You're Not Alone

Discussion in 'The Hornets' Nest - Watford Chat' started by tonycotonstache, Dec 24, 2020.

  1. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

  2. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

    Well worth a follow on Twitter. Growing mens walking group.
  3. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks Dom, really appreciate that.
  4. HappyHornet24

    HappyHornet24 Crapster Staff Member

    So glad you didn’t delete your post and thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you’ve been going through this, but hope that even the simple fact of writing it all down and including the phrase “I know I’ll be OK” will help not only you but others on here who may be suffering in silence. I’m glad you have good people around you who you can talk to - it still seems to be the case, sadly, that men often find it hard to open up to one another about how they’re really feeling which is a big problem. That said, sometimes it’s easier to confide or talk to someone a step away from the situation. As one of the few females on here, DMs are always open if that’s ever the case for you and if you ever want a different kind of shoulder to lean on virtually.
    sherwood, Smudger, Ilkley and 2 others like this.
  5. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks a lot HH, appreciate it.
  6. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

    There's great people on this forum that helped me through some tough moments and thank you @wfcwarehouse for reminding me of this.
    Smudger and wfcwarehouse like this.
  7. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Very kind of you TCT, we’re all in it together.

    Had a rubbish sleep (the heat was awful last night) but had 20-30 mins sat on the balcony with a coffee this morning which was lovely. Little things help.
    Smudger and miked2006 like this.
  8. Diamond

    Diamond First Team

    Sorry to hear the situation Dan, I'm so glad for you that you put it in writing as there are some good people on here who can only help.
    If you don't mind I'll throw some positives at you.
    Mid thirties is a great age, I'd kill to be back in my mid thirties again. You still have a lifetime ahead of you and when you get the house situation sorted, (plan for it to take 6 months), then you're off and away again.
    Couch to 5K is awesome and it doesn't matter where you are on the schedule or for how long you've stopped, any time put in to it already will pay you back when you put your running shoes back on again. During some of my lowest and most stressful times running was my saviour. Look into your local Park Run, it's very good for all levels.
    My wife has a friend who found out her husband was cheating, they have 3 kids and a mortgage, the other person was a friend who lives locally, overall a horrendous situation for her and she's in her early 50's. After the initial shock and anguish she got herself involved in loads of clubs and activities that put her way outside her comfort zone and it's led to a new life for her, literally. She's one of the happiest people I know now, but she also had many similar online experiences to you before she found her soul mate. You've got almost a 20 year head start on her.

    Please keep us up to date with how you're getting it would be great to hear how you progress.
  9. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Hello mate, thanks for the positives - gladly taken onboard. Sounds awful for your wife's friend, and really pleased to hear she's found her happiness.

    I wasn't planning on this becoming a journal of sorts or anything, but will provide updates as and when. Thanks again.
  10. Jumbolina

    Jumbolina First Team

    Hello mate

    Sorry to hear about your situation - I identified with a lot of what you said in your excellent post. Going back some time now, but I divorced my first wife in my mid 30s and I remember being overwhelmed about having a property to sell and being back at my mums, and not having any money for my own place while I was still paying into the old mortgage. I also remember the embarrassment factor you mention about being back to square 1, and the misery of just plodding through day to day with seemingly no end in sight. These are really glum days and at the time they seemed to go on forever.

    The words of hope I can give is things do resolve themselves, even if it takes many months and one day you will wake up with it all behind you, a fresh start and loads of your life ahead of you. It's just really difficult to see the new beginning that awaits you when you slam in the middle of it, worrying financially and still with feelings of anger/resentment/regret to deal with as well.

    Just hang in there and you'll be a new person a bit down the line.

  11. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth First Team Captain

    Made it to the end !
    I too ended back at my parents, in my early 40s after breakdown of marriage in my case.
    What I would say is to keep talking to to yiur friends as much as you can. It’s what friends are for as the song goes and it always makes a friend feel good to be able to help another friend. You’re not being a burden!
    My friends really helped me through a tough time and now I can look back and see it was the best thing that could have happened to me. You will feel the same at some point in the future, just got to ride out this storm !
    Smudger and wfcwarehouse like this.
  12. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    100%, thanks a lot - sorry to hear about your experience and hope things are looking up for you now.
  13. Robert Peel

    Robert Peel Squad Player

    Sounds like a very tough time for you. Always worth remembering that it 100% will pass and that you are equally as capable of improving - it's not a one way street.

    I've had periods of bad anxiety where I've been signed off work, mainly down to growing up in a very dysfunctional family and partly because I just seem to be a worrier.

    The things that helped me were a lot of talking therapy, medication and CBT, but equally having good friends I have always been able to talk with. You can kind of add this place into that group. I also got into running and that helped me no end. When I snapped my ankle a couple of years ago, I was terrified I'd start feeling more anxious as I couldn't run, but after a couple of months when I was mobile again, I did the Couch to 5k and I was back running in line with that.

