Bargain Hunt

Chatty foreign Bluebird dead ringer for Basia from Matt Bianco.
Expert Steph did well enough to obviate the need for a facetious Don't Blame It On That Girl gag.

 

Small overall loss in Norfolk is not a disaster. Makes Steph's profit all the more impressive.

 

That bloody napkin ring!

 

For the sake of posterity the Royal Crown Derby Napkin Ring, sold for 3notes. Lowest ever sale for an item. Normally, they don't accept anything below 5/10 notes, but this is Norfolk.

 

BBC approved preamble:
King's Lynn 23
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001hr6m
Charlie Ross presents today’s show from an antiques centre in King’s Lynn in Norfolk. Experts Raj Bisram and Stephanie Connell are on hand to help the red and blue teams make a profit on the antiques they are taking to auction. Charlie visits the North Sea coast to discover how a devastating flood led to a safer Britain.

The Translation:
Charl-eh is once again in another s0dd1ng antiques centre, this time in King’s Lynn in Norfolk. Oooo-arrrrr. Once again it's Dr Evil and Our Steph as the experts so will it be a Red/Blue Profit/Loss see-saw auction. Well it's in Diss again but as it's this recent series it won't be Auntie Liz but Treepants Jr, Timpole's baldy brother. Profits will be at a premium as it's Penny Pinching Norfolk where the small change is held on with a vice-like grip.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie The Tool Ross
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Ed Taxil-Webber, Timpole's younger less hirsuite brother, Treepants Jr.
[Auction Location] Diss, Norfolk twinned with Datt in Germany
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired married couple. Ricky Gervais is Red bloke. They make a bowling analogy.
(Challenge: 20th century glass)
[Blue Team] Married Engineering manager and foreign female finance executive Wifey.
(Challenge: Bone china)

The Shopping:
Reds: 2 Art Deco glass perfume bottles (45 Challenge) bit steep, Chipped autumnal glass dish (12) OK, Georgian-style mahogany corner cupboard (75) topend.
Blues: Set of 3 scent bottles (90) topend, Royal Crown Derby bone china napkin ring (5 Challenge) struggle, Garden jardiniere (15) profit.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh finds out about a stormy night in 1953 on the Norfolk coast. No, not his escapades in a B&B will the landlady and her daughter when he was a whippersnapper, but some extreme weather before global warming had even been invented. He learns about anti-exposure suits which he will need later as he has broken the fly on his trousers.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 2 Art Deco glass perfume bottles (small loss), Chipped autumnal glass dish (small profit), Georgian-style mahogany corner cupboard (loss).
Raj's BB is the seen earlier Papier mache, mother-of-pearl chess table (70), REJECTED 70-90, 70. Evens stevens for Dr Evil.



Blues: Set of 3 scent bottles (large profit), Royal Crown Derby bone china napkin ring (small loss), Garden jardiniere (nice profit).
Steph's BB is a Newhall bone china porcelain bowl and saucer (20), 25-35, 40. Nice profit, good find Steph.



The Aftermath:
Bit of a crap auction today with Treepant's younger brother in shekel-pinching Norfolk. Raj's Reds fortunes were ultimately determined by his panic furniture buy which made a loss to take the Reds to a small overall loss. His BB was a earlier viewed table, which even he thought might not a profit. It didn't, it broke even. Steph had a very good day, cheap napkin ring probably recorded the lowest ever sale on BH, 3 notes, but still made a 2 pound loss, which torpedoed the Golden Gavel. They probably would have accepted a bid of 1 p as it's Norfolk and every penny is guarded and accounted for. Made nice profits on all the other items, particularly the collection of scent bottles which sold for a large profit online. With a tidy BB making a profit it was a near 3-figure overall profit for the triumphant Blues.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Generally pretty good, apart from Steph's little flick. Perhaps she's aware that the Growlerometer is in full operation. Medusa Red woman impresses with a full Growler kick. Does Ricky Gervais realise he's married to an absolute monster? Yes, YES!!

​

 

She was a guest at one of the London Euro Fest film festivals in the 1990s. Such a classy lady.

 

The version you really wanted was the 3-disc Hard Banana Limited Edn, restored from a 35mm print discovered in a Barcelona bordello.

To think he finished the editing of Orson Welles Don Don Quixote and released it in 1992. There's a great at home interview with him and his wife Lina Romay where they chainsmoke the whole time (2-3 hrs) like only the Spanish know how to.

 

The superb Channel4 series Eurotika, had an episode, So Sweet, So Perverse, featuring Ms Lahaie and others in one of the episodes you can watch on youtube:

 

Super Sweaty Edition today. Tash, Roo and Dayglo. No doubt the McMisers will be out in force in the Auction.

Strict Natasha proudly displays here gaping ring.

Ah, "Colleagues".

Auction with super dull Gavin Tabernacle.

