Bargain Hunt

oo-er.
guest challenge-setter: you should aim to make it in 3 minutes.
natasha: shall i do it?
guest: ooh, i'd love to see you do it.

(Normally requires a Rabbit for that speed.)

 

No wonder there's a 'stained blanket chest' on sale.
Could any blanket remain unstained after a night with Strict Natasha aka Tash the Lash?

 

Another Cooper Masterclass. Words almost fail me.

Bog snorkelling too. Fnarr, fnarr. Might explain how that staining arose.

 

snurt, fwurr, gipgip, fnoop

 

Almost but not quite, one trusts...

 

BBC approved preamble:
Builth Wells 1
Bargain Hunt Series 63
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001ds00
Natasha Raskin Sharp hosts today’s Bargain Hunt from an antiques fair in Builth Wells, Mid Wales. Experts Ben Cooper and Kate Bliss help the reds and blues spend £300 on three items. Natasha pays a visit to the nearby town of Llanwrtyd Wells, where she has a go at the local sport of bog snorkelling. At the auction, there’s great excitement, but which team will be victorious?

The Translation:
Pre-credits involves Strict Natasha Bog Snorkelling. No, the activily in a muddy watery field and not a tongue-twisting anilingual dialogue duet, which would give rise to an interesting Natasha's Challenge. Careful now there are loads of rules to follow and she doesn't want to DQ herself. She's joined by sh1te wader Bini Cooper and tippy-tappy puddle splasher Trilly Bliss. The Auction is in Stourbridge with newbie Farmer Will, who bangs the gavel in-between milking his prize heifers. As a Prince Harry stand-in he puts the aggro into agriculture. He's a master of the Ninja Throwing Gavel.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
[Red Team Expert] Ben Tat Crap Cooper, D.H.Bad.Breath, Where did your Profit Go?
[Blue Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Auctioneer] Farmer Will, cut-price Prince Harry stand-in
[Auction Location] Stourbridge
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Best female friends physiotherapist and nurse who are into upcycling
(Challenge: Agricultural or horticultural connection)
[Blue Team] Best female Nurse friends, one makes pigeon noises to go with their pidgin English
(Challenge: Dog related)

The Shopping:
Reds: Pine chest (70) topend, Milk churn (20 Challenge) good, French silver pocket watch (92) ouch, destroyed fingers.
Blues: Piquotwear tea set (55) topend, Royal Copenhagen pottery dog (75 Challenge) might struggle, Fly-tipped oak wooden shutters straight off a caravan (60) fine.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha talks and does Bog Snorkelling in Llanwrtyd Wells. It's a good job Charl-eh isn't here as depths would really be plumbed. Later she's swimming through the crap at the antiques fair.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Pine chest (large loss), Milk churn (small profit), French silver pocket watch (big loss).
Carlos' BB is a damaged 1827 Birmingham Nathanial Mills silver snuff box (110), 40-60. 50. Big loss from useless Cooper.



Blues: Piquotwear tea set (loss), Royal Copenhagen pottery dog (huge 135 profit!!), Fly-tipped oak wooden shutters straight off a caravan (largish loss).
Trilly's BB is a Bronze greyhound (45), 15-25, 25, it bombs.



The Aftermath:
Once again some real tat on display today. Carlos Wispa plays an absolute blinder today. Well it's not his money. Reds make a nearly 200 quid loss with some fantastic rubbish including his battered knackerd overpriced BB. You really are sh1te Cooper. Trilly has a curate's egg shopping experience, some outright rubbish with those Gypsy Caravan shutters but hits paydirt with the pottery dog. Decent 60 quid overall profit.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor wooded uneven grass kick. Good effort all round. The Blue Girls produce excellent Growler head kicks. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Indeed.

 

Yellow hoisery are the sexiest itens on the planet.

Even these yellow tights are too good for L*t*n.

 

It's just dawned om me that Farmer Will really loved the milk urn. It would have been ideal for his prize cows. Useless Cooper actually does have a use, Farmer Will wants to use him as a scarecrow. He's also got his gun ready for the Blue girl making the pigeon noises. Coo-coo BLAM.

 

Peter Sellers agrees:

 

Does yellow metal count?

 

Wow. What a bizarre episode. 10 quid for a silver watch, and over 200 quid for a ghastly dog statue. What an absolutely bonkers auction. Can't make head nor tail of it.

 

Squeak-special Skipware sledge (180) LOL

 

Crapet Carpet bowls

 

A so bad it's good episode

 

A load of crumbling balls just sold for half the cost.
A BH metaphor if ever there was one.

 

Urgh, that disgusting bin-rescued fish vase. Another Squeak special.

 

Foghorn is out to please Reg with her outfit today...jeez.

 

The double-ender that Headache found was in a cabinet next to one of the other items that was bought, so she didn't look far for her BB.

 

Moog you'll love this. Crap items, crap experts, crap contestants and a Hanson auction. What's not to love.

 

I did enjoy it. Highs, lows, 2 crap experts and a pricey Teddy bear.

I don't like it when the challenges aren't connected, either to each other or to the contestants' whacky hobbies. Today's were just phoned in.

Should have been something that fits in a pocket + something you need a forklift to move

Or a hand decorated item + an item decorated by machine.

