit which makes a tiny dent into the huge loss.
What's Caroline going to buy? Achtung, her BB is a nice big German pottery vase, she indicates it cost a fiver with the Vulcan live long and prosper hand sign the latter part of which is lost on the cap wearing Septic idiot. Cliona likes it with a (10-15) estimate. There is hope. 20 notes. Profit. Well done Caroline.



Normally big losses like this would be the end of the contest, but Blues have seriously overspent so it could be a race to the bottom

The Blues provide for our delectation:
Coloured glass soda syphons 30 (5-10) cautious estimate, 30 sold, evens stevens, fair dos;
DuPont silverery metal frame, it's French so no hallmark so no absolute visual proof, 75 (25-35) yup seems overpriced, but sells for 75, evens stevens again;
Wooden shoe snuff box with masonic symbol, funny handshakes all round then, 100 (10-15) another severly overpaid item, what do I know, sells for 140. Good profit.
Dr Evil's BB is a piece of metal taken from the wreckage of the old Wembley stadium, he paid 95, but we do know footy memorabilia sells well. I must admit I do like it. Blues reject it, auctioneer doesn't like (20-30). Let's see. Bidding starts well, the auctioneer mentions it may have come from Wembley, this lights a rocket underneath it, and it goes for 120. A very nice profit. Well done Raj. Blues should have been a bit braver.




We finish with a decent kick, particularly from the girl in the Red Team. In fact, you can almost read her lips.

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That buggy thing has been prominent on the top 10 style highlight compendiums which used to be BH Friday fodder, you may have seen it on one of those.

 

They should have a picture of Billy Troost No-One with a Bargain Hunt No Sale banner, or even better Rejected. These sort of idents and graphics would tart up dull Transfer Deadline Days a treat.

 

Natasha: Next up it's our red team, Gino and Scott who were capably led by our expert, Mogi Bayat. They went out and bought this Samual Kalu for my personal challenge 'something you might look at but never use.'

Hanson: well at first sight, it looks like they've done rather well. A young, pacey winger with international experience, but our experts are not convinced by this one.

Natasha: oh really? Why's that then?

Hanson: if you look at the markings on the base, they're not at all consistent with a piece of this age. I'm afraid that it doesn't look right at all. Collectors want to see provenance and I'm afraid in this case, I've gone 250k-300k and I'm not sure we'll even get that.

Natasha: oh dear, well, this was their big spend, so we know it has to have cost at LEAST £2m and they went BIG. €4m paid.

Hanson: (ashen faced, smile disappears) oh dear. Even Miss Hornblower wouldn't pay half that for it.

Natasha: but the good news is, it does meet my challenge so I'm not going to disqualify it.

 

Is this Hanson of Alan or Hanson of Charles?

 

Natasha: Hold on, I'm getting a message from the Value Adjudication Regulator in the Auction Rooms at Stockley Park. They are telling me I may have to brandish my Red Card and Disqualify it.

 

You just know that when she gets to disqualify a lot, her nips go hard as bullets.

 

What a way to end the week. It's been a limp showing from BH this week, but today, the shopping is a side show as the auctioneer is the absolute maestro, Charles Hanson!

The blues, with Nick, bought a load of ****, especially that crappy wool picture. The reds under Thomas bought smarter.

But the excitement of that auction. My adrenaline is pumping. Miss Hornblower bidding for everything and winning nothing! Hanson is amazing.

I'll let Reg do the details but I need to catch my breath. I've seen that episode before b it still enjoyed it on repeat.

Will be back for more next week. Yes? YES!

 

Posh t1t Charlie Ross hosts from Nottingham Racecourse, assisted by experts Thomas Plant, the plump schoolboy and Baby Blue Kier Stamer soundalike, Nick Hall. As they are in the East Midlands there's only one Auction House they can really be seen in, yup, Hanson's with the mad as a box of frogs, Charles Hanson. Moog will be pleased.

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As usual, idiot Charlie looks down his glasses and patronises the contestants with plenty of insincere questions. We find out that the blonde on the Blue team is a housing officer and a witch too. Cue lots of jokes about cauldrons and broomsticks. Don't give up the dayjob Charles. Oh this is your dayjob!

