Bargain Hunt

9-DVD Complete Set can be obtained from Amazon for around 15 notes. Absolute Bargain. SHHHHUUUUUTTTTTT UUUPPPP!!!!!!!

 

Very Special Easter Treat Legacy Addition.
This one is a corker and can be viewed on Facebook here: (https://www.facebook.com/watchserie...series-46-episode-6-london-9/608936986186318/) I cannot recommend it more highly. It would be a crime to miss it.
BBC approved preamble:
London 9
S46E06
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08d63v4
Available here: https://www.facebook.com/watchserie...series-46-episode-6-london-9/608936986186318/
Natasha Raskin Sharp is at the helm as two sisters take on a father and son in Kingston upon Thames. The reds go on a retro journey, while the blues haggle hard. David Harper and Christina Trevanion are on hand to guide the teams, but which of them will make the most profit at the auction in Newbury? Natasha also gets her hands on some evidence from a legendary crime.

The Translation:
It's a Mini Cooper intro with Strict Natasha. 2 sisters taking on a Father and Son up the Thames sounds all wrong. However, what sounds right is Tash presenting and another outing of Experting for the Steamstress. Will she be wearing her glasses in Horny Teacher/Pornstar Librarian mode again? Unfortunately, it's another outing for Archperv Harperv DayGlo and his neck fetish. A Tubby Thomas SOS Auction should ensue that everything ends on a sour note.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] David Harper
[Blue Team Expert] Christina Trevanion
[Auctioneer] Thomas Forrester
[Auction Location] SAS Newbury
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Sisters Cesca and Vicky, sounded like Tesco. Vicky is was a Jazz singer while the other is a failed popstrel.
[Blue Team] Father and son, Paul and Matt, Toby Jones and Toby Jones Jnr. Snr does bad impressions and makes bad jokes while Poet and singing Son Jnr can't believe his luck as to who their expert is.

​

The Shopping:
Reds: !960s Red Faux Leather Tub Chair with instructions (65) oooff 30-50, 1970s lights (110) ooofff ouch arrrgggghhhh 30-50, German child's plastic chair (50) oooofff 20-30.
Blues: Arts & Crafts Hexagonal Brass Mirror (18) really good 40-60, WWII Warden's Hooded Blackout Lamp now getting the attention (18) OK 20-30, Pair of 1901 Chester silver dishes (54) good 60-80.

The Distraction:
Natasha also gets her hands on some evidence from a legendary crime. With rule book and Red cards at the ready she'll be itching, let's hope it's not Thrush, to DQ something despite this being a pre-Challenge episode. Her insatiable need to DQ something is the reason the Challenges were brought in. Stone the crows and Lord Lubbaduck, Pie and Mash, with a real Pea Souper thrown in to boot, it's The Great Train Robbery. We'll be coming not very quietly. Or is this what we'll be saying to Christina?

​

The Auction:
Reds: !960s Red Faux Leather Tub Chair with instructions (55 loss), 1970s lights (95 loss), German child's plastic chair (40 loss).
DayPervs BB is a Retro 1960s Formica coffee Table with a weird pattern (50), Tubby hates it LOL 30-50, 12. A 38 note loss. I don't think I've seen a such a set of overpriced rubbish.

​

Blues: Arts & Crafts Hexagonal Brass Mirror (12 profit), WWII Warden's Hooded Blackout Lamp now getting the attention (10 profit) GG on, Pair of 1901 Chester silver dishes (4 loss) GG disappears in a puff of smoke.
Princess BB is an Art Deco cased Ivorine and Brass writing set (35), Tubby spunks all over it 30-50, 22. It loses 13 notes. A travesty.

​

The Aftermath:
Tash in Leathers. DayGlo perving with 2 sisters. Christina, looking fabulous as always, particularly during the shop, tag-teaming with a Father and Son. 4 horrendous and expensive items for DayPervs Reds, 4 reasonable and decent value items for the Steamstress Blues. A horrendous Tubby Auction-in-waiting which is subsequently delivered. A record breaking overall loss for DayGlo and the Reds. A loss of 228. Christina's Blues were so unlucky to just miss out on a Golden Gavel. Profits on the nice mirror and the WWII lamp and the Chester Silver reached an Auction Highest Bid of 50, but it was 4 notes short, so the GG was missed by 5. The nice writing set also made a loss but the Blues do take home a crisp fiver. A massive triumph in this place. Not quite Tubby's worst performance on the rostrum that's a combined loss of 229, but bad enough to not cover himself in even a hint of glory. This episode is available to view, see link above. I heartily recommend, no I command you to do so.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Superb head kick by Tash as expected. Everyone else just about hits par bar Blue Son. Really feeble attempt by Toby Jug Jnr. Mind, I think Christina had managed to steal all the Lead out of his pencil. Yes, YES!!

