Bargain Hunt

Sorry, very late to the party here and too much to recap on quickly.

Has there been any discussion or explanation on why Tim Wonnacot left the show?

I cut my teeth here watching ****enson when this was a university lunchtime must watch in the early 2000’s. Didn’t mind Wonnacot though and still not sure about rotating presenters. It gives it a Have I Got News for You feel.

 

Right-Charlie Dross is at The Ardingly Antiques & Collectors fair joined by entertaining experts Tim Weeks and Charles Hanson. The two experts certainly know how to work an audience this promises to be entertaining. Oh fark, its extremely dull posh Catherine Southon as Auctioneer, she's the complete antithesis to Charles Hanson, she is truly dreadful, the Liz Truss of the auction world. How not to work a room.

Today's Distraction sees posh woodentop Charlie reunited with his long lost soul mate, a wooden ventriloquist dummy Archie Andrews, a faithful recreation of 1980s TV heart-throb (matinee idol in Charlie's eyes) Anthony Andrews.



Charlie looks down his glasses, gurns and talks insincerely to long suffering antenatal friends Red Team who confusingly buy some right tat:
Broken galvanised iron watering can 11 s0ds, looks awful, (10-20) yeah right, 10, a loss, it was awful;
Corgi combine harvester toy with broken rotor 70, Tim loves his toys, (40-60) shame it's broken, she's awful, sucking all the life and charisma out of the bidding, 25, ooff, deary me;
Creepy Vintage chef model with broken menu 25, all 3 broken, let's hope they are not broke afterwards (30-50) 20, it's horrid and just scrapes a sale. Urgh grim.



Tim's BB is not a toy, it's a dog scarf toggle for a tenner, profit, profit, profit (10-20) boring Catherine is very sniffy, it goes for 20. Well done Tim, shame about the combine harvester though.



Dull tedious married golfing couple Blue Team, he's better but she's achieved more, eventually purchase:
Cast iron and brass spring balance 28, doesn't get Catherine going (15-30) she can't sell, it's obvious and only goes for a tenner;
Victorian silver gravy, sorry cream jug 62 (20-30) very mean estimate, 40, she can't even sell a nice bit of silver at a decent price, very poor;
Battered 1920s calculator 35, she doesn't like it, she pulls one of her faces and Charlie turns to stone, (20-40), it goes for 40 and a sneer;
Charles Hanson's BB is a nice looking gold and stones Edwardian posy brooch, as warn by poseurs, 150 s0ds, another Hanson folly?, Catherine loves it, so no face pulling, (60-80) it has condition issues, looking more like a folly, 65, it is another Hanson folly. LOL.



A quick word about the boring blues, they should have gone with the Victorian circus stilts for 45 notes. Boring Emma vetoed them. She also thinks a milk/cream jug is for gravy. Dull in brain too. "I'm Northern so all I'm thinking of is gravy". Yup bum gravy you spout.

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A really good Hi-Kick to finish for once, almost a chorus line in its execution.

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I missed this one. Power cut so it didnt even record on Series Link. Your summary,however gags a riveting roller coaster of a ride through what sounds like a cracking episode

 

Here it is:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bw9cxk
or
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0bw9cxk/bargain-hunt-series-51-25-oswestry-16

 

Today (yesterday) is the turn of sexpot Christina Trevanion to lead us to The Land of My Fathers in Narbeth, West Wales. She catches the rugby ball beautifully. Perhaps she enjoys a good old scrummage when she's not pre-occupied with antiques. We can only hope. The experts for this visit to Cymru are Philip Shabby Serrell with his Dustbin Chic and ever expanding beergut along with quite posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss. Today's auctioneer, in Cardiff, is bald Welshman Ben Rogers Jones who is quite dour, it becomes apparent why this is, later on!



The distraction is loving spoonfuls of love spoons. Hold on, didn't Uncle Eric do this a few days ago. Perhaps the BBC is counting on the addled brain capacity of its viewers not to raise their hand ans say "Hold on, didn't you do this before?".