He's distracted with a visit to an old pub near Notts castle, its sandstone walls formerly functioned as jail overspilll. The pub contains cobwebs with killer dust, perhaps some Russian agents stopped by after visiting Salisbury cathedral. Charlie is immune to the deadly dust as he's already a member of the undead, well his brain is anyway, the daft twit.



The married couple Red Team indulge us with:
1880s Green glass barrel 20 s0ds, (80-100) Gulp, really, 45, nice profit;
Pair of crumpled child's leather boots for an eye-watering 92, (30-50), well that balances out the previous item, Charles Hanson works his magic, 95, 3 pounds profit;
1970s Omega watch, 140 nicker, a bit pricey, it all looks a bit sh1te or bust, (100-150) bang on the money then, 120 notes to someone in New Zealand, a smallish loss.
Tubby Thomas BB is a novelty cigarette lighter, with a pound note wrapped around it, unusual, 10, a tenner, surely a profit all day long, Charles Hanson is not keen and values it (30-40), profit, profit! It goes for 60 quid so a 50 notes profit. Well done Tubby.



Sisterly Blue Team conjure up:
Gilt brooch for 38, (50-80), there in with a good chance, goes for 65, good profit;
Framed woolwork sampler for 95, might struggle with that, (25) ah Houston we have a problem, yup 45, so a 50 nicker loss;
Modern studio glass vase 68 (40-70), let's see, 50, so another loss.
Nick's BB is a Liberty Tudric pewter candlestick for 30 notes, not bad, (30-40), Charles works his magic and it goes again for 70, 30 notes profit. Well done Charles and Nick.




The Hi-Kick Finish is not bad with Tubby Thomas on the verge of splitting his trousers.

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It's p1ss1ng down in Shrewsbury so the water sports are confined to the tents. Our host is steaming temptress Christina Trevanion, who forgoes a large sausage, ably assisted by Tubby Thomas Forrester and Shrill Kate Bliss. The bidding action is in scarf-wielding Philipp Serrell's Titus A Ducksar$e Memorial Auction House in Worcester. Stand by for low profits.



The distraction is for Fan-atics. Christina does some fan twirling in Malvern. Vigorous fan flapping indicates I had a garlic balti and a several pints of Bass last night and I warn you not to advance. If Kate Bliss and Danny The Squeak were both on the same team, their combined voices would be glass-shattering.



Married retired non-descriptive Red Team, fished out:
30s Oak sewing box 22 (10-20) 20, tightwads;
Pewter squirrel bookends 25 (20-30) 30, small profit;
Pocket Watch 90 (50-80) 30, deary me, are we back in Scotland?
Tubby Thomas BB Silver-plate barrel pepper pots 20 (20-40), very condimentary (boom-boom), 30, nice little earner.

The Yam-Yam Blue Team including a spirtualist medium son. A witch one week, a medium the next, perhaps Lucifer himself will be tempted to apply. Natch he would be on the Red Team. Will the spirits be helpful? The ectoplasm they will be bidding on includes:
Celtic silver knot broach 38 (30-50) 20, Celtic thrift on display;
Vintage roller skates 10 (10-20) 10, evens stevens;
Copper charger tray 75 (30-50) 20, clunk, big loss.
Kate BB English silver sovereign case 40 (30-50) 80, obviously an internet bidder. Well done experts to squeeze some profits out of the Malvern misers.

Shame Mr. Blue couldn't forsee or be guided towards an overall profit. Christina does like to tell the contestants to keep their Peepers shut. I recommend she watches the film, 'What the Peeper Saw' aka 'The Night Hair Child' starring Britt Ekland, Mark 'Oliver' Lester, and Hardy Kruger (The One Who Got Away). Warning: You may need to scrub yourself with wire wool afterwards. Poor Mark Lester I don't think his career fully recovered.



Nobody seems to come away from Serrell Auction house with a profit. Scrooge would approve. The episode ends with a lacklustre Hi-Kick in some garden. Perhaps it was too slippy. Who would have forseen it. Mr. Blue?

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Watching this later on catchup so will use your guide to follow along. Yes!

 

I know Reg gives Charlie a hard time, but I love him. Today was an example of why. Option to disqualify the red team's bottle as a 'drinking vessel' but of course, good natured Charlie lets it go through. Natash disqualifies that every time.

