Stupid Advertising Slogans

I'm repeatedly struck by the need for all products/brands nowadays to have absolutely meaningless and pointless slogans which have nothing to do with the quality of their goods or services.

This one in particular annoys me.


Adverts used to be a rather bold claim about the product with a jingly tune. At least that was relevant.

Any other examples out there of this sort of ethereal nonsense advert speak?

 

Every perfume advert. Every car advert.
I'm constantly being told to stop critically analysing adverts. All seem to feature a mixed race couple, a same sex couple, telling mums and dads what a great job they are doing, etc etc
Marketing is a horrible profession. All lies and deception to convince Jo Public to spend extra to buy your product, which you know is no better than the cheapest equivalent on the market (except Renaults).

 

The TV advert that I find particularly puke-inducing at the moment is the one for Haribo sweets featuring two adult male police officers with kids' voices.
"We are the police".... F**k off

 

They are too numerous to mention, but one that particularly grinds my gears is the offering of Ratners level Scando Jewellery merchants Pandora whose TV advert meaninglessly declares Life is always in the making to series of dreary vignettes, in which apparently sane and normal women are unfeasibly delighted by the gift of some cheap trinket or other.

This type of advert is rendered all the worse when it features a whispy, new age version of a beloved song that makes you hate humanity with extreme prejudice.

 

What's the song they buth

What song have they butchered again? I'm sure it was one of my faves

 

Oh, I rather like that one.

 

Not that particular ad, but others. There was an extremely rank, whispy version of the Jam’s ‘That’s Entertainment’ used in one recently.

 

All ads about feminine hygiene. Most women I know hate them too

 

Noticed this one the other day, advert is fine but then the line “no matter what your location, we’ll always try to stay close to you” sounds very creepy to me. Rather aptly the 70s footage at the start reminded of the Peter Sutcliffe programme (excellent by the way) that has been on recently.

 

There was a car ad recently that had a soft, ethereal version of Metallica's Nothing Else Matters, which annoyed me no end.

Also another car advert that starts with "Whoever said electricity can't be bold?"

Answer? No-one in the history of the ******* Universe has ever said that, because it's ******* nonsense

 

You've touched a nerve here Moog. This one could run and run...

 

Another one that made by blood boil, was an advertising slogan on one of those machines you find in supermarkets that give you a voucher in exchange for your coins.

"Turn your coins into cash!!" it boasted.

What the **** do they think coins are?

Why not say "Turn your cash into a voucher you can only redeem in this shop with a value 7% less than the money you put in"

 

Nothing at all wrong with Wynn, Celebrity Masterchef champion.

You’re drifting from the topic, anyway. It’s not just crap ads, but specifically advertising slogans.

 

FORUM POLICE KLAXON.

 

With a child’s voice?

 

Pretty well every slogan is dreadful. Only ones I like are "You know when you've been Tangoed" and "Tastes so good the cows want it back".

 

"Stand Up And Fight" on repeat.

Wait, wrong thread.

 

That Under Armour one where they all chant 'protect this house' over and over is bloody annoying.



Surely Direct Line's home insurance division would be better off running these ads?

 

"Does what it says on the side of the tin"

If I hear someone uttering this phrase, I know I can safely mark them down as an utterkant.

 

Aargh ! I came back on to post about that exact advert!

'Who said...a load of things nobody in the history of earth have ever said'

 

Shood of gone specsavers

 

There was just an advert for this lot (I used to have a pet goat called Pandora as a side note) where one of the models in a breathy tone said 'when I wear diamonds i feel powerful.'

What meaningless drivel!

 

Just book it lastminute.com, simples!

 

I'll go one further than those, which i find quite benign, with this bollix



'Embrace the power of colour.'

It's hair dye not anabolic steroids.

 

Interesting, because this phrase is actually used by people seeking to distinguish sense from utter ********.

 

The latter is a bit weird - cows forced to lactate have decided that the output from their mammary glands is so attractive that they want to reclaim it.

 

Not sure if it's really a slogan, but those old Orange adverts where people were chanting"1, 2 , 3 , 4" over and over made me legitimately homicidal.

 

Never seen anyone drink umbongo in the Congo…..

 

https://newsthump.com/2015/10/16/um-bongo-now-almost-entirely-absent-from-congo/

 

Also, the marmoset picking a mandarin would be an invasive species, way down deep in the Congo, as they are new world monkeys, endemic to the Americas.

 

Yep - should have used a bushbaby !

 

In which case, best not buy synthetic glass ones from Pandora then.

 

No, that's a good slogan. Unlike all those prevoously cited.

 

"I never go to Specsavers" (because they deliver to me) is a clever development of that slogan.