Bargain Hunt

The Daily Express has been similary wondering:
https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/2033900/bargain-hunt-star-thomas-plant-forrester

Of course, the other mystery is why an apparently straight man and father acts so gay all the time.
I realise the antiques trade is notoriously full of homosexualists, so perhaps it was initially an ingratiation M.O. that just stuck.

 

Shortened Uncle Eric episode.

Malvern Miser Manor.

LOL a Victorian cottage so to speak.

Eric makes sure he's followed in and asks for the Sausage Special.

Undercover Plod makes the arrest but not before his fist and knee are assaulted by Eric's head and groin.

Ah, the good old days. Let's go Bargain Hunting in jail with special Guest Expert Chezbollaho Oblimey.

It's now been turned into a theatre for holding Pantsofmine or is it his?

Il pleut.

Malvern fleas aka Malvern Misers

Foghorn, Tubby, Muttley Auction.

The Portents are not good.



2 Teams, all friends who share a Passion for Music.

For the Reds we have Teddy Sideburns and Noel Gallagher's forgotten cousin or is it Ian Brown's worst nightmare.

They played in Bands. You don't say.

The Blues are Housemates, shorter one has accidentally rested her head against a Painted Wall.

She looks like the Robert Blake's Mystery Man out of David Lynch's excellent Lost Highway.



They all live together. Oh yes?

Temple of Cool which will actually be Abode of Pretentious Naffness

Get the Bean Bags and Vegan Furniture out.

Artist-in-Residence, who needs Maths and Science Teachers in Schools.

Mystery Thing Blue Bird runs a Pottery Studio which must be the inspiration for her flowerpot hairstyle.

They are in their own band. Mystery Girl does the singing and writes the lyrics. I dread to thing what those are about. A visit to Muttley's Auction at the Den of Despair should give her plenty of new material.

She's going to go with her gut, so plenty of large flabby purchases then.

Reds get Jericho, Tubby gets the Blues. A cover of Tubby the Tuba could be on the cards.

Oh yeah, No Challenges.

Pretty and interesting, so the complete opposite of you, Caroline.

She spends about 5 mins telling them how speedy they are, slowing them down nicely.

Thomas is turning Japanese.

Deficient is the word Foghorn uses to describe herself.

Oh yes you are.



Have you dated that? Yes, he took that frame out last week and then shagged it later.

Plastic crabs for Mystery Bird to go with her Lobster Trap Lady Garden.

Large Coq spotted along with a novelty decanter in the foreground.



Tubby asks if he can go inside, if he can find where to put it.

Foghorn sees a potential threesome on the cards. Think of all that shattered glass,





Fireplace to burn the witch.

What a racket along with the discarded Tennis ones.



It's French. Yes, please send her to France.

The Reds are also heading inside. Grim.

Tubby doesn't like the crack. Yes, we'd heard those rumours too.

Some silver to make bullets to defeat Bawley.

@wfcmoog creamer that Tubby fills.

Blues are off to tag-team the Dealer. Poor sod.

How much have you got?, he gleefully rubs his hands.

He's ll take all their money and will see them later, the randy old goat.

275 for the silver items, despite the massive discount, is ripe for the Malvern Auction House Massacre with Muttleyface wielding his profit chainsaw, slashing it all to ribbons. Well done Tubby. Expert Guidance. I can't wait.

Tubby wants to have his large cream bun and eat it. He'll have to fight off Mystery Bird first though.

Hawley can't tell the difference between silver-plate and solid silver. Surely, the solid silver one should burn her more on handling.

95 is a definite loss at Phil's place. This is going to be fun.

Something to keep their Speculums in.

She wants some Hot Chocolate, she's desperate to be airtight today.

Reds buy: 3-piece cottaging tea set, silver photo frame, silver box

Blues: metal letter opener, plastic crustaceans, silver shaker and creamer

Eric, that's not a jewellery set, it's a shaker and creamer, unless you're going to attach them as earrings. Big fark up there.



Only 5 pounds to spunk up the wall for Tubby. I dare say he'll find something cheap enough for Serrell's Scrimpers.

Tubby loves a fiver. He'll literally do antyhing for one. Right, beg, shiiit in your sock and then snort it up your snout.

Muttley's Profit Sheet. Completely empty. How does he keep it going? Is he a front for an illegal Sex Trafficking operation. We can only imagine, and that's one thing we are good at.



