Bargain Hunt

@reg_varney this must be the one mentioned in that article you shared a while ago where some lucky bu99er called Jim got to wire her mic on to her bra..

 

Uncle Eric, Lovely Steph, and Madders, BB Royalty.

Soulless Antiques Centre.

2 Teams of Mothers and Daughters.

Did Steph say big one is better or bigamy is better?

OOooooo Betty you're so clumsy.

Blue Mum rides the toy to breakage.



She then almost wipes out a table of crockery. Accident prone. Is that conception night/eve/lunchtime too?

Time to flag up Steph's dress.



Red Bird obviously inspired by a Roo style cup and fondle of a tactile object.

 

Steph instructs how best to grip a tool, a piece of wood.

 

Treebeard Terrorist is the Auctioneer not the Wokesfuhrer.

Otherwise I would've predicted good things for both teams. Now I am not so sure.

Captain Eric Ahab does battle with Moby D1ck.





Jeez that Beard.

Treebeard loves that grenade/bomb shaped perfume/TNT bottle.

I dread to think what that beard looks like after he has a cold or hap been eating tomato soup.

Reds are on.

He's a bit hopeless.

He fails to squeeze an extra 2 pounds. Weeks would have done that no problem.

Another loss for an item he undersells again.

Another loss. Anti-GG.

Madders clock holder BB. Surely a profit.

Terrible bidding. Dutch Auction again.

He is hopeless. Another loss.

A Grand Slam.

Overall -40.

Blues mow.

Hooray a profit. Finally. Should have made more.

The pendant wipes it's face across that awful beard. That should have made a profit you useless idiot.

Painfully going up in 2s.

The tools make a Yorks loss. 1 note.

 

Redbird needs sending to the aforementioned national training college of domestic subjects, where they will teach her to moderate and control her infelicitous voice/accent.

Lovely Steph looking summer fresh. I imagine her tasting of strawberries. 'Cream, luv?'

 

Silver costume jewellery brooch is Steph's BB. 35 notes. Steph says you sometimes need to Gamble or maybe Gambol.

Treebeard struggles to sell Steph's brooch. It loses a fiver.

Total loss 4 notes.

Terrible, terrible Auction. Banish Treebeard to the Afghan Caves where he belongs.

Reasonable items today totally undersold by the Wokesfuhrer's acolyte.

 

needs a good spanking...

 

Blue Bird is not bad though.

 

Although with those teeth, I'd imagine she'd struggle to get a pass from our college at Oral.
It'd certainly require a brave Examiner.

 

Steph v Madeley felt like a champions-league-places level battle. Winners could be in for a title run, etc.

 

This was on our radar last Aug ......

Reg:


Huzzah, one of the missing 8 episodes today. Eric, Madders, Steph, and the Treebeard Terrorist.

Shoe fetishists rejoice.

Easy on the eye Red daughter.

Nice and easy challenges.

Almost a smashing disaster with the condiments.

Poor haggling by the Reds.

Tight Centre Staff. Not a good sign.

Yet another child's mangle.

78 down to 75. Jesus, poor haggling.

Lots of inches says Steph. Snigger.

28 to 25. Can you do 23. I'll have to ask the seller. Bloody hell.

Tough shopping at this Centre. No giveaways from the Scrooge dealers.

BOOM. It's Treebeard Terroriser.

He's certainly no Weeks.

He's a weak version of Weeks.

He's a bit crap on the rostrum. Doesn't squeeze the pips like Treepants.

Has Madders sourced a bargain?

Dreadful Dutch Auction.

Terrible Auction. Quick fetch Timpants now.

Poor Steph.

Jesus. Go for it you numpties.

Awful, awful Auction. No wonder they dropped Treebeard from Gavelling duties. Stick to making the IEDs.

Still a decent episode. Worth watching just to see Steph in action, nice Red bird, and to have a moan at Treepants useless assistant.

OT78:
as for today...wtf.
That auctioneer beard/tache combo should be banned. Edwardian-meets-BinLadian=ghasty mess

arf:
"Stick to making the IEDs."

Liked that fan.

Hilarious seeing the hideous Red BB sink.

Pink-cheek Steph so cute apologising for her BB before it's even been judged

Reg:
Emily Thornberry showing Uncle Eric around the Covid Institute of Footwear.