​

 

BH Fumetti Part I:
Mini Cooper model racing opening.

Tash wearing leathers.

DayGlo perving over the red females

Christina looking strict, that's a turn up, or should we say turn on.



Something involving a monopoly board for The Distraction

Did Tash say Tesco and Vicky for the Reds?

Toby Jones and Son for the Blues.



One of the Reds works for a mobile petting farm during the day and is a Jazz singer at night.

Don't tell DayGlo, he doesn't need that sort of encouragement.

Other Red singer is another failed Popstrel.



DayGlo gets his casting couch ready.

Toby Jnr has sung with the City of London Sinfonia and done a solo.

Later he will do another solo in front of the Princess.

Jnr is into his literature and writes poems. Ode to the Steamstress his new Muse no doubt.

Toby Dad does impressions. Oh Gawd.

He does Chris Tarrant. It's terrible. Tash has to laugh. It's in her contract.

Wow. Guess who looks superb. Yup. Correct. Let's hope with the power of our minds we get to see everything.



Red Birds mention quirky. They also mention miniature. Yup Dave will disappoint in that Department.



Christina's hooked herself onto Dad and Jnr straight away.



Lovely little squeal as she enters the Antique Shop.

A girl after my own heart.

Christina dislikes the word upcycling. She says all the right things.



Tash says they have to watch what they say as they might end up in Christina's naughty corner.

Where she'll mercilessly spank you no doubt. Yes, please.

It's too Black says one of the Red Birds about a seat.

Perhaps Dave will get them to try it out with him sat below.

One sister likes it and the other sister doesn't.

Dave trying to establish some rules and safe words.

Carry on looking she says. Don't worry, he will. The Old Perv.

Christina poses the question. Personally, I can't really say as I'm now sat, pinned under the Table.



Another pair ruined.



Jnr is already transfixed.

 

BH Fumetti Part II:
Lots of poking, fingering, rubbing, and rimming.

Brass rubbing now.

Yes, I think she would.



She's loving their speediness.

I loving her Jeans and Boots combo.



I like the hand says Red Sister. Don't encourage him.

Hands clasping a Ball. Let's get it out very slowly pants DayGlo.



RedBlonde confesses to breaking the fingers off the hand.

She must have a vice-like grip, perves Dave. His 1 remaining cranial hair turns grey and drops out.

Watch your slippery fingers Vicky says Tash. Gulp!!!

Blues pickup the mirror for 18 notes. Surely a profit.

The Blue piece sticks out, says Christina's Blues, and no doubt the purple piece will do as well.

Took the words right out of my mouth.



Oooh Faux Faberge Gold and blue guilloche enamel mini egg

Christina explains about charm bracelets.

Will we get to see her charms?

Toby Jones is trying to goad Christina. I think she's pretty unflappable.



Reds looking at tacky lights.

According to DayGlo every decade is hot at the moment.



WWII Warden's Hooded Black Out Lamp now getting the attention.

Warden's Hooded Black sounds like a kinky condom.

Christina now takes the piss out of Blue Dad regarding the WWII lamp, calling it a relic of his youth. Do you rememder it Dad? She subtley puts the boot in.

Princess: So, we've got this World War II warden's lamp, here, a relic from your youth, Dad. Do you remember it?
Toby D1ck: I wasn't even a twinkling in my mum's or dad's eye, actually!

Massive Dirty Laugh

 

BH Fumetti Part III:

Back to the Reds and DayGlo has a real eyeful of the Red sisters arses. What a dirty pervert!





He now wants them to try it out and sit on it.



!960s Red Faux Leather Tub Chair, with instructions, which say make sure you not left on your own with him.

Instructions on how to sit in a chair. People couldn't work it out.

Fark Me Blonde Bjork has now turned up.



Oh dear, the Reds have found some shocking lamps and I don't mean the stray mains wires hanging off them

No they are not cool David. They should be thrown into a skip.



Back with Christina.

We love these 2 objects says Toby Jug Jnr.

They're great for me and they're Chester says Lady Gorgeous. Yes, they most certainly are.



Pair of 1901 Chester silver dishes are now given full attention from someone's lovely hands.

If you squidge that, you can just feel a bit of flex in it, she says.