The Partner J&J (James et Jordan) Red Team enthrall us with the following items;
Knackered Map 10 (40-60) 6, poor bidding;
Wooden Milking Stool 75 (20-30), you're mean says Christina, 18, tightar$es in Cardiff;
Mother-of-Pearl Snail Shell Snuff Mull, the 2 dimwits had to have what was snuff was explained to them, it actually looks like a Pixie's toilet, filled with sparkle 75, (20-30), 35, even worse bidding.
The tramp's BB is a 19 C toastmaster's glass for 15, might struggle in this miser's den, (25-35) Ben not keen, 18, Scruffy Serrell will be pleased as his auctions are usually this dire too.



The Partner S&S (Sam et Steph) Blue Team enchant us with the following stuff:
Hand decorated beech gingerbread mould 59 squids, (50-70), Christina was considering DQing this (her challenge was to find a hand decorated item) but was talked round by dour Ben that carving was a form of decorating, we all know what would have happened if Strict Natasha was in charge, don't we Moog, it goes for only 40;
Little brass dish 5, not very antique, Ben opines that it was made yesterday (10-20), it does 10 s0ds, monster profit for this place;
Wacky door knocker 79 (40-60), 140, massive profit, wasn't expecting that in this place. All the money seems to have been spent on this item. What a weird auction.



Blissfull Kate's BB, ahhhhh nice teddy, Deans Pontypool Welsh bear, very collectible 15 (20-30), surely a profit, 18.

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Now, it become clear why all the estimates were on the conservative side. Except for the door knocker, nobody opens their wallet wide at this auction house. Cardiff skinflints.

Reds win the spunked-it-up-the-wall Cup, with the appropriately named Milking Stool and the Snuff Snail.

Today's Hi-Kick is a non-linking Covid diagonal, which is just about par for the course.

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Today, we're back in Wales again, under the dome in the National Botanic Garden of Wales in Carmarthenshire where Uncle Eric shows us he's a big hit with the birds. His 2 wingmen are commando hatted, as long as that's the only thing he's commando in, Chuko Dr Evil Ojiri and gently effeminate Jonathan JP Pratt with his Tory MP style and poise. For two shows on the trot we're at the Cardiff auction rooms with John Hartson lookalike Ben Rogers Jones. Perhaps he may crack a smile today. Let's wait and see.



Today's distraction is Uncle Eric asking some punters what a couple of small items were. It's so straightforward, they're a funky Japanese miniature cruet set, isn't it obvious.

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Brothers-in-law Auction Virgins Red Team swooped to bring us:
Esso cast-iron motoring sign 30, (15-25), overpainted?, 38, a profit on the first item, a miracle;
Bus/Tram conductor's badge 17, (20-30), yep profit all day long, even in Cardiff, 30, ring rings a profit, Golden Gavel may come unpinned at next item though;
Leopard/Jaguar big cat 9ct gem-set brooch 189, gulp, big gamble, particularly for the miserly Cardiff auction rooms, (100-150), A Cardiff King's Ransom!!, a big ask to make a profit, 115, big loss, no real surprise, it was a nice item but they did overpay.
Chuko's BB is a thing of beauty to anyone who went to secondary school in the 70s, it's a superb working Sinclair Oxford 300 advanced scientific calculator still in its chuffing box, nice!!!!, 8 quid paid, surely a nice profit, Combless is pleasantly surprised and vaguely cracks a smile (10-15), he says they've never sold one there before, a first, surely a profit, yup 15, somebody has got a bargain and an instant nostalgia piece. Good spot Dr. Evil.



