You're Not Alone

Discussion in 'The Hornets' Nest - Watford Chat' started by tonycotonstache, Dec 24, 2020.

  1. The Voice of Reason

    The Voice of Reason First Team Captain

    Well done guys :)
     
  2. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Scummybear et al

    Thoughts and thanks very much appreciated.

    I'll be honest (especially because we should be honest about mindsets), I'm bolloxed. but I'm lucky enough to have a good workplace support network and loving family support.

    I've taken tomorrow off work.

    BWL (someone else can explain that reference to the whippersnappers)
     
  3. leighton buzzard horn

    leighton buzzard horn Squad Player

    How are you, SCG?
     
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  4. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    I'm doing ok, Leighton, thank you.

    I'm a little bit spooked each morning as I go into work; the car park adjoins our building, and I can't but help look up to the roof.

    Everything is relative, though. I found out today that my colleague who first spotted the woman and raised the alarm, and who had to go home after the event and was too upset to talk before he did so, lost his brother to suicide in just such a scenario.

    It's all so utterly heartbreaking.

    So let's keep talking about how we feel, and asking others how they are, and seize any moment we can to be kind and understanding, in however small a way.

    Thanks again LBH.
     
  5. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    Are you talking to 'professionals'?
     
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  6. cyaninternetdog

    cyaninternetdog Forum Hippie

    I dont think MI6 will help much m8.
     
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  7. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    na m8 DI5

     
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  8. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

    Since I put this up I've had a dirty bout of Covid, found a dead body in the front garden of our neighbours (poor chap passed away gardening) and had a scare with my eldest and online safeguarding. Thought my year was **** and had been dragging myself down over it.

    I went to the Ukraine concert in Birmingham last night with my middle daughter. Seeing all the absolute horror of war put my measly issues into stark perspective.
     
  9. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

    Hope you are OK SCG. Sounds like you were the right person in the right place at the right time for that lady and full credit to you for the compassionate instinct that kicked infor you.

    BWL and top respect to you.
     
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  10. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    I'm not, because I think I'm doing ok. I give you my word that I will do if I think that's not actually the case.
     
  11. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    Remember the old adage: prevention is better and quicker than cure.
     
    Robert Peel likes this.
  12. Robert Peel

    Robert Peel Squad Player

    Wise words.

    Certainly a chat with a "professional" earlier on could have helped me deal better with various situations in my life.
     
  13. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    A few thoughts, on several levels, and in relation to several posts...

    The professionals, of course, are most likely the best people to seek out/be referred to. But that professional, whilst trained, is a stranger. A bereavement counselling 6-session episode, c/o the organisation I worked for at the time, after my brother dies suddenly, actually set me back.

    Sometimes the man or the woman on the Clapham omnibus can be what you need. Sometimes it's that friend who you realise in a time of crisis is actually your 'Sponge Bob', because he/she is just there for you, just listening. And sometimes it's what 'Ruth' needed last week; experts who I hope and pray have tuned into her personal wavelength and are helping her chart a happier way forward.

    The message remains the same. If you're at a point where you're thinking 'I could do with some help here', ask for help. Ultimately, it doesn't matter where that help comes from. Bring on the help.

    Much Love All

    SCG
     
  14. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Just in case another thread is deleted...

    Your family and friends would never get over losing you if you took your own life. That in itself shows how much you are loved.

    Repay that love and phone one of these organisations now:

    Samaritans 116 123
    SANEline 0300 304 7000
    National Suicide Prevention Helpline 0800 689 5652
    Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) 0800 585858

    If you'd prefer not to talk, you can text:

    Shout 85258

    Much Love from a stranger

    SCG
     
  15. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Sahorn likes this.
  16. Carpster

    Carpster Squad Player

    I thought I was too much of a big man for help. I can tell anyone that the people I spoke to were nothing short of fantastic. Thankfully I still chat now with one of them who took me under his wing. Please don't be afraid to talk, it doesn't mean you are weak. Infact it shows you're of strong will.
     
  17. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

    Already looking forward to spending Christmas at Vicarage Road with 3,000 Millwall fans
     
  18. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Just hug 'em, Lloyd...
     
    Lloyd likes this.
  19. Lloyd

    Lloyd Squad Player

    Unknown.jpeg
     
  20. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    Big Watford Love to all of you.

    Fcuk the Prem!

    Just look out for family and friends and colleagues and randomers.

    Just look out.

