Bargain Hunt

Hyperactive Magnus-Pyke impersonator victim Charlie Hanson was convinced his Dinky Toy Mister Softee ice-cream van was the bargain of the century. Mister Softee-haired auctioneer Tim Weeks loves his toys but valued it at a 100 sods less than what Charlie-boy paid. Luckily, the Blue Team rightly rejected this trinket. It does look good though and has lots of movable parts. I do love my Dinky/Corgi/Matchbox vehicles.

 

That winning team with their hats and their stone/paper/scissors were insufferable. How zany do they think they are? 'I run a hip hop and chess night because people don't realise chess and hiphop go together.' They don't mate. Just you and 12 other hipster ***** thinking 'what am I like!? I'm mad I am!'

 

I'm still gutted about Friday's episode, where posh tottie Lottie and her horrible bleach blonde mother beat those black girls.

Snotty Lottie stood there with her skinny little jeans-clad legs and big BH jacket with her arms folded, declaring she "hated" everything suggested by poor Mark the expert, who was getting more and more exasperated.

In the end, with about 5 seconds left, they bought 3 items all decided by Mark and all of which were "hated" by Lottie and Mummy equally.

The buyers were super tight and the bitchy bleached twosome won by dint of losing less money. An absolute travesty.

However, I must concede that in Lottie's favour, she did surprise me with a tremendous high kick at the end. She got some real height. I suppose there's no weight to those thin little sparrow legs.

 

PS If anyone missed the episode, I should say the kick was around about 105° from perpendicular.

 

I think I watched this one but zoned out. Can you remember any of the items or who the auctioneer was?

Sometimes you can just tell it's a losses all round type of day and I just switch off because of my ADHD.

 

Well the black girls (quite a tasty daughter and a short arse mum with a massive afro wig) bought the inevitable silver brooch by some designer or other, which looked good, but lost money.

Posh Lottie and Mummy, or rather Mark the expert, bought the ugliest East German vase I've ever seen on BH. It was massive. Industrial and grey. "Wow that's a lot of pottery" they said, and it was. It was fatter than one of Lottie's legs. Incredibly it sold for £10, thereby wiping its face! Maybe someone wanted to smash it and use it as drainage hardcore in their garden or something, because there was no way anyone would want it in their house.

 

Oh yeah, it was a Georg Jensen brooch I think. Or was there a charm bracelet by him?

Was the auctioneer that Scottish battleaxe (a less charming Susan Boyle) who starts off raving about a piece 'wow, beautiful piece of crafted silver, amazingly rare, extremely collectable' before giving a pathetic estimate '5-10 pounds.'

 

It was indeed a Georg Jensen, as so many BH items seem to be. They paid £125 I think and it sold for £100.

I can't remember the auctioneer, but he was pretty useless. Very listless and lacking in enthusiasm. The bidders were also super-tight. It was somewhere up north I think.

The one yesterday (Sunday) was the wee Scottish one, where yet another Georg Jensen item got bought and also lost money. That was the uncharming silver charm bracelet. I quite enjoyed that episode. Some tremendous losses, including a decent three figure loss by the ladies, which is always enjoyable.

 

Auctioneer Colin, Lincoln's answer to Rick Wakeman, was pretty much on the money with most of his evaluations, proving that both teams had well and truly overspent. However, he was seriously underwhelmed with the concrete owl which made him look like a twit and the blue team hooted with delight when it returned a 59 sods profit.

 

******* hell that sounds like a hate crime. A bit heavy going for a daytime show.

 

Yeah, but to be fair, you can't but 'overspend' when you're buying from retailers, even with a discount, but selling to Steptoe and Son at Wakeman's Prog Rock Auction.

The owl was the complete outlier as someone massively overpaid for that. Would be cheaper brand new at Van Hage garden centre.

However the other stuff was sold for fence type money. You'd get more if you nicked it and sold it to a geezer with a lock up in Canning Town.

 

What a rollwe coaster today (tuesday).

The stick stand was glorious worth every penny, but then a big loss on that bracelet. It was gorgeous, but they well overpaid at £130, however it was worth more than thr £50 Captain Charisma managed to get under the gavel.


