Bargain Hunt

Legacy Review.
BBC approved preamble:
London 11 (Children in Need 2016 Special)
S46E01
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b083hgfb
Natasha Raskin Sharp presents from Spitalfields Market in London's east end. Battling it out are Radio 1 DJs Dev Griffin and Alice Levine and Radio 4 presenters Nick Robinson and Aasmah Mir, while experts David Harper and Christina Trevanion join in the fun.

The Translation:
Groan. It's a Children In Need Special. 2 Teams of Radio celebs, more Groaning. DayGlo Harper, another Groan, Tubby Auction, even more dissatisfaction, Tash in Leathers and tight Salmon Pink Jeans, things looking up, Christina as an expert, a different sort of Groaning, things definitely on the Up! If the Auction is stupid and the profits are stupid and people just bidding because it's Celebs In Need, then the results will not be added to the database. (Note: It wasn't stupid, result will be added).

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] David Harper
[Blue Team Expert] Christina Trevanion
[Auctioneer] Thomas Forrester
[Auction Location] SAS Newbury
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Radio 1 DJs Dev Griffin and Alice Levine, who they? At least it's not DLT the Hairy Pervert or Yorkshire's Arch Paedo Monster.
(Blue Team] Radio 4 presenters Nick Robinson and Aasmah Mir.

​

The Shopping:
Reds: Bronze figurine (20) Good, Mid-century necklace (1) Profit profit profit, Plastic replica of Tutankhamun (150) ouch oooffff, Tubbt can't stop laughing.
Blues: Dynatron Nomad wireless (15) fine but Tubby snotty about it, Victorian Henry Matthews silver tray (50) brilliant, Totopoly horse racing game (12) guaranteed profit.

The Distraction:
None.

The Auction:
Reds: Bronze figurine (100 profit), Mid-century necklace (79 profit), Plastic replica of Tutankhamun (110 loss).
DayGlo's BB is an 1960s Italian Table football game (30), 20-30, 45. A decent profit for a decent item.

​

Blues: Dynatron Nomad wireless (5 profit), Victorian Henry Matthews silver tray (5 profit) GG on, Totopoly horse racing game (10 profit) the GGs bring on the GG.
Christina's BB is a 1928 enamelled silver cigarette case with a horse's head panel (200), Tubby shoots his load over it like we've done for the buyer, 80-120, what a ballsy buy, wow, 90. Ooof, a big 110 loss Christina. Some favours will have to be called in for this.

​

The Aftermath:
This originally aired in November 2016. Christina very much going for the Horny Teacher look. She's very flirty, very touchy-feely, laughing and joking, producing a huge dirty laugh at the end of the shop when Aasmah Mir went the wrong way. DayGlo was perving all over the Female Radio 1 DJ. He's really got a throat fetish. The 1 note necklace was a bit of a cheat as they were originally wanting 120 for it but fancied the DJ and hoped to curry favour with her after the shoot. Tubby is as Bumptious as he normally is, it's obviously he's always been this insufferable. DayGlo's Reds made a ton profit on the figurine, was this another one of thos loaded charity Auctions? The 1 note necklace then went for 80, which is what it was valued at, then the big plastic mask of Tutankhamun, brought everyone back down to earth with a 110 loss. So, no, it's not a loaded Auction. The Table Football turns in a profit and the Reds make 84 notes for chari-dee. Christina is let loose with over 200 notes to spend for her BB. Dangerous, isn't it, she dirtily laughs. Small but perfectly formed is the comment. Yes she is. She turns up with a new hairstyle for the Auction, more akin to her familiar one. Christina's Blues start off by making 3 small profits on their 3 first items for a Golden Gavel. Christina then bought a lovely silver and enamel cigarette case for a whopping 200 notes. A big gamble particularly at a Tubby Auction. Would her bold, brassy move, pay off. No, it sinks like a big brass monkey hurtling to the bottom of the ocean with a 110 note loss. The Charity Auditors will be putting Christina across their knee for a right old spanking. Lucky them. Pudsey's sack is 90 notes lighter just as ours are after thinking about the Charity punishment.

