Bargain Hunt

Yep, a lovely early trip with James Braxton, lucky bu99er. I believe he's just been filming his third trip with her. Lucky, lucky thrice lucky bu99er.

 

Had my hopes(among other things) up for a moment there. Dashed immediately after the question mark.

 

Plaidy proudly displaying his allegiance.



It's fairly plain says Plaidy, describing Jericho and the item.

It may have been re-painted and touched up. Definitely talking about Bawley.

That cheap sign. 27 profit.

Voice of Roo with Magic Money Tree Hugo. Will we get a glimpse of our lovely Scottish bling maiden.

Yup, she's wearing her chainmail/male skirt.



The Bourne End Audience again. Kenny Williams and Norman Lamont at the back. Pete Waterman at the front.



That weird train made out of car parts makes a profit as does nearly everything at Bourne End.

Partridge judges the horn and it makes a small profit.

Now back to Didcot.

Andrew Eldritch wearing the Sisters Of Mercy pendant has really let himself go these days.



The scary Uncle Eric voodoo doll-like effigy next to him should be a cause of concern for our host.

Now, they are promoting nicked grapefruit spoons. Tsk, set an example.

Now it's limp-gavelled Ashley selling The Thunderer. Just think of all those blokes who turned up at the Auction to gaze upon the Princess and they end up with the Page Boy.

He can barely bring the gavel down with a satisfying thump. The Thundrer roars to a profit.

Now it's McWitch and Splaphead Spittle Rabid-Lee who fail to make a profit on that lamp.

Now it's Christina and Partridge with the cap and lights.



Garry Glitter lurks in the audience. Don't worry Christina you are far too old for him.



Mike Leigh puts in a bid.



The cap flops unlike everything else round the Steamstress.

Now, the climax, Eric dona a blond wig and does the countdown for our instruction.

6-sausages-5-mustard-4-honey-glaze-3-orificial-entry-2-tongue-bath-1-ecstasy



Please come again!!!!

Yes, YES!!!!!!!

 

There's also just enough room for some Steamstress lobby cards:

 

tittertitter

a ticket dating machine for when tickets are feeling lonely and randy.

 

just checked, that was actually Izzies first road trip.

 

When she lost her Road Trip Cherry, yet found lots of tat.

 

After some recent cracking episodes, I fear we are due some duff ones.

Today, it's The Idiot, Plaidy, The Pratt, and Crumpled Lewis.

Newark, can't 'remember whether it's a Fair or Antiques Centre.

It's a Fair.

Bad Ghostbusters intro. No women involved. Hollywood will be up in arms.

Are hopes are raised from the highlights.

Retired married couple. Reds.

HGV Driver and General nurse are our Married Blues.

Failed jokes already.

Their punishment will be being given JP.

JP emerges from something that looks like a corrugated caravan. Extreme Traveller Experience?

Far East/With hinges.

155 for that sign. Disaster incoming.

JP winging it.

That screen is pretty. Yes, it's pretty damaged.

2 sets of retired/almost retired married couples. It's up to the experts to provide some life.

Now, it's time for some damaged clocks.

Mutoid clock dealer.



Scary airloom time.

 

Morticia Addams and her collection.



Vampire slaying kit on the left.

Time for Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter and Caroline Munroe.

 

Are they trying to buy a Fire Bucket?

Dealer laughing on the phone. No doubt talking about the Blues.

The cool vibe of an old crate.

It's going to burst in a bit says JP, referring to the massive boil he has on his arse.

Royal Crown Derby cup.

Mutoid Dealer again.

Reds stymied by the idiotic big spend on that sign.

P1ss1ing it down time.

Beautification tools. Isn't that 8 pints of beer?

Reds buy sign, Cambodian silver box, crown Derby tea bowl.

Cue jokes on sweet little far Eastern boxes.

Mantel clock, Fire Bucket, Vanity Case for the Blues.

