Ask Hornmeister

As I know everything, I wondered if anyone had any questions for me?

I qudos point if I get stumped.

 

I'd like to know the following...

If my TV remote stops working, then I remove the batteries and put them back in to the oposite positions why does it always start working again?

 

Whats the Difference between a Holden Monaro and a Vauxhall Monaro?

 

A couple of possibilities:

Batteries supply power as a product of a chemical reaction. The action of changing the batteries may dislodge deposits on the electrodes within the batteries or stir up the chemicals to obtain a little more reaction. The same effect may occur if you tap the remote on the arm of your chair a couple of times and ry pressing the button again.

Power drain may be different in each battery chamber of the remote. This is possibly down to small variations in operating voltage tollerances of transistors within the electronics of the remote. This means that one battery may discharge slightly quicker than the other.

The infra red pixies inside the remote have stolen some charge from one of the cells to run their heaters that keep them warm overnight.

 

Apart from the minor technical differences to conform to the relavent road transport regulations the Holden Monaro's components are correctly orientated for the Southern Hemisphere market whereas The Vauxhall Monaro correctly has it's wheels situated at the bottom to conform to the Northern Hemisphere operating environment.

 

LOL!

The only difference between the 2 Vehicles is the Badge.

 

Because your remote is playing games with you because you use it too much and it fancied playing with your mind???

 

Why is it when my right butt cheek itches and i scratch it it stops itching but it makes my hand smell funny?

 

Although suffereing two distinctly separate symptoms, the root cause can be attributed to one single issue.....

Your right butt cheek probably itches due to your questionable personal hygene. After scratching it your hand smells probably also due to your questionable personal hygene.

Might I suggest using soap in future?

 

What will happen to the main boards?

 

The main boards will be closed down a couple of days ago.

 

Name 1 of the numbers that will be drawn in the EuroMillions game tomorrow night worth £120million so I can have an advantage.

 

Whilst I do have a vast intellect and this can be used to predict future events based on calulations of probability I am afraid that I am not Clairvoyant (She left me a few years ago) and as such am not able to give you the winning numbers as no number is statistically more likely to be drawn than any other. I might offer a couple of observations though....

Do not pick the same numbers as me, my track record in playing the lottery is poor.

Try picking lucky star numbers between 1 and 9

I find that more often than not, there will be at least two consecutive numbers drawn.

 

1)what is the meaning of life?

2) Who invented peanut butter?

3)Would you rather be in a room with an wounded badger or an agry clown?

 

wow.. what a good idea... thanks... will give it a go... lmaoooo
ok i asked for that!! lmao

 

What is the wind speed veloscity of an african swallow carrying a coconut?

(there is a mathematically correct answer to this which i know... lets see if you can get it right)
am sending a private message to admin with the correct answer now to prove i am not BSing.. lol

 

1) 42

2) My Son Pat

3) An interesting question. If the Badger had 4 broken legs I could easily out run it. However there is a risk of disease. An angry clow could well try to soak me with water or worse still try and perform a mime act. I think I'd rather be in a room with both. I could pick up the badger by it's tail and use it as a weapon against the clown, thus making my escape in the clown's comedy car, assuming I could keep the dorrs from falling off.

 

You're future here depends on it ;D

 

According to Monty Python, It's a simple question of weight ratios. In order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second. Unfortunatley a five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut, even if it gripped the husk in it's beak it would not have the strength to pull off such a feat and therefore not be able to generate the requisite wing beat rate to attain bouancy.

Any wind speed of the Swallow needs to be considered from two possible starting positions.:

1) coconut is applied to swallow mid flight. As previosuly stated it would not be possible for the swallow to support the weight therefore according to Newton's, laws of motion the unfortunate bird would plummet towards the earth. At any time during it's trajectory, it's speed can be calculated by usign the formula:

s = ut+1/2 atsquared

where s = speed, u = inital velocity, t = time, and a = aceleration (assumed 9.8m/s/s, acceleration due to gravity)

it's trajectory would folow a parabolic path.

This is of course negating affects of wind resistance and terminal velocity.

2) Coconut is applied to swallow at rest on the ground. As previosuly detailed the swallow does not possess sufficient potential to develop enough kinetic energy to carry the coconut therefore wind speed attained would be zero. If the coconut is applied to the swallow whilst perched, see solution 1.

 

translate 'Teacher, can i go to the toilet please?' in irish

 

I nominate the above post as post of the month. Superb ;D ;D ;D

 

42 is in fact the answer to the ultimate question of life the universe and everything.. the problem being that noone ever said what the qestion was... could it really have been as simple as "how many roads must a man walk down?" lol (Hitch hikers guide to the galaxy trilogy in 4 parts, part 4 "so long and thanks for all the fish".)

 

I have to agree... that was pure quality.

 

meister is online now and still hasn't answered my question! he must be nervous

 

múinteoir, an dtig dul ar na leithreas, ledothoil?

Apologies if the grammar is a little off, it's years since I've been to the loo.

 

... 5 parts, "Mostly Harmless" was the last installment of the increasinlgy innacuratly described trilogy. Not as good as the previous four in my opinion.

 

That's klingon not Irish.

Anyway, what's a good red wine for under a tenner?

 

Havent seen mostly harmless... will have to check it out, I love that series of books and i think is required reading for anyone into scifi comedy... was very dissapointed with the film adaptation out recently.. did nothing for the book at all and there were far too many details missing, for example Zaphod beeblebrox's second head and third arm.
However i have yet to notice you admit that the answer you gave to the question initiating this responce was flawed!!! lol

 

the klingon language is somewhat different... for instance
Where is the bathroom?/nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'

Your mother has a smooth forehead!/Hab SoSlI' Quch! (please note if you say this to a klingon friend he might well take his bauchlaak out or even tell you too bIjatlh 'e' yImev

 

Apologies I read too much into your question. I begrudgingly give you a half qudos point but fine you a quarter for being picky and earn another quarter back for the following definition therefore balancing my books;D

What is the meaning of life? It is a 1983 film directed by Terry Jones & Terry Gilliam, Starring John Cleese and the rest of the Monty Pyton team.

Next question please?

 

so what your in fact saying is i get nothing for catching you out???
omg you are tighter than a camels azz in a desert sand storm.. lol

 

With Christmas parties around the corner, what's the best chatup line?

 

See this face? it leaves at 10 be on it!! lol (never worked for me but always funny)

 

The most successful line I have used to date is:

"They call me Fred Flintstone, Cos I make your bed rock"

 

THAT WORKED? LMAO. This thread is great entertainment.