    Keep the Faith

    SCG
     
  21. Dapper dave

    Dapper dave Academy Graduate

    Merry Christmas to all.
     
  22. Sahorn

    Sahorn Reservist

    Merry Christmas to all Hornet COGS, Bedwetters, Grammar Police and Snowflakes, forum posters and lurkers.

    I pray you all have a blessed time filled with peace, happiness, good health and goodwill at this special time.
    X
     
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  23. Steel City Gold

    Steel City Gold Reservist

    A conversation with a close friend this evening prompted me to bump this thread.

    We were talking about the headteacher who took her own life because of the impending Ofsted report, and he said "she must have had some underlying mental health issues". I was fair taken aback.

    Post #85

    Have a re-read. All those lovely, loved people who took their own lives and yet their friends had no idea that they could enter the mindset that they did and do what they did.

    I'm sure that among (or the preposition 'amongst', Keighley, I'm not sure?) this disparate flock of whinging, self-opinionated, coke-snorting, flouncing-prone mother feckers, one of you could be at the lowest of low ebbs at this particular moment in time.

    Well it matters not one jot. All that matters is that you tell someone. Today. And take it from there.

    Love and Peace All

    Keep the Faith

    SCG
     
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  24. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Love and endorse this.
     
  25. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Bumping this thread. Hope that's ok.

    I've thought about whether or not I wanted to make this post, and may decide to delete it halfway through typing it out or even in a weeks time, who knows. This is a bit unusual for me, and I don't want this to sound like a cry for help because it isn't really, I think it's just good to get what I'm feeling down into words and if it stokes up a constructive discussion and encourages someone else who may be struggling to share their experience then it's a worthwhile thing.

    In November last year, my ex partner messaged me whilst at work saying 'we needed to talk'. I'm not stupid, and I know those words have connotations, so I kind of had an idea of what was coming. We spoke when she got home and she told me she wasn't happy in our relationship anymore and had fallen out of love with me, and no longer wanted to be with me. We'd been together for just short of 8 years, most of which were very happy, and we'd had discussions about possibly starting a family only a couple of weeks before this (I suspect this may have been her papering over whatever cracks were in her mind regarding the relationship, so I felt a bit blindsided. It turned into a pretty messy break up with my finding out there was someone else on the scene due to our Ring doorbell (despite her swearing up and down there wasn't), then me getting in from work one day to find him sat in my living room looking guilty as sin.

    I didn't leave the property until the beginning of February. To start with, I thought I pay half the mortgage alongside her so I shouldn't be the one to budge. However, that became too hard, two people living two totally different lifes under the same roof and the day I walked in to a pile of my belongings on the floor in the spare bedroom was the final straw. I made arrangements to move back to my dad's as a temporary measure while we arranged what was going to do with the house - after a lot of cajoling and at points, almost begging, it finally went up on the market a month or so ago, and there is some interest, so I hope that moves forwards soon.

    Living back at my dad's has been very hard. My old room has been passed on to his partner's daughter, which is totally fine, but that means I'm sleeping on the sofa in the living room most nights apart from if I stay with a mate or my old room is free. I find it quite embarrassing and while I'm grateful for my dad taking me in, I really don't like it here. There's no privacy, and I want my own space. I'm hoping I'll be able to get myself somewhere once the house is sold - I'm relying on my share of the proceeds to fund this. My work is based in Birmingham so I'm commuting once a week there (it was originally twice, but I'm doing one day a week in London now) and working from home has come at a good time on that aspect.

    I put a lot of time into trying to work things through in my head, and I succeeded. Lots of walking, lots of thinking, lots of reflection and time spent in the company of some of the best people I know helped with this. It wasn't always plain sailing and there were stumbles, but I've now reached a point with my ex where we can correspond (solely about the house) without any friction or heat. I won't forgive her cheating on me, but I'll forget it over time and it's up to her what she wants to do.

    Almost totally by accident I met someone else online, and we spent some time dating and getting to know eachother. I started to develop feelings, and thought things were moving in the right direction although it seemed difficult at times due to our respective schedules. This lasted a couple of months until the previous weekend where things rather spectacularly fell apart (I don't want to talk about that). I was given false hope and reassurance that we were on the same page with what we were looking for but had the rug pulled out. I'm not saying I'm totally absolved of any blame, and may have gotten a bit carried away with some of my behaviour (nothing bad, just suggesting we looked at a couple of days away in the UK over the school holidays or so on), but I felt like I deserved better. I didn't get much of an explanation and she has ended up cutting all contact between us. I understand it and don't understand it at the same time. I think I deserved the right to reply.