Overall losses all round probably despite the excitable highlight spoilers.

Lewis looks like he's just had extra helpings of custard.

Not a prayer on that sign he says.

Tourist box overspent.

Crown Derby. It has a very collectible puce mark. It's OK.

Mantel clock overpriced.

Bit steep on the bucket.

Rosewood, it's old, so it's legal. Mish mash. Oooof. He values it at half what they paid for it.

 

"Not a prayer!" he delightedly bellows.
Later: "it's a shocker!" Fun valuer.

Mention of 'endangered species'...Lewis and Charlie look at each other.

Please let that ghastly sign die a death.

'Treasure from the Far East' challenge...does Roo count? Always has a high precious metal content too.

Where's that Romanesque thing come from? The set of Caligula?

 

Big sign up for the Reds. Will they get the Blues? Yup. Big 60 quid loss. The Red Idiot.

Very echoey auction. Like a prison camp announcement.

Tenner on the box.

Profit on the crown Derby.

 

arf!

"Beautification tools. Isn't that 8 pints of beer?"

 

Looks like Plaidy raided the set of I Claudius for his BB.

Tiberius Lewis gives it the thumbs down.

Was he in awe of it?, ask Plaidy.

Well he did have an aw followed by a ful, says The Fool.

An Orgy of cash flows in. How wrong Lewis is. Caliga-Plaidy will bump him off.

25 note profit. Take that you fat, crumbled buffoon.

Only lost a fiver. A result after that terrible sin and its terrible loss.

It's definitely Ann Widdecombe for the Blues.



Loss on the clock. Not a good start.

The fire bucket takes them back to zero.

Big loss on the travelling case vanity project, just like we knew it would do.

JP has splashed a fiver on a brass dogging plaque.

Crumpled hates it but thinks it's a bargain.

Guaranteed profit then.

JP admits it was p1ss1ng down so he didn't look very far. LOL.

Jeez it makes 30 notes. Gulp.

They finish on 60 down.

So, a fairly average episode. Some tat-tastic items and some clueless contestants, yes Red Bloke, I'm talking about you. Nick managed to save your bacon.

The weird Distraction and amusement at the valuation drags the episode into the entertaining category.

 

Arf.

Bingo. Great minds etc.

 

Just seen on Look East that Brains now runs a coffee shop in Ipswich.

 

The creepy spirits from today's Distraction point us back to March last year ........

Reg:
Ghostbusters theme. How naff. LOL

Will Charl-eh be giving JP the Willies!!!!!

Stereotype fat senior Blue nurse.

Reds sunk already with that overspend on the sign.

The way Blue Nurse is handling that clock I wouldn't trust her with a patient.

Red bloke overspend has buggered their negotiations.

Morticia Addams showing Charlie a Chuckie Child's Play doll.

That Vanity Case will sink the Blues. JP strikes again.

Crumpled Lewis.

Losses incoming.

Plaidy does it again.

65 quid for a bucket.

Classic piece of JP bin ware so cheap it makes a profit.

OT78:
'Not a prayer!' yells a delighted Crumpled re the shabby sign.
Rare non-equivocation. And he was right.

noisy fat thick ugly charmless bluebird.

only in britain (or usa) would she be allowed on tv.

Sometimes i think 'british tolerance' might be an overrated value...

Reg:
Stereotypical fat General nurse. The way she handled some of the objects does not bode well for her patients.

Another Thérèse Coffey English rose.



OT78:
One word:
'catheter'


Reg:
Plaidy never gets the same type of BB. Today's was completely different and he took a punt which yet again paid off.

OT78:
seven times the money!
This is JP Week.

Reg:
Some classic scenery chewing from Ross.



Moog:
Guess who?



Reg:
David Sideburns Sumner before McWitch made him thinner on top. Either that or it's a Pre-Transition Caroline Hawley.



Guy:
Charlie?

Moog:
Correct

Reg:
Cairoli or Hanson?