​

I take full responsibility confesses Christina as she now knows what to expect. Any losses will have to be earned many times over when Tubby's Auction Rooms are transformed after 6 pm every evening into Tubbyfellows, Pleasure Emporium, Special Ahem Services, wink, cough. Arses will have to worked off, quite literally, male or female. The Diversity meter is set to 11. No wonder they call Newbury the Las Vegas of Royal Berkshire. People will start queueing outside overnight as soon as word gets round that Christina will be working Tubby's special booth for the next 7 days, maybe more. No wonder Tubby had to change his name from Plant when the syndicates wanted a slice of the action, particularly that lot in the Castle up the road.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Tash and Radio 1 Bird up high for decent Growler kicks, which Nick Robinson analyses deeply. DayGlo's right hand is up to no good. Everyone else more or less hits par. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Hairstyle transformation.

 

Christina is so flirty with the contestants and dealers.



She indulges in a Pinkie promise. Will a Purple promise be on the cards.



Yup, we agree Nick.

​

Feisty talk from the Princess.

​

Aasmah heads off the wrong way. Sympathy abounds with an enormous Dirty Laugh.



Yep and ready for milking. Form an orderly queue behind me please.

​

DayGlo on his own Personal Mission of Perv.

​

​

Creepy

​

Hang The DJ?

​

Actually a decent Audience for once. Must be excited by the Celebs In Need nonsense.

​

 

Interestingly or not, I found 2 versions of this episode. Both near enough the same length. One with loads of shots of Pudsey and segments about the charitable work and the other with no Pudsey whatsover, just a mention abput the profits going to charity. There was even 2 seperate wrap-ups ans 2 seperate HiKicks. Was the Pudsey one for the UK market and the other for oversees? It's like discovering a new Jess Franco edit. 2 seperate versions filmed in parallel.

 

Princess in spectacles, Tash in cosplay teddys*x set-up...have we stumbled into the fetish zone?

 

That adornment has definitely resulted in +1 being added to the Pleasurometer.

 

Christina so flirty, DayGlo so creepy. It must have been First Prize in the Euromillions lottery to be Pudsey that day.

In both HiKicks, Nick Robinson is having a good old look at the Growlers on display.

Pudsey can barely lift his leg due to "structural" issues.

It's a Xmas double-header next. Only one of them has been located but I have scripts for both. Same location for the pretend Xmas Auction but different experts.

Interesting Season 46, Christina as Presenter, Auctioneer, and Expert at times. Can't wait.

 

Back to the present. Foghorn, Tubby, Sarky, and Di1ckie Dalek.

Mounty Dong's Spanish Lady Gardens. Let's see how much seed he gets to sow.

Foghorn proposes a Night on the Tiles. WE all make our excuses and hurriedly leave.

Busy fair. That always helps.

Great excitement at the Auction she says.

Retired married Red couple. They will moan and gripe. She loves mice. Dread to think what her house looks like.

Nurse and Farmer Husband and Wife for the Blues.

Bawley dressed like she's auditioning for Austin Powers.



Red wife shrieks in horror on viewing Tubby.

Fabric and Carved are the 2 Challenges.

We all like Pansies says Sarky.

We are painfully explained what a blotter is.

Blues, Lancs Lass and Yorks fella. Standby for a huge argument later.

 

Tubby wearing his D-Day glasses again. D for Disaster.



He explains what an arctophile is to a Teddy Bear collector. He knows how to waste his breath.

Another Foghorn mask located.



Bawley explains what a BOOM-erang is. in her so quiet voice.

Nothing really hideous found yet for Sarky's ire.

Sven Hasseler who designed stylish silver Nazi regalia.

95. What is your very, very, very, very best. 90. LOL Yorks/Scots discounting.

Sarky acknowledges the risk on the silver and enamel bon-bon dish. Big risk.

Nice but very rich.

45 + 30 +90 for the Blues.

The pig feeder and boomerang stand more chance of makin a profit but thet bon-bon dish could sink them.

Think the Blues will beat the Reds but perhaps it will be down to the BBs.

