2011 CL Final as it happened.

Welcome to Wembley stadium for the 2010-11 Champions league Final, which pitches the Champions of England Manchester United against the Champions of La Liga.

Of course both of these teams have tasted victory at this stadium in this competition, Barcelona beating Sampdoria in 1992 and United emerging triumphant in 1968 against Benfica. It is understood that many Manchester United fans were unaware of that victory, as it took place many years before football was invented in 1992.

I am happy to report that the travel scare over the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud has diminished and that the hordes of Catalan Barcelona supporters have been able to get across to London unhindered. Sadly the United fans have not been quite so fortunate. Severe delays on the London Underground caused by a Tube driver calling in sick has meant that up to 30,000 of their fans have had to set off early for the match, thus missing Doctor Who.

19:44:- The Barcelona fans are in good voice singing their club song, whilst the Man U fans also sing their anthem, which seems to involve ‘not killing anyone’

19:45:- Kick off: The teams kick off, with Barca in their traditional red and blue kit and Man United wearing all white, just as they did in 2009 when Barcelona battered them.

19:48:- The first meaningful attack of the game as ‘An unnamed premier league footballer’ plays it through for Rooney, who beats the offside trap. However the United forward made his worst choice since he opted for Ethel instead of Doreen in the Sefton Park br0thel by choosing to shoot instead of playing in Hernandez.

20:03:- Almost twenty minutes in and Messi rounds Vidic and Evra to get in a shooting position but seems to be put off by the ridiculous open-mouthed face pulled by Van der Sar as he shapes to shoot.

20:05:-The United fans are in full voice singing songs about Liverpool.

20:20:- The match is held up as Giggs consults his pitch side lawyer and instructs him to take the names of the thousands who have clearly been heard shouting his name.

20:21: The United fans singing ‘You Scouse B4$tard’ to Barcelona’s Argentinian centre back Mascherano.

20:29:- Almost half time here at Wembley and a major talking point. The ball is in the United net and the referee at first appears to award a goal to Barcelona. However before play resumes the fourth official, Italian Howardio Webbio, comes on to the pitch and persuades the Hungarian referee to disallow the goal. Pep Guardiola is livid, but Ferguson explains to him that Xavi clearly breathed aggresively on Carrick in the build up.

Half Time: Manchester United 0 Barcelona 0

During the half time interval pundit Gary Neville and Jamie Redknapp looked back at the first 45 mins of action. Neville said that it was obvious that Manchester would emerge victorious as Barca had a scouse tw8t in their side. Ben Shepherd looked bemused.

20:46:- We are under way in the second half and Barcelona are quickly on the front foot.

20:48:- The referee has to stop play so that make-up can be applied to Alex Ferguson’s nose, as it was clashing with the red and blue (purple) Barca shirts. On at least three occasions Iniesta had tried to play a quick one-two off the offending nasal organ.

21:00:- Its getting tense now. Mascherano trips Nani and the tears flow. The referee orders Nani off to get a tissue whilst Masch is shown a yellow card.

21:00:- ‘Un unnamed Premier League player’ shows great imogenation with a seductive thrust down the middle, before going down. However, I am not allowed to tell you about that.

21:09:- Park, who had come out late after the interval, because he had heard that they were selling hot dogs in the main stand, plays in Evra but the Frenchman misses the ball completely as he was still chasing the referee form an incident two minutes earlier.

21:15:- 75 minutes. GOAL : Barcelona 1 Manchester United 0
A quick exchange between Iniesta, Xavi and Messi leads to a shooting chance for David Villa who despatches it into the net and wheels away in celebration. As the Catalans in the crowd go wild, the Mancunians call Villa a ‘scouse dastard’ (apparently he once watched an episode of Bread on Espana Gold)

21:25:- Time is running out for Man United, and the whole of Britain is willing them to equalise , writes Martin Samuel in the press box.

21:26:- Nani is on the ground crying. The ITV commentators say that it must be serious as Nani is not the sort of player to stay down unless he is seriously injured.

21:27:- Gerard Pique heads just over the bar. Ferguson , chewing profusely in his technical area shrugs and says “He’s shiyte!”

21:30:- Howardio Webbio, consults Fergie before holding up the board to indicate that there will be a minimum of eleven minutes stoppage time. Many of the United fans are already leaving the stadium, as the last tube train leaves at ten.

21:33:- The Man United fans are being wonderful in the face of impending defeat here, continuing to sing the inspirational ‘without killing anyone’ anthem.

21:40:- Puyol is looking worn out here. With his long curly hair, and weathered lined features Wayne Rooney seems to be taking a shine to him however.

21:41:- Into the last minute. Ferguson is pleading with Webbio on the touchline, “Do something! Anything!”, but the fourth official is powerless.

Rio Ferdinand has spent most of the last five minutes in attack, and as a cross from Valencia flashes across the box Rio very nearly gets his lips on the end of it.

