another little joke - last today. promise.

Discussion in 'Taylor's Tittle-Tattle - General Banter' started by berkshirehorn, Jun 3, 2010.

  1. berkshirehorn

    berkshirehorn presumably I upset/disappointed someone

    On her US radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

    The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a fan, which was posted on the Internet
    .

    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.

    I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

    When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. Its in the Bible - end of argument!

    I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how best to follow them.

    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21 . In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. 1 . The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. Clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

    7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wriggle room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

    Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your adoring fan.
     
  2. AlexWatford

    AlexWatford Reservist

    Very good!
     
  3. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    I can't tell if that was pro-gay or anti-Jew.
     
  4. berkshirehorn

    berkshirehorn presumably I upset/disappointed someone

    wouldn't say it was either. anti bigot more like.
     
  5. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Good. 'Cos I like gays and I like Jews. But which is better?
     
  6. berkshirehorn

    berkshirehorn presumably I upset/disappointed someone

    there's only one to find out
     
  7. afanof

    afanof First Team

    Didn't President Bartlett do this first?
     
  8. berkshirehorn

    berkshirehorn presumably I upset/disappointed someone

    lost me
     
  9. afanof

    afanof First Team

  10. berkshirehorn

    berkshirehorn presumably I upset/disappointed someone

  11. berkshirehorn

    berkshirehorn presumably I upset/disappointed someone

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