BH Virgin expert Roo.

Plenty of Scottish haggling.

Gamers are a bit on the slow side. Too much puffing on the Bong no doubt.

What a poor negotiation. Ended up paying top dollar. Idiot.

Red bloke has 2 ladies almost arm in arm. He must think it's his lucky day.

 

Harper really is an irritating ****. Hoping the Reds win today.

 

Did she say colonic when referring to the enormous ring?

Fergie nosed Scot giving some advice on quoits.

Drinking Man's nose.

Hippy generation not interested in Quoits.

Tash making an old man very happy.

Next time wear a short skirt Lassie says Boyd.

Excellent a Binatine tatastic game.

Sniffing the box now.

Woolworth nostalgia.

Almost Roo with some beads. Choke, sweat.

Had to prise the money out of Red Bloke's hand.

 

Chipshop Thompson the Scottish Krackern.

Dreadful tightfisted valuing.

This is going to be a Tsunami.

Roo will be "working" overtime to make up this loss.

Scots Scrooge has undervalued Roo's BB.

What's with the Countdown background music.

Terrible Auction.

Awful Conquistador stirrup from earlier.

 

What's this letting them know the state of play prior to the bonus buy nonsense ???

 

I've switched off today. Utterly boring episode.

 

Roo brings in both her Bonus Buys. Red Bloke can't explain why this has happened. It must be the cold weather. Never mind, Red Bird has Roo as her new "colleague".

 

It was one of those so bad it's good. Roo and Strict Natasha are always a pleasant distraction. Have to laugh at what a terrible auction house that is. Up there with Pompey, Waistcoat, and Muttley's. Superb Hi-Kick at the end too, one of the best ever.

 

It's much bigger than yours! I told you, it's the cold weather and the stressful work keeping my eye on those frisky 6th formers.

 

I predict Monster Losses along with a Monster portion of chips for lunch.

 

haha, Slur Alex was my first thought too.
Didn't put Tash off her game, though.
Won't be the first time she's had purple-headed throbbing appendages inches from her face.

 

Ben Gunn bids for the Asprey make-up brush. He's going for a makeover later on that afternoon.

 

Poor Peggy Mount!
She was lusting after that little powder brush too, bless her.
I think you'll need more than a bit of blusher to fix that fizzog, dear.

 

I can't hold out any longer. Uuuuurrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

Shocker from Roo. Great to see her with her hair up for once, though.
Perhaps she was cursed by what looked an SS death's head special blingring on her finger.

 

Nostalgia rush seeing that Binatone Pong.
Transported straight back to 1977, Disappointments subsection.
Literally minutes of fun.
No match for 'Buccaneer'.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Edinburgh 14
Bargain Hunt Series 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00069jm
Natasha Raskin Sharp hosts another episode of the show where the red and blue teams go hunting for items they can sell for a profit at auction. On hand to help out are experts Roo Irvine and David Harper. Natasha has a challenge for the fairgoers when she asks them to identify a mystery ringed object. Still none the wiser, she seeks out quoiting champion Boyd Falconer for the answer, and Boyd challenges her to a game of this forgotten sport.

The Translation:
After Norfolk yesterday, the penny pinching continues unabated in Jockular Edinburgh. Naturally, it will be presented by Strict Natasha and the Scottish flavour enhanced with the delightful Roo Irvine. That just leavies the token Sassenach to travel past Hadrian's picket line into the Land of the Sweaties. It's Dayglo Dave, the Teeside Turtle-necked Tat Trouserer. No doubt they'll be attempting to extract minimal profits from the stll holders at the Royal Highland Centre. Good luck to that. Auction will no doubt in the Rosewell Penny Pinchers Palace with the bumfluffed Gross Pervert, under the tutelage of Sybelle "I'll have everything with chips" Thomson. Profits will be meagre on anything that can't be eaten, drank, smoked, injected, or hoovered up their nasal passage. A Golden Gavel here is a deep-fried battered pork product served with a Ben Nevis-sized portion of chips.

Q: Why do pipers walk while they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
Arf Arf.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Blue Team Expert] DayGlo David Harper, the Teeside Trouserer of Tat
[Auctioneer] Purvy Purves
[Auction Location] Thomson Roddick Auctioneers & Valuers, Hangar 84, Roswell
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mixed sex colleagues, lecturers at Edinburgh College
(Challenge: Made from a cast or mould)
[Blue Team] Best male mates, gaming cafe owners
(Challenge: Vintage ladies fashion accessory)

The Shopping:
Reds: 6 pairs of Art Deco knife rests (90) ouch, Boxed Tiffany and Co, silver leaf pin tray (95) ouch, Pair of gold champagne diamante stones earrings (26 Challenge) OK.
Blues: Boxed Georg Jensen silver charm breacelet (150 Challenge) struggle, Boxed Binatone first generation games console (25) topend, Art Nouveau style Huntley & Palmer biscuit tin (65) struggle.

