Bargain Hunt

Hanson on the rostrum and profits go up.

 

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my gift for Rog and Reg...

 

BBC approved preamble:
Oswestry 2
Bargain Hunt Series 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000sdym
Today’s teams are unearthing all sorts of objects at the Oswestry Showground with experts Kate Bliss and Ben Cooper, before seeing them go under the hammer with auctioneer Charles Hanson. Natasha Raskin Sharp looks at the history of buying gifts for special occasions and finds that antiques fairs can be the best place to buy that special wedding or christening present.

The Translation:
Oswestry, home of Wilfred Owen and some cracking pubs provides Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp with a Glasgow-style night of slightly heavy drinking, well it is a school night. Strict Natasha turns up at the Oswestry Showground sporting a mild thumping head. To help cure her hangover blues she is joined by Alka Seltzer, fizzy Trilly Bliss in her The Prisoner outfit and that Andrews Liver Salts of experts, Shirley that's Ben Ham Wrap and a Pepsi Cooper. Her delicate head will be put to the test by the thump of the gavel by Prairie Oyster, Auctioneer Charles Mad Manson Hanson. She may have to wear her dark glasses if he is in full Amazing Techicolour Dreamblazer a la mode.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, a Southside girl, break the rules and get a Glasgow kiss
[Red Team Expert] Ben Bad Buys Woo Woo Cooper
[Blue Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, today's No 6, be seeing you
[Auctioneer] Charles Hanson, The Phineas T Barnum of the Auction World, Bring on The Clown
[Auction Location] Hanson Auction House, Bishton Hall, Staffs
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mixed sex Life Partners who are 1940s enthusiasts. So it's powdered egg and Put That Light Out-tastic times.
(Challenge: Serve or store drinks)
[Blue Team] Best Mixed sex Friends, he is a "Civil Servant" who may have to kill you if you find out who he reports to.
(Challenge: Serve or store food)

The Shopping:
Reds: Quaker pep bottle, Strict Natasha looks on in disgust as it's temperance pop (12 Challenge) Good, Fire engine pedal car, dealer who drops the price 100 notes at a drop of a hat, hmmm (150) oh dear overspend alert, dealer laughing, 1900 Birmingham silver-framed pin cushion (60) might be OK, topend.
Blues: Art Nouveau Spelter vases, dealer was too hasty to drop the price, hmmm (75) struggle, style will always sell, yes Charles, Georgian creamware plate (15 Challenge) Good, George V silver trinket box (60) might have overpaid.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha investigates the history of buying gifts for special occasions including a CU James special Glasgow Southside Christening Present of a case of Buckfast Tonic Wine to wet the wee bairn's head. Whitby Jet is mentioned, the new drummer of The Stranglers.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Quaker pep bottle (small profit), Fire engine pedal car (not a big loss), 1900 Birmingham silver-framed pin cushion (profit).
Carlos BB is a 2nd quarter Travelling Vanity Case, their faces drop, (15), 20-30, should be a profit, 50, they're smiling now. Decent item for once Poundshop George.



Blues: Art Nouveau Spelter vases (loss), Georgian creamware plate (profit) Serve your nuts on it, Cheeky, George V silver trinket box (nice profit).
No. 6's BB is yet another Trilly silver item, an English silver basket (Trilly tick)) (20), 20-40, 55, nice profit, don't knock yourself out 6.



The Aftermath:
A decent profit for Carlos Wispa's BB, and they were lucky they didn't get a drubbing on the rusty skipware pedal car. This results in an overall profit for the Reds. Trilly sticks to her comfort zone, jewellery, particularly silver, and comes up Trumps. Decent overall profit for the Blues. Hanson on the rostrum and profits are maximised. A point of note, both losses were on items where the dealers were only too ready to drop the price. Surely, this is a warning sign that they want to get rid as they haven't been able to sell the items.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor Covid diagonal kick on grass. Very wobbly and uncoordinated so it doesn't really count.

​

 

Tremendous crowd guffaws for Hanson's "serve your nuts" double-entendre.
'BBC serves up filth at lunchtime' says Daily Mail, possibly

 

Missed it today. Saw Hanson was wielding thr gavel, stopped reading spoilers. Is it worst an iplayer catch up?

