The Cookery Thread

Discussion in 'Taylor's Tittle-Tattle - General Banter' started by Filbert, Oct 7, 2021.

  1. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    I don’t want to cashew making any more nut puns.
  2. luke_golden

    luke_golden Space Cadet

    I walnut get drawn into aimlessly knocking out but puns all day.
  3. Stop pecan on him.
  4. Fear not, it's a veggie diet you're talking about here, you'll wither away to nothing :)
    HappyHornet24 likes this.
  5. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

    Butt puns sound great crack.
    luke_golden likes this.
  6. a19tgg

    a19tgg Squad Player

    This is a myth, there is more protein in a lot of plant based sources on a pound for pound basis compared to most meats, after all cows exist solely on grass or soya. Most primates are vegetarian, but I’m guessing most forumites wouldn’t fancy getting into a fight with a gorilla.

    There are some really good documentaries on Netflix you might find quite eye opening.
  7. I was just a joke based on the myth....
    Though I'd happily bet that a chunky athletic meat eating lion/tiger would comfortably take down a weedy grazing primate :) Actually many primates like chimps have been shown to hunt smaller primates to boost their protein intake....
    a19tgg likes this.
  8. Robert Peel

    Robert Peel Reservist

    I'm sort of veggie (still eat poultry and fish) and a couple of favourites in our house are:

    Greek mash up:
    Grilled halloumi
    Roasted peppers and onions
    Greek salad - lettuce, cucumber, red onion, feta
    Pitta and / or rice
    Whatever sauces float your boat
    You can also cave in and do chicken (in oil and seasoning of your choice) on skewers in the oven (18 mins) - trick is to balance the skewers on a dish, so the meat isn't in contact with the dish.

    There's loads of pasta sauces that are veggie, my favourite is:
    Fry up garlic and chilli (as much or little as you like, I use loads)
    Chop a load of cherry tomatoes (get shot of the stalks) and add them and a bit of boiling water
    Simmer to break them down and reduce them while your pasta cooks
    When it's about done, chuck in chopped basil, a load of grated parmesan and a couple of tablespoons of the pasta water
    Put the pasta in once the parmesan has melted and then loads of extra virgin olive oil
    Job done.

    Capers or balsamic vinegar are other options to put in
    HappyHornet24 likes this.
  9. Since63

    Since63 Reservist

    Start off easy with various pasta/risotto variations.
    penne all'arabiatta; mushroom risotto; peppers stuffed with a mix of cous-cous, onion, almonds, sultanas, garlic, parsley served with a spicy passata sauce; spaghetti coated with olive oil, garlic & fresh chilli.
    None of my family is vegetarian but I cook the above regularly for them and they all enjoy them.
    HappyHornet24 likes this.
  10. lendal

    lendal Reservist

    One thing I’ve never been able emulate is my mother’s baked suet pudding and savoury mince…miss it so much ( and she’s still with us, but beyond telling me what to do)
  11. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

    I need to dig up my chana Masala recipe that was in the long lost recipe thread

    Edit found it.

    Meister's Chana Masala
    One for the vegans out there. Serves 1 big bloke, 2 normal people as a main course or 2-3 as a side dish.
    Stuff in it.
    • Tin of Chickpeas in water 400g ish gives 200g of chickpeas.
    • 1 teaspoon of turmeric
    • Olive or veggie oil
    • Nob of butter (if not vegan otherwise a bit more oil)
    • 1 teaspoon of cumin seeds or ground cumin
    • 1 big or 2 small red onions finely chopped
    • 4 of 5 cloves of garlic finely chopped or mushed up in a press
    • 1/2 tablespoon (or more to taste) Chili flakes or finely chopped chilis.
    • 3 chopped tomatoes or a carton/tin of chopped tomatoes.
    • Stick the chickpeas and their water in a sauceypan along with the turmeric
    • Simmer for 10 mins or so until the water almost disappears.
    • Stick it on a plate
    • In the same pan (it'll be covered in yellow goo) add a decent amount of oil and the butter.
    • Add the cumin seeds and fry until they crackle or if using ground cumin for a minute or so but don’t let it burn.
    • Add the chopped onion and sauté until soft.
    • stir in chili & garlic
    • fry for anuvver 3 or 4 mins
    • add the tomatoes and simmer for 15 mins so that its all broken down into a puree, don’t let it go dry so keep the lid on.
    • stick the chickpeas back in and simmer for 10-20 mins until soft. Best keep the lid on the sauceypan as it might dry out and burn. Unless it looks too liquidy in which case take it off.
    Serve with freshly chopped coriander on top along with plain boiled rice as a main or with your favorite curry as a side dish.
    I've just polished off one with a tablespoon of chili flakes in and tbh it was a little warm.
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2021
    HappyHornet24 and Filbert like this.
  12. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

  13. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

    That looks fantastic and the almonds make it almost a health food. I bet that’s two of your ‘five a day’.

    Your wife’s a marvel and you may wish to invest in the next size up in trousers.
  14. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    Already DM’d James Cordon and Troy Deeney to ask for some hand-me-downs.
    wfcwarehouse, domthehornet and Moose like this.
  15. Moose

    Moose First Team Captain

    Better still, get some maternity trousers. Lots of room to expand into.
  16. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    My Foccachia game is on point at the minute. Being a boring ****** with equally boring friends I started doing a lot of bread baking this last 18 months.