Looks like one of the still images used in the opening titles for the World at War.

Guy:
Ross, the Cairoli of the auction world

Diamond:
Very disturbing yet fascinating at the same time. Slightly confused.



OT78:
Looks like a very grim social services hearing.
Or: there's an unexpected turn at Bring Your Daughter To Work Day

 

Re-up from March last year with additions:
BBC approved preamble:
Newark 20
Series 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000w7mr
Charlie Ross hosts from the market town of Newark in Nottinghamshire. Lending a hand to the reds and blues are experts Nick Hall and Jonathan Pratt. Charlie gets shivers down his spine when he gets to find out more about some spooky antiques.

The Translation:
Where is the posh fool today? Charl-eh is tying himself in knots in Notts. Helping to tie up some profits from the general tat are smart Reef knot Plaidy Hall and Granny knot JP, no doubt sporting a Windsor knot for his old school tie. Auction is with bumptious Crumpled Lewis, still hazy from a night on the Opium pipe, the Posh Boy's crystal meth.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] Nick Plaid all Over Hall
[Blue Team Expert] Gently effeminate gaffe-prone Jonathan JP Pratt with his Tory boy fashion style, classic bully-fodder
[Auctioneer] Crumpled James Lewis
[Auction Location] Bamfords, Derbyshire
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple, he's a retired train driver, an impulsive idiot. Wouldn't trust him driving a toy train, let alone an Inter-City express.
(Challenge: Far East)
[Blue Team] Married HGV driver and general nurse. The stereotype fat senior nurse. If she's unhinged does that satisfy the Challenge?
(Challenge: Hinges)

The Shopping:
Reds: Enamelled metal sign (155) not a hope in hell, Cambodian silver box (65 Challenge) might struggle, 18th Century Crown Derby tea bowl (20) good.
Blues: Georgian-style style mantel clock (65) ouch, Knackered fire bucket (40) too steep, Victorian travelling vanity case (150) ouch bloody ouch.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh discusses morbid tat with Morticia Addams from the Nottingham Most Haunted Museum. She shows the fool a Chuckie Doll which prompts El Tollio to get out his stiff. The Ouija board commands him to wave it around, his eyes glaze over, his head spins, and his slacks becomes covered in ectoplasm.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Enamelled metal sign (large loss), Cambodian silver box (profit), 18th Century Crown Derby tea bowl (good profit).
Plaidy's BB is a Neo-classical plaster Jardinière on a decorative plinth/column (40), 20, 65. Another excellent BB from the Plaidster. He doesn't resort to his comfort zone again.

​

Blues: Georgian-style style mantel clock (largish loss), Knackered fire bucket (good profit), Victorian travelling vanity case (big loss).
JP's BB is a Embossed brass wooden Doggie plaque (5), 10, 35. Cheap as chips item makes a profit shock.

​

The Aftermath:
Very dismissive estimates from Cracked-out Lewis. His haughtily dismisses most of the items and only slightly relents if they are bought for less than a rolled up 20. Plaidy's Reds shot themselves in the foot in the opening minute. Red Bloke stymied their efforts with an early big overspend impulse buy on that unspectacular sign, hampering their future negotiations. Nick spent the rest of the programme trying to find decent items to claw back an incoming huge loss. The silver box, Crown Derby tea bowl, and another off-the-wall BB, make profits and the Reds only lose a fiver. JPs Blues are immediately handicapped with having him as their expert. He directs them towards a heavily overpriced, you instantly knew it was going to be a dud, rosewood vanity case and mantel clock. Surprisingly, the fire bucket made a decent profit and more surprisingly, so did his BB for a fiver. He did confess it was p1ss1ng down with rain and he didn't venture far. It was too cheap to fail. They still made a 60 quid loss which is good day for useless JP.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal kick. Bad camera angle. Reasonable coordination. Decent enough kicking. Yes, YES!!