 

BBC approved preamble:
King's Lynn 30
Bargain Hunt Series 55
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000frjt
King’s Lynn in Norfolk plays host to today’s Bargain Hunt. Eric Knowles is at the helm with experts Danny Sebastian and Caroline Hawley. The teams scour the antiques centre in the hope that they will make a profit at auction. There are plenty of highs and lows in the saleroom, and Eric meets an unlikely war hero.

The Translation:
Welcome to Kings Lynn in Norfolk, Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for some web-handed, 6-toed, large forehead slapping fun. It's in an evacuated antiques centre which would suit Michael Caine who was evacuated to KL during the war. Cue the usual "Not alot of people know that" mis-quote. I prefer his Jaws 4-The Revenge quip: "I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." Uncle Eric leads the proceedings hampered by the ugly sister terrible twins, Dan Puberphonic bat impersonator Sebastian and Foghorn Hawley, the human lava lamp, exhibiting her Ayeburn Jockstrap pattern outfit, part of the Tartan Terror collection. Luckily, relief from this disaster-in-waiting is provided by Hellblazer Hanson, your auction pain is his pleasure.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, sausage gobbler
[Red Team Expert] Caroline Domestos Hawley, kills all known profits, Thwack, DEAD, premiering an exclusive from her Tinderloo Pebbledash range
[Blue Team Expert] Danny Squeak of the Dump Sebastian, the Dogwhistle blower of the tat trade
[Auctioneer] Teddington
[Auction Location] Charles Hellblazer Hanson, He has such sh1tes to show you, he'll tear your wallets apart
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple, he's known as Froggy. Must be because of the webbed-hands.
(Challenge: Fit in your pocket)
[Blue Team] Auntie & Niece, Mother & Daughter, Cousins, Sisters, it's all the same in Norfolk. Nieceeey is a hairdresser.
(Challenge: Hand-decorated item)

The Shopping:
Reds: Murano glass vase (5) Bargain, Large wooden hammer (40) Good, 9ct gold opal and ruby ring (103 Challenge) struggle.
Blues: Squeak special Skipware sledge (180) ouch, Italian wooden tray (10 Challenge) OK, Carpet Bowles (44) OK.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric meets Hellblazer Hanson to talk about Tanky the Teddy Bear, who was a Lucky Mascot for a Tank Commander who drove on to Berlin. Tanky goes for 4 grand in the Auction.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Murano glass vase (good profit), Large wooden hammer (loss), 9ct gold opal and ruby ring (largish loss).
Foghorn's BB is a double ender???, scent bottle (40), 30-50, 58. It makes a profit but not enough to cover the losses.



Blues: Squeak special Skipware sledge (big loss), Italian wooden tray (decent profit), Carpet Bowles (loss).
Squeak's BB is a Ghastly garish fish vase found in the bin (10), 40-60, 30, it makes a profit but it's awful.



The Aftermath:
2 idiotic and slowcoach teams who leave it to the last minute, does not bode well. Factor in 2 hopeless experts and you have a loss-making formula. Which it was despite it being a Hanson auction. Echoey well-heeled Teddington is the scene for a decent auction if the items are up to it. The "experts" perform to their expected low level. Headache wasn't keen on the glass vase, it won't make any money she says, which then made a decent profit. Everything else makes a loss but her very safe BB would make a profit at a decent price which it does and is. Dustbin Dan HyperSqueaky has to call on the bloke who runs the centre for help as he is clueless. He presides over the overpriced tat sleigh and the crapet carpet bowles. Yup, he really is hopeless.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor regular kick. Everyone apart from the Blues makes a decent stab. The shock of having to be with The Squeak is obviously too much of a strain, he and Hawley respond with crotch shots. Grim.

​

 

that revolting fishy abomination is the scariest thing i have seen this halloween.
(erm, the vase, that is, not Foghorn)
(although....)

 

Aye aye!
I see Christina has gone solo and started a new BBC1 daytime show with that vaguely ethnic chap from The Repair Shop.
Is this potentially a (sexswapped) John and Yoko moment?
Can the BH Beatles continue without their spiritual leader and figurehead?

 

(Tash is Paul.
Anita is Ringo.
Roo is George.)

Anyone else tried the new show?
I bailed after 5 minutes.

 

One thing that's been bugging me to buggery. If the shopping was in Kings Lynn in Norfolk, why was the Auction in Teddington, South-West London.

 

in the desperate hope that buying from rural rubes and then selling to poncey londoners might turn some profits?

 

after all, not so long ago, Norfolk did somehow manage to sell its cheaposh*te MP liz truss to London as a prime ministrable lot...

dearie me. How did all that happen?

The equivalent of passing off mid-century nonsense as victorian silver, and hoping nobody notices.

Get it home, give it the once-over with the Godard's Polish, and the fckng thing all but dissolves in front of you.

 

Will Kirk. No doubt he Will have wood and plenty of it.

I'm pretty sure she is still doing BH.

 

Some people just don't know where it's at? Digital Spy has an almost extinct BH thread. Judging by the comments, this is probably the reason why it's moribund.

 

BH team has more of a The Mamas And The Papas vibe but without the drug taking.

 

Holy maloney, that DigiSpy thing is drier than a nun's chuff.

 

Tash and Christina plus Weeks and that smoothy in Portsmouth would make a plausible line-up.

In fact, stick a woolly hippy hat on Weeks and he could easily pass for John Phillips

 

He cheated on that lovely blonde, the silly sod.

 

Oh dear, uncoordinated Challenges. Moog will be tutting.