OT78:
Thornberry dopple also reminiscent of alleged comedian Kiri Pritchard-McLean

[Recent comment: Arf arf, very good spot]

Reg:
She's so unfunny it should lead to a criminal charge.

Treebeard imploring his Audience to bid for a blaze of glory. Is that Alan Ayckbourn he's crying out for? The Zonbies look on transfixed by a juicy brain on a beard.



OT78:
Get Taliban Treebeard to blow her up for being unburkah'd and doing a man's job. We know he's got the gear:

"...Madders BB clockless clock, which ended up as a bit of skipware, one wonders if Treebeard half-inched the mechanism for one of his pyrotechnic surprises."

No accident that the pinko terrorist-huggers at the BBC gave BH to Beardy on today of all days?!

"On 15 August 2021, Kabul was captured by the Taliban..."

British giallo, claims Radio Times...
Hmm. Reg?

Legend channel tonight:

https://www.radiotimes.com/movie-guide/b-kgn7v9/the-fiend/
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fiend_(film)

Reg:
aka Beware My Brethren. The great Patrick Magee. The uncut version used to crop up late on BBC1 on a Fri/Sat night.

Decent UK Blu-Ray release too:
https://www.dvdcompare.net/comparisons/film.php?fid=49275

Clive:


Naaa-hahaha!

Naaa-hahaha!

That's All Folks!

Reg:
I didn't realise Boycie was contracted with Looney Tunes.

Clive:


Awful kick. Ragged and slack. They should certainly have been made to do it again.

Steph is the worst. What does she think she's doing. She needs to wheel about 70 degrees to her left, get rid of the 'I'm a little teapot' nonsense and get that kick UP!

Reg:
The Covid diagonal is far too narrow.

Nasty view of Madders sweaty crotch too. The number of jockstraps that have been there will be legendary.

 

Re-up from last August with some additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Brackley 6
Series 57
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000n7zz
Bargain Hunt comes from Northamptonshire, where Eric Knowles discovers one of the largest shoe collections in the world. The red and blue teams try to make a profit with the help of experts Richard Madley and Stephanie Connell at the Brackley Antiques Cellar.

The Translation:
And then there were 7, well after today that is. Is this part way through some Agatha Christie murderthon? No. Is it the start of a classic John Sturges western or Akira Kurosawa samurai bloodbath? No, again. It's the fact that today's episode is one of those which until now have been missing from the database. To celebrate Christie-style, Agatha not John, we have Uncle Eric as today's Hercule Poirot who's joined by Our Steph Marple and Madders Maigret who's wondered in from the wrong set of books. Will the mystery of the Bargains be solved, did the BB, Butler Buy, make a killing, did today's Auctioneer, who suspiciously looks like Prof Moriarty from the Baker Street Auction Rooms, moonlighting from another set of books, thwart the Mystery of the Golden Gavels.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, as safe as houses, he does love a sausage
[Red Team Expert] Richard Madley not Madeley, SportsMad D1ckko Madders
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, poster girl for The 93%, Go Steph
[Auctioneer] Allan Qaeda-Hughes, the Treebeard Terroriser
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms, Chippenham, Wilts
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Local Government Officer Mother and Child minding daughter.
(Challenge: Hallmarked silver)
[Blue Team] Teacher Mother (BBC BAME box ticked) and Psychologist Daughter
(Challenge: Piece of gold jewellery)

The Shopping:
Reds: Not tin-plate children's toy till (20) OK, 1921 Chester silver topped cut glass perfume bottle (75) ouch struggle, Large Japanese bamboo wall fan (23) good, he's happy.
Blues: Phrenology head book ends (28) OK, 9ct gold multi-gem heart-shaped pendant necklace (75) OK, Garden weeder and hoe (25) OK.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric discovers one of the largest shoe collections in the world. No, it doesn't belong to Imelda Marcos or to our beloved Saint Elton Hercules John. It's actually a shoo-in for a Guiness Book of World Records Record, belonging to the National Rail lost property office. It's ridiculous what some people leave behind on trains or in station toilets, if you can find one that's open and not occupied as some commuter quickie love-nest cottage or by some Scottish tramp. Careful trying to shoe them out or you may receive a shoeing yourself. Derby and Oxford are mentioned. Those station toilets are notorious and are immortalised in numerous graffiti invitations.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Not tin-plate children's toy till (2 note loss), 1921 Chester silver topped cut glass perfume bottle (loss), Large Japanese bamboo wall fan (small loss).
Madders BB is a French model sail boat minus it's clock (35), 50-80, 20. Oh dear, it barely registered a bid.