 

BBC approved preamble:
Oswestry 32
Bargain Hunt Series 63
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001cm4g
Christina Trevanion and the teams go antique-hunting in Shropshire with experts Kate Bliss and Richard Madley before heading to Stratford-upon-Avon for today’s auction. Christina goes behind the scenes in the costume department of the Royal Shakespeare Company.

The Translation:
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, sell me your wares."
Were now into Series 63 but with the same location line-ups for the previous series.
"This royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle, both for the bargain price of 80 pounds."
We're back in Oswestry, that's twice in a row now, at the Oswestry Antiques and Collectors Fair with some diversions in the treading-the-boards-tastic Stratford-upon-Tourism.
"Now is the winter of our discount."
The tat sifting is headed up with our rather lovely leading lady Christina Trevanion supported by posh prompter Trilly, and her understudy in tights ****ko Madders.
"Is this a dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand? Yes, and it's a Chester hallmarked silver letter opener for 25 pounds."
As we're partly in the Bards manor than the Auction will be in Tatford-upon-Avon with goggle-eyed transgressor Mark Ashley complete with restraining order for the Wacky Warehouse.
"All that glisters is not gold and will be valued accordingly."
Fair Warning. I'm Selling. Thump.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Steamstress Christina Trevanion, you get so much more than you bargained for
[Red Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Blue Team Expert] Richard D1ckko Madders Madley not Madeley
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)
[Auctioneer] Mark Ashley, in the bushes with the binoculars and the loose-fitting shorts by the Scout Hut
[Auction Location] Bigwood Fine Art Auctioneers, Stratford-upon-Avon
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married Mixed couple Plumber and Gas engineer
(Challenge: Mechanism)
[Blue Team] Mixed couple Married Farmer and retired couple
(Challenge: Transport connection)

The Shopping:
Reds: Boxed enamelled gilt powder compact with pouch (10) OK, Dunhill Rollagas lighter (40 Challenge) fine, Black Forest bear (80) topend.
Blues: Wind-up Gramophone (38) OK, Victorian silver visiting card case (120) struggle, Skipware pushchair, a real rust bucket on wheels (15) OK.

The Distraction:
Christina pays a visit to the Royal Shakespeare Company's costume department. The discussion digresses onto underwear. The leather thong and peep-hole bra worn by John Gieldgud is his historic performance of Hamlet are examined in detail. Christina is extremely interested in Othello's codpiece. Judi Dench's big pants barely get a mention. Adieu Billy Shakes P.

​

The Auction:
"To BB or not to BB this is the quandary."
Reds: Boxed enamelled gilt powder compact woth pouch (profit), Dunhill Rollagas lighter (loss), Black Forest bear (evens stevens).
Trilly's BB is a big piece of stone with an iron ring, an animal tether (50), 20-30, 30, hmmm stick to silver Trilly.



Blues: Wind-up Gramophone (loss), Victorian silver visiting card case (largish loss), Skipware pushchair, a real rust bucket on wheels (profit).
Madders BB is a Boxed silver spoon for QEII Silver Jubilee (40), 30-50, 35, a small loss. On another day that would have made a decent profit.



The Aftermath:
"We have seen better days."
Stylish lighter and card case both loss makers. Rusty old skipware pushchair makes a profit.
"A man can die but once unless he is at an Auction in Pompey."
A bit of a flat Auction but not as bad as a Serrell or Pompey offering.
"No overall profit is such sweet sorrow."
Both BB's make a loss and neither team makes an overall profit. Trilly's BB was an obelisk with a ring on it. What were you thinking!!



The Hi-Kick:
"All the worlds a stage and be careful on that uneven grass."
Outside standard kick on grass, all hit par bar Blue bloke who does a "Serrell" and barely raises his leg.

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!" should be the motto for BH.

​

 

Absolutely. Hanson is on top form.

 

"To BB or not to BB"

 

Will now be hard not to chuckle next time I see a Hamlet start soliloquising. Be half-expecting Tubby Tommy to lurch from the wings wielding a dodgy mid-century poker.

(Hamlet: exits, pursued by a Bear)

 

Felicitous synchronicity in the schedules; Hanson has also been relentlessly pummelling strict Natasha all week in vintage Antiques Road Trip on Really. Day after day, hammering her without mercy.
*wistful sigh*

 

Blimus.
Roo just said playing on an old flute can bring hours of joy.
*gulp*

 

What idiot would sell that lovely Edwardian leather box for a mere fiver?!