    I too am "the planner" with my mates and struggle a bit without routine. I have a history of being on edge on holiday as I have arranged it all, but also there's no structure. That said I've got past it am pretty relaxed on holiday now (well most of the time). More recently I've found myself able to enjoy small trivial things. Never thought I would as I was a huge cynic, but things like make sure I really enjoy the kids football training and matches, watching animals, good food or stupid memes. I think it's one of the reasons that Pozzo and Duxbury p1ss me off so much is that they tarnished the one thing that was my "safe place" and later that I did with my kids as a family.

    Keep going and looking forward m8.

    Mods - can we pin this thread to the top and also remove "this christmas" from the title? Support is for life, not just for Christmas.
  14. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks RP, very kind of you.

    Just to say, I'm honestly humbled by the responses I've had to what I thought was just a stream of consciousness. Thanks everyone, and special thanks to the mod team for encouraging such discussion and creating such an inclusive and welcoming environment.
    miked2006, Smudger, SkylaRose and 2 others like this.
  15. Sting

    Sting Squad Player

    Read your post too Dan. I think it is brilliant that you were able to put your feelings down on paper so clearly and am glad you did not quit half way though or delete. Your post is so positive. I cannot pretend to have had any sort of similar experience to you but other matters, health related with my wife have given me an insight into the depths despair can reach. I posted a little on here when I felt able to return to posting and like yours my experience was overwhelming kindness from others. We may only share a club between us but this board houses some very good people.
  16. SkylaRose

    SkylaRose Administrator Staff Member


    Wonderful idea for a thread, I was thinking maybe should be in the Safe but then again the Hornets Nest is the most viewed sub forum so it makes sense if anyone needs support for anything like this, it's just a click away. Can I also give fond wishes of wellness and happy thoughts to all and everybody who is/has gone through these troubling times in their lives. I know exactly how this can effect a persons' life, and I hope and prey that eveyone and anyone who is effected are able to get the support they need and have the family and friends around them.
    Smudger likes this.
  17. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Cheers Sting - and thanks for defending us from the NWO all those years ago. :p
    Sting likes this.
  18. Since63

    Since63 Squad Player

    Sorry to hear your troubles @wfcwarehouse. I went through a similar experience 35 years ago, when I was in my early 30s. I'd taken on the woman's 2 young kids and we'd moved 50 miles away to be able to afford a house, which was a big wrench. Within 2 years I found out she was having an affair with someone at work and I moved out and, luckily, lived with my sister and her husband for a few months. Things got a bit messy, with her moving her new bloke into the house I half-owned. It dragged on to such an extent that any equity in the house was dribbling away in solicitors' fees (mainly hers, for some reason!) and the uncertainty was having a bad impact on her kids. So when the house was sold I let her use the (minimal) equity as a deposit on another (less 'desirable') property for her & the kids; the fact the new bloke lived there as well was, to say the least, an 'irritant' and I used to dwell on that during my low periods. Luckily I played football and cricket locally, so that really helped with any mental struggles. Difficult as it may be to believe, even going to Watford games lifted my mood!

    A few months later, I met the woman who is now my wife, and I have never looked back. She came with 2 boys aged 10 & 12, already had a house, modest but good, although she also seemed to have fallen on the wrong side of the financial 'settlement' after her divorce. For the first 10 years, things were tough, but she obtained regular gradual improvement of her position at work whilst, with her support, I was able to gain real advancement in my career. The upshot is that now we are comfortably retired, the 2 boys seem happy and successful in their lives, and we have 2 fantastic grandsons.

    The point of all this? Don't tell yourself there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You've got plenty of time to reset, restart and hopefully, like me, find that things can and do get better.
  19. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks, mate. I'm sorry to hear of your experience too - sounds truly horrible, and I'm really pleased to hear you've turned things around. It's great what a bit of perseverance and elbow grease can do. All the best.
    Smudger, tonycotonstache and Since63 like this.
  20. I Blame Pozzo

    I Blame Pozzo First Team

    I have read your post Dan.

    I hope posting and seeing so many supportive messages have helped in some way.

    Best wishes to you.

    Smudger and wfcwarehouse like this.
  21. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks IBB - you’re very kind. It’s been a big help.

    Off for a beer with a mate tonight for the England game - have a good weekend.
    Smudger likes this.
  22. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

  23. reids

    reids First Team

    Sorry to hear you've had a **** time of it mate. I know it's of little consolation, but in the future I'm sure you'll come out the other side stronger and see this as just a little bump in the road as you move onto better things. Hopefully your chest infection clears up soon, I've put on a decent amount of weight over the past couple of years and signed up for the gym 6 months ago and have found it amazing what an early (well, 8.30AM..) morning run does to my overall day and state of mind!