​

Blues: Phrenology head book ends (2 note profit), 9ct gold multi-gem heart-shaped pendant necklace (evens stevens), Garden weeder and hoe (1 note loss).
Steph's BB is an Italian silver costume jewellery brooch (35), 15-25, 30. Unlucky Steph, victim of a terrible Auction.

​

The Aftermath:
A post pandemic special with Scrooge dealers and very tight Antique Centre Staff in a Post-Apocalyptic wasteland dotted with Antiques and a walkway carpet, so discounts at an absolute Premium, virtually non-existent. Couple this with Weak Weeks, the Al Qaeda-Hughes Treebreard terroriser at an Auction populated by decaying Zombies and a beard-obscured single screen internet portal. Jack Spratt's wife Fat Chance. Madders Reds were hopeless hagglers, not really trying to get discounts and meekly accepting a fiver off rather than applying the emotional blackmail, coupled with thumbscrews and arm-twisting. A 40 GBP Grand Slam of losses prevailed including Madders BB clockless clock, which ended up as a bit of skipware, one wonders if Treebeard half-inched the mechanism for one of his pyrotechnic surprises. For the Blues, Steph did well steering her team away from profit dead-ends, and was unlucky in that the chosen items only made a small profit, a big spend break even and a small loss on items that should have done better at Auction. Steph took a punt on some BB bling and once again fell just short and a 4 pound overall loss. They should have just grabbed the real glorious Wokesfuhrer Weeks and rescued the programme, perhaps he was indisposed invading the Soviet Union. Despite the car crash Auction, it was still a decent episode, with the always lovely and good value Steph, and a cheeky sneaky peak Red Bird and a shoo-in for a Distraction. Boom-BOOM.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor Covid diagonal kick on uneven grass with Uncle Eric wearing one of his shirts from the sixties. Reasonable effort all round with reasonable coordination. Red Bird has Steph-style skirt issues, which is a shame. Unfortunately, Steph's end of line sneaky peak is blocked by the Blue Team. Yes, YES!!

​

 

See above. Arf.

 

could it be he's trying for a world record for being stuck in a lift?

 

Avid for a carrot to bite. Gents beware.

 

'Great news coming our way'...the lift cable just snapped?

 

thats mighty impressive! If i may misquote, "fine arts" on display.

 

Is Redbird howling because someone appears to have stolen her teeth?

 

...and here's someone nearby who suddenly seems to have twice the normal amount of teeth...



"You're my smile now, Dave"

 

"flashing", "pinking", "a hot tool", "a squirty bottle"...
Tash's feature today is a target-rich environment

 

a limited-edition dodo.
well, yes, it would be.

"find me another one" begs to be said.

Lovely little dog.

oooh, what a result!

 

You won't like these says Sarky. They're quality. LOL.

Blues on first.

Bronze Catherine disaster as expected.

Strange Auction.

John Bolton and his acolyte in the Audience again.

 

Crikey, Martel strutting around on Homes under the hammer and now Tash on the prowl.

Pure jock delights today

 

Southon has piled on as many pounds as her third item just lost.
Chipped nail varnish too. Ghastly outfit to boot.
Come on, girl, make an effort; some of us have jugs to fill.

 

Just realised that's a nice bit of nominative determinism!

 

Martel is a bit like a f*ckable Lulu, imho.

 

Seamlessly done I may add

 

Sarky barks out YES!!!!!! during the Kick. Caught me by surprise.

 

That's a really low bar.

She reminds me of Georgina Hale in Ken Russell's The Devils.

 

Scandalous comparison, Lulu wishes she was showing us round a damp ridden geordie 1 bed semi. Ironic given my state when Martel appeared.

 

I'm nearly 57.

So are my standards.

But I reckon Lulu could still manage to make a hard shiny 12 inches emerge from its sheath...

 

Good spot!
p.s Bowen fast asleep. No loud noises, please, lest his PTSD kicks off.

Anyway, do please excuse me, as I am off to watch lovely Diane on TPix in ten minutes..