Friends, one of whom makes errr, ahhh, yessssssss, oh yeah, memory bears, Blue Team got their claws into:
Royal Worcester porcelain trinket box 15 notes, (20-30) Baldy likes it, good chance of profit, 28, good profit on first item;
Celluloid/plastic cat brooch 15 nicker, (15-20), not signed but Slappy likes, they keep saying it's a fox but it's obviously a bloody cat, duh, 35, another good find, as with Reds a tricky 3rd item to get the GG, they have a chance;
Decorative perfume bottle 76 quid, just 1 over the big spend, (30-40) Rugless is pessimistic about it, he hasn't smiled once, it's a serious business valuing tat for the BBC, the misers don't go higher than 40, never mind, a good effort, I'm sure Hanson would have squeezed nore out of it.



JPs BB 19th Century 9ct gold and pearl art nouveau-style pendant 120, ooff, it's too much, don't do it girls, oh no, they've gone with it, the Dome likes it but things it's a bit lightweight, like his auctions, (20-30), LOL, the spunked-it-up-the-wall cup is being duly engraved as we speak, but lo and behold there is a small bidding war and it goes for 130, 10 squid profit. I take it all back.



Overall Blues are not big spenders, might be a wise move in stingy Cardiff. They ene make a small overall profit here. Well done them and well done to JP. So it's the Reds who take home the spunked-it-up-the-wall cup for that big cat brooch. There have been some really nice items today.

The final High-Kick is OK except that Uncle Eric mistimes and shoots his load too early. Never mind.

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Tim was accused of bullying and suspended some time ago and then decided to step down. He still voices the Great Antiques Road Trip, where they get much better discounts from the antiques shops and make more at auction.

 

Today was the perfect example of why the preview is so annoying. They literally showed an item getting to £180 in the preview so, when we got to the last item, we literally knew it was going to go for at least that much.

Why stick a spoiler like that at the front of the show? What is the point?

 

The late great John Peel once described the late Mark E Smith's band, The Fall, as always different yet always the same. I think this describes BH perfectly. Today, rules & regulations supremo, Empress Natasha Raskin-Sharp the Strict reigns at Stamford Meadows in Lincolnshire. Her attendants-in-waiting for today's duties are Gary My Bonus Buys are Pee and Sarky Marky Sleazy Stacey. Auctioneer is fast-shooting-tooting Colin Young, Paul Hollywood's thinner brother.

For the distraction, Strict Natasha also visits Grimupnorth Castle to search for planning violations she can punish. Evidently, Holly Willoughby's family lives there. The Royal collection is on display, one is shown the Royal throne, one was disappointed when it wasn't a toilet. There's also a Royal 4-poster bed for non-sweaty Royal hanky-panky shooting weekends. Strict Natasha checks the springs and wonders if it passes the Mattress on public display regulations. She admiringly looks up at the ceiling and wonders if there's been any Royal swinging on the chandelier in the bedroom Olympics.



Two pairs of fathers and daughters make up the teams. Father Red thinks his 1920's clock at home has age, yes it is REALLY old. The daughter is a third dan taekwondon't black belt. She is annoying already, next! Blue daughter is from Brexit-on-Trent, so went to World of Wedgewood to brush up on pottery and promptly forgot everything she learned there. That's encouraging. Father Blue was a teacher but has retrained in the art of needle quackery.



Red Team regally present to us:
Sarky prompted Scotty dog cast-iron weather vane 50, (25-40), 42, small loss, the Hand of Sarky strikes again;
Mahogany and Walnut card table 20, (25-40), 25, small potatoes;
Sarky strong-armed porcelain cream jug 45, (25-40), 20, it doesn't shift for much, his expertise reputation drops down another notch.
Handsie Mark's BB is a pair of chinese silver buckles, just large enough to hide a surveillance device, 5, (10-30) not (25-40), 20, a profit from the Sarkymeister. Makes a change from his often random loss-making tat.

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Blue team give us the needle with:
Gold plated art deco octagonal pocket watch 100, (50-80), ends up for 42, yep overpaid, heart ruling head, the classic trap;
Beswick pottery pigs 60, (25-40) again, 60 evens stevens, no harm done;
Submarine model on a plinth, historical artefact 84, (60-90), the internet goes mad up to 200, Bingo. Mucho profito.