Phil's had a new haircut. He's going for the Muttley Madchester Miser Mod look. He Wants To Be Adored, He Bangs The Gavel, Made Of Stone, against the Blunderwall, Definitely Maybe, before showing us his Morning Glory.



Reds: all items within the valuation until the silver box which produces a big wince.

Foghorn's BB is a Art Nouveau WMF ink well (25), 30-50.

Thankfully she doesn't pronounce W*rttembergische Metallwarenfabrik

@wfcmoog WMF alert!!!!!!

Blues: good for the first 2 items, now the Lindisfarne silver, ouch, there may be trouble ahead, sings Phil.

Tubby's BB are a pair of Georgian shoe buckles. They were marked up for a lot more but he managed to do a deal to get them for a fiver. Now where did he put that other sock?

Muttley thinks 10-20. Yes, should be a profit.

 

@wfcmoog Your Auction Babes are yours for 50 quid. Do with them as you please, as any Bond villain would say.

Instead of Ursula Andress and Jane Seymour, we've got Pat Butcher and Kathy Staff.



PJ Harvey's let herself go.



Everyone's up for it. Shame the bidders won't be.

Reds up first so no surprises.

Reds: cottageware loses 15, the pants are pulled down to reveal a nasty Syphilitic Coq, silver photo frame loses 6, silver box Dutch start now up to 70, 80, 90, so close, loses 5, Anti-GG confirmed.

Bawley BB of WMF, Go On, Go On, encourages Muttley in desperation, 35. Actually makes a tenner. At last. Surely, it was too good to fail.

Reds -16 that's actually good for here, surely victory is theirs with Tubby's Silver Tsunami beckoning.

Blues: paper knife wipes its arse, Anti-GG avoided, crustaceans make a tenner, deep breath time, the strawberry not jewellery set for 275, 80 ha ha, 90, 100 net's out LOL, oh dear nobody in the room is going to top that, 100 sold. Ooooffff a 175 loss, LOL, why did you buy it Tubby, you must know what Muttley's Malvern Mausoleum is like.

Tubby's BB Buckles sell for 10. A fiver profit.

Blues -160 despite only having one item making a loss, but what a loss it was. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Standby for a grim kick.

Fark me Blue Mystery Birds leg almost launches into space with an enormous Growler kick. Who would have thought that. One of the highest ever. Wasn't expecting that.



Hilariously entertaining episode. Well Worth The Watch.

 

LOL, yer see just above.

 

Or who would immediately complain that everything, even the water, wasn't vegan.

 

Could've sold for a tenner. That's not implausible at that place.

 

Perhaps Jessica was his Drag Act?

“I also like to work out and I very much enjoy CrossFit.”

Aha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Yes, of course you do. Aha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

 

We had Brief Banter about this before in Oct 2022, not a lot but here it is anyway ........

Reg:



Hawley: "I wouldn't mind sitting on top of that". Cringe

Uncle Eric: "Brace yourself, everybody, Serrell's up there with his gavel"



OT78:
Am wondering what the record BH loss is on a single item...

Reg:
I thing the strawberry set is the biggest one I've seen so far. It would have to be all the money at a Southsea, Serrell, or Pikeyborough auction to minimise the chances of a decent in-room bid.

Reg now butts in:
Now only joint 2nd worst.



OT78:
And yet Eric, clearly on autopilot, still said "well done" to both Tommy and his t*ts.

Ha. When the prog opened in a khazi, I did think "perfect cross laid on for Reg to knock home".
Where was Tugboat Tommy's head when those gals spaffed £275?!
Even the big gay bears who sh*t in the woods know you don't give wimmin the chance to shop that big unconstrained.
Turn your back for a sec and they'll remortgage the house for a pair of Louboutins.

Still...Saturday BH bonus, so mustn't grumble.

p.s. good spot, Reg!
..."Eddie Hitler and Noel Fielding"

That was a quite spectacularly fruity teapot on display today, and I don't mean Tubby Thomas.

 

heh heh, i've just come on here now armed with a few lines to post about today, only to find Reg has already 'seen' them - and done them all much better than i would've

Tremendous work, and on a Whitsun too.

 

Re-up from October 2022 with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Malvern
Series 47-49 (Shortened Versions)
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0005y67
Today’s show comes from the Three Counties Showground in Malvern.
The teams are scouring the fair in the hope that they will make a profit at auction. Providing a helping hand are Caroline Hawley and Thomas Plant, whilst presenter Eric Knowles is overseeing the proceedings.