    All of this together has really affected my mood. The progress I made since splitting with my ex feels like it's been stopped in it's tracks and I've been feeling quite low all week. I was lucky enough to see one of my very best friends and her girlfriend before they departed to go travelling and that really helped, but I do feel a bit of malaise currently. It's kind of hit me that I'm in my mid 30's living on a sofa and there's no easy way out of this situation. I'm the sort of person who likes to be in control of my own life and knowing what's next, when it'll happen and how I'll get there etc - I'm known as 'the planner' by my friends as I like having order and structure. That's been taken away from me now, along with a couple of instances where I've been hurt. Obviously the relationship ending is the main part of this but I think my first foray back into the dating scene ending so disappointingly and out of the blue has probably impacted how I'm feeling too. In hindsight it may have been too soon, but as I say I wasn't really looking for a relationship and things just developed, I ended up smitten.

    I am fortunate enough to have some very good people in my life who genuinely care and want me to be happy, and offer support wherever they can. I'm grateful for that. I know I'll feel better once I have my own place and my own freedom, and I absolutely know there are people out there who are in much more dire situations than I am but I'm feeling down at the moment. Things seem pretty bleak at the moment, and to top it off, I'm seeing off the last throes of a chest infection! I'd recently started Couch to 5K which was a big step for me (I'm overweight), and that's just stopped in it's tracks. It's frustrating that I haven't really had much of an outlet in the last week or so but I'm hoping to be back at it again soon.

    Planning helps. I've got a plan in place for what happens next, and that involves me keeping my head up and moving forwards. As well as continuing with the Couch to 5K, I also want to rejoin the gym and make that a permanent and frequent part of my everyday life. I worked out a couple of times a week after my relationship broke down and I honestly think that was the first step to my mental health improving so significantly.

    I don't really know what point I'm trying to make here, other than it can happen to anyone - small, seemingly insignificant things can mount up in the same way as a big, life-altering event can and throw you into a spiral. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention, I just wanted to get things off my chest. I know I'll be ok, maybe I just don't see it now? Every day is a step in the right direction and as I did before, I'll feel a little bit better.

    My DM's are open to anyone on this forum who is struggling - even if we disagree on the ownership of the club!

    Thank you for reading, if you make it to the end. This has helped.
     
  26. UEA_Hornet

    UEA_Hornet First Team Captain

    I got to the end Dan. Sorry to hear about what’s happened. Glad you’ve got people around you who are supportive and it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Keeping muddling along and hopefully the house sale will get you back on your feet from an independence side of things. Keep talking about it on here if it helps too.
     
  27. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks, mate, appreciate it - the Parlaci is providing a welcome distraction this evening...
     
  28. The Duck

    The Duck Academy Graduate

    Thanks for sharing Warehouse. As Bob Hoskins used to say in the old BT adds, "it's good to talk".

    It really is. If you or anyone is feeling isolated and / or frustrated with your thoughts, there is always someone to talk to, whether it's a friend, this forum or even the Samaritans. Finding someone that will truly listen to you off load without judgement is a powerful tonic.

    I hope things work out for you. Take care.
     
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  29. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks, Duck.
     
  30. Ilkley

    Ilkley Formerly known as An Ilkley Orn Baht 'at

    I’m glad you felt able to share and didn’t delete your post. I went through a very low period years ago and can wholeheartedly echo what Duck says - it is indeed good to talk. Sometimes it’s good to talk to someone who knows you. Sometimes it’s good to talk to someone who doesn’t. Both have their place. Also, from personal experience, I’d recommend physical exercise. As you have mentioned; it helps. When I was depressed I’d go out cycling and Mrs Ilkley would say it made a difference.

    Be kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
     
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  31. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Thanks Ilkley. I’m glad to hear you found something to help you too and hope things are better for you now.
     
  32. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

    Great to open up and it's never a bad thing to just let it out.

    Dms open fella.
     
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  33. tonycotonstache

    tonycotonstache Squad Player

    Bless you ZZ
     
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  34. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team Captain

    Cheers mate, appreciate that.
     
  35. domthehornet

    domthehornet Moderator Staff Member

    Sorry to hear what's happened Dan, you have made great strides and are on the up mate. Always available for a chat.
     
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