The sundial thing was great too at only £40. I'd love that in my garden.

Good win for the reds and for both teams to only lose under 20 quid at that auction packed with such cheapskate losers.

 

I'm sure Mr Blazer-ing Squad Charlie Hanson would have got over the 100 quid mark for that bracelet. Some of the gavel bashers have the charisma and flair of Chris Whitty and appear to just go through the motions resulting in not great telly.

 

Calling it now. Blues to win. Reds are gonna lose a ton.

 

It's gonna be a bloodbath.

 

Blues did Ok. The auctioneer really underestimated a lot of things. Reds lucky to finish under £100 down thanks to Caroline's yellow enameled scent bottle.

 

Both teams were really comical today - I thought the camp one who looked like a cross between a minion and Eddie Hitler was super funny, especially at the end in the auction. "Oooh, ahhh, ooooh etc". Ton twenty loss on a single item can never be sniffed at. Thought the beardy one was a but disrespectful rolling the sleeves up on his BH jacket though.

The decrepit old maids on the blue team were equally funny and did some good oohs and ahhs too. Both them and Dr Evil, their expert, looked as though all their clothes had been homemade from the same roll of cloth. The fringe lady was amusing, but best was the gurns done by the old dear in the specs.

Both tremendous still photos. @reg_varney I know you can sometimes do stills. Are you able to help here because they were pure gold?

 

Glad to oblige Clive.

The random box of Meccano from the Red Team at well over 100 quid was a 'I saw you coming' moment. The blue team ladies were very entertaining and the female Irish auctioneer was one of the better ones.

If you watch BH on the IPlayer on a computer then watch with Firefox browser and right-click on the browser window for the Take a Screenshot option.

 

@Clive_ofthe_Kremlin 's Eddie Hitler / Minion comment makes so much sense now.

 

Nosferatu/Gollum's Blue Team were unlucky with being sold a Harry Beck reprint of a 1936 Tube map as an original would have cleaned up. The Papier-maché writing box surprisingly made a decent profit, whenon another day it would have tanked at auction. Catherine Southon is already under his spell and it won't be long before he sinks his teeth into her neck.

 

Harold Shipman have a good look at her jugs ‘n all.

 

If the other bloke stood really still on a plinth in a department store, people would 100% believe it was a manikin.

 

Surely, contemplating his big bonus buy decision. Yes, I noticed that too

 

If original, those go for thousands, not hundreds.

I thought the writing slope was madness and they did the right thing in rejecting it, but it made 20 quid. Even the auctioneer was predicting a steep loss.

The other team forgot the first rule of BH when they bought that clock garniture for 180 sovs. Only about 2% of items that cost over 120 quid don't lose money. In the end it actually wasnt as bad as I feared and they only lost 20 or 30 quid. Thomas has some good buyers in his auction it seems. At the some of the other actions that would have gone for 20 quid into the back of a dealer's dusty Renault Traffic.

 

Enjoyable episode today. Red team were some affable young welsh lads. Their big spend was a boom box for 170 quid, that I'd have taken to the tip. Did much better than I expected and only lost them something like 20/30 quid in the end.

Their hideous Toby Jug cost a fiver and sold for 40. Their typewriter was too strong. I saw 30 quid and that's what it did (they paid 49).

Bonus buy was a solid 40 quid from the 30 quid Caroline paid for the napkin rings.

Blues started with 2 profits in a row, on their wrought iron thing and a set of knives. Their furniture thingy was 75 quid but out of vogue and sold for 50. It was a bit of a steal really. Nick pulled them back though with a whopping 75 quid profit on a set of flowery badge things.

Good episode. Solid kick at the end. Caroline nearly with her foot at shoulder height.

 

Red Inspiral Carpets tribute act where teamed with Caroline Hawley, WAG of former cheroot-smoking, hamstring-pulling, Gooner, John Hawley, and her paisley patterned psychedelic outfit, got into the psychedelic theme with some psychedelic purchasing. Ghetto blaster with keyboard (never seen one of those before), a bargain tootless pottery granny despised by toothless posh twit Charlie Ross, a knackered lump of metal typewriter, and the often seen bonus buy silver knapkin rings.