 

BBC approved preamble:
Eccleston 22
Bargain Hunt Series 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000b2fl
The Lancashire town of Eccleston hosts the reds and blues today. Eric Knowles is at the helm as experts Caroline Hawley and Roo Irvine help the teams scour the antiques centre hoping to make the biggest profit at the auction.

The Translation:
Here we are again with Uncle Eric in his North-western Brexophilic manor in an old mill converted into an indoor tat dump, the Ee-By-Gum Bygone Times antiques centre in Eccleston. Is it Grim up North? Aye lad. Bringing a sparkle to the day in the right way is the utterly delightful Roo Irvine. Bringing a migraine for the remainder in the wrong way is Caroline 4-minute warning Hawley wearing her Hiroshima-inspired Nuclear flash collection or will it be an eyewatering exclusive from the MacMingin Clan Tartan range, as in how far can you projectile vomit. The Auction is in the infamous Rickets Central again, so expect the Lancs skinflints and money mattress misers to be out in force. This is a low profit announcement. Remember Golden Gavels cost brass.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, a safe pair of hands
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern promise
[Blue Team Expert] Troglodyte Caroline Hawley, sporting a new mal-de-mer attire from her classic chunder collection
[Auctioneer] Tom Keep It In The Family Beardy Blackmore family footstep follower
[Auction Location] Maxwell's, Stockport, Rickets Central
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Mother & Son, Doctor and Student Doctor
(Challenge: Musical connection)
[Blue Team] Female Friend Group Facilitators at the Space Centre aka a condemned warehouse, plenty of room there
(Challenge: With a mechanism)

Q: "What is the role of a group facilitator?
A: A facilitator plans, guides and manages a group event to meet its goals. To facilitate effectively, you must be objective and focus on the "group process. That is, the ways that groups work together to perform tasks, make decisions and solve problems."

Well that makes everything crystal clear then. Nothing except total victory will be expected for the Blues today. Oh, they've got Hawley. Probably not.

The Shopping:
Reds: Yellow Railways metal sign (110) topend, Lanc Evening Post metal sign (40) good, A silver flute and case, and not a pink oboe (28 Challenge) OK.
Blues: Sorrento marquetry table nest that plays Love Story, remember that doesn't end well (98 Challenge) oof well overpaid, Mid-century spinning top to match your spinning head after viewing Hawley's Horror Garb (15) OK, Norwegian enamelled silver leaf necklace and case (175) oof overspent again.

The Distraction:
Hollywood glamour in Stockport. Uncle Eric visits a 1930s fleapit. It's a special club screening, full of men with long raincoats and deep pockets. Footage of Roo handling a flute and and a flustered screw on a wall causes a low silent moan. There's a pipe organ demonstration involving a rising shiny erection which brings proceedings to a shuddering climax.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Yellow Railways metal sign (largish loss), Lanc Evening Post metal sign (large profit), A silver flute and case, and not a pink oboe (small loss).
Roo's BB are 3 French gunpowder measures in brass and turned wood (22), 30-50, Bargain, the skinflints only bid 30. Still it's a profit. Well done Roo.



Blues: Sorrento marquetry table nest that plays Love Story (largish losse), Mid-century spinning top (decent profit), Norwegian enamelled silver leaf necklace and case (big loss)
Foghorn's, given 12 quid, BB is a Edwardian jewellery box (5) Bargain, 20-30, 30, a real steal. Well done Foghorn.



The Aftermath:
Something that can give hours of joy, Roo observes, before give us a demonstration of her flute blowing skills. In tandem with her expert hands, she makes sweet music. Later she shows how adept she is in a grunting contest with a screw on the wall. It's full eyebrow raising action today. Roo directed the Reds to an overall profit in Skinflinting Stockport which is not to be sniffed at. Metal signs are really hit and miss, one made a large loss which was countered by the other making a large profit. Foghorn Forlorn is another expert who demonstrates that often less is more. Give them a small amount of money so they really have to think and work to get a Bargain and they often deliver. Still a big overall loss but not the three figures it was on for.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Everyone really goes for it apart from Hawley who spared us from a real Growler shot. Red bloke is close to a head shot. Top stuff. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Fair play to Roo. I wasn't expecting her to get that metal sign off the wall by herself. She's a game girl.

​

 

Perhaps he wanted to get rid of Hawley in that hideous outfit.

 

heh heh.
Arftastic Hawley wardrobe descriptions today matched by an extended range of firmly-erected double entendres.