Boat-shaped little ...... man? Cough.



Looks like the Reds are buying the 3 shiiity lights. For 110!!! That's surely a loss. They are terrible.



Christina gives us a BH Fascist reply.



Another seat to try out for the Reds. Apart from his neck fetish, Dayglo has a chair fetish.

Blonde Bjork comes marching in.

German child's chair. The Wokesfuhrer would be having that.

They're running out of time so buy it for 50 notes. Go on get Blonde Bjork to shave a quid off it. Perhaps she doesn't shave. They don't even try and shave her.

Reds have spent 225. DayGlo is always good at spending other buggers money.

He thinks he's trendy. No, you're just a sad old perv.

The Blues have adopted Christina. Are they going to keep her locked in the box room foe evenings, weekends, and birthdays?

They've only spent 90 notes.

Dear Lord, thank you for answering my prayers.

 

BH Fumetti Part IV:
Distraction Time. It's 1963 and it's Great Train Robbery Time.

Altogether now, "Ronnie Biggs was doing time, 'til he done a bunk"

How dare they rob the Royal Mail they said in the 1960s.

How dare the Royal Mail rob us they say in the 2020s.

Phwoar real cockerknee villains thinks Tash.



Lots of low camera shots today. I'm not complaining.



Ha The Robbers Played Monopoly with Real Money and left their fingeprints all over the board and cash. DOH!!!



Send out the SOS it's Tubby Time.

Is that the Plastic Tutankhamun Mask from the earlier Celebs In Need Special? I think it is.



He expresses mild surprise over the price they paid for the Red Chair.



He's not so sure over the lamps.

Tash: bejewelled - copper and steel ceiling lamp was the business. What do you think?
Tubby: Yeah, the jewels in it just make it. Otherwise it's simply ghastly. I mean, there is no sign of quality to them at all. I mean, they are teardrops because I am crying looking at them.

LOL

Tubby gives them all very conservative estimates. This is going to be a Bloodbath for the Reds, which Blood invariably is.

More Tat for DayGlo's BB, a 50 note retro Formica coffee table. It might give Tubby a heart attack.



Tash: What do you think?
Tubby: I think David has surpassed himself with this.
Tash: In a positive or a negative way?
Tubby: In an absolutely negative way. It is horrific. Do you know, this Formica is the only stuff that remained after the bombs dropped. It is cockroaches, rats and Formica.
Tash: What about the pattern?
Tubby: Ghastly.

Do Christina's Blues fare better? Yup, much more positive about these. The 3 items come under the valuation.

The item that Christina has in her hands for her special is very purple. Snigger. She laughs very dirtily when this is pointed out. It's actually an Art Deco cased writing set. 35 notes. That's OK. It's a dusky pink and so is the writing set.

Only Tubby can fark this up now. Brace yourselves says Tash.

The Red's faux leather chair. Dutch Auction start. They all wince. Big 55 loss. Cracking start.

Now the shiiitiest of shiiit lights. Dutch start at 10. LOL. They sell for 15. 95 loss. LOL.

Now the Tiny Chair. It goes for a tenner. LOL. 40 note loss. It sells so quickly that it catches Tash out who's trying to keep track of the ensuing cricket score.

The BB only needs to lose a tenner to reach the dreaded minus 200. The really low watermark.

No bidders LOL. DayGlo sarcastically tells Tubby to drop it to 5. Tubby starts again at a crisp fiver and jovially pokes the room to raise the bid to 12. Thump sold. 38 note loss. Glorious 228 GBP loss for the Reds. Outstandingly Bad. It may be a record. Just checking. Wow it is. It's the worst ever loss we've ever recorded beating the previous worst: S48 Anglesey 14, Tubby as Expert, Chris Large Auction, -196. They haven't just beaten it. They've buried it deep into the Earth's Core by an extra 32 notes. Absolutely hilarious. It has to be seen to be believed. Pervy Dave sulks for England.

Now we've got Christina's Blues.

The Mirror looks nice. It takes a while but eventually one of the slow coaches in the room bids 30. Sold for a 12 note profit.

The Put That Light Out Warden's Light. Yes, it sneaks to 20. 2 notes in front. It finishes on 28. A tenner profit and the GG is on.

Give us a kiss Honeybunch.



Now the silver. Will the Auction Gods smile? No they don't, it falls just short at 50. 4 notes short. The GG fades into the distance. To be fair Tubby did try but the Skinflints weren't budging. It's the only item to have sold for more than 15 notes so far. What a terrible Audience.