​

 

oh deep joy!!! A new one coming up next Monday! Get in! There is a God after all!

Monday 13th May : Series 68 - Wetherby 14. Presented by Charlie Ross with experts David Harper and Izzie Balmer. The auction is at Bamfords in Derby with auctioneer James Lewis.

 

I did enjoy seeing the Vampire slaying kit, chiefly, Bible, crucifix, and fang extractor.

 

Blimey, my headmaster in primary school was called Fred Holmes. Absolutely top bloke.

 

Princess riding Cliff Railway. Lucky Cliff!

 

I am genuinely shocked by this fact. I would have thought he was more a Denim bloke, "for the man who doesn't have to try too hard". Not the only leather-looking bag on display it seems.

 

Tash in her element with her enormous BH Rule Book.



Red BAME brothers. Are they twins? One of them is Cabin crew. Really?

If you said cabin crew and twins, you expect something completely different. Stereotypical trolley dollies not an elderly geezer wheeling the pickle tray.

Retired Friend are Blue Team. Good to see a mobility impaired person for once.

Madders and Roo.

Modified or re-puroosed/Hand-decorated

Are your bellows working correctly?

Roo booted and ready for fondling and probing. Cough. The items that is.



I like the item over there says Blue Team, and the sign too.



The Thigh's the Limit



A site for Saw eyes. Arf, arf.

We do like a vice say Blues.

I have many of those laughs Roo. We'll talk about that later!!!!!!

 

Reds have bought, nice Indian box (no not Roo) , tea caddy, decorated saw.

We'll have to touch it, it's gorgeous. No, that's the other team Reds.

Blues buy wall hangings, ceramic vase, workbench with vices.

You quite enjoyed with Roo by your side says Natasha. Not arf.

Tash discovers the Met's special cupboard under the stairs.



Distraction lady is one who loves to lunch. Get the Harpoon ready.



Jeez it's Fohorn doing the valuation and Auction. She loves French. Blimey.

The usual OAP Zonbie Audience.



Oh fark off. It's a decent workbench not a farking central island for the kitchen.

Eurgh, what is she wearing.



Blues on first. Something's afoot.

Wall hangings profit, vase loss, workbench loss. Hopeless Auctioneering as expected.

Roo's special gift aka BB is a metal cat tea-light holder. Nice pussy.

She paid a tenner. Surely Bawley can't mess this up.

WE HAVE THIS GORGEOUS PUSSY!!!!!!!

She fails to get a profit. Pussy wiped on face.

Blues -45.

 

"Tash discovers the Met's special cupboard under the stairs."
She wants special punishment; look, she's even wearing a cartoon-crim SWAG top.

 

Reds now.

Pencil box makes a profit. Lovely Indian box.

Tea caddy profit. GG?

Decorated saw sings to a 45 profit. Golden Gavel. Excellent work Madders.

His BB is a novelty metal biscuit tin.

Another lovely box screams the Reds.

Jericho loves it. So we have our suspicions.

Surely she can't balls this up as well.

Straight in at 35, 40. It makes 11.

Reds +96. At a Hawley Auction. That is outstanding!!!!

 

What a gorgeous Indian box!
But enough of Roo's undercarriage...what a gorgeous Indian tea box!

 

Madders Masterstrokes at a terrible Bawley Blunderclass.

 

exactly!
"Oh fark off. It's a decent workbench not a farking central island for the kitchen.
Silly cow.

 

marvellous episode.
Characterful contestants, some top items, spondulicks flowing...
And two lovely blackhaired BH bombshells

 

Excellent entertainment.

GGs, Tash in bondage for the theme, Roo looking lovely in purple boots and making a joke about her vices, Madders on top form, 2 decent teams, terrible Hawley outfit and matching Auction.

Lovely side-look and eyebrow raise.



Superb Tash Growler kick.

 

Quite an accurate description I'd say..

 

Phwoarrr!!