Bargain Hunt

I did actually put those two down as 'not wholly unacceptable,' but failed to note on here, so well done @reg_varney for capturing that.

 

That's what I was thinking, I stole my dad's old Dunhill and it was valued at £80 back in the 90s.

 

150 loss on a single item. Got to be in the top ten?

 

Looks like this Look East presenter has barfed down herself.

• 

 

Probably. Nowhere near the Top 3 though.

 

Also, this Papier mache lacquered tea canisters, courtesy of Catherine. Tubby Thomas Lindisfarne silver cream jug and sugar shaker strawberry set pips it.



Hold on we're getting interference (yes, please) from Victoria Valentine.

 

Eric's eyebrows score 11 on the Darkometer scale.

 

Decent final kick.

 

Dizzie did seem to spend a great deal of the programme standing around like a teapot.

 

Blue Whale eyes the prize.

 

Briefly worked for Dunhill earlier in my career (late 70s), got HUGE staff discount. Got my dad several pipes, a tobacco jar, several belts, wallets, dozens of silk ties, and 4 lighters (2 for dad, 2 for mum). Got rid of the lot after he passed away, pre ebay days, i expect (hope) the charity shop did rather well out of them.

 

Oh! What a delightful Creature! Dentistry provided by Fray Bentos, by the look/lack of it.

 

Do we think she's an antique dealer or just a fellow superfan?

 

BBC approved preamble:
Exeter 8
Series 71
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002b12z
Rare beeswax figures left by medieval worshippers at Exeter Cathedral are shown to Eric Knowles. Meanwhile two teams of families go bargain hunting. A unique collection of medieval figures is revealed to Eric Knowles at Exeter Cathedral. Stonemasons unearthed the beeswax figures a year after the cathedral was bombed by German planes during World War II. Eric finds out why thousands were left by worshippers at the tomb of a 15th-century bishop. Across the city, experts Izzie Balmer and Serhat Ahmet lead two teams on a race around hundreds of stalls in search of profitable antiques. In red are Devon brothers Nick and Lloyd, who plan to buy a house in France with their winnings! Competing against them are mum and daughter Jenny and Ellie in the blue corner. Izzie’s advice rings true when the brothers ponder sets of crystal wine glasses and tumblers, while it’s case closed for the blues when they see the price of a luxury leather trunk.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric is down Devon way, no doubt mentioning cream teas and other delights. He'll be joined by Dizzie, possible enjoying some pie with her cream tea and Brand new expert Hatter Shame, The Beds Montalbano, The Sleuthing Anagram, or he could be a Retro Twin Peaks investigator, particularly in this weather, enjoying coffee and a big piece of Dizzie's special dessert pie. No clues as yet who the Auctioneer is. Hopefully, it won't be Anthony The Undead Eldred. Perhaps it'll be the Wokesfuhrer. Ah, it's Swindon's finest, Gareth the Wasp buzzing around Dizzie's hive like a demented critter. Let's hope the profits flow like Dizzie Honey.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, supreme sausage scoffer
[Red Team Expert] Dizzie Izzie Barmy Balmer, the resident apiarist, her honey pot overflows into her engorged fiddling F-holes.
[Blue Team Expert] Serhat Hatter Shame Ahmet, The Beds Montalbano, The Sleuthing Anagram
[Auctioneer] Gareth Angry B@st@rd Wasp
[Auction Location] RWB Auctions, Royal Wootton Bassett, Swindon
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Devon Brothers Nick and Lloyd, who plan to buy a house in France with their winnings! The eternal optimist twins, LOL!!!
(Challenge: Piece of studio pottery)
[Blue Team] Mum Jenny and daughter Ellie, who can't wait to get her bellie on the tellie. Has a truer word ever been said!
(Challenge: A functional ceramic)

The Shopping:
Reds: Studio pottery vase (8 Challenge) Profit, Dunhill silver-plated tankard lighter (90) Struggle, Waterford cut-glass decanter (22) OK.
Blues: Pair of Bronze dogs (79) Hopefully a profit, 1920s Moorcroft vase (195) Ooooof ouch arrrghhhh, Silver pepperette and mustard set (25) Not bad.

