Bargain Hunt

Dully, undersold that so badly. Hanson or the Dalek would've got another 20-30 quid out of it.

 

I even pressed the 'record in HD' button in anticipation.

 

Still cannot believe Gary Peeeeee didn't spot how diseased and burnt that recliner was, espesh after making such a song n dance about his grandfather owning one.
He even tried to make Lovely Imogen sit in it.
Ghastly opium-fuelled fantasies of worms crawling over white flesh, perhaps.
Before you know it, we'll be onto this sort of filth...

 

Phew what a scorcher. Poor Red PhD bloke, he must be in eternal torment.

 

Southon, The Dully Horror.

After Gary, Imogen needs Imodium.

 

Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh

 

Jeez, Gary made us buy THAT!!

 

BBC approved preamble:
Ardingly 17
Bargain Hunt Series 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0008znk
Today’s teams hunt for bargains in Ardingly with experts Gary Pe and Nick Hall, while presenter Anita Manning discovers the history of the funfair.

The Translation:
Today, McWitch flies into the Antiques Fair in the East Sussex town of Ardingly, bringing the bad weather with her. She reminds me of one of those laughing clowns stuck in a glass cage by the amusements or Fun Fair. Her slurring and false laugh must be a scriptwriters delight. She's joined by 50s Wurling Waltzer Plaidy and Dodgy Dodgem Gary PeePee with his seat of your pants Helter Skelter buys. More Family fun in the style of Charles Manson. Is this going to be like Alton Towers or some Diddycoy Pikeyfest Pokehole? Auction is with dreadful Dully Southon who would struggle selling Mini Pops tickets to the Google-eyed transgressor and his ilk.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning, Sylvester McCoy's Doctor's Demented Sister
[Red Team Expert] Garry BB is PP
[Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
[Auctioneer] Catherine Southon, super posh, super dull, super useless
[Auction Location] Catherine Southon Auctioneers
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Not unattractive Cabin Crew and PhD student best friends. Poor s0d, he's probably whimpering in frustration.
(Challenge: Travel connection)
[Blue Team] Cleaning Sisters, not the Romeo cleaners, the Juliet cleaners
(Challenge: Animal related item)

The Shopping:
Reds: Knackered cold painted dog lighter (59) topend, Brass and slate restaurant menu (75) ouch bad burn, Reclining steaming chair lounger (78 Challenge), woodworm and a burn, ouch, bigger burn.
Blues: 1970s silver perfume bottle and funnel (38) topend, Pair of Italian replica 1960's Red Barcelona chair and stool (149) ouch burn, Black Forest treen bears (30 Challenge) burn.

The Distraction:
McWitch is off to the Fairground Heritage Centre. The old crone takes a trip on the Ghost Train, as soon as she enters the tunnel all the spooks, phantoms and ghastly apparitions flee out in terror. Next she goes into the Freak Show with a similar outcome. Whilst inside, she stumbles upon Muttley in a cage, he's be given the willies, and a collapsed Crumpled James Lewis after his customary night out.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Knackered cold painted dog lighter (largish loss), Brass and slate restaurant menu (loss), Reclining steaming chair lounger (big loss).
Gary's BB is a pair of Art Deco glass bottles, 1 Czech and 1 French (19), 20-30, 25. Small profit doesn't make up for the other dreadful items of the day.



Blues: 1970s silver perfume bottle and funnel (2 quid profit), Pair of Italian replica 1960's Red Barcelona chair and stool (huge loss), Black Forest treen bears (nice profit).
Plaidy's BB is an Art Deco French Agate clock (60), 100-150, 80, good item Plaidy, badly undersold by useless Dully.



The Aftermath:
Dully Southon was appalling. As wooden as her gavel, she failed to work the room, she barks out bids like a headmistress reading out notices during a school assembly. All the charm and charisma of Ann Widdecombe. Unfortunately, the Reds, featuring sizzling Red Girl, cue a Sid James Phwoaaarr, where did they find her, and her poor obedient friend, a PhD student, who is so far out of her League that you feel sad for the poor deluded, obviously frustrated, fool. Now, we turn to the poor deluded expert, Gary Peeeeeeeee, who delivers another 3-figure masterclass. The standout rubbish item was that lounger, which he didn't use to get Red Girl to show off her pins, which was burnt and riddled with worm. The lounger not the legs. Plaidy's Blues fared better but had a Gary moment with those Italian style replica chair and stool which made a big loss, not helped by Dully's patter. He did redeem himself with that excellent clock which should have made a ton but as usual, Dully totally undersold it.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Was looking forward to seeing Red Girl's gymnastic ability but McWitch cast her Legs of Lead spell and she barely reached par. McWitch's dizzy spell, probably explains the slurring, causes Gary and Plaidy to shoot their bolt early while everyone else just about makes par. McWitch barely bothers. What a mess.

​

 

Which one is the wooden sign?

 

I note the PhD in Frustration Studies appears to be aiming his own kick so that it prevents Our Imogen from elevating hers properly. It's a sort of sly c*ckblock to obstruct our viewing pleasure; he's trying to get his legover in more ways than one.

 

Poor Imogen; she must be so sick of grotty men trying to get her to sit on rapidly-extendable wood.

 

Heh heh

At one point in front of the lounger she said 'ooh, Gary convinced me in the end'. Thought I saw Phd shiver; doubtless thinking "yes, one day, *I* shall be The Convincer."
Poor sod. Imagine how many pilots will have landed on her in the meantime.

 

More sizzling summer hi jinx.

Stock question: Are you competitive?
Stock Answer: Yes

Easy, unimaginative challenges.

