Bargain Hunt

Plaidy and Bingo come as Xmas Dinner. Fair play to them outfooling The Fool.

This Antiques Fair is about as unfestive as it gets.



Charl-eh loves good leather work. The old perv.

Both teams standing out like sore thumbs.

Red Lady likes colurs or coloureds, it was difficult to tell what she meant or what the spirits were telling her.



Any movement says Red Lady. Er give me 10 mins a copy of The Sun and some soft toilet paper.

Plaidy gets a Hall stand (geddit) which he's totally blown away by. He things it's out of their price range but it isn't. 150 notes. He loves it.

More Art Deco titz.



Some medieval festive treat that looks like Xmas Eve overindulgence. The Fool pulls a face as though he's been forced fed Tapioca pudding.



Kilroy was here.



Oh dear damaged Satsuma vase.

Terrible valuations. Everything significantly undervalued for the Reds.

Even Plaidy's lovely silver sauce boat undervalued. Terrible.

Amazing, a Blue item not undervalued.

Ah, now we're back to more painful estimates.

Russian snuff box, one sniff of the Novichok laced tobacco and you'll be snuffed out. Putin seal of approval.

The Fool singing the praises of anything Russian. Is he the sixth man? Lot of buyers, lots of Tory donors.



No Tinsel or Xmas ephemera in the Audience. Didn't they tell them it's the Xmas Special.

Terrible Auction, for the 150 wrought iron hall stand, let's start the bidding at 10 pounds. Talk about setting the bar too low. Shocking. It sells to someone in India for 25 notes. Absolute shocker.

Definitely up there or should I say down there with the worst Auction Rooms.

Hooray a profit on the lightshade. A sarcastic cheer from Red Lady is met with laughter in the Audience. LOL.

Plaidy's Sauce boat fills with the finest cream. Wow it sells for 110. It was lovely.

Shocking Auction for the Blues. Anti-Golden Gavel.

I fear it may be a Bingo Grand Slam of loss. Now it's that all the money Russian Snuff Box. It effing flies.

A real look of Defiance on Bingo's face.



170 notes sold. 45 profit.

Another fascist salute.



Quite exciting.

Fantastic backdrop outside Canterbury Cathedral for the kick.

 

Clare Balding on the front row of the punters?

 

The Fool lurking about the woods. Hmmm, I see.

Achtung, it's Veeks.

Hello Boys, says Dizzie like in the Wonderbra ads.

Dizzie ball fondling.



TIme to get Uncle Ron. Hopefully not.

Waffen SS Teapot?

 

Dizzie and her decorative box.

Milk Churns, Butter Churns. Overpriced. Avoid.

Dough proves not rests, Wokesfuhrer, heels click.

You know Treepants is going to get the dough box for his BB, as sure as Germany will invade Poland. Or is he?

Dizzie things the Blues will like something in the middle.

Bumptious Tubby for the Distraction.

 

D1ckie Dalek Downer.

Why are they clapping? It made a loss you idiots.

Milk churn disaster? Yup 79 loss. No clapping this time.

Achtung 1930s style markers for Wokesfuhrer. Vee haf vays of making a 1 note profit.

A profit for the Blues.

Cars wipe face.

No bidding in the room barks the Dalek.

 

Valuer slagging several items. V amusing.
tbf, Tim does strike back on the "boring" kettle before...oh dear.

 

Designed for use on a gas hob?

 

Awful auction

 

Good to see the Blues are providing a rare day out for the drummer from Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

 

But funny.

btw, that ludicrously over-belted ugly skirt is doing no favours for Izzy.
Needs to come off.
(Timmy?)

 

B011ocks, missed it, blasted work! Oh well, I player it is then.

I see normal service has been resumed with my fave on again. Yes? Yes please!

 

Haven't seen it yet, (see above) but agree it needs to come off.

 

Is there a secret to be told?



Another one for you @TIMMY WANNACOTT



Blue Dad almost spoils the moment with a blocking move on Dizzie's sneaky peak.

 

Hmm, busy on photoshop tonight.... no I won't post.

 

oh yes! Thanks Reg..

 

The young Whippersnappers are out in force again. Time to pass round the milky tea and the fig rolls.

 

Dizzie can barely hide her disappointing when she looks down and sees what's on offer from her Blue Team.

 

IN MY DREAMS... SHALL WE GO UPSTAIRS...

 

I would offer so much more... guaranteed a smile!

 

Dizzie sees a saluting Weeks off camera and replies in kind while overcome with lust.

 

Good spot!
So, even Izzy has succumbed.
Reg is rooting out the secret NSBHP-ers like some sort of auction room Wiesenthal.

But careful, lest Gauleiter Charleh turns nasty...

 

Izzy looking very 1966 Jane Asher today?

Macca raises an eyebrow but doesn't demur.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Stratford-upon-Avon 28
Series 67
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001xplp
Two more teams hunt for bargains with the help of experts Tim Weeks and Izzie Balmer, while Charlie Ross discovers a collection of exquisitely designed banknotes. Charlie Ross discovers how nature influenced one Victorian printer to design banknotes for countries around the world. Thomas Forrester shows Charlie a collection of rare and valuable examples, including detailed early designs and specimen notes. It’s all about the money too for the red and blue teams as they battle it out for bargains at an antiques centre near Stratford-upon-Avon. Best friends Sandra and Florence and their expert Tim Weeks go head-to-head with father and son Jason and Andy and expert Izzie Balmer. Will Andy’s love of toy cars outmanoeuvre Sandra’s passion for teapots? Over in Lichfield, what will auctioneer Richard Winterton make of the teams’ lots? And which team will make the most profit and win the day?