What whacky and weird item will Gary surprise us with. Barking mad he says. Yes he is, as it's a couple of weird dog door stops 39, they quite rightly reject them, (25-40 perchance) yes (25-40) talk about going through the motions valuing. LOL, 22, wise decision. Dreadful item from him again. Should have bought the Boxed Corgi James Bond car.

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Colin Young should now be known as Colin 25 to 40 Young. The final kick is barely adequate. The taekwondo master barely raises her foot off the ground. What is going on, make some effort missy!!!

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It was also the ONLY highlight of an absolutely dismal auction. Rick Wakeman pre-Yes couldn't get any life out of his grey haired lot of stingy bidders until that bit of militaria came up. The Boomers love the war.

 

Did we not find out how much Squeaky Danny's bonus buy chair went for?

 

A golden gavel though!

 

Today, we're in darling Sir Larry Olivier's Dorking with daft posh t1t leading man Charlie D'Ross. The understudies waiting-in-the wings are Danny Supersqueak Sebastian and Fancy Pants DayGlo David Harper, the Middlesbrough Montelbano. Auctioneer is Aubrey Dawson in Middle England Maidenhead. He's a new one on me so I'll reserve judgement until I've seen him in gavel action.



The distraction is all about Larry The Cat trading the boards outside Downing Street. Larry had his own brand of fags which may explain why he is often seen waiting furtively outside no. 10 Downing Street.



Pensioner pals form the Red Team, their pension book brings us:
19th C Magneto electric shock machine, as used by Sir Ian McKellen to attach to the testicles of Sir Patrick Stewart, 89, (50-80), very unusual, 100, a ton, shocking awesome, it obviously had curiosity added-value;
Art Deco-style brooch 30, (20-30), 50, good looking thing, good looking profit;
1920s silver topped scent bottle 40, (20-30), has had pre-sale interest so it may fly, 100, yes it flies, the scent of a Golden Gavel, well done ladies.
Posh twit Charlie gets a kiss for his troubles, "Hang on Matron I'm going to have one of my turns" the old fool opines.



Squeaky's BB is another sh1ttey, damaged, sorry, has character oak hall chair, "well what you thing of this" squeaks he, not much, at 50 quid, they reject, haha, burn the money and while you're it the chair too with the Blue's vesta case, (30-50), Aubrey says it's top heavy, they don't show what it made, why not, isn't this the point of the programme!

There follows a great shot for Viz Comics "Up the Ar$e Corner" captured for you all to appreciate.

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Bested friends make up the Blue Team who profer for our amusement:
Oriental Stoneware pot of the finest green, goes well with DayGlo Dave's pantalons, 35 nicker, (20-30), c'mon Aubrey you don't just want to be known as Mr 20 to 30, it reaches 35 s0ds, evens stevens;
Elm Smoker's Bow armchair 75, (45-60), could do well, 80, just sneaks a profit and makes a bluey;
Continental silver vesta case 24, (20-30), oh yes, nice scrolling says De Ross, 35, nice little profit;
Middlesbrough Montelbano's BB is a not bad walnut pot cupboard 30, (50-80), 50, nice profit, well done Dave.



Decent Hi-Kicks from the 3 regulars round off the episode.

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No, it was an outrage omitting that. Perhaps the editors thought that Helium Head's chair was too embarrassing to show.

 

Reds so unlucky to lose out on the GG because of that beer jug. Catherine's BB is a disgrace. Should be barred from future shows for that woodworm riddled piece of ****. Sensibly rejected. Good bargain hunt play by the reds.

 

Alligator skull sets blues off to a flyer! WWI scarf up next.

Scarf loses a fiver.

Up next awful piece of **** ink stand. Gonna take a big bath here. Paid 105. Sells for 50.

What the hell were they thinking? Stupid quirky contestants.

Mark Stacey has an oriental inkwell in the form of a head. Paid a fiver. Looks like a no brainer to me. They go with it. Auctioneer rates it at 20-40. Sells for 15.