Art Deco writing set time. It's a lovely piece is the phrase. Yes she has, is the immediate thought. It starts at 20 and crawls up to 22. It loses 13 quid. Ridiculous really. What a shiiit Auction. The Blues end taking home a fiver. If only they could take Archloveliness home too, which would be more than adequate compensation.

It's a 5 pound profit, a Lady Godiva. Hmmm, Christina as Lady Godiva where we see everything. Make it so.

 

Sat on my shed shelf as I write.

 

Sterling fumetti work from Reg above!
Plenty to keep us going over Easter.
Others scoff chocolate, we gorge on Christina.

 

Proof from Reg that today did warrant moog's ejaculations:
"record profit for Catherine as an expert and a record total overall profit of 135 for Colin Young too. "

 

Blah blah The Weather. We will be having some.

The Fool, Tubby, lovely Steph and a Christie Auction.

Antique Centre Boo.

Retired Teaher. He sings in a choir of Micks.

Twaaat in the Hat alert for the Blues.

Covid Longhair Episode.

Tubby looking like Rolf Harris.

Long flowing hair suits Steph.

Bears a signature/Bears a face

Meating in the middle. Snigger.

Tubby bullshiiiting away as usual.

Will he get his didgeridoo out?

Charl-eh likes a drink.

Did Ronnie O'Sullivan play with his cue?

Look at the faces, does antyhing take your fancy says Steph.

You most certainly do my dear.

Tubby loves the rusty lamp. Avoid then.

Ruth Davidson Centre Manager.

Hat twaaat is called Xander. Well that fits.

Tubby Rolf has a real eye for tat.

Almost a 69 for Steph. Did the tongue slip?

Other Centre Manager is wearing a sheet of Graph Paper.

I'm sure Tubby makes plenty of time for a large breakfast.

 

Soap crates. Ideal Squeak items.

They are very fragrant like the lovely Blue Expert.

Local items. Half price. 5 for 25. That's OK.

Finland is not Scandi you idiot Tubby Rolf.

Measure for how much wine you've drunk. How Red your nose has got.

Glass Vase looks like the European Cup Winners Cup trophy.

Real pedigree says Tubby pointing to a tin of dog food.

The dithering Blues have had to rush their big spend.

Covid phone the dealer lottery.

Reds have overspent thanks to Rolf Tubbis.

He loves a Marmalade Sabdwich or more accurately a whole plate of them in one sitting.

Steph's Blues have some risky items. Crates should be fine but the speedometer and mirror are a gamble.

Steph looking to find something pretty and wooden. I'm sure something will come to hand. Cough.

Charl-eh meets Norman and his church.

ABC holiday = Another bloody cathedral/church.

Treasure of Abbot Thomas stained glass window. Beware of an MR James style blob monster known as Tubby Thomas.

Thank you Rosemar-eh.

Christie loves the lamp. Shame it's not gaassssssss.

Nice pot to finger.

Scandi object to toy and play with like those exchange students.

Speedometer doesn't work.

The crates are a guaranteed ptofit.

Brown furniture mirror. Doom and gloom.

 

Was that Elton on the phone.

Lamp wipes its arse.

Clarice Cliffe marmalade pot.

Will you come 70 slathers Ashley.

No, it flops.

Manndy wants more.

Glass makes a loss too.

Tubby BB is a huge sack truck. 130. Are you having a larf?

Another Tubby Dud!.

A bit riiiich hisses Gassssssley.

Starts at 40 and stalls at 45. LOL. 85 loss.

Reds -115. The usual for Tubby. God he's crap.

Blues next.

Speedo being sold by the ...... cough. Loss.

Crates make a profit.

Criminal says Ashley. Yes you are.

Mirror loses 10.

We need Steph. Yup

Steph has a pretty box. Cough.

It's the wine thing from earlier. 60 notes. Let's see.

We're in the right area, his basement?

90 notes. Steph squeals in delight.

Losses wiped out and a 2 note profit acquired. Good work Steph that place is often the Profits Graveyard.

Boo Blue mother blocks a Steph sneaky peak.

 

Thomas off his trolley

 

You know what, I'd feel exactly the same.



What kind of spell does McWitch hold over Paul Laidlaw. Where did you say the car keys were again?

 

We babbled before last March ..........

Reg:
Take that cap off you're indoors you idiot. Xander. What a kn0b.

He overwinds and breaks a clock.

Aren't they going to buy anything?

Bloody crates.

Fiver each. Probably a profit in that. Former local company too.