The Distraction:
Natasha has a challenge for the fairgoers when she asks them to identify a mystery ringed object. "Is it a cahunt whistling?", answers one. After that she straightens up and put's her undies back on, they are then allowed to continue browsing the fair. She seeks out quaffing champion Buoyed George and his Fergie-style drinking man's nose and they see who can down a bottle of Bucky in the shortest time. Afterwards, he suggests she value his Quoit and in a traditional ritual dating back through the ages, she takes him round the back of the parking lot to indulge in the Highland Fling.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 6 pairs of Art Deco knife rests (largish loss), Boxed Tiffany and Co, silver leaf pin tray (largish loss), Pair of gold champagne diamante stones earrings (small profit).
Roo's BB is a Asprey & Co silver make-up brush (45), 20-40, 25, oh dear, poor Roo, she does actually learn in the future.



Blues: Boxed Georg Jensen silver charm breacelet (largish loss), Boxed Binatone first generation games console (evens stevens), Art Nouveau style Huntley & Palmer biscuit tin (small loss).
DayGlo's BB is the awful Conquistador-style wooden stirrup from earlier (45), 30-50, 55, it makes a tenner profit. Better get the heavy duty pliers out to prise the pennies from the grip of the McMisers.



The Aftermath:
Sybelle 'Face of a Bulldog Chewing a Wasp' Thomson the Scots Sea Monster did the valuing so anything over 30-40 notes is deemed prohibitively expensive. What a bunch of tightwads. Terrible auction with Gross Pervert ineffectively wielding the gavel. No doubt he will return to the cage he's kept in by 'Face like a Box of Chisels' Sleigh Bell Thomson. She will mentor him later in the ways to keep a White Whale happy. The then BH fresh virgin expert unfortunately didn't take into account that the Auction Room will be full of the meanest Pinchers in the World, so apart from the pair of earrings, which made a small profit, everything else made a loss resulting in a 3-figure loss. Never mind Roo, you're a quick learner and turn into a decent expert. DayGlo Dave and his overhappy Gaming Nazi Blue Team didn't fair much better. The only profit made was a tenner for that awful clog thing. Dreadful tat.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Some superb monster kicks from both Red and Blue Teams. Some nice Growler shots too. Well coordinated. One of the best ever. Yes, Fark YES!!

​

 

Thankfully, this innovation was dropped in later Series. Also the dreadful Countdown music during the Auction. Hopefully the bright spark who dreamed these things up was sacked on the spot.

 

Or Battling Tops, Hot Wheels, Escape From Colditz .......

 

Perhaps she's into "Death In June".

New BH episode playlist for Edinburgh. "Til The Living Profits Have Burned", "Nada" Profits, "We Drive East" and arrive in Arbroath.

 

Hey, you may have stumbled onto the great BH secret cult.
Because look at this other Death In June symbol: surely denotes the gloved hand of Strict Tash The Lash?!



Now we can see what all those iffy past rostrum salutes were in tribute to...

 

Here is Roo backstage with occasional satanist Boyd Rice and occupier of the hinterland between extreme left and right Douglas P.

 

Rare early live footage when they were a three. Not often you grt to see a huge kettle drum thumped louder than a Jericho Hawley final bid shout.



Didn't realise they supported Nick Cave in 1984. The 1980s alternative music scene really thrived.



Douglas P's The Prisoner obsession really to the fore here:

 

Uncle Eric heads off West, as in Fred, for BH in Gloucester where they hope to be digging up some profits.

That's the worst military impression of all time.

OAP Auction. Selling off the OAPs.

Raj is going to have his hands full with the Red Sisters.

Steph creeps up on Blue Team. She is presented as a new Expert.

Perhaps she'll be doing the military three step later.

Blues get an insider tip from Antiques Centre Joe. Perhaps Steph flashed him a wink.

Denzil the centre worker things all his birthdays have come at once.

Red Blonde is loving the dealer. Well perhaps later.

 

Panic buying time.

Could go either way at the Auction. Steph's Blues have the safer items but Raj's Reds have a chance of bigger profit.

Ronnie Action Man has been dragged through a hedge backwards. Don't think he gets out much.

Action Man Judo. Putin's fave toy along with bottles of exclusive perfume.

Hugh Dennis in the Auction audience.

Treepole doesn't drink.

Heobviously hasn't been to a Pompey Auction.

Bloody countdown music again.

Panic buy sinks.

 

1950's shovel LOL.

T1tting around with the BBs Auction again.

GG incoming? Yup.

Angle-poised lamp, just for you @wfcmoog LOL

Treepants creams himself over it.

Great day for Steph.

 

Raj likes a whisky tot too much. Massive overspend, even with Mr Charisma Weeks holding the gavel in his patented, jazz drummer grip.