Takes blues into profit. Just.

 

From reading this thread daily, (it is a must read every day now), it seems pretty obvious that to win this program you don't spend over £15 on any item ever.

Anyway, keep up the great work chaps, it's a legendary thread.

 

Yeah, spending big is rarely rewarded. You can buy any old turd for a fiver and have a decent chance of a profit.

Massive respect though when people do spend big, as they did today on the Georg Jensen bracelet and the alligator skull, and make a profit.

 

Of course, most episodes require teams to spend at least £75 on one item. The so called, 'big spend' challenge.

However, sometimes they have no big spend challenge, or any personal challenge, and they are free to fill their boots with 3 pieces or cheap ****, yet some still fail to smash it.

The format changes regularly, much to the annoyance of Mrs Moog. More often than not it's tinkering with the bonus buy. I hate it when they try to build tension by keeping the bonus buys until the end, where they watch on an iPad screen to see if the Blues' teapot can sell for 200 quid to claw back the losses they need to overhaul the red team.

Just do the BB after the normal lots!

 

Detling in Kent is the day's destination with Uncle Eric, dull posh Auntie Catherine Southon, very very safe, very very dull, the BH equivalent of a 1-0 win, and the creepy cousin Sarky Mark Sleepwalking Stacey who always seems to have been on the sherbert before coming on air which may explain his random and at times bizarre bonus buys. The auctioneer is Baby Blue obsessed fashion victim and Kier Starmer soundalike, Nick Hall.



Today the distraction is about a historical ship rescue and the medals awarded to the rescuers by the President Of the USA at the time Benjamin Trump. One of these are flogged on the program for 7.2 K. No doubt ending up in some dubious oligarch or oil sheiks private collection.

It's a mother and daughter Red Team, Mother is ex-England basketball player, but she looks a bit on the short side for that unless her daughter is actually a giant. They dribble and shoot to score us:
Oak Artist easel with maker's mark 25, (30-50) 70, bloody hell that went really well;
Georg Jensen silver bracelet 170, (60-80), 190, bloody hell again, another profit, GG incoming with a safeish third item;
Continental Jug 18, (20-40), Uncle Eric like this, it wasn't overpriced, is it going to be a GG, 15, so close, yet so far, unlucky.



Dully's BB is a wicker woodworm bucket-shaped chair 25, rejected, no furniture says her bacl-injured absent mum (20-40), 15 for the woodworm sanctuary, good decision as it does look manky. The only time that Catherine tries to do something racey it totally backfires. Stick to safe and dull silver Catherine.



The two large, round wrecking balls that form the Blue Team are going to "smash it", yeah right, their ismashing choices are:
Old fossil skull replica 145, (80-120) a punt, 200, good punt, I don't know what's more scary, the fossil or the Blue Team!;
Framed WWI printed silk scarf 45, (25-45) 40, small loss;
Tacky French double ink well replica 105, (30-50) oof again, 50, big loss, it did look like a piece of tat, so the profit they gained is taken away by this item.



Sarky Marky's BB is an antique oriental head ink well for 5 pound notes, (20-40) bargain, profit methinks, 15, yup, well done Sarky as he only had a fiver to spend. Better than his usual dross.

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Outside Covid diagonal Hi-Kick finale. The grass seems to hinder some. Catherine's in particular is pathetic.

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Eric's kicks are outstanding. Happy for him to replace Lineker as the BBC's big earner. Absolute national treasure.

 

I like him too, knows his stuff, doesn't overdo it on the humour to become annoying, a real steady Eddie, which is what a show needs. His age-defying Hi-Kicks are a real example to us all. On the flipside, Catherine Southon has all the agility of a sack of potatoes.

 

I know you disagree, but I like Charlie. He's my fave. Still, Bargain Hunt attracts a broad church

 

He's good Telly. I actually do enjoy him being on because he is so predictable and easy to caricature, the posh daft twit. Whatever happened to the Glaswegian who looks like a witch, Anita Manning, she used to be every other day?