Tubby's Reds items. 50 + 50 + 99. Oh dear. Big Loss incoming.

101 GBP for Tubby to spunk up the wall.

Ceramic Tile making. Foghorn is is going to the Jack Off Jacksie Museum.

 

Busted Powers The Cry that Shrieked Me

 

Dalek Valuations.

Plunger goes erect over the Blotter.

Merrythought Teddy may be a bit rich.

Purse is a sinker.

He's more optimistic about the Blues.

The face that launched a thousand shiiits.



Reds up.

Profit on the blotter. Too much shrieking from Red Troll.

Profit on the Bear. GG on? Probably not.

Tubby inspired purse.

It stalls immediately. Big Tubby style loss. 74.

Tubby Scandi Geese BB. 60 notes

Red Hag is now really quiet after the disaster.

Tubby's expert BB wipes it's **** on the gardens.

They end down 59.

 

Dreadful dreadful Red walrus. Shut the fck up!
Disastrous decision on purse! What was he thinking? Been out of favour for ages. (That type of purse, I mean. Not Tubby. He was never in favour to begin with.)

Liberty-loving Sarky nails that 50 yard penalty. vg.

Expert Battle of the sexually suspect camp fat speccies today.

 

Zieg Sold. Hints of a Fascist emblem as the Backdrop.

 

Blues next.

Pig feeder wipes face. They should give it to Red Trog.

Boomerang does return for a profit.

That bon bon dish makes 130. 40 profit. Well Done Sarky.

Sarky's BB is a Victorian Pine Box. He has one in his victim attic.

20 notes. That's a killing. Cough.

Plunger not erect.

When he hears the price it goes to horizontal.

It makes a fiver profit.

27 notes overall profit for the Blues.

Sarky rules over Tubby.

 

Horst Wessel song plays over the Tannoy.

 

Good spot!

 

"Fur you, Tommy, der war ist over"

 

Brutal but effective

 

Re-up from Aug 2022, so no tw@ttery chattery for this one.
BBC approved preamble:
Shrewsbury 23
Series 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001bf5p
Caroline Hawley and the teams shop for antiques in Shrewsbury with experts Thomas Forrester and Mark Stacey. Each team must buy three items to take to auction in Lichfield. Caroline heads to the Jackfield Tile Museum and has a go at making her own decorative tile.

The Translation:
Ying and Yang time with Penny Dreadful, Foghorn Jericho, the Hammerhead Hawley as our non-angelic host but it does at least mean we'll have a decent Auction with Emperor Dalek Winterton at the Skaro Showrooms. As it's Shrewsbury in this latest Series she'll be dressed as Austin Powers after he's chundered down himself after a heavy night on the oysters. Joining the Tramps Bizarre in the Shorpshire Ghetto will be SOS Tubby Thomas, the useless Auctioneer and even worse Expert, and Sarky Marky sleepwalking through yet another episode, however, he does enjoy a pansy.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Caroline Bawley Hawley with her exclusive Scottish Huey and Ralph Spew and Cry collection
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy
[Blue Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist
[Auctioneer] Richard Emperor Dalek Winterton
[Auction Location] Skaro aka Lichfield
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired married couple. They keep chickens and pick any old rubbish up. She's into rodents.
(Challenge: Includes fabric)
[Blue Team] Mixed sex partners, she's a farmer and he's a nurse.
(Challenge: Carved)

The Shopping:
Reds: Victorian leather bound desk blotter (50 Challenge) on trend bang on etc, Merrythought Ltd Edn Teddy Bear and box (50) OK, Silver chain mail purse (99) struggle.
Blues: Cast-iron pig feeder (45) profit profit profit, Boomerang (30 Challenge) half-a-chance, Art Nouveau silver and enamel bon bon dish (90), he loves it, it could well make a profit.

