Its a Play Off special!! Its time for Aidy’s Play-off Team Talk!! Aidy – Ok gather around you lot! Aidy – Right we’ve a lot of preparations to make and hard work to do if we are to reach the Premiership! Everyone needs to play his part! (continues) Firstly just to announce that there have been a couple of departures. Matt Jackson has left us after a year and we wish Matt all the best. Has he, er…. left the building? Malky – Aye, he left about an hour ago. Aidy – (Pulls a face) Blimey! he was rubbish wasn’t he! Jackson – (Voice coming in from outside) I heard that! Aidy – Is he still here! How long is it taking him to leave!! Malky -(looking out of the window) He’s still crossing the car park. At his speed he’ll clear the gates in about half an hour! Jackson - Oooh me poor legs!! Aidy – How slow is he?! (Ruefully) That’s a few bob we’ll never see again! Aidy – (Continues) We have also said goodbye to Jordan Stewart. At this stage of his career, considering our position, Jordan’s age and a whole host of other factors we came to the mutual agreement that Jordan should seek another club and he goes with all the best wishes of the club and the playing staff and our thanks. Malky – Were there any other factors involved boss? Aidy – Yes, I’d have killed the useless ******* if he’d have stayed 5 minutes longer! Aidy – (Continues) Now, its a relief we have made the play-offs and I was very pleased with the performance at Blackpool… Smith – I’m player of the year by the way everyone!! (To himself) ‘Ball comes through to Smith, takes a touch, takes the defender out, shoots! WHAT A GOAL!!! SMITH!!…. United must score! BUT SMITH HAS SAVED IT!!! HE REALLY IS BRILLIANT! Tommy Smith'!! Players – (Groans) Aidy (Coughs) Hmnn. Thank you Tommy. Now much has been made off the, er frank exchange of views following the S****horpe game. Frankly I’m not bothered by that, I appreciate the honesty and the passion. I respect the desire! Tamas – Why then me have to write 500 lines ‘Must not call boss ’useless hoofball mental case’? Aidy – Because you took it too far you useless streak of offside-lingering ball-dodging pish!! Demerit – Gee! So boss, what’s our team-based strategic direction for the soccer play offs? We are all a little nervous at playing Hull again. Aidy – Have no apprehension my American friend. The play-offs hold no fears for us! And to raise your spirits I have arranged some very special guests for you all! Figure enters dressing room Figure (Broad brummie accent) – Allow everoyboiday, oim back!! Aidy – It’s Gavin Mahon everybody! Team – (Uneasy mumblings) Gavin – Oi yurd yow were in noid of these brommays talonts in the modfild, sow oim ere to alp the ournots een their toime owve noid!! Eustace – I’m not sure I see the point! Gavin – (points) John, ere it eees!! That’s urrgzackerly it! Oim ere tao pont the woy to the prameyuurrshurp!! Team – (Together) Hooray!! Follow the Finger! Follow the Finger! Aidy – And that’s not all! Here to wish us well, three of your ex-fellows, Ashley Young, Marlon King and Hameur Bouazza!! Three players enter, all blinged up to the nines. Aidy – Marlon? Marlon – Yo! Aidy - Ashley? Ashley – Bruv. Aidy – Hameur? Hameur – Burs!! Eees me Hameur! Burk to zee zees Hawnurts!! (Fist clenched salute) Curmurn zees Gurlderrn Burrs!! Team – Hooray!! Hameur – Burs do yo rememburr wurn we beat zees Pleamurfs in zees Eff Ay Curp!! Weeve an Hameur ruckurt!! I wurd do annyzing to turn urt fur zee Wuffurd zees weekurnd! Aidy – What’s stopping you? Hameur – Er,..Aburt 20k a wurk. Aidy – See your point. Hameur – (Quietly) Bert burs shurd zee Foolhams get ze drurp and zees Wuffurd’s go urp, durn’t fergurt erld Hameur eh? Aidy – Message received! Ok, I want you all to remember that everyone has their part to play! Every member of the team, every member of the squad could make a vital contribution… Malky – Except Jordan Stewart... Aidy – Yes that’s correct.. Jay – And Matt Jackson. Aidy – Yes… McAnuff – Or Theo Robinson Aidy – Yes quite… Rinaldi – I vill not play zat is for sure. Aidy – No that’s true.. Ainsworth – I might get five minutes Aidy – Unlikely, but you might… Chamberlain – Or Keith Burkinshaw, he’s left…Or Mart Poom Poom - T7000 Poominator in sleep mode zzzzzz Aidy – Ok ok.. Smith – Or Will Hoskins.. Aidy – OK ENOUGH!! Eustace – What will you be doing boss? Aidy – I will proceed through the game with my usual triangular approach. Furrow brow, cross arms, clutch straws!! Now its time we hit the training field! We’ve got to intensively practice the aspects of the game that will see us promoted!! Ellington – Incisive passing, running with the ball? Aidy – No we are going to do nine hours of penalties!! Henderson – (Groans) Penalties! Nurse my pills!! Malky – One last thing boss – What’s the reward for the players if we do get promoted? Aidy – It’ll be a brilliant achievement and they’ll always have my thanks and admiration. Frankly however given the way this seasons gone I’m going to sell most of them and get on the phone to Carlos Kickaball straightaway!! Aidy - Altogether now! HOOF!! Team – HOOF!!!
Very good, so good I read it twice. Like the introduction of King , Young and Bouazza in their Bling.