What's more, excitement was everywhere. Not only in the interlude about hats at Brighton Pavilion (I fast forwarded) but also the Blue team winning the coveted golden gavel. There's also suspense as to whether Squeaky Danny's bonus buy, a till, will get him a GG too, but the auctioneer draws out one extra bid to bring the hammer price to £35 (paid 33).

If I were you I'd hang on every word of Reg's detailed write up when he posts it. Great stuff.

 

BH is back in Brighton, for another Mr and Mrs. Smith-style dirty weekend, so it must mean posh t1t Charlie Ross, it is, it must mean experts, Danny Helium Sebastian, and Dunn & Co. shop window's dummy, John Cameron, yes both present, surely it must also be half-decent Auctioneer Will Pasfield, yep Bingo. Brighton usually has money to burn so there is reasonable chance of profits, so long as the teams buy sensibly.



The distraction is some hat parade in Brighton Pavilion by the famous milliner Stephen Jones, who I thought used to be fly-half for Wales, obviously multi-talented. The Squeak must be extremely jealous not to be there, that Eggs and bacon frying pan hat would suit him down to the ground. His shrill cry would be enough to scare off the inbound seagulls.



The JoLu canine-loving sisterly Red Team sniff out:
Greyhound bust 80 (60-80) 100, decent doggie profit;
Chessboard guitar 75 (10-20) ooff, 15, ouch, what a dreadful item, there's quirky and then there's landfill;
19th Century drinking vessel i.e. Aldershot Ginger beer bottle, sorry I mean social historical artefact, 4 (10-15) 10 (just, almost a no sale, a "Clive") profit all day long.
Sales rep John's BB Jacobs Crackers Coronation Novelty Biscuit Tin, minus horses 60 (20-40) gamble, 60, evens stevens.

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Blue Team are 2 complaint handling mates, one of whom has got the fat goth (or is it EMO these days) look down to a tee, drag from the bat cave:
3 Labelled Demijohns 15 (30-50) 25, nice, ideal for scrumpy to make that lovely snakebite;
Daily Torygraph female golfing tournament dish 35 (30-50) 50, another nice profit, golden gavel?;
Chinese knackered-laquered sewing box (-minus interior) 75 (40-60) 95, GG time, well done girls. Time to celebrate with snakebite and a trip to the Torture Garden.
It's Gypsy Chic Squeak's BB time. What tat will it be this week, yep an old battered wooden box masquerading as a 1940s shop till 33 (20-40), auctioneer doesn't think much of it, a man of taste, 35, squeaked home with a profit. Dantastic! What a sh1tty item!



Today's winner of the "spunk-it-up-the-wall" cup has to be the Reds for that risible chessboard guitar.

The supercillious posh twit has a habit of perverse facial expressions as he really hams it up in front of the camera. I feel he would take enormous benefit viewing 'The Smiling Maniacs' a Euro-crime film from 1975 starring Franco Nero, the original Django, The Virgin and the Gypsy, and countless films of the 60s, 70s, and 80s.


Hooray, a decent HiKick finale. One of the Red Team girls almost does the splits in the air. Very impressive. However, this is offset by Danny The Squeak's tramp-stained underarms. Not impressive.

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Absolute chalk and cheese today. Reds lost on everything except Raj's crappy skittles, but I think they were exceptionally unlucky, especially with those medals.

The blues, however, guided by posh tottie Catherine Southern, got Golden Gavels and a vast profit.

Good buys together with a bit of luck.

 

Brilliant kick from the red lady. One of the highest since records began.

 

Did you see that Satanic worshipping Brummie couple on the other day?

He had a proper satanic pentagram tattoo on the back of his hand and she was one of those straw-haired types with big thick glasses that you could just tell enjoyed getting scuttled from behind in bizarre ceremonies by some bloke in a mask with goats horns.

 

I think it says everything about the season Watford are having that my main reason for visiting this site at the moment is to read the day's Bargain Hunt report

 

Today we're under starters orders as BH comes from Sandown Park racecourse where Uncle Eric jockeys for position with horsemeat, Dr. Evil himself, Raj Bisram and old nag, posh, dull Catherine Southon. Who's going to be sent out to stud and who's ripe for the knacker's yard? The auctioneer is Teletubby Thomas Whacky-Clacky Forrester.

