Bargain Hunt

11 quid profit. Win for the blues. Once again, as usual, my predictions are totally wrong.

 

Ruddy hell, DEI box ticking blues! Do they cut each other's hair? Blindfolded?
Has plaidy been to the same eyebrow technician as Eric?
Does one of the Blues have a look of Jerry Lewis, or is it just me?

 

At least you're here making predictions..

 

Must be an old episode today. No big spend or challenges. All items seem reasonable. Blues know their onions. It's a Winterton auction so should be Ok.

Tash looks amazing.

 

Reds first:

Sledge: paid 30 - sells for 70
Butterfly brooch: paid 18 - sells for 35
Blanket chest: paid 60 - sells for 40 oof. No GG

Bonus buy is some tongs. Paid 20 - sells for 15. Danny you plum

Total 33 profit

 

Blues up, my predicted winner:

Fire extinguisher: paid 9 - sells for 30 pounds
Radio: paid 18 - sells for 40
Binoculars: paid 13 - sold 20

Golden gavel

I missed what the BB is. Some weird contraption

Paid 40 - makes 45
David gets a GG.

 

well played moog, holding the fort solo, as though an officer in Zulu

did the newish expert today think he was the Breaking Bad guy?

that father/daughter teachers Red team were very decent chaps

 

Tuesday...

Non-U Foghorn says "serviette" - twice.

Bluegirl has shades of yummy Big Suze from Peep Show.

Oooh, an unspotted repair. Tsk tsk!

 

Rare Raj dropped bollock.
And now he's spouting spuriously about "Churchillian provenance"...

A comedy Blue loss for Team Steph now..

 

I think the buys seemed very decent, for a retail shop, until the damage on the CC biscuit barrel was highlighted.

Even Tubby's auction is gradually warming up. Apart from the bargain biscuit jar, things are getting a little heat.

Caroline is terrible though. Just appalling. Why is she still a presenter? It has to stop.

 

Blue girl has something about her.

 

Ok Tommy's auction has reverted to type. In his defence he's working his tubby bum off to try and get some reaction from his miserly audience.

 

25 quid for those planters. That's criminal. Even if they were bloody hollow plastic they're worth more than that!

 

They must have auctioned the blues' items at 3am or something. Terrible.

 

Steph never predicts a large BB profit. I mean today, she's right, but she needs to be more ambitious.

Sure fire profit says Tommy! Brave words!

 

indeed.

by the by...unless i am getting cataracts, i think today produced the first half-decent pic of foghorn ever:

 

Ooh, it purple macked princess in Leominster today with the bliss that is Kate, and the pratt that is Jonathan. And princess takes to the streets to see if the locals can guess what sort of perverse sex torture the mystery object is used for.
third outing for this episode according to iplayer - another editing headache for @reg_varney

 

I'm quite tight, says Blue Bloke, whereas I'm very loose, says his other half, with her roaming eye.

She finds some Coq almost straight away.

Absolute death, should be on the Bingo cards.

 

Moorcroft? 110? Pah!

 

Some ridiculous prices achieved by Weeks, in his very best form, despite COVID conditions.

 

'Oh, we're losing money'

Weeks is scathing of JP's grandma chair

 

What was JP thinking? Like, did he get a large bump on the head shortly before buying that?

 

JP attempts to defend his idiotic buy, by claiming it's got 300 quid worth of upholstery.

 

Princess inquires whether they will be travrlling home in the same car. Perhaps accompanied by her lovely self, in a latest fantasy.

LOL. JP you absolute star. Ha ha ha.

Kate in her Game Of Death-inspired Tr1lly Tight T1tty Top. I am imagine there would be quite a queue to pin that Golden Gavel on her.

Nice to see some joined-up phone bid multi-screen bidding to drive the price up.

A lovely hair swish and smile during the Auction.

Christina giving a tight squeeze and watching it come off in her hand during the Auction.

If you get 3 profits, what do you get? Errrr, Topless Hand Shandy from both the female experts? I'd normally say feminine experts, but that might include JP, shudder!!!

@wfcmoog Oh yeah, massive Moorcroft profit. It does happen.

 

Yer, we also started with Trilly upstairs. Plenty of scope for jokes about looking downstairs etc.

Might be a handshake episode with you-know-who on, Cough.

 

Female: "What's that stain?"
Male: "Erm...ancient yoghurt?"
Yeh, we've all tried that one, mate.

'Treacle glaze'. Sounds like a certain ex-SkySports presenter's fetish.

Bluebird looks unwelcomely similar to hectoring harridan Emma Barnett.

Love the way evident party-girl Christina saw scope for more booze-per-person in that punchbowl lot.

"Ooh, good work, Tim," coos Princess, as she admires his teasing foreplay to the hammering.

Brill BB by Bliss! And a deserved result.

"We must go shopping more often," quips Redbird, amusingly; Redbloke gulps, sees credit card melting.

 

Producing non-ancient 'yoghurt'?

 

Timmy: nice bit of Izzy thigh later...

 

When she was a steel worker from Rotherham called Barry.