    As others have said, DMs are open if you ever want a chat about anything at all or just to vent.
    Smudger, SkylaRose and wfcwarehouse like this.
  24. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Top man - cheers.
    Smudger likes this.
  25. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Hey Warehouse

    The most important thing is that you posted this.

    The second most important thing is that you somehow maybe knew how your post might be both welcomed and embraced.

    And here we are.

    We've all got through another day, whether good, bad or ugly.

    We've a weekend ahead of us, slightly cooler but always full of promise.

    Life is chapters, good bad and ugly, long medium and short, but a new chapter just around the corner, nonetheless. And hopefully it will be a fabulous next chapter.

    Big Watford Love

  26. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Probably my favourite response (no disrespect to anyone else), thanks Steely.
    SkylaRose likes this.
  27. BeersThen

    BeersThen Reservist

    Dan, we've never met, I only know you as Warehouse and a fellow WFC fan through this silly site.
    I'm sorry to read about things but everyone is so right, there is genuinely light at the end of what can be a long tunnel, and you've got a whole bunch of people ready to help and listen and be there for you and that's half the battle.
    Couch to 5k was great for me also, Week 6 is a b1tch but like life - fight through it, come out the other side and things get easier and better. They really will.
    All the best.
    Smudger, wfcwarehouse and SkylaRose like this.
  28. Evasive

    Evasive Requiescat in pace

    Hi Warehouse (Dan)
    It's good to put down your feelings onto (e-)paper sometimes. The process of writing it down can give some degree of catharsis.
    Wishing you the best of luck with each onward step.
    Smudger, wfcwarehouse and SkylaRose like this.
  29. SkylaRose

    SkylaRose Administrator Staff Member

    Wishing you well and hope your alright @wfcwarehouse. Your a top bloke on here and you genuine protray yourself as a determined individual. I am sure you have friends and family around you if you ever need the extra support. We are just IP addresses but everyone on here is willing to hold out a hand for another in a time of need, and as reids rightly said, we all have an inbox if you ever want to chat.

    Keep smiling and take it one day at a time.

    Love Skyla xx
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  30. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks BT.
  31. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks Evasive - I’ll never forget your help on the prediction league on the original forum all those years ago.

    Great to hear from you and hope you’re doing ok.
  32. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thank you Skyla, as a former mod I rate the job you and the team do. You’re very kind and I know you’d things much harder than me, back in the day.

    Appreciate you. X
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  33. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Just want to say your messages are honestly really humbling; I’m running out of ways to thank you all and I honestly didn’t think I’d have this amount of kind words and well wishes when I wrote my thoughts down. I honestly thought I’d delete the post after a few hours.

    Thank you all, so much, for your kindness and acceptance. it’s quite overwhelming really but it’s great to see the community we have on this forum. I hope it helps others.
    SkylaRose and Smudger like this.
  34. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Sorry Jumbo, missed this. Really sorry to hear of your experience and yes, there’s similarities for sure. Really pleased to hear you found a way through.
    SkylaRose likes this.
  35. Smudger

    Smudger Messi's Mad Coach Staff Member

    I'm sorry to hear of your troubles warehouse. But as others have written you'll get through to the other side and it sounds like you're taking the right steps and mentality to do so. It's far from the end merely the beginning of something else. There are countless people who do care about you. Never forget it. And someone special is out there who'll take you for who you are. Sometimes it just takes a few tries.

    Society does place this pressure to achieve certain goals by certain times in life but personally I always think of the Universe and how small our part in it is. It's always made me put things into perspective that all this clambering ambition and desire to be this or that in the end is a false desire. Society places far too much emphasis for me on materialism and judging people on what they have 'achieved' which generally is seen as financial success by a certain age with all the attendant dreams. Just be happy with yourself and your own mental and physical well being. Sure if you want to get those things then it's your own volition to do so but don't apply any undue pressure to yourself chasing certain things because society expects it of you.

    We've all had our dark moments as human beings, crises of existentialism and what's it all about. You are far from alone in this regard. And I'll say this warehouse you are unique and while you're around hopefully for at least another six decades make the most of your time. I think as we grow older we sometimes forget the simpler pleasures that we enjoyed as children. From looking at colours, the feel of warm summer rain, the breeze on your face, just looking out into the space of the countryside. Indeed if it's not too presumptuous I find walks in the green spaces calming and relaxing. Just sitting at a favourite spot meditating and contemplating does me wonders. And having several hobbies too. I've met many people through those and we're a tight knit community always in touch. That can be a support blanket in itself.

    Stay strong lad and a very big warm hug for you. The inbox is always open.

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