Original full-length episode:
Malvern 13
Series 47
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08rbq10
Eric Knowles presents from the Three Counties Showground in Malvern. Providing a helping hand to the teams are Caroline Hawley and Thomas Plant.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric starts in a Gents WC converted into a one of the smallest theatres in the world. Cue jokes about sh1te productions and urine today or out. Today, at the Three Counties Showground Flea Market in Malvern, he's joined by the p1ss-stained porcelain Tubby Thomas BogBrush and walking bidet Foghorn Flushchain wearing the fashion item equivalent of a skidmark. Today's Auction is with Muttley Serrell in one of the tightest most skinflinting Auction Rooms in the country, and that's saying something. He's the rough Izal toilet paper hardship in contrast to Hanson's soft Andrex luxury. Ugh, what a dreadful trio, just needed McWitch to make it a Bogey Bargain Bin Grand Slam . I'd take a sickie and knock off early if I were you Eric.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, he adores a large sausage
[Red Team Expert] Caroline Headache Hawley, sporting her new blue/brown mal-de-mer collection
[Blue Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy
[Auctioneer] It's Benny the Ball himself, Phillip Muttley Serrell with tailoring from Albert Steptoe
[Auction Location] Malvern Salesroom
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

The Teams:
It looks like a Halloween Goth/Emo Bargain Bauhaus special
[Red Team] Chums Eddie Hitler and Noel Fielding
[Blue Team] Housemates Tuesday Adams and Bloody Mary

The Shopping:
Reds: 3-piece cottage tea set (25) OK, 1920s silver photo frame (16) topend, 1920s Goldsmiths & Silversmiths solid silver cigarette box, useless Hawley nearly passes on it because she thinks it's plated, it's not, I haven't got my brain with me (95), Muttley pulls a face, not good.
Blues: Metal letter opener (10) topend, 3 plastic crustaceans LOL, what's next a poodle bog roll holder (10) bargain, Lindisfarne silver cream jug and sugar shaker strawberry set set (275) cough splutter, Muttley values at 100-150.

The Distraction:
None, short arse episode. Judging from the subtitles of the original full-length episode, evidently Eric wants to show us his great treasure. Splutter. It's a
Chinese porcelain footed bowl that he's owned for well over 30 years. He can't tell you how much pleasure it has given him, so he won't. Evidently, you can't put a price on pleasure. Ah, but you can, just take a look on PunterNet Eric.

Regarding PunterNet this bit from its Wiki page amused me:
"The site has been met with criticism, most notably in 2009 from Harriet Harman.[7] Harman, who was the UK government's Minister for Women and Equality at the time, asked then-California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to ban the website, given that it was based in California, US.[8] The web owners thanked Harman for increasing web traffic to their site.[9][10][11]"

So as a bonus, here is a link to the history of bog roll.

https://wellcomecollection.org/articles/XOsAeBEAAEMRUqpd

​

The Auction:
Reds: 3-piece cottage tea set (15 loss), 1920s silver photo frame (6 loss), 1920s Goldsmiths & Silversmiths solid silver cigarette box (5 loss), internet bid, no takers in the room.
Foghorn's BB is a Classix Nouveaux WMF inkwell (25), 30-50, 35, a tenner profit, total wipeout avoided.

​

Blues: Metal letter opener (evens stevens), 3 plastic crustaceans (10 profit), Lindisfarne silver cream jug and sugar shaker strawberry set set (175 loss).
Tubby's 5 GBP BB are a pair of Georgian-style shoe buckles in marcasite (5), they were marked up higher but he did a deal and his arse doesn't come cheap, 10-20 (the price of entry to his wheel parker), 10. A flat Hurrah, as it scrapes a fiver profit. Scrooge's wallet opens for a split second and a Moth is liberated.