I wouldn't wear it myself, but I like it ???!!!!???

I wouldn't have it in my house. Red woman is a pain.

They give the rhubarb forcers a wide berth.

Some lovely knockers.

 

Red woman is not feeling it.

That Blue John pendant is nice but is it worth 200 notes?

 

Ah, we get to see Strict Natasha's Slit after her paper cutting.

 

Crumpled Lewis on duty! hurrah.

 

oooh, sauce!

 

"If that doesn't make a profit, I will retire," proclaims Morley Minor.
If only Gary Peeee would use that line...

 

Arseh0le parasol.

Rude stone deity, Tubby bin ware, Yup a Tubby Dud, yet again.

Yet another sh1tty pot. Jesus 90 quid profit for that. Big head scratch.

 

Hammy Bluebloke padding his part.

 

wtf!
That pot...
wtf!

 

Not my type at all.

No hips and a sharp pointy nose.

 

Both women get to work on Strict Natasha's slit. A glorious gaping hole is the end result. Pure ecstasy. Later that day, they do some paper cutting.

 

Is this more your type Clive?

 

Jings.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark 10
Bargain Hunt Series 63
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001fynr
Natasha Raskin Sharp and the teams seek out profitable antiques in Nottinghamshire with experts Thomas Forrester and Ochuko Ojiri before heading to Derby for today’s auction. Natasha discovers how an ancient Chinese craft is still popular 2,000 years later.

The Translation:
Today we explore the Art school known as P1ss Artistry. Cutting is involved as everyone will end up half cut and 3 sheets to the wind. It's hot and we're at the antiques fair in Newark with Strict Natasha, making sure she's taking on more liquid, today it's 5 pints of a Wee Heavy Belhaven ale. Keeping cool alongside is Commando Chuko and his rum cup, which he will wear later, and Tubby Thomas and his lager shandy, after half a pint, his head spins like Charlie and he's ready and waiting to dance the Gay Gordons, if young Gordy is up for it. Drinking 3 Owd Rogers as a Hair of the Dog is Crumpled James Lewis who's bleary bloodshot eyes betray a night spent collapsed round the back of the train station bike racks.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy
[Blue Team Expert] Ochuko Commando Chuko Ojiri, commando on top, let's hope he's not commando below.
[Auctioneer] Crumpled James Lewis
[Auction Location] Bamfords, Derbyshire
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Education Advisor and Teacher Brother & Sister
(Challenge: Art Deco item)
[Blue Team] Partners Travel Agent and Lecturer who met on a very Blind date.
(Challenge: Sporting connection)

The Shopping:
Reds: 1980s Japanese parasol to match Tubby's 2020s arseh0le (8) OK, Art Deco mantel clock minus pendulum (20 Challenge) done well, 9ct Gold and Blue John pendant (200) a bit too much.
Blues: Playworn/Loved i.e. Shabby, Doll's House (5) cheap, cheap, Bronze Foxy door knocker (19) OK, Early 20th century Mahogany Snooker scoreboard (75 Challenge) ouch. @Filbert , Blue bloke is a Foxes fan.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha discovers how some ancient Chinese crafts are still popular 2,000 years later. Yes, the ancient art of shi-tinth-estreet and poon-asty is still widely practised along with ure-in-pool, the great yellow river celebration, traditionally sprayed in local doorways and up against any vacant wall. Paper cutting came later to help clear up the mess with bespoke bog roll. Oh yes and we get to see Strict Natasha's gaping slit.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 1980s Japanese parasol to match Tubby's 2020s arseh0le (small profit), Art Deco mantel clock minus pendulum (nice profit), 9ct Gold and Blue John pendant (20 note loss), close to a Golden Gavel but no cigar.
Tubby's BB is a Rude stone deity rescued from a bin (50), 25-35, REJECTED, 25, got what it deserved. Another Tubby Dud.



Blues: Playworn/Loved i.e. Shabby, Doll's House (nice profit), Bronze Foxy door knocker (small profit), Early 20th century Mahogany Snooker scoreboard (loss). Another so near yet so far Golden Gavel miss.
Chuko's BB is Turkish Terracotta pot (40), 30-40, 130. Jesus, a huge profit for pure rubbish.



The Aftermath:
2 very close but not quite there Golden Gavels, make this a what might have been Auction. In other words, what might have been without the "help" of Tubby Thomas. Small profit for the Reds despite another dreadful Tubby BB. Utter rubbish. Blues almost sunk by the overpriced vintage snooker scoreboard but rescued by more garden planting pot crap with Chuko's BB which scored a big 90 quid profit. However, getting to see Strict Natasha's slit was a huge highlight and Tubby's p-sole a massive lowlight.



The Hi-Kick:
Conventional outdoor kick next to someone's shed. Excellent Growler-friendly head shots from Strict Natasha and Blue Girl. Good attempt all round, even Tubby Thomas does us proud. Chuko converts the try for the extra 2 points. Yes, YES!!

​

 

You can play or play with, snigger

Comes as a pair, more snigger

 

Is that Rebecca Adlington for the Reds? Poor bloke.

 

I didnt know alexei sayle was mayor of brackley

 

osama bin laden junior in charge of the auction.
Stand by for explosive action.

 

"trendy...then tat...then kitsch"
Rather splendid concise description of the circle of BH item life there from our terrorist friend

 

only a tenner for that monocular!!!

 

am not surprised 'france' was bidding 50 for it. we love those things here. very good for birdwatching.
What a bargain.

 

Aubrey de Grey (former colleague) is Today's Auctioneer.

 

A Screechy Golden Gavel.