You're Not Alone

Thanks Smudge - lovely words and interesting point re: meditation.

 

I know a few of you have asked for updates. I’ll keep it brief this time.

Having good and bad days overall, but have taken some positive steps as well as starting to work on a bit of a plan for what happens next - I’ve reached out for some help and I’ve also been very lucky with the support of some close friends. Thanks to those who’ve DM’ed too (you know who you are), and I’ve reconnected with an old friend as a result of my initial post which has been really nice.

Hope everyone else is well and enjoying the sun - Glasto highlights for me tonight.

 

Great to read, Warehouse. Be very proud of yourself for the steps you've taken, and draw strength from that.

The Black Dog comes, but much more importantly, the Black Dog goes...

Black Dog Campaign history - SANE

Stay strong, because you are strong!!!

Keep the Faith

SCG

 

Hi mate sorry to hear about your situation, but try to keep your chin up! I've read your post but not the whole thread so forgive me if this has already been said. Are you still paying the mortgage and if so is your ex"s new partner paying you rent? If not why not? Just a thought as maybe that cash could get you off your dad's sofa and into a flat or flat share. Anyway let's hope the Hornets can have a big season and help u improve your life.

 

Hi Jim. I’m still paying my half of the mortgage to protect what I’ll receive as and when the house sells.

I don’t think the new guy is living with my ex so he won’t be making any contributions. He has his own property where he and his child/children from his previous relationship live.

 

If that's the case I'd push your ex to move in with him and u could have the comfort your own home rather than sofa surfing? That seems fairer to me than her having the run of two homes and u being in effect homeless

 

I appreciate your concern and thank you, but I’m pleased to be out of there, I don’t want to step foot in that property again unless I absolutely have to.

Hoping this is just a temporary thing.

 

Glad you’re pushing forward Dan. A long time ago now, but I remember sharing a couple of beers and a Jager bomb or two with you and Cude one night in Walkabout. Wild days.

I’ll the echo the words of everybody else and urge you to keep your chin up and to continue moving forward. The dark days will get fewer and further between. Much love.

 

Lewis Capaldi - Quite possibly one of the bravest things to do is to try and face mental health in front of a huge crowd.

 

Thanks Luke - I remember that, wasn’t that when I wore those dodgy ripped jeans?!

Yes, I’m not a fan of his music but he’s very brave to be so open and I hope he gets the support he needs.

 

Going through the ringer myself mate. One thing I will say is that after ordeals like this, you understand who you are and - despite all the pain and suffering - there's a victory in that.

 

DM’s open mate.

 

Watford town was a sea of dodgy ripped jeans in those times, mate!

 

Totally agree.

 

As a man, speaking out about your troubles is among the hardest things to do, because society conditioned most of us from a young age to not show our emotions or to admit that we're struggling. We're supposed to be tough. Stoic. Keep the stiff upper lip. "Women and children first", "I'll walk it off", "don't worry I'll be fine". I have huge respect to any man who admits they're struggling, because it's an incredibly brave thing to do when every fibre of your body is expecting society to reject you for speaking out. Traditionally, we're just not allowed to do that. It's a horrendous stigma to break.

I can't possibly understand exactly what you're going through, because I've not experienced anything like it, but I do know what it's like to struggle and I know it's an absolute slog to pull yourself out. All I can say is, no matter how bad an individual day might be, it gets better over time.

I sincerely admire you for opening up, though. That's something I didn't have the mental strength to back when I originally needed help, and you deserve enormous credit.

Glad to read that things are improving slowly.

 

Thanks, Arakel. This is really kind.

 

Good evening everyone. Hope you’re all keeping well.

I don’t want to turn this into my own personal journal, but thought it was worth checking in to make sure everyone’s alright.

Things are now moving in terms of me getting some support to move forwards. The house sale is slowly picking up pace and I have an interview coming up for a secondment at work that I think I’m quite excited about.

Music is helping a lot. There’s a recommendations thread already so I won’t take this one over, I’ll dip into that one if I remember tomorrow.

Hope everyone is ok and if anyone else is struggling please reach out. Whether that’s to me, a family member, a colleague or someone in total confidence.

 

This place is amazing. There are people who really seem to dislike each other but when the chips are down everyone rallies round. We have Filbert on another thread who is now getting support.
When I've got past the feeling that I would be self indulgent I will state some of the issues that I am going through, which are the result of a traumatic childhood, but I'm not ready yet. Suffice to say, this is a safe space even if we disagree on club finances, (lack of) new signings, Sarr, Deeney etc

 

What about BWL?

 

It’s BLM m8. Racist.

 

Is that you, HH?

 

Still miss BWL, but here's pretty bloomin good, when all's said and done.