22:42:- The referee blows for full time and whilst the whole Manchester United squad chase the official around the perimeter of the famous turf Lionel Messi and his teammates celebrate. Ferguson concedes graciously that the best team lost.
Fergie later refused to do any further interviews and threatens to slap a press conference ban on all journalists who dare to print the final score.

Later, as the floodlights went out and the famous stadium was plunged into twilight, illuminated only by the silvery moonlight, an eerie stillness fell across the scene. The stillness was interrupted only by the fluttering of a lone red flag hanging from the media gantry where John Bradley had been commentating for UEFA…. It simply read “LFC ***** 5 times “

 

I want Manchester Utd to win. Sorry.

 

:sign15::biggrin:

 

Can't take credit for that Birdy, copied off LFC's website, made me chuckle though.

 

Ryan Gigg's wife has walked out on him and is getting half of everything.





She now has 6 more league winner's medals than Steven Gerrard!

 

hilarious.

The only ship not to dock in Liverpool is the Premiership, blah blah.

dalglish & ferguson walk into a bar, barman says 'sorry kenny, over 18's only etc etc

 

Kenny Dalglish goes into Church to confess his sins. The priest beckons him over to the confession box saying ''Come forth my son''.

Dalglish looks over shocked and replies ''Come forth?! We'll be lucky to finish f**king tenth!!!''

 

Me too.

 

Me three. Always support the English team and as much as I despise him as a person it would be great to see Fergie get a third European Cup.

If his team manages to beat that Barcelona team tomorrow then I think it's safe to say once and for all that he is the greatest British manager ever.

 

Sounds like you hijacked that almost exactly word for word from Gary Lineker's interview with the BBC ahead of the final the other day.

Lineker then proceeded to say that he probably is the Greatest British Manager ever, if not, the greatest manager ever etc etc.

 

What interview is this?

I haven't seen that but the same sentiments have been pretty much all over the media this week.

 

Me four. I agree with above but don't despise Fergie. He is just a master at playing mind games with the opposition and media. It's no different to Mourinho, Wenger or probably Cloughie used to do just that Fergie has been doing it for so long and is better than most.

 

Fergie's a c***. Rooney's a c***. Rio's a c***. Giggs has turned out to be a c*nt. Paul Scholes is a little ginger c***. United fans are c***s. I'd support an english team if they weren't all total t055p0ts.

 

I want Utd to win but Fergie is still no match to Bob Paisley, he was the best

 

I hate the Premiership, Man U, the England team and everything, but I want Man U to win.

Having witnessed the disgrace that was Barca's semi-final, I don't think I can ever support them again. The so called 'best team in the world' wouldn't cheat every other minute.

 

I also want Man Utd to win it. Not just because it's an English team but I think Barca need to be taken down a peg.

When I do look at the Barca team sheet though, it is quite something.

I was in the Camp Nou shop in Barcelona a few days ago and saw all the new shirts where they are now sponsored by "qatar foundation". Relegating the Unicef logo to the back.

 

F**k off man u
f**k off barca
f**k off liverpool

i love watford i do

 

Did actually laugh out loud at that!

 

:sign15: It's safe to say i don't want a bunch of ***** to win later. Hope Barca hammer them, that should shut all the plastics up. Got a feeling Manure might fluke a result though

 

People that are writing Man Utd off as a bunch of c*nts seem to be forgetting that Barca aren't exactly whiter than white. Remember the farce that was El Classico where Barca were the main perpetrators?

They have the three worst cheats in football in their side and to be honest the majority of their team are a bunch of cheats.

As much as I dislike Man Utd and their fans you can't say the same about them. Only Nani springs to mind as a persistent diver in their team and he is made to look a saint compared to the likes of Alves, Mascherano and Busquets.

If Man Utd win it will be a victory for football. I couldn't bare to see a bunch of diving, crying little girls lift one of the most prestigious prices in football twice in the space of a year.

 

It is extremely difficult to support a side that contains Wayne Rooney, which is another reason why I struggle to support the National side. He doesn't deserve to be a bin man let alone a professional footballer earning £250k p/w. Nani, Rafael, Evra, Fabio, Giggs, Scholes, Rooney, Rio, all pr1cks.

 

I find it hard to call someone a pr1ck without having ever met them

 

How can you say Rooney doesn't deserve to be a professional footballer?

Have you not seen how great a player he is?

 

Man Utd aren't whiter than white either, as you would expect under Fergie, but they are made to look like saints compared to Barcelona.

And I would not compare Rooney to the world's elite just yet but to say he doesn't deserve to play professional football is ridiculous.

 

He's a nob'ed. When he retires he'll probably just get released into the wild or something

 

Don't like some of their decisions, doesn't mean I can comment on them as people because I have never met them and don't know them

 

Watching Barcelona is literally a lesson in football. No one can argue with that.

 

I don't care what people say. Love him or hate him, the 1 Utd player that would actually work in the Barca team would be that man. Wayne Rooney.

 

Nah, not fit to clean my bins. How he has managed to steal a career in football is beyond me.

 

Man Utd clearly need Lloyd Doyley at left back.