The Translation:
I think these might have been filmed at the same time as the Xmas Specials as the location and staff all match. So expect the same sweltering conditions, the same Fool, Wokesmeister and Dizzie sans Jumpers and Hats but probably no sexy Red-haired singer with the warm aural experience. Booo. Can't she be the Distraction instead, 5 mins on a rotating stage. Same Auctioneer and Audience, but without the Xmas ephemera, so no tinsel on the Dalek this time. Ah it's in an Antiques Centre near Stratford-upon-Avon, not a summer fair in Malvern, so scratch that. The Staff are still the same though. I bet these Antique places in the Land of the Bard are overpriced Tourist Traps for the unwary and the gullible, welcome our Septic Friends, loud in voice and loud in style.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Terwit The Tool Ross
[Red Team Expert] Timpole Dagger & Cloak Treepants Horst Wessel Weeks, the hipster Daddy Longlegs with a penchant for long black leather coats Berlin-style.
[Blue Team Expert] Dizzie Izzie Barmy Balmer, the fiddling apiarist, her honey pot overflows into her F holes. Look it up that's what they're called.
[Auctioneer] Richard D1ckie Dalek Winterton
[Auction Location] Skaro aka Lichfield
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Best friends semi-retired Sandra and Support worker Florence, the former loves teapots. Will teapots and honeypots clash?
(Challenge: Floral pattern)
[Blue Team] Train conducting Father and son Jason and Andy, the latter loves toy cars. Weeks should be on this team.
(Challenge: With a maker's mark)

The Shopping:
Reds: Royal Brierly perfume bottle and box (27) OK, 19th Century silver-plated floral pattern metal Teapot (12 Challenge) Dull and boring says the Dalek but OK, Black painted-United Dairies milk churn (134) Ouch EXTERRRRR-MINNN-ATE!!!!!.
Blues: Art Deco chrome pen stand (28) OK, 2 Boxed Dinky toys (45 Challenge) OK half-a-chance, Oak-mounted presentation Alarm bell from Wormwood Scrubs prison (79) Hmmm maybe not.

The Distraction:
Charlie Ross discovers how nature influenced one Victorian printer to design banknotes for countries around the world. Thomas Forrester shows Charlie a collection of rare and valuable examples, including detailed early designs and specimen notes. The Fool has a discussion with Tubby Thomas. Who's got the biggest? Tubby shows him his little fatty while Charl-eh trumps him with his knobbly and veiny purple truncheon pole. After the masculinity parade we're onto banknotes, forging and a bit of blagging. They are obviously Tubby's forte as he swotted up by watching The Sweeney Complete Box set. You Slaaaagggs.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Royal Brierly perfume bottle and box (9 loss), 19th Century silver-plated floral pattern metal Teapot (8 profit), Black painted-United Dairies milk churn (79 loss).
Wokesfuhrer's BB is a pair of Art Deco-style place markers (10), 5-10, 11. 1 note Yorks profit in Lichfield.

​

Blues: Art Deco chrome pen stand (2 profit), 2 Boxed Dinky toys (evens stevens), Oak-mounted presentation Alarm bell from Wormwood Scrubs prison (54 loss) no bidding in the room.
Dizzie's BB is a 1950s German Biology Skin Map Wallchart for Skin (28), 10-20, 24. Small loss.

​

The Aftermath:
Dalek in a deep depression these days it seems. He was sent for a Mindfulness session, but all that could be heard was EXTERRR-MINATE!!! followed by a large flash and explosion and D1ck1e coming out with a vague smile. Nothing excites him in the valuation Room but he still barks, flings his arm and does his best in the sale room even though he does seem to have a very sedentary audience. The tea and valium daytrippers are just glad for a warm room and the use of the facilities until it's time to move onto the Billy Shakes tea rooms for a 20 note cream tea. All part of the fleece them like Billy-O experience. No bidding in the room barks the Dalek at one point. Oh dear, c'est la vie. The Wokesfuhrer's Reds brought scattiness and a teapot obsession. Their atomiser and compulsive teapot purchase cancelled each other out and it was down to the big spend, big burden milk churm. Any item involving the word churn should set off alarm bells, like the one Dizzie bought. They come at a premium price and usually tank or should we say Panzer, any profits in the Stalingrad way, as it is a Kriegsgavellier purchase. It sinks like a depth charged damaged U-boat. It's all down to his BB, some random Germania style place markers. There's only 2 says the Dalek not a set of 20. They do make a 1 note profit that barely dents the overall loss of 79 which was all down to the Milk Churn Black-painted Depth Charge. Dizzie's Blues bought a hotch potch of items. You couldn't really tell if she was pleased with the purchases. She doesn't really Gaslight her teams like Waffen Weeks. A small profit and a break even make a tepid start but the wheels really did came off with the made up bell purporting to be from the Scrubs. Another overall loss, slightly smaller than the Reds, but still down by 56. A bit of a strange episode. Quite subdued, claustrophobic Antiques Centre and an Auction Room with a real Bunker mentality. At least the Wokesfuhrer will feel at home.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Everyone hits par, reasonably well-coordinated with an incomplete block by Blue Dad on Dizzie's sneaky peak. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Is that a bun in the oven?

 

Rosco still has several of those notes in his wallet. Must have brought back such precious memories of his childhood, bit like a ten bob note does for me.

 

these subtitles will be the death of me (but what a way to go...)

 

Blankety - blank Bargain hunt special...

 

just one more before I go upstairs and play with my dinky (or not dinky as the case may be)

 

oh, just a couple more ....

 

good spot!

 

It's almost like a kilt. She'll be tossing the caber and blowing on bagpipes next.

@TIMMY WANNACOTT faints in the background.

 

Ricky Gervais gone Essex.

 

And there's the thud as I hit the ground.

 

Oh no. Danny's on today. Fetch Clive's rifle.