Aidy's Friday Teamtalk Aidy - Ok settle down you lot! Malky - Aye you Jobi Mackerduff! - PSP away please! (Stretches and winces) Ooh mae knee!! Aidy - Easy Malky, you're not getting any younger. Aidy - (Continues) Right! I hope we are all rested and relaxed following the international break, I....Is everyone back? Where's Al Bangura? Bangura - Here boss! Once again, I am very sorry indeed for the mix up! Aidy - Noted and I will, by the way, be setting up a new campaign for you, the 'Free Al Bangura' campaign. Bangura - Thanks so much boss! Aidy - Yes, I've circulated it that you'll be available on a 'free' if you pull that stunt again. Aidy - (Continues) Still some good news as last game not only did win but we also welcomed back to the Vic, Darren Ward. ( Pats him on the back and smiles) The old place must have seen a few changes since you left eh? Ward - Yes. I left when Vi@lli took over and Watford had lots of money. Now it seems like there isn't a pot to p*ss in. Aidy - Well yes perhaps, but there must be other changes Ward - Oh yes, the new shop, ticket office, administration.... Aidy - (Defensively) Who mentioned administration!! There's never been any danger of adminstration at this club!!.. Ward - No, no, I mean the club adminstration. Its all done differently! Talking of which I didn't quite understand my signing on bonus. Aidy - In what respect? Ward - Well what exactly are 'Dr Cap' vouchers and how do I use them? Hoskins - Mate they are wicked! - I got one each for my goals! Bought this brilliant hat! (Puts on cap with hammer and false arm on) Ward - You look a total ***. Richard Lee - That's a bespoke import only item! How many vouchers did they ask you for! Priskin - I also get Dr Cap vouchers in place of money! Endless promises have been broken to naive young Hungarian! Hungarian only have so many heads! Aidy - Well 'Hungarian' only score so many goals. Look, we all have to make some cutbacks! You can use them for gifts!! Its the credit crunch you know! Demerit - Yeh its bad this credit crunch thing guys. I hear some Championship players are having to consider buying cars like BMW 3 series. Top range models of course, but I mean a Saloon car.... Players - (Consolingly), Oh that's awful! Tut tut!! Championship players!!... Aidy - Well don't get whatever Jordan Stewart had. If its anything like him it'll be sh*t at taking corners. Players - (Laughing) Wahey!! Can I play on the right against Derby?!! etc. Aidy - Talking of Derby, how whiffy was that result they had against Norwich? Deary me! A warning to anyone here who gets approached by betting syndicates, there's to be an investigation into that one. I for one knew something was up rightaway. Malky - How so boss? Aidy - Well Nathan Ellington scored the winner for a start. (Raises eyebrows alarmingly) Aidy - (Continues) Anyway, cutbacks are required what with these injuries. Blimey, if I need to loan a new player after each game that's another 38 signings by the end of the season! Talking of Injuries, Mart. How are you feeling? Poom - (Robotic voice) T700 Poominator - bit poorly right now. Programming re-write, new software in place. 36 year old Poominator to be discouraged from vaulting six foot tall strikers like big girl. Ooh my lumbago. (Players Mutter on) Aidy - Well what is it? Jay as captain can you speak for your colleagues? Demerit - Gee, Aidy I guess it its better out than in. (Looks sheepish) Some of the guys are worried that you might be about to quit. Aidy - I see. And the others. Demerit - Well they are delighted. Aidy - Let me make it clear I made some commitments to this club when I first arrived. I undertook for example, to put one division between us and our Bedfordshire rivals and I intend to let nothing stop me from achieving that goal by the end of the season! Demerit - Aidy, some of us think you might have run out of ideas. Aidy - I see. and the others. Demerit - Well they think you have plenty of daft ones left. Aidy - Absolutely. But didn't the mystic philosopher Xin Xao once say 'What seems like madness can be merely be the unobscuring of misleading clouds'? Players - (Much nodding and sage looks) Mmmm! MYSTICAL CLAPTRAP!!! FOLLOW AIDY!!!! Aidy - Now alot has been written about Elton showing his concern for the club the other week and I want us to take our inspirational cue from the man himself and his music. No more talk of defeat! Our clarion call should be 'I'm still standing, better than I've ever been'! Demerit - Soccer Rocks Boss! (Stands to address players) Saturday night's alright for fighting!! Players - HOORAY!! Mariappa - That one about the cartoon lion!! That's wicked that one!! Players - HOORAY!! Aidy - That's the spirit!! .....By the way Gregorz, you've got the inside track on Saturday's game - what can you tell us? Rasiak - Former big spenders stripped of stars, have to rely on youth. Chairman not popular, fans unhappy. Can't afford my wages and heading for the toilet in the credit crunch.....(Realises) Oh as for Southampton, I've not been there for a few months.... Malky - Boss boss!! A word!! Aidy - What is it Malky, I'm trying to do the teamtalk... Malky - They've called an EGM!!!.... To be continued..one day...
Top notch, bored mate? All over the poominator bit, that made me laugh and i recieved some strange looks in the office.
You are a very funny man Moose. And it better be soon. You can't dangle a carrot like that and not follow up. PS. I want the weekly team talk back!
