28 Rules to Manhood

Discussion in 'Taylor's Tittle-Tattle - General Banter' started by Cude>2<, Feb 21, 2007.

  1. Cude>2<

    Cude>2< First Team Captain

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
    (e) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
    killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend
    out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
    limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
    forbidden.
    However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
    man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
    optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's
    choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
    weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
    ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
    playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought
    her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose
    of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
    sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model
    and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed
    to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
    anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
    spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
    drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
    remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
    pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
    about his choice of beer.


    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
    yours,except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
    weights:
    a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:

    i.e.,both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
    situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
    need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer
    than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
    Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
    have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
    and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before
    the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
    for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,

    orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
    Christmas?"
    with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of
    story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
    Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
    informed, the definition of each is listed below: "GUTS" is arriving
    home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your
    wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning
    or are you flying somewhere?" "BALLS" is coming home late after a
    night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your
    collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say,
    "You're next!"

    :]]
     
  2. Rookery_'Orn!

    Rookery_'Orn! Squad Player

  3. crazylegz' back again

    crazylegz' back again First Year Pro

    Chris i Agree with most!!!!!
     
  4. UEA_Hornet

    UEA_Hornet First Team Captain

    Hahaha good find Mr.Cude! ;D
     
  5. Echo

    Echo Squad Player


    so am i still a spy then??;)
     
  6. lm_wfc

    lm_wfc First Team

    nope, you have passed, but i dont know about helena, shes only 15 i think, so therefore you will not have drunk as much as say (a random person) crazylegz. beat him and you will be accepted. otherwise bye :sign16: ;)
     
  7. orns4life

    orns4life Squad Player

    :]] like it
     
  8. WoodyWfc

    WoodyWfc Squad Player

    quality mate!;D
     
  9. helena_watf

    helena_watf Reservist

    I don't drink much
     
  10. Harrow Orn

    Harrow Orn Squad Player

    Thats cool ;D
     
  11. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    ;d;d;d;d;d;d;d;d;d;d;d
     
  12. davidnewtonwfc

    davidnewtonwfc Reservist

    All of them are quality! But I like this one the most! :]] ;)

     
  13. Arthur Daley

    Arthur Daley Guest

    not being called james, perry etc

    not drinking cider

    not wearing bovi stone island

    not being too tall

    not giving it large to home fans, the chipping off..
     

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