 

Yeah, I mentioned that to my wife recently. Her disappearance has been so stark. Has she been caught diddling and deleted from BBC archives or something?

She was awful. Her fake laugh was grating.

 

I wondered aloud about what has happened to Anita Manning, the Glaswegian McWitch, and lo and behold she is in the next episode. One could say spooky, the work of witchcraft. Today, from Southwell Racecourse in Notts, she is hunted by her Witchfinder Generals, Thomas Tubby on the Telly Forrester and Richard Sticky ****y Wicket Madley. Auctioneer and executioner is Colin Quick-fire Young, short-haired version, not the Rick Wakeman tribute act we saw a few weeks ago. Let's see if he outscores Red Team's Victor in the battle of the catchphrases with his "25 to 40".

Today's distraction involves Lancaster Bombers as Anita McWitch test drives them against her broomstick at the Lincolnshire Heritage Aviation Centre.



"I Don't Believe It", the Geriatric Red Team of Victor and Margaret Meldrew, have purchased:
Danish Globe, if it's 1970s then you would at least expect to see some naked ladies on it, the Danes have really let us down, at 47 pounds, (25-40), he shoots, he scores, 22, I Don't Believe It!;
Silver-plated green-eyed owl, it looks like something McWitch has enchantered, 20 GBP, (25-40) he scroes a brace, profit all day long, animals always do well, 30, yep a tenner profit;
Mother-of-pearl, as opposed to Father-of-perl, Larry Wall (one for the coders there), and silver calling card case 55 dollars, ok, wait fot it, (40-60), he puts it wide, still potential profit here, 30, For The Love Of God!!, it does look like we are having one of those rather tight Auction audiences.



Tubby's BB is a Big Far Eastern pot, Margaret Meldrew opines "Arabian Nights", alas the Middle East is not the Far East. He paid 30 notes, not too bad, (40-60), it's turning into catchphrase B, 40, another tenner profit. Tubby Good-Buys.



The good friends Blue Team includes a lady who's heavily into pawn (fit in well with the Danish globe above) and would win first prize in a giraffe contest, and a tap dancing pensioner, they acquire:
Norah Wellings sailor rag doll 20 s0ds, (10-30), hmmm maybe, 22, yes 2 squids profit;
Victorian grape scissors in their orignal box 60, (25-40), yes get in, probably overpaid, 62, another 2 squids, surely, surely a GG;
Bonzo pottery salt cellar for 2-50, cheap as chips, surely a profit, (10-30), looking good, 12 notes, yes a GG, well done, a victory tap dance is in order.
Mad Madley's BB is a cased set of martial arts throwing weapons, disguised as silver-plated knife rests, how does the average person survive without these essential dinner table accoutrements, 40, (25-40), yes, another catchphrase brace for the Blues, sold for 20, wiping out their profit. Ooops, some real tightwads here today. So we end up woth the unusual situation with Golden Gavels bring awarded for an overall loss.



The Hi-Kick is a bit pathetic with only one Red and one Blue hitting the right angle minimum that's expected.

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Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp visits Cheltenham Racecourse to hold aloft her winners trophy for the most team purchase disqualifications in the last 12 months. She is aided and abetted by her fellow runners and riders Danny Dogwhistle Sebastian and Psychedelic Caroline Hawley, other half of former Gooner, Cheroot smoker, and hamstring yanker John. The Champion Auctioneer is Forum Favourite, Charles Too Much Tartrazine Hanson, wjo is resplendent in blazer.



I assume the distraction will be about the nags and the Golden Cup, originally sponsored by Mackintosh. Actually, it's not a cup but a gravy boat. Ahhhh, Bisto sponsors the Golden Granules Cup.