Tubby overspend?

Moog:
Tw@ in a hat on the blues team.

Bet he plays the ukulele, loves Korean pop music and only eats 'Street food' from pop up markets in Shoreditch

Reg:
Xander. What a tool.

Moog:
Charlie looking a bit lockdown dishevelled. Needs a barber.

Rotten old truck from Tubby. 135. Worth every penny of the 35.

Reg:
Sack truck Tubby disaster incoming.

It's only someone else's money.

45 LOL. A disaster.

Awful Auction. Skinflint Central.

Criminal says the Transgressor. Yes you are.

Nice instrument but I can't see the Misers spending more than 30 notes.

Moog:
45 quid. Better than I though. Utter gash from the tubster

Who wants a crap broken clock for 70 notes?
Nobody? Oh but Xander liked it.

Professor Yaffle doing his best to get some stagnant bidders to come to life.

Who wants an ugly old mirror like the one you had to take to the tip when you cleaned out your grandma's house after she passed?

Steph has a brass enema kit

Xander 'loves it'
He's just so zany and quirky
What a legend
Sorry, *******

Reg:
Lovely looking thing, he says gazing at the playground.

Steph to the rescue.

Rapid wrap-up.

OT78:
goggle-eyed auctioneer does try very hard, tbf.

persuasive cajoler, continually pushing reluctant punters to swallow his goods.



hmmmm!

oh dear. tubby vs steph ended up like MU v LFC the other day.

 

No, more like Jarvis Cocker trying to be Paul McCartney.

 

She's is very tidy.

 

Re-up from last March with some additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Brackley 6
Series 59
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000y2v6
Charlie Ross and experts Thomas Forrester and Stephanie Connell go antique-hunting in Brackley, Northamptonshire, before heading to Stratford-upon-Avon for today’s auction. Charlie seeks illumination about the life of Victorian designer Charles Kempe, famous for his stained glass.

The Translation:
The posh fool Charl-eh Ross drones on about someone called Norman Saxon and how he wanted a market stall in Brackley or something like that. He gets very confused these days. Helping him mop the drool from his chin are Matron Tubby Thomas, bursting out of his uniform, and lovely Sister Steph to help mop fevered brows. He'll finish off recovering at the Auction where Mark Ashley, the goggle-eyed transgressor, will show off photos from his nudge-nudge-wink-w@nk collection.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy, bursting his fly for Britain
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Mark Ashley, lurking down the road in a lay-by, offering sweets and lifts to view non-existant puppies. The gas mask will be waiting.
[Auction Location] Bigwood Fine Art Auctioneers, Stratford-upon-Avon
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Married Teacher couple
(Challenge: Bears a signature)
[Blue Team] Retired mother and IT Engineer cap wearing numpty son
(Challenge: With a face)

The Shopping:
Reds: Edwardian copper and brass oil lantern (35) good, Clarice Cliff Crocus marmalade pot (85 Challenge) topend, Scandi Kosta Boda Linstrand glass vase (50) OK.
Blues: Vintage Jaeger car clock (68 Challenge) struggle, Set of 5 Bronnley soap wooden crates (25) big bargain make hay, 19th Century mahogany dressing table mirror (80) topend.

The Distraction:
The posh idiot, mis-hears what's going to be discussed and is ready for some Camp Charles glorious stained arse inspired by John Thomas. He overstimulates, his eyes glaze over, his head spins and he rabidly froths at the mouth. Time for the tablets and a lie down in the crypt.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Edwardian copper and brass oil lantern (evens stevens), Clarice Cliff Crocus marmalade pot (loss), Scandi Kosta Boda Linstrand glass vase (loss).
Tubby's BB is an Early 20th Century sack truck (130), 60-80, 45. LOL. A Tubby disaster.

​

Blues: Vintage Jaeger car clock (largish loss), Set of 5 Bronnley soap wooden crates (nice profit), 19th Century mahogany dressing table mirror (small loss).
Steph's BB is a the earlier viewed French wine ebullioscope (60), 40-60, 90. Well done Steph. Bang on form.