The Distraction:
Jackfield Tile Museum where, after some grouting and trimming, Hawley ends up with a new face with a personality to match an inanimate piece of ceramic. Shame they couldn't fill up her gaping cake-hole with clay.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Victorian leather bound desk blotter (profit) Hawley and Red Witch explodes, Merrythought Ltd Edn Teddy Bear and box (small profit) more shrieking, Silver chain mail purse (big loss) and blissful silence. No GG for the Red Harridan.
Tubby's BB is a Danish silver and enamel geese brooch (60), 30-50, should be OK, 60, evens stevens. Nice object Tubby. Still didn't make a profit though.

​

Blues: Cast-iron pig feeder (evens stevens), Boomerang (loss), Art Nouveau silver and enamel bon bon dish (good profit).
Sarky's BB is a Victorian pine box/trunk (20), 30-40, 25, small profit. That's OK Sarky.

​

The Aftermath:
Awful Foghorn Jericho presenting, Hawlsplaining the tinniest detail like a Primary School Teacher explaining how to tie shoelaces. The usual energetic Dalek Winterton Auction. Lots of Bid Barking and Arm Flinging, always a good sign. A Tale of two Big Spends. Tubby's Reds on first with that Dreadful Red Boilerhouse, wailing like an air-raid siren during the Auction. 2 items 2 profits, Shriek Force 10 on the Richter Scale. Then the Tubby-inspired silver chain purse, heavily overspent, and boy did it sink with a 74 loss. With the Golden Gavel turning into Fools Gold, the cacophony turned into Tumbleweed. Thank God for that. By the time Tubby's BB had broke even and disappointed, a nice Scandi silver that was too rich and barely broke sweat with the bidders, they had ended on a 59 loss. The deafening silence was most welcoming. Sarky's Blues break even on the feeder and the boomerang fails to return a profit. Then the very risky but very decorative silver and enamel bon-bon dish roars to a 40 note profit after selling for 130 notes. Well done Sarky for sticking to your guns. They blow Tubby The Tuba clear out of the Bandstand. The pine box BB picks up another fiver and they end on a 27 note profit. Entertaining episode.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Everyone, including Tubby and Sarky, hits 90 degrees. Since becoming a presenter, Bawley has now fully perfected her head kick growler. Yes, YES!!

​

 

and presumably, the NSBHP banner would distinguish itself from the Communists' by featuring a hammer and rostrum

 

The Fool, Muttley, Roo, Bingo Southsea Auction.

Married couple, she loves exercise, while he slobs on the sofa

Partners, He's a violinist fiddler and she farts around with Henna.

Roo wearing her tea cosy.

Is she wearing her suede boots? Yep. Will she be a-fingerin and a-fondlin?

20th Century glass and an enamelled item.

Blood Donor badge. Is there one for Sperm donation?

Tennis net post. Really. To be turned into a Lamp. Jesus.

Muttley injects some common sense.

Royal Navy badge. Alert, Southsea Pompey Auction.

Reds are hopeless hagglers. Phil looks skywards.

Roo loves an amazing propeller.

Victorian toilet now. Some shiiit buys, literally.

Roo fingers her first rim.



Now she squeezes a pair of balls.

 

The Reds are obsessed with genuine tat. Buy something nice FFS.

Muttley is a real mine of info. Impressive.

The Fair is packing up.

BB will be a nightmare with only a few dealers around.

Reds have bought some real rubbish. The Southsea Landfill Auction Rooms await.

Blues have spent more on some real crap too.

More orifice probing.



The Fool blathers on about book conservation.

Women's Employment magazine.



Snigger.



LOL.

 

Are these good buys for profit or good-bye for profits?

Scrooge and co are in residence. Does it also second as a cloakroom?



Here we go. Reds on first so no surprises.

Big loss down the toilet.

Swoon profit on the awful sign.

Mirror loss.

Muttley's BB is a mahogany corner washstand.

Oh dear struggling for a bid.

Finally, but it makes a loss. As expected.

Reds -54 quid.

Navy brooch makes 32 notes. Blimey.

That pew will need a millenium worth of prayers.

Fark, it makes a fiver profit. GG on. Surely not.

Overblown picnic basket. Needs to hit 62.

Yup profit. GG achieved in Pompey. Unbelievable.

Roo's BB is the badge from earlier with matching pin.