We're under starter's orders with yam-yam-yam Mother and Daughter Red Team who sequester:
Gold morning brooch 77, (50-70), 85, nicely done, good start;
Pine desk and chair combo, Squeaky special, 40, (40-60), 50, squeak wets himself in excitement, GG enters the final furlong with nostrils flared;
Glass punch-bowl 59, (30-50), Charles still has hopes, 35, despite Hanson doing his utmost it falls short at the finish line, no GG, oh no, yam-yam-yam.

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Squeaky's BB battered copper cider measures 27, for the turn of the 20th Century tramp (30-50) Charles confesses he's not a cider man, who would've thought, 70, back in the black. If anyone can pull off Gypsy chic then it's Dan Dan the SqueakScrap Man.



The Blue Team are brothers who look like rejects from the Tefal Boffins Ads, the Tefal twins, plenty of forehead room to slap if things go wrong, today they wrangle:


Silver rattle and whistle 50, (40-60), 38, hmm a loss, normally the Hanson crowd are posh enough to spunk the cash on some silver, just not on this item;
Miniature tea set pre-WWII, Caroline special 30, (20-30), 50, back in profit;
Victorian silver bottle 75, (30-50), 110, 35 s0ds profit, very nicely done.
Carloine's BB mother-of-pearl silver fruit knife victorian 20, (30-50), profit all day long, 50, good work from Hanson. Shame the rattle didn't rattle in a profit. For some reason one of the Tefal twins and Caroline can't make it to the auction. Tongues wag and furtive looks round to the rough ground near the back of the marquee.



The final Hi-Kick is an outside diagonal Covid special and it's not bad. Unfortunately, Helium Boy is right at the front, his sweaty armpit and bulging crotch being unavoidable. What a low note to end on.

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@reg_varney and @Clive_ofthe_Kremlin

Yesterday's episode got me wondering, what combination of all the moving parts makes for a perfect BH episode?

Host: (Charlie for humour, Christina for eye candy or Eric for zany kicking)
Shopping location: (racecourse tat fair, quaint oldie worldie village antiques shop or some indoor antiques centre inside a big warehouse thing)
Challenges: big spend or not, personal challenge or not. Type of challenge and how strictly enforced
Contestants: batty old idiots, zany young hipster quirkophiles, boomer women who love dogs, sour old moaners etc.
Experts: who make the best two - is it their great expertise and fabulous bonus buy record or their ridiculous squeaky voice
Informative interlude: I just switch off mentally for this so no opinion from me
Auctioneer: has to he Hanson doesn't it? Or smarmy Weeks?

Anything else?

 

My wife just threw a spanner in the works by opining that Christina disqualifies more challenge items than Natasha!

I can't recall lovely Christina disqualifying anything. Am I wrong?

 

No you are not wrong. There was a wood carved gingerbread mould, and it was quite rightly allowed as being hand decorated. Just her touching it increased it's value significantly. Strict Natasha would've DQed it instantly just like she was itching to DQ that bit of Scottish crystal the other week.

 

It's St. David's Day today, so senile old fool Charlie Ross has to be at the International Antiques Fair of Wales in Builth Wells, with chief leek Richard Madley not Madeley and empress daffodil Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, ready to "add value" to the teams. Auctioneer is Philip Scruffy Shabby Scarfy Serrell, the rag and bone king in his Malvern Misers Pokehole so expect big losses.



Today's Distraction for Charlie, apart from his large agreeable lunch and long rest, is meeting up with Jen Jones, a collector of Welsh quilts. Next time in Wales they will take him to the Pontypridd Royal Victorian Commode Museum of Incontience for some mobile muck-movement malarkey. I do love a bit of alliteration.

The retired married Red Team, seem far too sensible to be on this program, they profer us:
Anglo-chinese regimental tray 130, (80-120), 90, another loss but it's within Steptoe Serrell's estimate, he knows there are real tightar$es there;
Shiraz carpet 55, (40-60) 50, another loss;
Art deco-style perfume bottle 70, (30-50), 30, yup 20 quid loss;



Mad **** Madleys BBs is a wooden decoy duck, 35, (30-50) evidently, they are highly collectible aprticularly in USA, 80 internet bid, because you wouldn't get a bid of more than 20 in Steptoe's Auction house. Grim.