The Distraction:
A unique collection of medieval figures is revealed to Eric Knowles at Exeter Cathedral. Stonemasons unearthed the beeswax figures a year after the cathedral was bombed by German planes during World War II. Eric finds out why thousands were left by worshippers at the tomb of a 15th-century bishop. After the Wokesfuhrer Weeks ordered the bombing of the cathedral, Eric views the restoration of the ruins with Beeswax, provided by Chief BH Apiarist Dizzie Buzzie and her vibrant hive, overflowing with goodness. Also, something about bishops, possibly beaten, and a tomb and the involvement of the Masons, so Funny Handshakes, Dodgy Police Favours, and General Sexual Abuse, are the order of the day.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Studio pottery vase (17 profit), Dunhill silver-plated tankard lighter (65 loss), Waterford cut-glass decanter (12 loss).
Dizzie's BB is a Lalique-style Opalescent Glass bowl (20),40-60, 30. it made a profit of 10 notes.

​

Blues: Pair of Bronze dogs (29 loss), 1920s Moorcroft vase (150 loss), Silver pepperette and mustard set (5 profit).
The Anagram's 1 note BB is a Royal Doulton Pickwick Papers character mug (1), 5-10 should make a profit, 5. 4 note profit. Well done. That does sound patronising.

​

The Aftermath:
Uncle Eric replete with eyebrows unfeasibly dark, waxing and waning, well waxing with that beeswax Distraction, and waning, well whaling anyway, as he encounters the human ocean marker buoys who make up the Blues. It's a definite baptism of fire for new Blue Whaling Expert, Ed Sheertat Advert, as he busts his BH Cherry and his reputation. Dizzie gets 2 young Red lads. Both teams were overtly fussy and dithered for GB at an expensive, retail price Antiques Fair. Gareth the Wasp Auction down, or is it up, Swindon way. Reds cheap vase males an easy profit. Perhaps, another time, he should swap his gavel for a rolled-up newspaper and attempt to beat himself senseless. Meanwhile, the usual South-West Skinflints watch on. Dizzie's Reds make an easy profit on the cheap vase and then it's all downhill, or should that be Dunhill, as the excellent lighter, is snuffed out for a big loss. Then the reasonably priced Waterford decanter only makes a tenner. A genuine scandal. Dizzie's BB was some nice Opalescent Glass which made a nice profit. Reds end 50 notes down. Not great, but it could have been much worse if they had gone with the sextant. First day at school, wet-behind-the-ears, green, virgin, new expert Shiithat Carpet starts badly with a loss on the Bronze Dogs, followed by a humongous 150 GBP loss, not the worst, but still pretty bad, on the supposedly rare-patterned Moorcroft vase, basically Waspy Gareth got his valuation spot on, and finally a fiver profit on the cruet, at least the Anti-Golden Gavel was avoided along wit the requisite head flushed down the loo ceremony. At least he didn't disgrace himself with his 100 pence BB, a character jug that made a 400% profit. However, they do end up 170 quid down. Oooof, cough, choke. So, Big Spend woe for both teams sinks any chance of taking home cash. An entertaining car crash style episode.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoork kick in the corner of an empty office. Everyone hits par at more or less the same time. Dizzie's black dress outfit hinders a potential Growler kick. Well done everyone. Yes, YES!!!

​

 

Or could be either the Best or Worst/Wurst Ever Drag Act to hit these shores. Look at the Adam's Apple and the ginormous hands.

 

I wonder if he takes orders from a H.E.M. line manager.

 

Ha.
I also see traces of martin keown, gary neville, actor mark strong, fellow sleuth david suchet...and the smile of marti pellow.