She's in her The Prisoner outfit. Be Seeing You. Yes Please!!!



It looses a tenner. Bought by a Yeti.



Blues +35 quid.

 

= "GG achieved in Pompey"
I actually jumped up and clapped!

Cruel twist in tail for lovely Roo, though. Boooo.

 

Wearing her Number Sex jacket.

 

heh heh.
Women's Employment magazine.
The good old days.
Advert for 'the national training college of domestic subjects'!
What a marvellous idea.
Ladies learning cooking, cleaning, and coquettishness.
Leaving certificate required for all prospective wives seeking decent husands.

 

We probed and prodded this edition last May ........

Reg:
Charl-eh chewing the scenery as usual. Southsea Auction. Portents not good.

King Muttley and Roo.

Roo wearing her suede boots again. Good, good as the posh idiot says.

Tennis net post to be turned into a lamp. AVOID.

Why didn't they haggle the brooch down to 9 notes?

Looks like Roo is freezing her arse off.

A toilet for the rubbish which will disappear down it during the Auction.

Roo juggling balls. Snigger.

Another sodding stool.

Janet Street-Porter for the Reds.

Upcycled tat Tea sign.

Get praying for that pew.

Moog:
Dunno who's wielding the Gavel today, but I'm seeing losses all round

Massive prices paid for unspectacular items

Reg:
At the sound of might get no bids, Muttley almost faints.

Watch the brooch profit wiped out by the pew.

It makes a profit!!!!!

Southsea Golden Gavel. Fark me.

Blood out of a stone says MB.

Sympathy bid for Roo's BB, which at 15 notes, should have made a small profit. Talk about getting blood out of the misers.

Moog:
Well, I didn't see that coming.

Reg:
Roo hard done by the loss on the BB. Deserved a small profit.

OT78:
some surprises today, hey?
BH reminds me of the League Cup.
yes, it's small beer in overall tv terms but it is full of turn-ups and entertaining upsets

Good ep.
A GG in Pompey!
Pew did better than feared...Pritchard always buys those; who is ultimately buying them retail, though?
Pleasing result for sweetheart brooch.

Charlie dancing a GG gig!
Wtf was Roo wearing on her head?

Reg:
Nowadays, Mildred Ranson, would be some middle-aged male groomer, or potential Lib Dem MP.



OT78:
Check out the ad underneath.
What an institutional title.
'domestic subjects' = double meaning ahoy.

"so, are you my 'domestic subject'? " i just sallied with Viewing Partner.

No dessert today.

shocking, really. George III mahogany corner washstand for less than a twenty!
as charlie said, it's over 200 years old, ffs

King Muttley

to whom we might add
Queen Christina
Princess Roo and
Court Jester Manson Hanson

Reg:
According to a recent Inside The Factory: "As a nation, we're crumpet crazy".

Yes, Gregg, you slap-headed, former football hoolie, spanking-obsessed loudmouth. We certainly are!!

OT78:

three things from the earth you can never have enough of:
gold, wine, and crumpet

Is that right? Never knew that.
Was he in a firm?

Willis:
Not really, but went to Millwall regularly and had friends who were hooligans.

OT78:
Good crumpets can be worth more than crumpet over here.
A holey Peruvian will happily soak up your butter for 5 euros in the Bois de Boulogne but a nice packet of Warburtons can go for a tenner.

Reg:
When M&S first opened stores in France the native populance were totally perplexed by the griddled yeast-batter miracle. It had to be explained that you needed to toast them first rather than eat them raw.

 

Re-up from last May with additions:
BBC approved preamble:
Ardingly 24
Series 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000wgcv
Charlie Ross visits the Ardingly International Antiques Fair, where experts Philip Serrell and Roo Irvine help the red and blue teams identify three potentially profitable items to take to auction. Charlie also visits a family business that specialises in conserving historical artifacts.

