Having been converted to a rabid and loyal monarchist by King Ken's recent performances, I have of course been closely following Chas and Mills current visit to Kenya. Will he apologise? Or will he give it more mealy-mouthed platitudes? First of all there was the Palace visit, the anthems and the army types marching about and tooting their trumpets. The band had tremendous hats - like a bearskin but in a funky zebra design. They did a lot of saluting and waving their swords around. They certainly like a bit of gold braid the Kenyan generals, don't they? Some of them had yards of it wrapped around them. There must be quite a few sofas missing their trim. At one point, one of the generals was face to face with Charlie with his sword drawn and I thought to myself, go on, make a bit of history son. One quick swish of the sword and a royal coconut bouncing down the Palace steps. Well I suppose some people would get a bit upset about it...Still, Charlie 1 went the same way - head chopped off in 1649. So it's not like it'd even be a first or anything. Just carrying on a tradition. "The King’s head was held up to the crowd. The spectators, some who had watched in approval and some in dismay, were quickly dispersed by officials. A few sought grisly souvenirs of the event rushing forward to dip their handkerchiefs into the royal blood, ‘by some as trophies of their villainy; by others as relics of a martyr’. A week later the monarchy was officially abolished." Ah the good old days, eh? When the army had finished marching around and tooting, they led Charlie out into the garden and made him plant a commemorative tree. The poor old codger is 74 and has someone to squeeze the toothpaste onto his toothbrush in the mornings. I know they don't have Kings and Queens there in Kenya, but they have to understand he's not used to physical labour. He's lived his entire life in purpled luxury and it seems to me that Kenyans are NOT keeping him in the manner to which he has become accustomed. When he agreed to 'plant' the little baby tree, you could tell that he was under the impression that his part in planting it would just involve a brief touch of the trunk as it was lowered into the hole that had been dug. But no! The Kenyans had brought along a big wheelbarrow full of dirt and a bloody great shovel! He did one shovel-load in to the hole and looked around hopefully, but nobody moved and he had to go on shovelling load after load until eventually they took pity on him, or maybe Camilla had a word with somebody off camera. Charlie was flagging. I was expecting him to have to take off his suit jacket and roll up his shirt sleeves by this point. There was a chance of him breaking out into his first ever honest sweat! Then when that had finished, they brought up a big watering can and got him to water it too. There was no let up. When he'd completed that task someone else came up with a tray containing something else. I don't know what it was. I think it was some other job they wanted him to do. It seems like they had a list.... Fair play. See how he likes a bit of slaving! They produced a plaque, presumably saying something like 'Chazza woz here'. They were probably planning on producing a big workman's sledgehammer and getting him to work banging it into the ground, but in the end one of the generals bashed it in with his hand. As they wandered back up to the palace, it became clear that there were dozens of trees all around the garden, at various stages of growth and all with identical plaques. So it wasn't like it was even anything special. The last one was probably planted by Prince Bertie from Equatorial Guinea. Good to see Camilla and Mrs Ruto walking along a respectful 10 paces behind their two boys striding out in front. So then finally they disappeared back into the Palace, I suppose for a feast of larks' tongues in aspic or whatever it is these royals eat. Finally I thought the Kenyan grandee ladies looked very fine in their dresses. There was also a very cool (I suppose) Kenyan agent lady with sunglasses and wearing a power-dressing Maggie thatcher lady bow tie thing with a very tight-trousered black suit. Very shapely she was.
I'm impressed that Clive is following this trip so avidly. I just saw a headline saying that it was on.
