Bargain Hunt

Guildford Series 63 means it's a "Oh-No Southsea, Southsea, Oh-No" Auction. Back to scrabbling around for the merest hint of a profit.

 

The Bondopunathon reaches a satisfying climax.

 

Apologies to the grammar police, "whet one's appetite".

 

Blues are buying skipware but it is cheap and will probably sell.

Reds find binware pedal car.

Pompey auction Steptoe's love cheapo items.

More sh1tty upcycles industrial lights, sigh.

A whole episode of real genuine rubbish purchased.

The name of the game is profit and not style, head over heart, so let us see.

 

Jeez more rubbish from Dr Evil.

 

**** lights never do well do they? I recall an anglepoise doing OK recently but they bought it for about 30 quid. Otherwise its best to steer clear, no matter how much the experts like to bang on about industrial chic.

 

Deco bottles were nice.
But those chairs...

 

Yet another slightly fruity Bluebird blonde today, seemingly beamed in from the cast of a late-70s Mary Millington movie.
Bit gobby but the sort of thing you'd like to run into as closing time approaches.

 

"Ooooh, two in the green ain't bad," chirps Bluebird.
something something one in the pink something one in the stink something

 

Those lights might've suited Drew Pritchard, tbf.

 

More BH expert tongue action today.

 

LOL

 

Is he DayGlo Dave's twin?

 

That auctioneer is wasted on that location.
Why doesn't he move somewhere better than Pompey?
ie literally anwhere else in the universe, bar Ethiopia, Mordor and Luton?

 

aka The Turtles.
Happy Together, buying guff and tat

 

DayGlo Dave was actually wearing a turtleneck jumper last time he was on. Blatant provocation.

 

DayGlo Dave wants a hug. (Where's the retch bag?)

 

BBC approved preamble:
Guildford
Bargain Hunt Series 63
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001f6rc
Teams visit antiques fairs, looking for items they think will make profit at auction.

The Translation:
There's an information blackout surrounding events today. Perhaps BH info central has been hacked by a desperate Vlog Pontin. Meanwhile going back through the extensive BH archives we know it will be Uncle Eric skedaddling round scorching Loseley Park, Guildford. Helping him sift through the chaff to find the wheat are burst of sunshine Our Steph and Factor 100 Sunblock Dr Evil. Unfortunately, the Auction will be held at Marine Boy's Piddly Pompey Peddle Palace. Standby for profits lower than South Sandwich Trench, outside Puerto Rico, not Sandwich, Kent.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, as safe as houses, he does love a sausage
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%, Go Steph
[Auctioneer] John Marine Boy Cameron
[Auction Location] Oh-No Southsea, Southsea, Oh-No
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mother & Son tennis bores .
(Challenge: Sport or recreation)
[Blue Team] Mother & Denim short-wearing Daughter dancing pair.
(Challenge: Childhood)

The Shopping:
Reds: Trio of Art Deco perfume bottles (35) OK (Pompey Struggle), Mid-century pedal car for peddling rubbish (37 Challenge) might stuggle (Pompey will struggle), 4 knackered 1930s French iron garden chairs (146) ouch, overspent (Pompey firestorm).
Blues: Vintage i.e. knackerd binware scooter (15 Challenge) OK (Pompey OK), Stone/Concrete dolphin-based bird bath (25) Good (Pompey so-so), Pair of Industrial binware lights, awful (125) ouch, (Pompey a blazin').

The Distraction:
George Abbott founder of an 400 year old Alms house and a strong beer to boot. The Alms House is coming back into fashion thanks to our Tory friends who are more concerned about providing Arms houses for global pariahs. Hospital stems from the word hospitality. A fact to recount when having your stomach pumped while overindulging on the free jollies.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Trio of Art Deco perfume bottles (nice profit), Mid-century pedal car for peddling rubbish (1 squid profit) GG?, probably not with the next item, 4 knackered 1930s French iron garden chairs (largish loss)
Raj's BB is a Telescopic industrial desk lamp, more crap (50), 40-60, 20. Oh dear it bombed. It was so bad it strangled itself.



Blues: Vintage i.e. knackerd binware scooter (small profit), Stone/Concrete dolphin-based bird bath (small profit), GG incoming?? Pair of Industrial binware lights, awful (big loss) nope, sinks like a stone bird bath
Steph's BB is a set of 4 garden chairs seen earlier, big gamble (55), 40-60, let's see, 70, well done Steph.



The Aftermath:
Vaguely exciting Pompey Auction. Is this a first? 8 non-decorative items. Were they banned from buying anything decorative. Did the record-breaking temperatures melt all the delicate decorate jewellery. 8 items of outside dwelling tat. Both teams had promising starts but both were sunk by a third item which dragged them down. The Reds chairs torpedoed (naval pun) the SS Golden Gavel while Blues GG met Davy Jones's locker with those awful industrial light fittings.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard outdoor kick on scorched grass. Looks like Steph has skirt issues. Good attempts from everyone else. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Touche Turtle has certainly aged.