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Today's distraction is Uncle Eric ambling round a historical street re-creation in exciting Basingstoke. Very worthy bit a bit dull.



The plus-size beauty pageant ditzy glitzy Red mates extremely fussily bought:
Horshoe-shaped bartender cocktail guide 20 s0ds (20-30) profit spouts Tubby Tom, 12, nutt-nerr, nope;
Silver sporting medals 48 (50-100) perhaps a bit generous, but sporting items sell well and you get alot of bang for your buck or box in this case, nice, 30, tightwads;
18ct gold diamond solitaire ring 125, wishful thinking from one of the girls, (70-100), heart ruling head methinks, 110, close but they did overpay. I think they've been a bit unlucky. On another day profits all round.
Raj's BB are some wooden skittles and he has to explain what they are to the 2 millennials, duh. This confirms that they are not the sharpest tools in the box. 70 squidderoos paid, Tubby estimates (20-30), but Tubby has been wrong today, 100, he is again, nice profit, well done Dr. Evil.



The very boring Bird fancier Father and boring Banker son Blue Team, don't get caught sitting next to them on a bus, get hold of:
Hard wood auctioneer's gavel 27, Tubby loves it (50-80) 30, small profit and a promise to Tubby train the buyer;
Japanese lacquer box 75, Tubby loves it (70-100) 130, very good buy, excellent profit;
Chipped onyx pin tray replete with duck 15, Tubby loves it (there's a theme going on here) (30-50) 20, they may be boring but they get a golden gavel.



Dull Catherine's BB is an initially dull prison made straw Napoleonic snuff box, it all depends on the price, 45, stick methinks, however, on closer inspection in the auction house under bright lights, it looks good, might be onto winner, Tubby adores it (60-80), let's see, Tommy works the room well, "have you seen inside it" he cajoles, 70. Well done Team Dull. That's how to play the game.



Final Hi-Kick is a bit poor except for one of the girls who gives a surprisingly high finish. Did you have fun watching? Raj certainly did.

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Yer, him.

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Don't you mean Hammer-ed.

 

Moog's fantasy dominatrix, Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, takes control of proceedings in the seedy dungeon that is the Oswestry Showground. Salmon-pink trousered David Harper and antiquesman-on-speed Charles Hanson are her G I M Ps (yes I remembered the filter). You've been a very bad boy Moog, I'm going to have to disqualify you.

Auctioneer is BH regular glamour puss Christina Trevanion to distract the bidders in her Shropshire Auction House. She sends her intern to do the valuing, the very, very posh, Ashley Jones, a nice boy, obviously from good stock, ok-yar. I've never seen Christina do an auction before, bloody hell, she is briskly efficient. Not bad.

The main distraction is bog standard trip to the Auction House where Strict Natasha goes through how to inspect a painting from a tat bazaar. I hope you're paying attention Moog.



It's 2 sets of friends today. Red Team whip up:
Rosewood and mother-of-pearl tea caddy 65 (50-70) 50, a small loss, unlucky;
Angular Indian foldable table 47 (40-60) 30, another loss, hands are obviously thrust very deep in pockets when Christina is doing her stuff;
Bloody step-laddeers 45 (30-50) 50, ahh blessed relief as a small profit is registered.
Salmon-pink trousered David Harper, the Middlesbrough Montalbano, the Cleveland Casanova, BB is a battered Crimean War tobacco lead box which they handle, slowly poisioning themselves, brilliant, lead infused tobacco for inhalation, bring on the early dementia 139 (40-60) 35, the lead molecules working their magic already.



The Blue Team friends humiliate us with:
Sterling silver scent bottle 17 (30-50), looks like a bargain, 70, it is a bargain!
Silver christening set, for silver spoon in mouth baby, 30 (40-60) 20, on another day that would be a small profit;
Silver George V Vesta case 39 (20-30) 40, a pound profit.



Charles Hanson BB is a nice-looking Regency Moroccan sewing box 190 oof, (60-100) gulp, rejected, 65, pure folly Hanson.



Natasha almost short changes the Blues in true Scottish style. Naughty Natasha, you should DQ yourself.

Final High-Kick is not bad, particularly from Bleached-Blonde Blue, and Charles Hanson looks like he's just dropped one.

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