 

Oh my! gateway to the promised land.

As an aside, I've always had a thing for Morgan cars, though once described as having a "ride like a park-bench on roller-skates" (yes I am talking about the car), still a lovely looking car IMO.

 

had a glance on iplayer catching up on todays episode - how bizarre - two anglo-saxon male and female (by supreme court rulings) couples..

Weeks loves a nice dinky... bulldozer = transport? what would Tash say?

wonder if this was the first take with the decanter - did she say "c0ckerel" first time...?

I did go to Wessex Auction Rooms once - I can only assume someone must have tipped Dizzie off cos she wasnt there, at least thats what they told me "it's her day off" they said... Didn't see Weeks, or treebeard either to be honest, some other bloke was doing the auction.

superb JP BB lolz lolz lolz

kates top at the auction does look like a uniform from a cheap 60s/70s sci-fi show. She needs to be careful pinning on that GG.

 

Christina added to our History of Horn in Nov 2023, we most certainly rose to the occasion ......

Reg:
The lovely Christina. Rubs thighs in anticipation.



Let's see what's coming up. Cough. Indeed.

Lots of facial contortions today.

Yer Treepants Auction, he loves his Dinky Toys.

Yes, I often commute to work using a Bulldozer says Christina. LOL.

Blue slowcoaches.

Don't spend 200 notes on that chair. Gawd.

Moog:
Bliss vs JP

My money is all in, on Bliss

Reg:
What are Edwardian games to play on that table?

Oooo Crikey, Trilly does her best Blackadder.

Traditional sweet Shop vibe. Oh dear.

Lots of Dirty Laughing today.

Christina gives the eggs a really good squeeze. Faint.

Jeez, Treepants' hair!!!

Christina is going to give it to us.

Moog:
Changed my mind. Cash out cash out cash out!

New incidental music today. Did anyone else notice?

Rumplestilstim weaving pure gold from tat once again.

I did not expect a GG for the reds! Thought they bought a load of shiit.

Guy:
Very underwhelming response from the reds to getting a golden gavel...... anyone would think they made a big loss

A refreshing change from usual shrieks

Moog:
Glad they’ve got Weeks because JP, red man and blue man haven’t got an ounce of testosterone between them. Absolute betas. Weeks will bang all the chicks in the post show tea party. Chad.

JP brings a pissy chair from an old people’s nursing home for 208 quid. Big nope.

Weeks wants to absolutely smack JP in the gob for that chair.

Reg:
Treepants face on hearing what was paid for the chair. LOL.





Moog:
This could be the worst BB ever. Makes teapotlampgate seem like a blissful memory.

Reg:
No, Gary and The Squeak rule that domain.

Guy:
JP .... oh dear

Harefield:
Jeez, the chair !

Pratt by name......

Moog:
Check the record books Reg. that’s got to be there or thereabouts.

Reg:
168 lost. Not even top 3.



Moog:
That's quite incredible really. With a 300 total budget across 4 items, losing over 100 on a single item takes a lot of things happening all at once to be even close to possible.

Anyway - that was a really, really good episode. My wife missed the auction as she had to take a call. I'm gonna make her watch it on catchup. So much drama!

Reg:
There's Something About Christina.



Time for a sleep. It's coming towards the end of the programme.



Weeks has a nice neat and tidy sign unlike Muttley's.



The NASA Moon Scout Carousel car was the inspiration behind The Pilot (Engineer) from The Alien Film. Ridley Scott is such big fan of the show that he wanted to cast Tubby Thomas as a novel shirt buster type of organism while Caroline Hawley has been working as an understudy for the Alien Queen since the franchise was rebooted.

 

Christina in Leominster IV Lobby Cards:




Moog:
I wish I was a vintage toy motorcycle

Reg:
I was wishing it first.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Leominster 12
Series 59
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0010bxf
Christina Trevanion is in Leominster with experts Kate Bliss and Jonathan Pratt and the red and blue teams. Christina also reveals a menacing-looking mystery antique with a surprising use.

The Translation:
The finale, Part 4, to our post-Apocalyptic Auction extravaganza series, Leominster 2020 Mad Chucks IV, Furious Tutting. After last time's Shenanigans at the Thunderdrome Jumble Sale, Bring and Buy Until You Die, Warrior Queen Christina and her silver maiden, Trilly Titus Dressus Furiosa Gobbus Massive Bliss, stuffed to the gills with an amazing French polished Ebony pump organ, well-glazed jugs and a fabulous pearl necklace, are taking their booties back to base camp with their booty, Blitzstorming across Fury Road aka the A417. Hot on their trail is Lord JP Humungus Idiot Pratt in his J Arthur Rank Torius Molestus Inappropriatrum Custom Drag Racer. He sniffs the air, catches the scent of his prey takes the next Tory right turn and crashes into an enormous crap heap full of Squeak-style upcycled apple crates, a rusty old bicycle fresh from a Hipster craft beer micro-pub, and Gary PP BBs. He's fallen for Queen Christina's enticing trap, an object we all pine for, and she can be heard Dirty Laughing all the way to the safety of the Auction Rooms at the Wokely non-contact Gladiator Arena with Rictus Erectus Weeks, where the meterosexual War Boys drown themselves in Hipster Cream. As always, the fee, one tank of juice preferably Wild Loganberry and Quince.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Steamstress Christina Trevanion, she sets the heat controller to 11
[Red Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, the tighter her dress, the shriller she gets
[Blue Team Expert] Gently effeminate, gaffe prone Jonathan JP Pratt with his Tory boy fashion style
[Auctioneer] Wokesfuhrer Timopanzer Wunderbar Weeks
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms, Chippenham
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] History graduate bloke and Shop Assistant bird partners.
(Challenge: Transport)
[Blue Team] Marketing manager wifey and Drinks consultant hubby married couple. He's tight, she isn't. Snigger.
(Challenge: Serve or store a drink)