 

Omg! Charlie's disqualified the glass as 'something for carrying something.'

I suspect the producers have been on at Charlie for his leniency as they've had to fork out too much in profit and GGs under him, compared with Natasha.

 

Reds get a GG in Sheffield! Amazing. Brilliant shopping.

 

Nick's BB is that crusty old typewriter for 30 quid. Not sure about this. Could go either way. I'd leave it.

 

Sells for 15 quid. Half price. Good decision to pass by reds.

 

I didn't see the shopping, but one of the blues is an elf.

 

Steph is still fuming about the DQ.

Her BB is a bird bath thing.

Paid 14 quid. Good buy. Go for it Blues. 16 pound profit.

 

The Ghost of Strict Natasha haunts today's episode. Am I living in a parallel universe? There's some money spent at the Yorkshire auction today.

The Blues were the Little and Large show.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Cheshire 28
Bargain Hunt Series 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001cs5h
Charlie Ross and the teams shop for antiques at the Royal Cheshire County Showground with experts Nick Hall and Stephanie Connell, then head to Sheffield for today's auction. Charlie also learns about some special flags.

The Translation:
Last time we were at the Royal Cheshire County Showground in this Series was for the Jubilee Special, so I'm wondering if we'll get some overspill from that edition. Today we're joined by crusted nightime drool, the posh t1t Charl-eh, along with overflowing blocked drain Plaidy Hall, and brimming and frothing pint of beer, Steph Connell as they hunt for the saucer slop dregs from the coffee cup of tat. Is it flag, sorry fleg, day? If so get the Red fleg out as the posh t1t Charl-eh is making a nuisance of himself in various ways (see later). Auction will be in the Yorks slop tray with Rob Desperate Pleading Lee at the National Union of Misers HQ.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Onmifool Charlie Ross
[Red Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Rob Lee, "Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire Please!!!!"
[Auction Location] Sheffield Auction Galleries
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married mixed sex art person and Civil Engineer BAME couple (BBC box tick).
(Challenge: Made from oak)
[Blue Team] Female housemates who are Liitle & Large comedy workshop students. That's a life on the dole followed by dubious supplemental incomes in the night time economy.
(Challenge: Carry things)

The Shopping:
Reds: Oak Carolean chair (21 Challenge) Fine, Norwegian enamelled silver bracelet, warning warning, one of these bombed yesterday, need to get it under 100 (85) topend, Sheffield silver castor, red bloke sees a logo, it's a hallmark mate (50) topend yet reasonable for the skinflints.
Blues: Green glass vase (28 Challenge) DQed, Bohemian etched ruby glass (35) OK probably repaired, 18ct Gold and sapphire ring (98) OK.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh views a massive collection of flegs from a former sailor. This is the cue for Charl-eh to get his purple flag out and proceeds to swirl it around with pronounced vigour. Earlier, the Fleg of Catarrh is mentioned, made from the largest collection of phlegm and spittle garnered after a Blue Peter National Xmas Appeal.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Oak Carolean chair (squeaks a quid), Norwegian enamelled silver bracelet, warning warning, one of these bombed yesterday, need to get it under 100 (big profit), GG, good chance, Sheffield silver castor, red bloke sees a logo, it's a hallmark mate (small profit), Golden Gavel from Yorks.
Plaidy BB is the Vintage typewriter that Red bloke really wanted (30), REJECTED, ungrateful s0ds, 20-40, 15, it bombs. Unlucky Plaidy, you went with it for the right reasons.

​

Blues: Green glass vase (DQed so a 16 loss), Bohemian etched ruby glass (small loss), 18ct Gold and sapphire ring (very nice profit) .
Steph's BB is metal garden scallop bird bath (14), 15-30, Bargain, 30, Good buy Steph.



The Aftermath:
Unbelievable, we're in Yorks and both teams make overall profits, swoon. Blues even get a Golden Gavel in Skinflint city. Amazing. There is some quibbling about Blue's green glass meeting the carrying things challenge, Ghost of Strict Natasha strikes, it's DQed by the posh fool. Steph is not happy so she clatters him with that heavy bird bath. The idiot sees stars, his eyes, glaze over, his head spins and he collapses into the Oak Carolean chair.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick, everyone more or less par apart from Steph who looks like she's wearing heels and so is tentative.