The Translation:
The Posh Fool is once again back in Ardingly/Ardinglee/Ardinglie, he is the Ardingliar, but at least it's at an Antiques Fair, Ardingly International Antiques Fair no less, which do seem to fair better then indoor Antique Centres when it comes to flogging the jumble later. Newly crowned King Muttley is joined by everyone's fave Princess Roo and her suede boots. Unfortunately, they're going to have their work cut out as the Auction is in Steptoe's Southsea Auction Rooms. Bingo will be trying his hardest but he'll be fighting a losing battle.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Charles Ross
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piqure de puce
[Blue Team Expert] Delightful Purple-booted Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Auctioneer] John Bingo Marine Boy Cameron
[Auction Location] Nesbits Antiques Auctions Ltd, Southsea
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married hen-pecked Sales rep and Janet Street-Porter Store Manager.
(Challenge: 20th Century glass)
[Blue Team] Violinist Alex Cox or is it Hugh Grant or perhaps Patrick McGoohan and Henna Artist female couple, did she say Glue modeller?
(Challenge: Enamelled item)

The Shopping:
Reds: Victorian toilet bowl (90) topend, metal and wood Tea sign (30) OK, 20th Century bevelled oval glass mirror (35 Challenge) topend.
Blues: Royal Navy silver and enamel brooch (10 Challenge) good, Arts & Crafts wooden church pew (125) ouch, Wicker Man basket hamper (62) topend.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh discovers a fascinating technique. Is it swinging bollock-naked from a chandelier. No, it's book conserving in a Field of Sheds. Are those magazines says the idiot hoping to sneak-a-peek at a Continental Film Review, the only source of cheap thrills in the library at a 70s/80s school, well it was at my school. After 10 minutes of listening, his brain is full. His eyes glaze over, and he goes into full sleep mode while standing up.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Victorian toilet bowl (largish loss), metal and wood Tea sign (small profit), 20th Century bevelled oval glass mirror (loss).
Muttley's BB is a George III mahogany corner washstand (30), 20-30, 18. It's a loss, Pompey Misers and furniture do not a profit make.

​

Blues: Royal Navy silver and enamel brooch (good profit), Arts & Crafts wooden church pew (amazing, a small profit) GG?, Wicker Man basket hamper (small profit). A golden gavel in Southsea, as rare as hen's teeth. The Miser Moths get the right hump.
Roo's BB is the Silver and enamel Blood Donor brooch from earlier with an additional matching pin (15), 10-20, 5. It lost a tenner. What utter skinflints. Nothing wrong with those items. Poor Roo.

​

The Aftermath:
End of day shopping so experts might struggle to pick something up or they might snag a bargain. Annoying Janet Street-Porter Red woman dominates proceedings, not really giving Muttley a look in. Everything bar the Pure Tat Tea sign disappeared down that Victorian toilet bowl. Evidently, green is the in-colour for those. The usual, around 50 note loss, was again achieved in this area of the South Coast. The vibes were not positive for the Ball juggling Blues, but lo and behold, the Auction Gods must have marvelled at Roo's purple suede boots and rewarded her with a Golden Gavel, as rare as hen's teeth in this Auction Room. Even that bloody church pew made a profit. What was going on? Unfortunately, her safe bet of Silver and enamel Blood Donor brooch and pin barely got 5 GBP but they still ended with a decent overall profit. After spending nearly 200 on the hamper and pew, the skinflints had no more blood to be squeezed out of them. Strange, strange Auction.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal, camera is too close and we get another close shot of a very gammon-faced Muttley making minimal effort. Roo, unfortunately at the far end so minimal full Growler kick, and The Fool provide good kicks and everyone hits par with decent coordination.

​

 

evocative reference!
"Continental Film Review"

The word 'continental' always used to promise so much, no matter what you appended it to...(well, perhaps not 'shelf'.)

 

I believe this pic is a screen grab of Dizzies very first appearance on our screens, in the "whats coming up" bit of an episode in series 45, when her boss at the time was supposed to be on the rostrum but was called away, so she had to stand in.

 

looks like shes scratching her ar5e...

 

blimey.
Looks like an extra from a late 50s Doctor film or somesuch.

 

Or she's been up to no good with John Profumo.

 

heh, yes...not a million miles from bridget fonda in Scandal