Eurovision

Surely no one takes it seriously ?!!?

 

I think we do

It's end of the pier cabaret

No more earnest warblings from try hards

 

I'm a massive fan of John Shuttleworth. His 'Lounge Music*' series was possibly the best thing he's ever done (gets in a 'star' to talk about their music/career and the highlight at the end of the show is they do cover versions of each other's hits). Mari Wilson was a fabulously 'spiky' interviewee, her appearance caused me to do in a laptop - she's prattling on about her period of fame ending and being asked to go on a UK tour banging out her greatest hit(s) which she would not do because it was bit "...end of the pier..." which Shuttleworth observes

Spoiler

"You were aiming that high?"

which flew right over her head and caused me to cough up the cup tea I had recently drunk.

*They're all great but the best one was Leee John's (he really got into it and went with the flow) and the best "Under the covers" session was with Heaven 17 although Chas Hodge's is a very close second.

 

Jilted John, Imagination and Chas and Dave all had the charisma to win Eurovision.
It's just what I always wanted !

 

And I think a better question than yours would be pretty much any other dumbf*ck question imaginable.

 

Watched it fully for the first time in years. All harmless fun - it's supposed to be kitsch and naff. We got 'nul points' because we enter the same bland pap formula every year. We can't do naff, catchy Europop the way mainland Europe does - we take it too seriously! Especially thinking 'bland & forgettable song sung by beardy fat bloke wearing a shapeless bin bang with too many zips' would get anywhere.

I liked Ukraine's entry -naff but dark (ish), Iceland's - naff but quirky (ish) and Italy's - naff metal (ish). Even liked Lithuania's naff kitsch Europop. We're not naff, we're just crap and don't learn. But even if we were any 'good' we wouldn't win anyway because no one would vote for a country who made a shambolic and petulant exit from the EU, which is hilarious! (the non-voting for the UK that is, not the so-far mostly catastrophic consequences of leaving the EU).

 

I actually quite liked our entry this year. I think our set design was, and has always been abysmal however.

When something looks that bad, it doesn’t matter if it’s a slightly above average song. It makes us even more forgettable.

We seem to think we can just send a singer to stand on stage whilst the camera circles around them. If it looks naff, you’ve already lost most of the battle.

 

Yet France, who did a barely disguised update of Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien with a singer in front of a mic, nearly won it.

Like I say, there is no point trying to understand what Euro fans will like.

 

Quite. I didn't get why France did so well - although it was well performed - and nor did I really understand why Italy won (suggestions above that it was 'the best song' - I didn't think so). Back in the day it used to be quite easy to pick the winner but the only song in recent years which I thought was a clear-cut winner was Conchita Wurst.

 

The French staging suited the song though, I actually loved the lighting (photography nerd). I didn't like the song, especially at the end where she just shouted Voil*! Repeatedly, at one point she wasn't even singing words... But her vocals were good and the staging was good, so I can understand why some voted (not that many though!).

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It was the frenchies that complained about the italians snorting coke too wasn't it? Sour grapes.

And terrible racists too, a lot of 'em. I was glad they didn't win. Nor the nazi-sympathising, migrant-persecuting chocolate and cuckoo clock botherers neither. Malta would have been alright, but I don't mind Italy winning as a little thank-you for their dockers refusing to load weapons bound for Israel recently.

Incidentally, if voting really was political, then surely Israel would have been keeping us company at the bottom? I reckon ours was just a really shyte and dull x-factor style dirge which deserved zero points.

 

I must be in the minority, as I thought the French song was one of the best.

Aside from the slow Frenchness of the song, I don’t really see the parallels between the two songs. One is a calm confident song about having no regrets, and one is a slightly manic and desperate song about insecurities/ needing to be loved.

Not that I’m not pleased that they didn’t win. Did you see how happy she looked when we got nil points?

I thought the Italy song would sound good in a cool beer advert, but wasn’t top 5.

Iceland was probably my favourite, but we’re massively hindered by not being able to perform live.

 

I heard the UK were trying to form a Eurovision Super League containing the "big five" of Spain, Germany, Italy, UK and France. Special invites would go to Malta, Cyprus, Gibraltar, Australia, Ireland, Falklands, Jersey, Canada, USA and the Isle of Man.

 

I say we lean into the nil points and enter an arsey song next year about being better having broken up with an ex who couldn’t make decisions and kept holding us back.

If we’re going to get nil points, let’s do it in style.

 

Seems to me, that the type of song that tends to do well in the UK 'charts' (& that we tend to enter into Eurovision) is nothing like the sort of song most of the rest of Europe wants to listen to...hence our poor performance. We're entering a steeplechaser into the Derby...

 

They don't do well in the UK charts either:
https://www.officialcharts.com/char...reached-on-the-official-singles-chart__18955/
We just enter poor songs, simple as that.

Although the last UK entry to reach the Top 10 was Scooch, which is very concerning.