    I can do a loaf better than anything you get in the shops by eye and feel now. My best is a salty, light and chewy Foccachia with bacon jam and Parmesan over the top. Got one cooling in the kitchen to go with homemade tomato and roasted red pepper soup for lunches this week.
  17. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

    Bacon Jam! What next Beef Chocolate?
  18. Wow. There are more female member of the forum than I'd realised.

    OK ...OK ...OK it's just a joke.......
  19. HappyHornet24

    HappyHornet24 Crapster Staff Member

    ? Have I missed something?
  20. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

    Anyone got a good chilli wing recipe?

    I like the heat in the batter and the wings crispy rather than cheating by smothering them in hot sauce.
    wfcwarehouse likes this.
  21. wfcwarehouse

    wfcwarehouse First Team

    Me too, let's hope someone comes up trumps...
  22. Cthulhu

    Cthulhu Keyboard Warrior Staff Member

    Biscuits for breakfast? Whats next? Marmalade for lunch?
  23. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

    No marmalde is for Peruvian bears. Don't you know nuffin m8?
    Moose likes this.
  24. Filbert

    Filbert Leicester supporting bloke

    I remember the Johnny Vaughan advert but who did a piss take of it? Was it Herring?
    Cthulhu likes this.
  25. cyaninternetdog

    cyaninternetdog Forum Hippie

    I am having baked beans on two slices of toast with a fried egg on each tonight. Eggs go on top of the beans, salt, pepper, parsley, bobs yer feckin uncle like.
  26. lendal

    lendal Reservist

    Quite like this from Tasty…
    hornmeister likes this.
  27. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

  28. Keighley

    Keighley Squad Player

    Anyone posting this statement on a cookery thread is clearly a charlatan. And a poor speller.
  29. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

    More of a The Prodigy person tbh.
  30. That’s what I’m Herring from the man at ESSO.
  31. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

    Purchased a deep fat fryer during lockdown. Had my first attempt at Onion Budgies this weekend.

    They went rather well with some homemade Chilli Pickle, Lime Pickle, onion salad and popadoms.
    domthehornet and Cthulhu like this.
  32. hornmeister

    hornmeister Club Legend

    Meister's Onion Budgie (and more) Recipe.
    Makes 4 budgies which serves 2 people or 1 non binary gender individual of larger appetite/girth.

    Digital thermometer and deep fat fryer highly recommended, as is a warm plate/bowl covered in a few sheets of kitchen roll to place the cooked budgies.
    The recipe can be done in a deep frying pan or saucepan if you do not have a DFF but you'll need to make flatter budgies. My electric DFF (1.5L) came from Argos (other reputable purveyors of cooking equipment exist) and cost a tenner. I think the digital meat thermometer was 6 quid or so from Amazon. (Other tax dodging shopping sites are available) and gets a lot of use, I heartily recommend one for people that cook/BBQ meat.

    Vegetable Oil - enough for your DFF or to cover flatter budgies in your heating receptacle of choice. Other oils will work Peanut/groundnut. I'm told Olive oil isn't as good for frying, you lose the health benefits and it costs an arm and a leg but if you want to try it I'd be interested to hear the results.
    4 tbsp plain flour
    1/2 tsp turmeric
    1/2 tbsp ground cumin
    1/4 tsp salt
    2 cloves crushed garlic (optional)
    1/2 tsp chili powder (optional)
    2 white onions 2 at 1.5 inches diameter made 4 budgies as above which feeds 2 people (or me) bigger/more/less (fewer) onions adjust accordingly. If in doubt extra batter can be made and stored chilled in the fridge for a week or more and used to batter all sorts of stuff. Onion rings, broccoli and cauliflower spears or my personal favourite, pepper rings.

    • Thinly slice the onions
    • Crush and finely chop the garlic.
    • Dump the spices flour and garlic in a bowl.
    • Add to the bowl, cold water, 1 tbsp at a time until a thick gloopy batter is formed. It might be slightly lumpy, this is not an issue.
    • Add the sliced onions (and garlic) mix up and coat thoroughly.
    • Heat Oil to 180-190 degrees. You can test the temp if you don't have a thermometer or electric deep fat fryer, by dropping a little batter mix in, it should rise to the top and bubble.
    • Take a tablespoon/ball (fat pancake if using a frying pan and turn every minute or so) of the budgie mix and drop into the oil, repeat one at a time carefully. You can adjust the size/shape to your preference, smaller & thinner cooks quicker.
    • Don't overcrowd the frying as it will lower the temp and give you soggy budgies and no one likes soggy budgies.
    • They should cook in a couple of minutes, fish them out once brown and rest on kitchen roll to drain the excess oil.
    • Serve warm with you standard curry guff.
    Excess budgies can be chilled and eaten later cold. Or even reheated in a oven circa 180-200 degrees for 10 mins or so. They can also be frozen and reheated from thawed, or straight from frozen again at circa 180 degees for 15-20 mins.
    Flatter budgies should reheat/thaw reheat quicker.
  33. Budgies? WTF are you talking about? Obviously you mean bhajis, but you really need to swap plain flour for gram flour if you want anything like an 'authentic' experience.
  35. Arakel

    Arakel First Team


    Wouldn't have guessed they were good deep fried.

Share This Page