You're Not Alone

Discussion in 'The Hornets' Nest - Watford Chat' started by tonycotonstache, Dec 24, 2020.

  1. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    I couldn't agree more. Just a small act can mean a great deal.
  2. The Voice of Reason

    The Voice of Reason First Team Captain

    Here's to a better 2021 for all us Horns and our team :cool:
    Supertommymooney likes this.
  3. Keighley

    Keighley Squad Player

    I didn’t know your eldest was one of ours.

    This is partly a matter of past reputation sticking, I think. A lot of effort and resource has been put into student mental health and well-being given failures in the past, and the VC has made it a personal campaign, with some of our initiatives now leading the way for other unis. But there are still not enough counselling slots to go round for everyone who needs it.
  4. Supertommymooney

    Supertommymooney Squad Player

    Happy New Year everyone - have a great 2021 and COYH!
  5. Diamond

    Diamond First Team

    She was there 4 years ago and a flatmate of hers had serious issues that were simply not dealt with by the uni. There were also several suicides and she couldn't wait to get away as she said the pressure and lack of support was just too dangerous to be a part of.

    That is just one person's POV. I honestly hope things have improved in the last 3 years. My other daughter who is at Liverpool says the exact opposite up there.
  6. Keighley

    Keighley Squad Player

    Yeah, things were pretty bad then. I think they have got better even if it’s not perfect.

    It became a bit self-perpetuating, I think. One student would have issues, which weren’t properly dealt with, and it would create a domino effect.

    It’s tough for those of us on the academic staff too - we didn’t have any training in this sort of thing (although some has been provided now).
    Diamond likes this.
  7. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    Happy New Year! I know nothing much has changed other than a number on a calendar but I hope you all enjoy a happy and healthy year with, of course, promotion for *insert manager name here*’s Yellow and Black Army!
  8. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth First Team Captain

    You too. Hope we get to play your team again in our lifetimes. Bet you do too, just so you can achieve your primary objective of relegating us. Utter *******s.
  9. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    Bless you, we’re not concerned with the likes of you. We’re in the Europa League now don’t you know. Been teaching European powerhouses like Zorya Luhansk a thing or two.
  10. The undeniable truth

    The undeniable truth First Team Captain

    Rubbish. As HB1 advised a year ago, it’s a well known fact that Lester fans put relegating us ahead of Euro qualification. Therefore that must be the undeniable truth.
    We can only dream of playing the likes of Toyah Lufthansa and getting beaten 6-0, flags bravely flapping in the wind.
  11. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    Well it goes without saying that we Leicester fans are only in it for the schadenfreude.
    The undeniable truth likes this.
  12. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

    We can see you laughing at us as we're sneaking out, we can see you laughing at us as we're sneaking out
  13. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    Sneaking out with your wormy little Vichai banner, did it just to get a free beer and some attention didn’t you?
    Cassetti's Beard and Lloyd like this.
  14. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

    I was at that game. There was almost a riot when you selfishly closed the free bar!
    Filbert likes this.
  15. Diamond

    Diamond First Team

    That was because they ran out.
  16. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

  17. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Perhaps they should have p1ss3d in the empty bottles and handed them out. Who would notice the difference?
  18. BigRossLittleRoss

    BigRossLittleRoss First Team

    Even the most experienced counsellors refused to man/woman the phones on that job.
  19. BigRossLittleRoss

    BigRossLittleRoss First Team

    Nice post.

    Fortunately there is so much more support and public discourse nowadays to help people suffering with mental illness.
  20. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Agreed BRLR

    Unfortunately mental health issues still hit us like a runaway train, when we either first face it ourselves, or someone we know faces it, directly or indirectly. And there is no magic wand. But there is ALWAYS love, support, compassion and (often) empathy that we can offer. Or indeed, referral to experts as Tony provided in his/her first post.


  21. Johnny Todd Sings

    Johnny Todd Sings First Year Pro

    Before Covid the Times Higher Ed reported that suicide rates amongst male academics in UK universities was much higher than the national average for the same demographic. I can't remember the exact figure but it was more than double. 2020 certainly won't have reduced that figure.
    Keighley likes this.
  22. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

  23. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

    Just a friendly reminder to everyone.
  24. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    It might have changed, but when I was at KCL in the 90s I was at my lowest ebb. I was isolated and in a serious long term depression.