 

Nana Mouskouri's let herself go

 

Timmy asks if he might watch her spout.

 

Or by Appleton's..

 

ah, lovely Jenny later...would love to get her shouting 'daddy, oh daddy'

 

Ryvitas brother/sister?

 

Does she disrobe as in 99.999999999% of all her other films bar the obvious and Call The Re-writing of Social History Mid-wife?

 

No, annoyingly.

 

Tash in Hele.

Ian and Clive?

OH FARK!!! MUMBLING MARY!!!!!! ARGGGGHHH. The Auctioneer equivalence of Brain Fog.

Almost No Profits today then.

Reds are Farmer and Vet Male Friends.

Blue Witchy Sisters.

Bingo! It's Bingo.

Oh Fark Mk II. Squeak, Squeak, Squeak.

Made of brass/Model or sculpture

Knackered trumpet.

It's a bit dull, says Dan referencing himself.

Huzzah, it's Clive. Generous Discounts they might have a chance with MM.

Huzzah, now it's Ian.

Lady Neilson. Cream Ice. That's Nice.

Canadian Ice Cream. Is that a Euphanism?

Yet another decent discount.

Art Deco filth.



Confirmed. Daustbin Dan likes real rubbish. Mantique term used. @TIMMY WANNACOTT Is that on the Bingo cards?



@wfcmoog Another cream jug for you.

 

The Antique Dealers Union Sniper has Ian in his sights after his overgenerous discounting.



Lovely Italian Bust.





Reds: erass table top tray, animal feeders, silver cream jug.

Blues: cut glass cruet set, ice cream sign, Italian terracotta bust

Breathing life into large objects. Cough.

Hot rivetting. Phwoar.

It's Red Hot as is the rivetting.

Anna Falchi top (above Claudia Cardinale) is the horniest Zombie on record, enough to turn Rupert Everett.



Mumble mumble mumble.

Uh-Oh.



Tash DQs the invalid hallmarked jug. Repurposed so the original hallmark is invalid.

Tash orgasms while blowing hard on her whistle.

How much to pay for time with this Young Lady, Tash pimps our viewers.

 

Mumble Raring to go. Snail's pace then.

Reds up: mumble mumble muble charger/table top makes 8, feeding troughs lose 17 despite the discount, Cream Jug DQ so evens stevens. Base has been added.

Squeak BB is a Majolica vase/jub/corn-on-the-cob (30 pound singular), mumble mumble mumble 20-30, mumble mumble 35. Makes 5.

Reds -4 a superb result for here.

Blues: mumble condiment mumble set mumble makes 12, ice cream sign, mumble screen read mumble loses 26, Lady Bust, she rapidly reads the screen as the computer takes over, arse wipe.

Bingo's BB is a 1930s Art Deco clock garniture (100), 20-30 no mumbling out of pyre hate, 25. Loses 75

@OldTraff78 Art Deco clock for you. She despises it and sells it like she's selling a massive turd.

Blues -89

Fabulous Tash Growler kick, straight down the camera lens.

 

Dodgy dealership today. Blinding discounts
Oof, awful Mary doing the auction
'Are you raring to go?' Asks Tash
'Yes' lies deadpan Mary

Cream jug was a bullet dodged for the reds. They'd have lost 50 quid minimum if they had sold that.

 

I just can't bring myself to watch the auction. It's like Zombie Mary at one end of the scale and Screeching Hawley at the other.

 

Cameron buys his lovely horse.
Don't get it. It's awful.

 

At 15 at 15 at 15 at 15 now

God! get a job in McDonalds or something Mary. You're not cut out for this.

 

Like a snail on it's way to the cabbage patch.

 

Are there any Posh Fast Food Bistros?

I'm sure she'll be married off to some prospective Tory MP in the South-West

 

She's not thaf posh, just dull.

 

Blimey!!!

Spoiler: Italian Actress Alert!!!

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