​

The Aftermath:
Crappy Auction from the Goggle-eyed transgressor. Online auction with potential telephone bidders but his mild sarcasm doesn't bring forth confidence. Surprise surprise. Tubby's Reds make no profits and he claims the spunked-it-up-the-wall cup with an overpriced wooden sack barrow that would take itself to the municipal dump. It tanks just as we expect. Tubby's profit balloon bursts like his shirt and the habitual crappy Tubby 3-figure loss results. Steph had a struggle with some of the Blue Team, a car clock and mirror had loss written all over them, particularly when Xander the cap wearing monkey overwound the clock until a bad sound was heard. The Bronnley soap crates had a couple of freebies and would easily make the asking price as fire wood. They made a decent profit but should have made more. However, she showed her mettle by haggling a good price on her ebullioscope BB which made an excellent profit resulting in a 2 note overall profit.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Final Hi-Kick is an outside breezy Covid diagonal special on uneven grass, a bit uncoordinated but everyone gets close to par before they get blown away. Tubby Thomas in Purple Pants Probe. Yes, YES!!

​

 

wonderfully firm-chested and authoritative reply-salute from our NSBHP poster girl! strength through joy indeed.



~~~ 'Schnäppchenjagd macht frei!' ~~~

 

great RegGrab:

 

Sunday...

A bear, but with a growler. (Tavistock label?) Stacey must've unhappily uncovered one of those before.

Comedy clapping for punning presenter from lovely Liz.

Redbloke is a moonlighting Mike Leigh? Needs the winnings cos no-one pays to watch his miserable movies. Bluebloke is Mark Ruffalo if he'd let himself go.

Ooooh! Dramatic explosion for the card table! Very pleasing. Great thing.

 

Disability-dissing Anita channelling Lennon...

 

Good episode today.
Stacey relished trying to come from behind.

 

Uncle Eric The Longhair with Bawley, Sarky, and Auntie Liz.

Arrrrrrrrggghhh, Grunt. We're in Norfolk.

Growler. Snigger.


Father and Daughter. Dad looks like he's been working the bins.

Married BAME Box-ticked Blues

Is Bawley going to say BOOOO!!!!

No, not this time. She just shocks them with her outfit.

Edwardian Silver/Victorian item.

It's one of the Covid ring the dealer antique centre.

Pillbox. With machine guns?

I like the way I can move the drawers.

I don't think they'll get 75 for the barometer.

Does that mean it makes a sound. Yes, it growls.

Sounds like indigestion quips Sarky.

Even with Bawley socially distancing, it encourages her to shout more and wear something even more rancid.

It looks like she's stuck her head down a toilet, added Domestos, and then given a full flush. Styling by Crapper and T Luck-Duck.

Interesting fact about why cinema seats are red.

Red fabric was used for cinema and theatre seating because red is the first colour we lose in low light, so as the lights go down, the seats appear to disappear.

Thank you for that Eric.

Brown furniture card table. Is that good?

Sarky's found a glass P-P-P-P-Penguin.

240 for the card table. Big loss incoming for the Reds.

Quirky mentioned by Blue bloke. Get the taser out.

Binware cupboard, silver Vesta, and that very, very, very, very expensive card table.

Urgh. Just got a view of Eric's greasy Barnet.



Blues, barometer, bear, b-glass penguin

Blue Wife says Quirky. @Clive_ofthe_Kremlin your gun please.

Blah, blah, North Enders, blah, fishing quarters, blah, incest, blah, inbreeding, blah, blah, deformities, blah, Tory MPs.

Bad Luck to learn to swim!!! Bad Luck not to learn to swim being near water and on a boat. Not the brightest.

Eric salivates over stinky fish.

Time for Auntie Liz Diss.

She like the binware cabinet.

She applauds Eric's puns.

She loves the card table but it's not worth much. Disaster incoming.

Blues now. She lives the barometer. Another market that's suppressed.

Teddy gets thumbs up.

She likes the penguin too. Bargain.

He makes her laugh with his non-flying Penguin joke.

Reds up.

I think my dinner's coming up with a full unprotected view of Eric's Mullet starter.



Profit on the skip rescued cabinet. A fiver.

Vesta case, profit again. GG on, but it won't happen over the card table.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. It hots 250. It's a Golden Gavel. Well, I never!!!


Hawley BB is a shiittty enamel chamberstick. 4 notes. It'll make a profit.

Yup, it makes 6 notes. 28 notes and a Golden Gavel.

Blue Barometer time.

50 so a 25 loss.

Teddy drops, not in an erotic way.

Penguin time. It makes 36. Dents the overall loss.

Sarky's BB is the orange leather camel the Reds almost bought. 35 notes. Let's see.

Straight in at a profit. 50 notes. 15 profit means an Overall of -9. Not too bad.

