One of the two ???? It's a sordid world out there, really it is. This week things seem to be hitting a new low when it comes to the depraved antics of footballers and fans, so here at Wacky World we feel it is our duty to tell you all about it. We start off with West Brom keeper Russell Hoult, who has become the latest in a long line of goalkeepers to get involved in a rather embarassing sex scandal, following in the proud traditions of Stefan Postma and Ben Alnwick. Of course, Hoult doesn't reach the REALLY depraved lows of Postma and his rather dominant ex-girlfriend, but he is currently starring in a new sex tape, alongside another man and a woman. His club will no doubt be disappointed in him, but at least he showed loyalty to the Baggies by wearing a polo shirt with their badge on it whilst, erm, 'performing' in this classy movie. We hasten to add that we haven't seen it, but are reliably (ie, it's in The Sun) informed that the lady was wearing a 'skimpy black bra'. No other clothes are mentioned... Mind you, that's still more clothing than Hoult was seen in when he sent some dodgy pics of himself to a lady's mobile a couple of years ago. Did we mention that he's married with two kids? A pal explained that Hoult is gutted that this video has been leaked: "All those involved are good friends and what happened was supposed to stay between them. But the person filming lost his phone and the clip is being passed around on Bluetooth. Russell is upset but it's too late." Very good friends indeed, it would seem. But when you are a professional footballer, you need to be careful how you pick your friends, so as to avoid getting into trouble. Just ask Portsmouth defender Glen Johnson and Millwall striker Ben May, the Chuckle Brothers of crime, after their attempt to steal a toilet seat and some taps from a Kent branch of DIY shop B&Q. They were arrested last week after a security guard saw them putting the toilet seat into a box with a cheaper price tag. A worker at the store said: "We all recognised Johnson. No one could quite believe a bloke like him, with all that money, would be moronic enough to nick a toilet seat. But that's what him and May were doing. They were spotted by one of our security guards, a chap of 74, and cops arrived as they were trying to leave. They seemed to find the whole thing funny and couldn't stop smirking even after they had been arrested."