The Shopping:
Reds: Dinky Toy Blaw Knox Bulldozer (18 Challenge) OK, Victorian cast iron and brass scales with weights (55) OK, Moorcroft vase (110) he will really try.
Blues: Majolica-style pineapple jug (5 Challenge) good, Cut glass punch bowl and glasses (75), Battered Treacle glaze cake mould/dish (12) great.

The Distraction:
Christina also reveals a menacing-looking mystery antique with a surprising use. Another mystery item. It's a Victorian egg topping device. Christina gives the eggs a really good squeeze. My eyes water. She laughs even more dirtily.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Dinky Toy Blaw Knox Bulldozer (26 profit), Victorian cast iron and brass scales with weights (25 profit) GG depends on the vase, Moorcroft vase (20 profit) yes, it can happen, Golden Gavel acquired yet again for a Trilly team.
Trilly's BB are a pair of silver-plate banded bucket salts with shovel spoons (25), 20-30 he creams like a butter churn, 60. An unusual and excellent find Kate, along with a very welcome extra 35 quid.

​

Blues: Pineapple jug (25 profit), Cut glass punch bowl and glasses (25 loss), Battered Treacle glaze cake mould/dish (8 profit).
JPs BB is the Victorian gentleman's armchair from earlier (208), REJECTED 40-60 Tim baulks and says we are losing money, 40. Disaster, -168 lost. Good job they rejected. Utterly hopeless expert and I'm being kind.

​

The Aftermath:
It's another pretty decent Pandemic Recovery episode. Post-Covid special, Indoor Antiques Centre, the Reds Centre manager was quite accommodating with the discounts which helped. Weeks giving us an Auction Masterclass. His work getting extra money out of the Dinky Toy was pure artistry. The bunker-style hybrid-setup Auction with a very bedraggled Treepants on dual screens and Treebeard Terroriser sidekick on the blower, who always looks like a Hirsuite ZZ-Top Hilly Billy Tramp Jihadist-throwback, extracting every farthing of profit out of the very, very hungry punters. Christina looking gorgeous and Dirtily Laughing for all her worth. Great entertainment as was expected. First up is with Trilly's quiet and considered Red Team. All their items made good, decent profits including the risky 110 note Moorcroft vase. The worries were unfounded as the punters loved it as much as a front-row seat at the Raymond Revuebar. Golden Gavel attained. The look of total shock on the young Red Team was a rather pleasant sight rather than the usual squawking and whooping like demented aquatic fowl. Trilly provides the cherry on top of a very nice cake with a great and unusual set of salts. Treepants squirts cream over the little shovel spoons and another excellent profit made for a 106 three-figure overall surplus. JP had a different prospect for his Blue Team who wanted to be ultra-thrifty. Not a great idea as it would give JP too much money to completely spunk up the wall, over the furniture, with some left over to fill a large fish tank. The pineapple jug and punch bowl items balance themselves out, Timpole did really try to no avail, ending with the cake mould/dish rising to a small profit. So they are 8 notes up. Then JP has a brainwave to spaff 208 notes on a bog standard Victorian Armchair from earlier. Tim generously values at 40-60. The look on his face when he found what was paid was priceless. They REJECT, quite rightly too, as it plummets to a grisly death losing 168 GBP, not far off the all Time Top 3 on biggest losses on single items. There's been another one at -170, so JP's could well be No. 5 on the all-time list. LOL. What a lazy BB. Shame on you Humungus Pratt. The Blues avoid a losing score of minus 160 GBP.

Christina gives it to us, Gulp.


​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal kick at a very tight angle. It looks like everyone hits par with reasonable coordination. Yes, YES!!

​

OT78:
== "It's a Victorian egg topping device. Christina gives the eggs a really good squeeze. My eyes water. She laughs even more dirtily."

I see she has assembled a collection of stiff brown soldiers, one of which will penetrate her egg. They will then all end up in her mouth, allowing her to savour their gooey mess.

Cracking episode, and hugely enjoyable humiliation of The Pratt.

Also enjoyed he creams like a butter churn

Reg:
This is beyond disturbing.

 

Red bird today looks like shes auditioning for that M&Ms advert, with the gardener.. "whats that all over your....shoes?"