[RUMOUR] Gregoire Defrel

Surely on Bargain Hunt, the older the stuff, the more valuable it is? Not that I’ve ever watched it. That’s why Kalu was so damn expensive.

 

Erm Kalu was only 17 when we signed him...

 

Wait. We signed Kalu in 1996?

 

Samuel Kalu is like a Greek God - he ages outside the scope of mortal time.
1996 for you could be yesterday for him.

 

Well we certainly have a type.

 

The shots and touches in the box figures are incredibly low for both

 

Can't even get in the Martinique national squad says it all really.

 

Wasn’t that Zager and Evans?

 

I thought it was Perry Como?

 

The Carpenters?

 

Beatles ?

 

This is because Samuel Kalu travels so fast, at speeds approaching that of the speed of light, that for him time travels more slowly. For an observer, it appears that hundreds of years have past since his debut, but for Kalu it is mere weeks.

 

You see, we could have got him for £23m in 2018, or wait 6 years until he’s 34 and get him for pennies. Gino’s done it again. Genius.

 

When you’re in a race of 1, you’re in both pole position and at the back of the grid.

 

What ‘hilarious’ nickname are we going to give this one? I’m going for ‘Keith’. One syllable, easy for the weirdos.

 

Babe, wake up, new Ranegie just dropped