Blue team featured a bloke with an extendable neck of a ventriloquist dummy and his wrecking ball female sidekick just missed out on a golden gavel but cleaned up on their enamel glass drink cup token trinkets Bonus Buy.

 

"Everybody was kung-fu fighting ..........."

 

To try and banish yesterday evening's equivalent of a Georgian silver codpiece making a 5,000 quid loss, I decided to watch the first BH of the weekend.

On today's entertaining episode we had the Red Team Communards tribute act. These French illiteracy graduates' "Côté de stationnement" sign, it's got the word station in it, derrr, but actually translates as "Parking Area". Railwayana challenge unticked. They were also steared clear of a nutcracker that looked like a fisting aid. Their silver lining? The bell ends saved by a bell-shaped glass cloche.

Their opponents, Team Blue, Black country yam-yam-yam concrete rabbit-loving bumpkins featuring a Nora Batty lookakike and her hen-pecked husband.

This episode's tat-bazaar enabler was Mark "It's a lovely thing" Ahsley, a beardless Mike-Leigh clone was pretty good with his guessing and his gavel brandishing.

I've included extra Nora Batty expressionism as I know Clive has a real penchant for this sort of thing.

 

Phillip Serell could barely disguise his contempt for these two. Whenever they spoke he was looking away into the middle distance, slightly pursed lips. His comments about him being in the business for years yet the couple rejected a decent chair for some concrete rabbits spoke volumes about that immensely irritating woman! I was hoping he was going to buy that chair with the left over lolly...

 

Sunday's episode was an expert fuelled furniture disaster. Pick of the tat was Gary's teapot lamp which surprise, surprise made a loss.

Posh twit Charlie auditions for the Scanners Film Reboot.


What the faarrk is that?

 

200 quid for a Chester draws!? That hall stand! I'm no antiques expert but anyone who's watched more than 2 episodes of BH knows that wooden furniture is well out of vogue.

But for those two terrible buys they'd have had a chance.

That lamp was fugging awful.

 

Wonderful gurning!

 

Today it's, Danny the Pimp-Squeak:


And Rick Wakeman the Bond villain and his very profitable chair:


Looks like the Pimp-Squeak may have been tooting too much of his own produce:

 

I occasionally dip into this but normally only for the last 15 minutes or so. I'm not a big fan of the shopping bit, and I hate the unnecessary preview at the start of the programme, but I do enjoy the auction.

I used to be a regular at the local auctions myself. If anyone is interested in having a go themselves I still use "the-saleroom.com" to bid on the occasional auction online. You can just watch auctions and, if you are not registered to bid, there is no danger of bidding "by mistake".

Two things to take into account. Auction fees are not included in the show. In reality most auctions charge somewhere between about 20% and 35% on most lots for both the buyer and seller. There is also an additional premium for bidding online. What you pay is considerably more than the hammer price shown.

Secondly, if you do bid online, make sure you are aware of the auction house's postage policy. Some just go with Post Office rates, some only use expensive private companies, some charge a lot for packaging and some won't post items at all.

 

Sorry I'm a bit late. Wife dragged me to IKEA so just watched on catch up.

Squeaky Danny was almost unlistenable today. His team claimed to watch BH regularly but failed spectacularly to show any sort of nouse with their purchases.

The silver pepper thing was over spent, the crappy 50s furniture was all the money and then they went and splurged 150 sovs on the Fairground Attraction sign. It was not Perfect.

Danny's bonus buy scent bottle was decent though but only chipped away at their monolithic loss.

Rick Wakemen led the blues on a much more sensible path. Tbh I was surprised the stick stand made a profit, but the Russian ring seemed a safe bet. It was Word Up for the Cameo though as it wiped out their previous two profits and put them into a 22 pound loss.

Step forward Wakeman and his blofeld chair. Auctioneer Boris Johnson didn't rate it, but it went on and on to pull in a 57 quid profit taking the blues to a huge and deserved win.