Well my Nairobi comrades tell me that all the hawkers and street kids have been cleared off the streets and the city is flooded out with police and military. President Ruto is not popular and there have been quite a few big street protests in recent months. Kenya took a big hit with covid. Chazza and Millie have been to meet some world war two veterans, who were all nearly 100 years old and in wheelchairs. He gave them sets of medals as previous sets were lost or stolen etc. He shook hands with them and asked them what they did and whether they had come far? Then he went to place a wreath on a war memorial for some of those empire soldiers who died fighting fascism and we see so widely reflected in all the British War films, school teaching and public consciousness when it comes to the 2 world wars and Britain standing 'entirely alone'.. One highlight of the ceremony was that when going up to do his wreath, Charlie did a massive trip and stumble over a little step between real grass and a strip of AstroTurf they'd put down. It really looked like a spectacular face plant, but with some massive quick long-legged steps with his chin down round his knees, he managed to straighten up and regain his balance, if not his dignity. From what I could see, none of the Kenyans watching on laughed. They remained admirably stony faced. Impeccable discipline. https://www.thesun.co.uk/video/news...s-after-he-trips-on-a-role-of-grass-in-kenya/ My Kamba and Kikuyu Komrades in Nairobi told me Chazza later came over all emotional and started grizzling at the war memorial for some reason. Overcome with sentiment and emotion he dabbed his watery eyes with a lace hanky. This is precisely the sort of exhibition of British masculinity that will help impress Africans and allow us to sell them more british pasties, scotch whisky, pig iron and cheap tin trays. Plus of course lashings and lashings of...ahem..'financial services' (nudge nudge). There has been zero coverage of the emotional royal waterworks in the British media as far as I can see. Far less any questions about how he gets through every other remembrance Sunday and military memorial event without such tears. While he has 'stopped short' of apologising for the British outrages and horrific torture during their independence struggle, my Kenyan Kompadres wonder whether since he is so interested in soldiers he might like to visit the British army training camp in Nanyuki? They say that "there he will cry a lot because so much bad stuff has been done to the locals by the British army. They have raped women. Once a fire broke out in the camp and spread to the nearby villages killed and destroyed property, but the affected families have not yet been compensated many years later..so they are planning when Charlie visits there, they will present their grievances to him." Bless those squaddies, eh? Amnesty International have recorded no less than 650 (count 'em) allegations of rape by British soldiers based there and there's strong evidence a young girl was recently raped, murdered and her body dumped in a septic tank by one of our brave boys in uniform. AI has condemned a "culture of impunity". Oh and the MOD has paid out quite a few million shillings in compensation to 233 people, men, women and children, who have been blown up and killed or maimed by unexploded ordinance they've left littered around the place. https://www.theguardian.com/global-...of-abuse-by-british-soldiers-at-training-unit Anyway don't forget to check this thread for more updates from the grand Royal tour and how the British sales pitch is going. You'll hear about all the trips, tantrums, trumpet tooting and tears here first! @mods has this board got an official royal correspondent? If not could I apply?
They roll out the red carpet so chazza and millie don't get their shoes dusty while visiting a safari reserve. https://twitter.com/omwambaKE/status/1719981201027367030?t=omfytScX1li5Lh0FR2T4PA&s=1 In a place where plenty of people, such as Nairobi orphan Street kids don't even own a pair of shoes.
Do we know to what extent, if any, the national curriculum covers the dark side of the British Empire (which is probably the majority of it)?
He's now visiting some naval base in Mombasa. Thought it was the catering Corps at first judging by the all-white uniforms and big bulging bellies sported by the gold braid-wrapped rear admirals who were standing around saluting. After the usual anthems, marching and trumpet tooting, a yankee doodle dandy military type appeared (for some reason) and announced there would now be a demonstration of a covert armed beach incursion, in the stylee taught to the Kenyans by our brave British trainer boys. For quite a long time nothing happened and there was a bemused and slightly embarrassed silence amongst the dignitaries seated in the stand looking down at the beach. I was really hoping they'd come out and say "hope you enjoyed the display. That's how covert it was. Those boys are 10 miles down the road now capturing a radio station and a fuel depot". But no. Three rubber dinghies eventually chugged up to the beach and out jumped the action men and paddled up through the breakers onto the beach, where they knelt down and pointed their guns up the beach (but not towards the dignitaries grandstand) in the accustomed fashion. It turned out not to be so covert. They were easy to spot. The yankee doodle narrator then came out again to explain that "y'all" were about to see the huge value the British trainers brought to this whole dang operation. Normally after landing these boys would be off spraying bullets around the countryside at anything that moves, letting off bombs and burning down villages. But for this re-enactment, the landing has met resistance! Let's see what happens...da, da, daaaaaaaa! Back to the action and a file of 3 British naval nevilles jog out looking very uncomfortable. They separate and each goes over to one of the three groups of kneeling kenyan marines. Each of them adopts an identical, down-on-one-knee position in the correct military 'imparting wisdom' posture. There is a short pause while they act out giving instructions. I really thought the British missed a trick here. Each Naval Brit ought to have been given a pipe to clench between his teeth. Then when he was acting out giving advice, he could remove it and point the stem up the beach whilst pretending to talk. Having received the wisdom and newly inspired, the Kenyans charged up the beach firing (presumably) blanks and letting off coloured bright red smoke flares like you see on a football terrace. At one point it looked like the wind might carry the smoke from one of the flares into the grandee-stand, but a cruel gust carried it away along with my hopes. A polite smattering of applause and the limos show up to take everyone off to the next destination. Food again I shouldn't wonder. They're always feeding. Who exactly are these displays for and why? Aren't there more productive things these supposed leaders and heads of state could be doing to try and sort out some of the problems both countries face? It's great we're teaching them how to be more efficient and more deadly killers, but wouldn't it be better if we were helping to train doctors or teachers for example? Or police or fire brigade. Or even sport. We could covertly build a hospital or two perhaps? I know! Crazy communist!