It depresses me enormously that we have this veritable tsunami of mental health issues to face up to, but thank fcuk we're facing up to it, individually and collectively. Readers of this thread in its entirety (I think we discussed it on this thread) will remember the situation I had a while back with the young woman who was threatening to jump of the roof of the car park next to work. I think about her, and how she's doing now, often.

To use a bit of wfcforums parlance, we go again and we talk when we need to be listened to and listen when someone needs to be listened to.

Never give up!!!

Big Watford Love

SCG

 

You're a good person, SCG - very warming to see your positive attitude and genuine empathy and care for others.

 

Appreciated wfcwarehouse.

My pma and empathy will continue to be fuelled by your very personal account of your experiences and the others who have posted on here (+ Filbert, obvs).

As our token Red Clive of the Kremlin might say:

Arriba!!!

 

I feel for all those struggling in the apparent 5h1tstorm that passes for modern life. I had a ‘messed-up’ childhood at a time when ‘non-normal’ wasn’t an acceptable option. Luckily I got through without too many obvious wounds, but I think it would have been harder under the current continual spotlight gaze of social media.
We were skint, I personally was a bit of an ‘emotional football’ to be kicked about by my divorced parents (when kids of broken families were treated as to be avoided), but JC, I prefer all that to what some of the current younger generations have to suffer.
And by ‘younger’ I include those below 40 because many of them are the unwilling guinea pigs for the modern world’s accidental experiment into perpetual bombardment of utter 5h1te.

 

Hi all,

Just wanted to drop in and say what a brilliant thread this is.

As some of you know I’m a veterinary surgeon. I qualified in 2012, so have been doing this quite a while now.

I really struggled with my mental health when I first graduated, particularly my first 18 months in clinical practice. I’m an ambulatory vet, so it often means that I spend a lot of time by myself. Initially when I left university I could wait to get started, but that pretty quickly degenerated into fear and dread of every work day. I suffered from imposter syndrome in various forms for the first 18 months of my career.

I felt like I didn’t belong, and that everything I was getting right was simply down to luck rather than my skill or ability. As a result of this I developed some other signs of mental ill health such as OCD and burnout. The OCD was initially quite mild but quite quickly degenerated, and is not an ideal condition to have when you’re a veterinary surgeon.

I realised something needed to change so I moved job and things slowly started to improve. I got out and exercised more, joined a new football team and set myself yearly challenges. Relationships came and went, but overall I got through it.

Now I find that I rarely have imposter syndrome symptoms, but I still occasionally get the OCD worry. My significant other/fiance is also a veterinary surgeon, and she also suffered from imposter syndrome when she first graduated. Overall I think we bounce really well off each other and being able to talk to someone who understands is so important for both of us at the end of our working days.

If anyone is struggling I highly recommend Mind. They have some excellent resources for helping if you are in a crisis, but also resources on how to help others.

 

I don't think that there is any increase in mental health issues. What has changed is societal attitudes towards them. When I was a child, who had suffered severe mental and physical trauma, there was a belief that children didn't understand these things and weren't affected. My father never got over his experiences in WWII and when my mother was killed, possibly murdered, and I was badly smashed up then reportedly drugged and certainly beaten by the security forces, he self medicated with alcohol. Adults were supposed to get on with it and if they didn't they were weak. There were kids in my nice, cosy middle class school in Hertfordshire who had what I now realise were mental health issues. Then they were just considered bad. Interestingly one of the worst cases was another boy who had also spent the early part of his life in South Africa.

For all the faults of the modern age, we have got beyond the 'pretend nothing has happened' attitude.

 

Sorry to hear of your, and your family’s, terrible past experiences.
As you say I’m sure attitudes have changed a great deal for the better since those days.
Mental health, racism, sexism, homophobia, attitudes to unmarried mothers, etc…. it’s sometimes difficult to comprehend the accepted societal attitudes held only 20-50 years ago.

 

Pleased to hear you’re doing better these days Opti. Having that support structure in place really helps.

Keep talking, and more importantly, keep well.

 

Where is he, btw?

 

Thanks TUT. I am proud of my parents and the stand that they took. I am pretty sure that they got my father later. It has left a legacy for me, though. It took about 40 years for me to be diagnosed with PTDS and, unfortunately, a few incidents that came at roughly the same time have brought it back, My experience is that you never really get over it. You just learn to manage it and the occasional trigger. The problem recently is a bunch of triggers came at the same time. I will get through it. As Churchill said, "If you are going through hell, keep going."

 

Yes keeping pushing and fighting it and you’ll get through it. Lots of posters on here are available to talk and DM if you ever think that would help, plus of course the more professional support that is available these days.

 

Who knows? Maybe the rabbit hole ended up being too deep to get out of.