​

 

For a glorious moment, I thought angry Brummie Steph was going to go full Peaky Blinders on Charlie. (And what better way to prove her glass could indeed 'carry something' than by plonking a freshly-severed appendage of Charlie in it?)

 

Woo-hoo; Hawley is experting today (Tuesday).
Reg will be rummaging in his Big Box of Adverse Adjectives and Malicious Metaphors.

 

She loves the Silver doesn't she. More guitar playing Numpties too. Good to see Dr Evil Raj demonstrating his gavelling skills.

 

Steph is Cumbrian so would know how to dump the Posh fool in Lake Windermere, weighed down with some Workington steel weights.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Dorking 15
Bargain Hunt Series 56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000krpl
Today’s Bargain Hunt with Eric Knowles comes from Dorking in Surrey. Experts Caroline Hawley and Ochuko Ojiri guide the reds and the blues round local antiques shops, as they look for bargains to sell at the auction. Eric also learns how the nation’s stained-glass windows are restored and repaired.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric heads to Dorking in Surrey for another epidode of Covid Apocalyspe BH in an almost deserted Antiques Centre. Is Dorking full of Dorks. I haven't a Clue. He's joined by DorQueen Supreme, Miss Scarface in this round of Tat Cluedo. Uncle Eric gets into character as Mrs C0ckPee and is joined by Commando Irrelevant Green. The charade finale is at an Auction commanded by former military man, Colonel Dr Evil Muchturd demonstrating who killed Dr Profit in the Showroom with a hammer.



The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, steady Eddie Banjolele
[Red Team Expert] Caroline Psychotronic Hawley, latterly wearing an outfit 'Rainbow Retch' from her new Excrescence collection.
[Blue Team Expert] Ochuko Commando Chuko Ojiri, commando on top, let's hope he's not commando below.
[Auctioneer] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Auction Location] Bentley's Auction Rooms, Cranbrook
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired male mates who are into flying. Rather than risk exposure they zip them up.
(Challenge: Militaria)
[Blue Team] Mother & Daughter, Betting shop and nursery workers. I bet that kid is a wrong 'un.
(Challenge: Enamelled)

The Shopping:
Reds: Pair of Boxed Sheffield silver napkin rings (30) good, Boxed Birmingham silver cruet set (90) topend, Silver ARP warden badge (14 Challenge) bargain, profit ahoy.
Blues: Birmingham silver enamelled ring tree (130 Challenge) ouch, overspent, Pair of boot-shaped stirrup cups (12) Bargain, Vintage luggage case (28) OK.

The Distraction:
Historic stained glass windows are cleaned and restored. Uncle Eric, or Peeping Eric as he is locally known, indulges in his obsession of voyeurism under the guise of cleaning a few windows. He gets out his George Formby Banjolele and sings some very risque songs entirely unsuitable for this family programme, followed by some historic staining of his lower garments.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Pair of Boxed Sheffield silver napkin rings (nice profit), Boxed Birmingham silver cruet set (largish loss), Silver ARP warden badge (small profit).
Foghorn's BB is a London silver (yet again) topped scent bottle (50), 30-50, topend, 50, evens stevens.



Blues: Birmingham silver enamelled ring tree (loss), Pair of boot-shaped stirrup cups (profit), Vintage luggage case (small profit).
Chuko's BB is Art Deco Vernice glass bowl (35), 40-60, 50. Nice find Chuko.



The Aftermath:
Some crappy guitar playing from the Reds. I wish they wouldn't try and show off. They should actively discourage them. Hawley threatens to scream if they are running late. Ye Gods. Klaxon changes back to something revolting for the Auction for the Silvertastic Red team. Very underwhelming items and performance. Another overall loss for Foghorn. Chuko's Blues squeaked a small overall profit. The ring tree was a gamble and just fell short but his decent BB comes up trumps. Uncle Eric sarkily tells them to get the 2 pound coins mounted.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Everyone hits par 90 degrees but not at the same time. Thankfully, the camera doesn't expose us to a full Hawley Growler kick.

​

 

Yup, I had a good ole rummage like you do.

 

Foghorn in her sensory overload Revolting Red outfit.

 

oops!
I stand corrected. Fooled by the accent.
"Comes from Cockermouth" it sez 'ere.
fnar! Yes, I bet she does.

 

Now adding this to the scroll on honour:

"Colonel Dr Evil Muchturd demonstrating who killed Dr Profit in the Showroom with a hammer."