Another married couple make up the Blue Team, they met at work which means the talk over the dinner table must be scintillating, from the darkest reaches of Hades they bring us:
Bog standard corkscrew 10, (5-10), 15, a small profit, if you want a profit in Poke City then spend small;
Micheal Moorcock Moorcroft fantasy vase 80, (50-80), 50, yup big in-house loss, you couldn't make it up;
Koffie Cannister 80, (40-60), 40, yet another big in-house loss.



Kate Trilly's BB is a dual silver, natch, inkwell 90, (60-90), 100 internet bid. Well done the experts, they had their work ciut out but both delivered. Even loopy Charlie comments on how tight the audience is.

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Unfortunately, the final Hi-Kick is rather half-hearted. Oh well, c'est la vie.

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Yer, you forgot duff props, cheesy graphical cutaways, and hammy set-pieces. Nothing beats a seedy car boot BH in the p1ss1ng rain.
Facial over-reactions leading to super-gurning is also essential.

Squeaky is great, he's like a demented Papa Lazarou crossed with Jimi Hendrix. I'd also like to mention in dispatches, Gary Peeeeee and his truly terrible bonus buys. It's become almost expected for him to find the most unsellable tat in Christendom.

 

Another day, another racecourse, this time Uncle Eric is at the home of The Derby at Epsom Downs racecourse in Surrey. Jockeying for position with him are experts Psychedelic Caroline Hawley, who looks like she may have stolen one of Danny The Squeak's hats, let's hope she doesn't disappear with one of the male contestants this time, and Ochuko Commando Chuko Ojiri. Gavel bashing today is in Kent with Kier Stamer soundalike Nick Hall, in his specialist plaid attire, just like one of those middle-aged Americans who think they're Scottish.



I assume the distraction will be horse-based again, nope, it's about cigar pressing and tobacconalia, don'tcha know. Well, there's only a finite amount you can do on nags and riding them in a big circle with dwarves.

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Former Commonwealth Games athlete couple, who, sorry never heard of you, Red Team, mount the podium (or not) with:
Pair of gold-pearl earrings in wooden case 22, (20-40), should be a profit, 50 s0ds very good;
Cast-iron railway sign 8, (20-50), 35, nice profit again;
Pair of Miner's Lamp 100, (50-80), 40, oooof, big big loss, well it was a last min big spend panic buy.
Caroline's BB is a continental silver pocket watch 60, (30-50), might struggle, 55, small loss, unusual for Caroline, must be the influence of the Squeak-style hat.



Campervanning couple Blue Team break down in oily smoke with:
Scientifc weights and original case 24, (30-50), 60, nice profit there;
American eagle bookends 29, (30-50), 40, profit;
Bell&Howell cine camera with case 170, big punt, (40-60), commission bids? yup but not enough, 90, big, big loss



Chuko has changed his commando hat to blue, lucky omen?, his BB are 3 pairs of gloves and a stretcher, 14, should be a profit, (25-45), 25, his nightime profit raid is successful.



Both teams let down by their big spends, panic vs heart over head. Lessons to be learned. Where have I heard that before.

Final Hi-Kick is indoors and features Uncle Eric, who doesn't usually disappoint so portents are good, he's good but the rest, including the so-called former athletes, are pretty poor.

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Disgusting that from the blue team.

They put the same sort of effort into that kick as Dennis after not going to Afcon.

Moog talks about the varying rules and I'd introduce one (to be policed by Naatasha with a tape measure and protractor) that you get £10 off your total for every degree below 90 on the final kick. We might get to see a bit more of the sole we've been waiting for all program then...

 

I think it's fair enough of they're over 70. Then it's about effort. These were purported athletes though. I could do a 110 degree kick without any effort, so appearing on Bargain Hunt for a once in a lifetime chance, you can bet I'd spend some time stretching before hand to try and go 150.