Surprisingly entertaining.

Foghorn almost ends up getting her foot stuck in her gaping gob.

 

Bingo, spot on. I remember somebody once mentioning that they were walking out of a regular cinema screening of some film at the BFI at the South Bank once, and the bloke next to him started talking about what they'd just seen. It was Mike Leigh.

 

After seeing Eric's hair, he came over all queer.

 

It was on last August and we had an august chat about it ........

Reg:
Uncle Eric talking about North Enders.

Oh it says with Growler. Yup get that leg right up.

We've got big personalities. Yes, you're both fatties.

Blue Bloke reminds me of the Benny Hill Chow Mein character.



Leather camel dust gatherer.

I like the size of him says Sarky.

Oh dear, Liz loves the card table but is very pessimistic on the state of the market. Another potential Hawley Howler.

FARK ME SIDEWAYS !!!!!

You can see why they chose to show this episode.

The unlikeliest Golden Gavel for the Reds.

Poor Hawley's neighbours they'll be given sleepless nights after she celebrates this victory.

Sarky's BB is the bright leather camel rejected by the Reds earlier. LOL.

Hawley almost takes her own head off with the kick at the end.

Another decent episode.

OT78:
Redbloke looked like he was in Four Lions.
Fab penguin.
Foghorn kick terrifying.
Cracking feature. Lovely bit of cottaging from Eric.

Get Auntie Liz in for England manager. Great results guaranteed, and she's got the requisite lesbian spinster look.

 

Re-up from last August with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Kings Lynn 3
Series 59
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000zpcd
Eric Knowles heads to the Norfolk’s biggest antiques centre. With expert help on hand from Caroline Hawley and Mark Stacey, the red and blue teams compete in Kings Lynn to see who can buy the most profitable three items to take to auction. Eric visits Trues Yard Museum to find out about Kings Lynn’s once vibrant fishing community.

The Translation:
Poor Uncle Eric, I don't know what he's done to deserve this. Packed off to a West Norfolk Plaguetown during a Pandemic. Still it might mean less sightings of the web-handed, mono-browed flat-foreheaded folk at the dawn of a new freak show birth eruption when this is all over, ie. more or less now. At least he'll be able to keep the vacant hoards subdued with Jeri Coe-Bawley's soothing cacophony and the lurking more sinister threat of Sarky Marky in his vintage Matron's uniform. Was there anyone around to check that his Juvenille Recovery Clinic was indeed genuine and not a hastily extended secluded attic at the top of some creepy stairs. Auction is with Auntie Liz in some Hall in The Land That Time Forgot, whose sharp wits will be needed if the the Norfolk Niggards play true to form.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, sausage gobbler
[Red Team Expert] Caroline Gawd Blindus Hawley, premiering an exclusive from her Cane Toadstool Flashing Lights range
[Blue Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist, he has been known to enjoy a pansy, particularly after dark, in his attic.
[Auctioneer] Elizabeth Talbot, sounds like and looks like a Jane Austen extra. Auntie Liz.
[Auction Location] TW Gaze, Diss, Norfolk twinned with Datt in Germany
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Property Repair Manager Father and Web-handed student Daughter.
(Challenge: Piece of Edwardian silver)
[Blue Team] Married Sales Manager Hubby and Teacher, doesn't say what, wifey (BBC BAME box ticked)
(Challenge: Useful Victorian)

The Shopping:
Reds: Contemporary shabby chic cupboard (25) OK, 1904 Birmingham Edwardian silver vesta case (28 Challenge) OK, Mahogany inlaid Envelope Card table (240 Gulp) ooof, Liz Loves it but current market not good.
Blues: Victorian carved and stained oak aneroid barometer (75 Challenge) might struggle, Teddy bear with growler (50) topend, Glass penguin (12) Bargain.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric visits Liz Truss Yard Museum a part of Scotland Yard for the criminally insane to learn about the vibrating fish community. It's like the Fortune Telling fish, the staple offering of many Christmas Crackers and countless later arguments. You take the vibrating fish, shove it into the nearest orifice and wait for the pearls of wisdom spewed forth, normally it's a loud Vote Conservative, at this centre of progress.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Contemporary shabby chic cupboard (small profit), 1904 Birmingham Edwardian silver vesta case (small profit) surely no chance of a GG, Mahogany inlaid Envelope Card table (profit) Bugger me sideways, straight in at 260. A most unlikely GG.