 

seems the turtles are aware of the resemblance anyway:
https://mobile.twitter.com/davidharpertv/status/414348550647316480?lang=en

 

good episode, again. unpredictable, with lots of incompetence. just what you want from BH. Or the early rounds of the League Cup.

 

Hahaha!

Another good 'Outside!' tongue spot courtesy of VAR.

 

Roo and corsets!!!!!!

Blue lady is READY!!!!!!

 

Shiny metal isn't sparkly Gary. Doh.

 

That bird feeder. Very cheep. Awful.

 

Can Hanson work his magic on the dinner service?

 

Pretty house maid corset. Don't Ann Summers sell those these days?

 

oooooh, no sparkle!
Red card sensation.

sorry, that sounds like something from the Gay Football League...
'you've just got no sparkle, darling; off you go for an early bath. ooh, save me some soap...'
.

 

Snigger

If only christina had been presenting, and offering to model...

 

only a fiver for the world cup trinket...
Surely a bargain?

 

Dr No Profits in action...

 

well done munich 74 item.
finally, a decent result from that tourney

 

i fear for Gary PeePee during the VAR review

 

BBC approved preamble:
Naseby 15
Bargain Hunt Series 63
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001f118
Roo Irvine and the teams shop for antiques in Northamptonshire with experts Gary Pe and Tim Weeks. Roo also visits the Leicestershire town of Market Harborough to learn about the history of corsetry.

The Translation:
Dusky maiden Roo Irvine is today's host for another tat sift procession in Naseby, Northants, forver to be known as a major battleground for the English Civil War. It has a market square that dates back to 1235. It's one of the oldest and largest in Britain, and that's all else that can be said about it. Not really a place to be in off-season in the wind and rain eating a car-bound packed lunch stuck in a car park. Treepole Weeks is there to infect his team with energy and enthusiasm. Gary Peeeeee is there to inflict his team with muddle and confusion. Online only Auction is with Dreamblazer Hanson who often seems neutered and constrained when he doesn't have an audience to play to.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Red Team Expert] Gary BB is PP Pe
[Blue Team Expert] Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auctioneer] Charles Manson Hanson, The Phineas T Barking of the Auction World, Bring on The Clown
[Auction Location] Hanson Auction House, Derbys
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married retired couple, he was her boss at work. Oh yeah!! We know how that can develop.
(Challenge: Sparkles)
[Blue Team] Married couple, she is a charity shop worker who loves him long time. She is READY!!!!!!
(Challenge: Made outside the UK)

The Shopping:
Reds: Boxed set of Harrods teaspoons (10) OK, 1945 Birmingham silver military ink well (149) ouch, too much even for Hanson, Sparkly glass vase (minus 19 Challenge) Hanson DQs it, bargain price though.
Blues: Rustic bird feeder (6) Bargain, Royal Albert Old Country Roses China Service (249) boom or bust, 1974 Munich World Cup glass (5 Challenge) Good.

The Distraction:
Roo talks corsets and bodices. Body stockings!!!! Basques!!!!!! Hour-glass, S-bend, U-bend!!! Passion killing vest. Liberty Bodice for Girls and Boys of all ages. Mark Ashley, the google-eyed transgressor quivers with excitement. Roo is shown a "Pretty house maid corset" manufactured these days by Ann Summers. Parts of male anatomy start to burst out of constrained areas.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Boxed set of Harrods teaspoons (profit), 1945 Birmingham silver military ink well (big loss), Sparkly glass vase (1 pound DQ profit that doesn't count).
Gary's PP BB is Blue John silver pendant (60), 50-60, 60, evens stevens.



Blues: Rustic bird feeder (nice profit), Royal Albert Old Country Roses China Service (big loss), 1974 Munich World Cup glass (small profit).
Treepole's BB is a Georg Jensen Silver Transport St. Christopher necklace (40), 30-40, 30. Unlucky to make a loss on that.



The Aftermath:
Both teams sunk by a big loss. Gary goes down the plaid clothing route but doesn't have Plaidy's common sense. How can you fark up a must sparkle challenge. Gary can. The ink well for the Reds was also a big loss. The sh1te or bust dinner service for the Blues bombed big time. It was a big gamble and if someone could pull it off then it could be Hanson. However, he is neutered in an online only auction.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor Kick. A constrained area just like the corsettry. All hit par. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Is there any more suggestive phrase in the language than "dusky maiden"?

Mind you, I suppose merely typing that is now deemed a hatecrime.