    Went to get help and was basically sent packing. Dropped out in the end and have been ******* up my life ever since.

    At least I've got my love of football to keep me going.
  25. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Much empathy your way Moog.

    I went to Uni (Poly) in the late 70s.

    I knew within weeks that I'd chosen completely the wrong course, and was very troubled (on the inside only, obviously; a man didn't get depression in those days...).

    So I sought out the lecturer who also doubled up as my personal tutor. I told him how unhappy I was. He said "stick it out, you'll be fine". Meeting over. So I stuck it out for the first year, towards the end of which I wrote home to tell my parents that I was sorry to be a disappointment, but I was going to leave my course. And leave I did.

    Many years later, over a few beers, that time came up in conversation. Mum produced said letter out of her handbag. She'd carried it with her from the day she received it, because she was convinced when she read it that I was going to kill myself. She said that she prayed that by having the letter with her at all times then maybe I wouldn't kill myself.

    Mum was intelligent, rational and well-educated.

    But Mum should have got on the next train to where I was, not carried the letter around in her handbag.


    Reach out to someone, anyone, if you're unhappy. Don't be labelled by others as to your degree of unhappiness and whether or not it equates to being 'down in the dumps' rather than 'depressed'. Just reach out.

    And I'll say it again. Check in on those you know, whether family, friends or colleagues and find out how they are, because they may never reach out.

    Much Love

    Sahorn and wfcmoog like this.
  26. Keighley

    Keighley Squad Player

    Universities really have got much better at this sort of thing, though. But fundamentally lecturers aren’t trained counsellors, so their ability to help is always going to be limited.
  27. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Agreed Keighley.

    Twas primarily about reaching out and checking in, and adding to Moog's experience.
    Keighley likes this.
  28. Since63

    Since63 Squad Player

    During my first term, some top-rated Scholarship bloke, from year 2 (at a mates’s college, not mine) killed himself by stripping the insulation off his kettle lead after taking off the plug, wrapping the bare wires around his arm, which he then covered in salt water solution and plugged into a socket. The benefits of an academic education.
    It barely rated a mention in the Uni as a whole.
    Hopefully, things have changed since then.
    wfcmoog likes this.
  29. cyaninternetdog

    cyaninternetdog Forum Hippie

    I dont get it.
  30. Arakel

    Arakel First Team

    I have a similar story, although I managed to stick it out to the end of the course. I also suffered with long term depression, plus severe PTSD. My home situation wasn't much better, which probably contributed to me being able to stick it out to the end.

    While the university wasn't much help at all, the worst part was the other students and the way they treated you (i.e. like you were radioactive), especially as man. It's very isolating.

    Attitudes towards mental health have certainly improved but there's still stigma attached to it, especially for men. All I can say to anyone who's struggling in silence is, from someone who struggled for years, ask for help when you need it.
  31. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Today, myself and a colleague managed to dissuade a young woman from jumping from the roof of a multi-storey car park.

    I haven't felt so scared and (potentially) so helpless during the process for as long as I can remember.

    That matters not one jot, though. She's safe, and in caring, professional hands now.

    I tracked down and bumped this thread to remind you all that even in the darkest moments people want you to be as ok as you can be, whether they be random strangers or your nearest and dearest. And that if you find in a dark moment, you need to remember that.

    Love and Peace, All
  32. scummybear

    scummybear Reservist

    You, Sir (or Madam), are a hero. I don't know her, but I do know first hand that the effects of suicide last for decades. Thank you for being there for her, the world needs more people like you.

    But please check in on yourself, even if you feel okay right now find somebody to talk to about it.
    wfcmoog, Pozzo Out, The Duck and 2 others like this.
  33. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

    Well done m8. That’s one hell of a test and you both did great. Hope this will be a turning point for her.
    The Voice of Reason likes this.
  34. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    You are getting some 'help' also? PTSD can be very unexpected and nasty.
  35. SkylaRose

    SkylaRose Administrator Staff Member

    Really well done. That shows compassion for another life out of your circle - and not everyone can do that, especially in the heat of the moment. I hope she is getting the help and support she needs. Thank you.

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