Shrieky Blindus BB is a Shabby enamelled chamberstick (4), 5-10, 10. It's a profit. Foghorn will be unbearable.

​

Blues: Victorian carved and stained oak aneroid barometer (largish loss), Teddy bear with growler (largish loss), Glass penguin (12).
Sarky Sinistra, The Creepy Crooner's BB is the Bright leather camel rejected by the Reds earlier (35), 20-30, Liz likes it apart from the colour, 50. It pulls in a decent profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Tightarse Norfolk Antiques Centre, won't even shave an extra quid off. Post-Apocalyptic Auction room with Auntie Liz and a bloke in front of a screen. It looked and felt bleak. Then all of a sudden the stars aligned for the Reds, profits on everything including on the 240 note inlaid mahogany card table in a suppressed furniture market. It was a nice item and it deserved to make a profit. Jericho will be insufferable now as she shakes the foundations of her street celebrating this victory with hubby John like all her birthdays have come at once. Poor old John, he played in a mediocre Arsenal team and now he'll have to get new hearing aids after this. Such an unlikely Golden Gavel and a 28 note profit. The Blues had no such luck and had the expected loss making experience on the decent barometer and an Edward Bear with growler. There was a glint of a silver lining as the smart glass penguin made a good profit and the bright orange leather camel, rejected by the Red Team earlier, made a few quid which almost dragged them to an overall profit but they fall 9 notes short. Another entertaining episode with the always good value Auntie Liz.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid longhair diagonal special. Foghorn is up so early and high she almost sticks her foot down her gaping gob. Everyone else hits par with Uncle Eric being unusually late. Yes, YES!!

​

 

monday...

Asian Special! With Roo in regal outfit!

She's now talking about "the joy of wearing silks" from her "personal collection".
Prepare the indian silver jugs for our 'special ghee'...

 

Some intriguing items in a surprisingly enjoyable compilation...definitely in the Relics and Odds 'n' Sods league (as opposed to, say, the skipware bin housing K-Tel's Best of Bowie)

 

It's an Asian Special with our Special Asian, the delightful Roo.

She's either says grab a couple or cuppa.



Kenny Williams is going to be on.



Tubby says Heil.



Gary Peeeeeeee is on. Disaster incoming. Perhaps not as it's a special.

Too heavy and dark says Dail Mail reading Blue biddy.

Bingo in full Bingo gear gets his harpoon ready for Red Whale.



DayGlo now. Handshake for the Blue Bloke, lingering grope for the Blue Bird.



1970s German Porn Performer Erich Knobless



Very old Chinese ceramics. They will need re-educating.

Some parlance explained by Plaidy.
Plaidster: Now, Tom, you call that shabby. In the trade, we call that patination.
Blue Bloke: Patination?
Plaidster: Yeah.



Johnny Depp flogs them a Table and eyes up Blue Bird.



Raj on now fingering silver receptacles.

The Bird who shaved her hair for charity is on now.



It was a good looking piece says Roo. Yes you are choruses everyone else.

Keep watching she says. Yup, eyes glued.

Achtung it's the Wokesfuhrer. Heil-o he extorts.



What about a vice says Red Bird.

BDSM, water sports, leather, Nazi chic? All of them together?

Japanese screen. An Axis alliance maybe.

Roo loves silk.

Unfortunately, we don't get a parade of our fave presenters parading in silk.

The Fool talks Kimono's.

 

Weed pattern Kimono



We he be loved long time. Which in Japan would br pricey.

1932 Los Angeles inspired Olympic Kimono. Nice.



Oh dear Muttley and McWitch with Gary's find. I'll spare you the visual details. Amazingly, a Gary item at a Serrell Auction makes a 30 profit.

Now we're back at Colditz in Chippenhma.

It's one of the guards Corporal Terry Bull-Teeth.



Bingo, Red Whale, and Tight T1tty Topped Tash. Lovely.



Now Christie and The Squeak talking about squealing.

The Vase that DayGlo spunked 75 on, only makes 15. The usual from the Gaslighter and the Auction of gaaaassssssss.





I've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve but never seen anyone put their pussy there.



Bourne End with Hugo. Instant money maker. Kenny Williams and Pete Waterman both here to fill their boots.



Tubby next. Skip.

Plaidy selling the Weeks' screen. Will the Eagles and Panzer tanks put the buyers off?

Michael Caine, Harry's Dad, puts in a bid.



Roo's giving us a Countdown, 10 ... 9 .. 8 .. 7 ... 6 ... 5 keep going .... 4 .... 3 ... 2 get ready 1 ...... Yes, YEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

 

As usual, the commentary out-entertains the programme.

If only the 'DVD-extras' industry would hire Reg...

 

wouldn't we all like one of these...