​

The Aftermath:
Uncle Eric larking about in a toilet converted into a Theatre. Cold, rainy Malvern, an ideal non-warm up for the Muttley Auction later. Foghorn and Tubby The Plant. Eddie Hitler and Noel Fielding for the Reds. Bloody Mary and Lost Highway Mystery Girl fot the Blues. Dreadful Serrell Auction as predicted. The only half-decent bids came from the internet and any items bought in the room were for loose change. So the Reds end up making a miserly loss. What were the Blues thinking, blowing their budget on one item at a Muttley auction where if someone spends more than a 100 quid in total then they get a nosebleed. Tubby Thomas should've steered them well away at that price. For once Foghorn gets outbadded by Tubby the plump gooseberry. Fantastic entertainment.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Regular outdoor on grass kick. Excellent Hi-Kicks from all. Tuesday Addams from the Blues was a little late but produced a mighty full-on Growler head kick. Pandora's Box opened so to speak. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Reminds me of the joke:

Q: Why did the disciples moan a lot?

Spoiler: Answer and Bonus Joke

A: They were waiting for the Second Coming.

Bonus Joke:
Jesus is at the last supper with his disciples,

And at the last supper, Jesus takes the bread, blesses it, and says,

"Take this, all of you, and eat it, for this is my body."

He then proceeds to bless the wine and says,

"Take this, all of you, and drink it, for this is my blood."

Finally, he picks up the milk, but Peter looks at him and says,

"You can f*ck right off."

 

Post them all the same though.

 

That would be like the Manneken-Pis going sloppy seconds after King Dong

 

LOL Arf LOL

 

Dizzie v The Yeti today

 

actually, its The Frizzy, Dizzie, Yeti and Hettie Show.

 

Squeak Not a lot something know a lot about Squeak , as the English gets mangled as the windows smash.

Hello Caroline.



The Squeak emerges from The Fog, Sephen King has a heart attack.



Brian Lara? Do you recognise any of the names?

Compliance labels. Could do with some of those. Cough.

Dizzie wants Chemist Big Ones. I'm a Chemist, Dizzie.

"What have the Blues spotted?", all the Dogs in the neighbourhood are alerted by the noise.

Dizzie pours cold water on that valet stand.

Laural Hardy nightmare figures and I don't mean Yeti and Squeak.

Tragicooper confesses to playing as a Secon Row in his Public School Team.

 

the disappointment on the blues faces when their expert was revealed...

I'm inclined to think the same..


oh its Jack Sparrow again - hes on more than anybody else..


Dizzie doesn't want to be a party pooper.. shes right, that valet will crash and burn. Poor experting there, should have rained on their parade. Obvs doesn't think they deserve a GG.

have to agree again.

.

 

Idiot Blues. Risk averse insurance wonk.

Another Hawley outfit.



Dizzie enjoys a Noggin.

Some real crap today.

The Reds liked everything.

The Blues were the opposite.

That's about as close I've seen Cooper almost throttle someone.

 

A shot at the end of the shop had Danny screeching, close-up, surrounded by cheap anglepoises. Moog will have nightmares.

 

Yer, they're thrilled.

 

What a mismatch! "Risk-averse insurance men" with the perpetual one man car crash.

 

Distraction Lady mourning her lack of Crack Action.

 

Today's show was totally dull, but it's 'phew, what a scorcher' hosting the auction!

I'm back in the room!

 

oooooh, Hottie Jizzgo!
(All the thread's posh set rapidly assemble; stand to attention, chaps.)

I like Izzy's cuffs.
()
And her unassumingly lovely BB. £5!!

"I wanna join in the hands!" yelps Izzy.
Blimey, Timmy; she'desperate for a handjob...

 

blasphemous thought - is she a challenger to Christina as no 1 BH Crumpet?

I dare say she may well be!

 

She is a guest inductee into Wfcmoog's Hall of Hotties.

 

Yes you are.

 

No, she would be her hand maiden, so to speak.

She does have a dirtyish giggle.

Dizzie wants to join in with the hands.

LOL a fiver loss on the watch. Another Copper GG attempt bites the dust.

LOL somebody has nicked Tragicooper's BB.

 

OTC

 

'you wuz at minus foive, now you are minus fwee'


A THEFT!!!

Hottie loved it.
Hmmm.
Check her bags. (And knickers?)

Tsk tsk, so Chuko isn't the only BH crim...

 

Would be defeated by the Bawl of Jericho.

 

Cooper makes a great BB and they lost it. Gutted.

 

Squeak is almost inaudible to the human ear at the end here.

 

Get Plod round.

A theft on BH!!!!

This is on a par with Bez cheating.

The Squeak shows us his sweaty patch while Dizzie gets busy with hers.



Dizzie shows off her new Boots.