Bargain Hunt

We must have previously given lovely Bluebird a thorough examination , and doubtless Reg will be disinterring relevant RegGrabs (please oh please), but I am going with 'a long-haired Janette Scott'.

 

are you looking to, ahem "substitute" that version into the playlist? I'll get me coat..

 

Page 6 Discussion (in italics for posterity) from end of Jan 2022 and again in Nov 2023 ..........

Moog:
Philip Serrell wielding the gavel today. Nothing will sell for more than £20.

Clive:
Ha ha ha Lurch on the blue team.

"Ah want marbles in 'em"

Why?

"Cos they're wurfff more wiv marbles in 'em"

Still, the students on the red team are smug and easy to dislike. Hard to know who I want to lose most money.

Moog:
Gangly nut job Tim Weeks and Pound Shop George Michael, Ben Cooper are the experts. I'm not expecting a classic today.

Reg:
Pound Shop George Michael, Ben Cooper

Very good Moog. LOL.

Moog:
Keep away from the butter churn!

2 quid for the commode! Serrell really does attract a load of Stepoe and Son bidders.

What a gash bonus buy! 125 quid for a ruler. Predict a huge loss.

Sold for 20 quid. Quelle surprise.

Weeks has done OK. Fireman's hat for a tenner. Worth a punt.

Absolute shambles of an episode. Serrell's auctions are dismal.

Reg:
(Recent Note: Original report - feeling quite emotional)

Today it's Posh T1t Charlie Ross in Shrewsbury with indoor scarf wearing Phillip Serrell as Auctioneer. The Red Team is 'aided' by intentionally scruffy Ben 'Hobbo on Trend' Cooper. Blues have the familiar Tim 'Beardy Beanpole' Weeks.

The Red Team is composed of 2 non-stellar medical students who settle on: Surgical instr (The brainiac Meddos thought they were hairdressing tools!!!!!)(Challenge) (loss); Mahogany Commode, with pull out step, sold for 2 quid!!!!!! Almost no sale Clive. Literally, a sh!te purchase; Vicorian Silver pocket watch minus a hand (BS) Small loss. The BB is Smug Bens' Surveyor's staff masquerading as a River guage imposter, basically a gigantic slide rule, 125 s0ds. Sold for 20 notes. What a fool. Oh Dear. You might as well just set fire to the money or flush it down the commode!

So a big loss, all 3 are massive idiots.

The Blue team is a father and daughter, the latter laughs and smiles alot which is always nice and you easily warm to her. They spend the readdies on: Toy soldiers on horses, they're not lead like my head moans Charlie, sold for a fiver, a loss; Silver pocket pencil, another small loss; Overpriced gawdy painted Butter churn (BS) 180 s0ds. Looks awful. Made 100 quid loss. Disaster.
Tim's BB Battered Fireman's helmet 10 quid. Usually, profit all day long, except it didn't. It broke even.

No items made a profit. Pissious-poorous effort from everyone involved.

Subbuteo is the distraction and it's well worth a watch even when you suspect that daft Charlie hasn't a clue what it's all about.

Decent loud hi-kick. Charlie bellows YES. The old fool is obviously going a bit deaf.


Moog:
I love Bargain Hunt with a passion, but your summary of each episode is even better.

I thought this thread was gonna be about our transfer deadline day dealings!!!

Eh? Eh?

Lol!

Now from 2023 .......

Reg:



Cooper and Weeks with Ross and a Muttley Auction. Disaster beckons.

Looks like Reds are playing with landmines. Cooper looks on gormlessly.

Tatty Wicker sacrifice chair.

Tribal Art a really difficult field says Carloss, so is finding a profit for you, even tying your own shoelaces Ben.

Commodes for your shiit buys Cooper.

Oh fark, a butter churn. You know Weeks is going to go for it. Groan.

Now Cooper has spotted it. LOL.

Oh the river guage. LOL. Now I remember. Haha, Hoho.

I think this was my first exposure to Tragicooper on BH.

Excellent a pocket-watch missing its minute hand.

Butter churn or bellows LOL.

You just know this is going to end badly. Muttley Auction too. LOL. Car crash incoming.

Cooper is going BIG as in POP.

Moog:
Soldiers - ok
Pencil - nice
Butter churn - what the actual f*ck?

Reg:
Just wait for Cooper's BB. It's a cracker.

Looks like this Bumble bee has mad a Beeline for Bumbler Charl-eh.



Boys Own magazine. Something that you couldn't publish these days.

Harefield:
Yayyyy, lovely old Subbuteo !

Reg:
I used to have a Santos Subbuteo Team.

OT78:
Mine tended to be Santa's.

Do young people still play Subbuteo? Are they initially baffled by the lack of a joystick?

Watched Retro BH on Challenges earlier. Proggy Palmer without facial hair, Hanson looking about 12, JP without glasses (and fawning all over tall horsey posh blonde). Was good to be reminded how unpleasant a screen presence Tim W was. Much prefer newer format.

Reg:
Was Palmer's Auction a Pessimistic Disaster like his more recent efforts? Even Tash would be shocked at their frugality.

OT78:
He was younger and keener. Made an effort. Winners only lost a tenner or so.

Moog:
TFL
Three figure losses.

Reg:
With Muttley defo.

Carpet on the commode. LOL.

Moog:
Muttley's estimates are not that bad.....

We know, how the reality will pan out though.

Reg:
Ha ha Heeeee, giggles Ross on the Darts score butter churn.

Here we go. The losses start.

Dutch Auction as usual.

Moog:
Carlos has hope on all three lots.

Idiot

Reg:
2 pounds for the commode. Haha.

Anti-Golden Gavel.

Told you about Cooper's BB. LOL.

Moog:
If they go for Carlos' BB they deserve to be shot

Reg:
LOL. Muttley can't believe it.

20 notes of fire wood. Hahahahaha.

-143 has won BH in the past. LOL. Hohohohohohohoho.

The losses continue.

Even the Chester silver makes a loss.

Will the helmet be the only profit today?

5 notes. Now 10. It wipes its face. LOL.

Victory with -111. LOL Hahahaha LOL Hohohoho.

Moog:
Even the pencil! That was a shame

Reg:
You just knew it was going to be terrible and it was, the surveyor's stick and the butter churn was the cherry-shaped turd on top of this seagull-infested flytip destined landfill cake. Superb init's awfulness. Even Phil was flabbergasted by what they paid for some of the items.

OT78:
Young Doctors* unable to diagnose a bargain. Let's hope they do better with cancer scans.
Non-Scouse LFC. Though beats the scouse variety, to be fair.
Delightful Bluebird.
"I know what looks pretty," she chirps.
So do we, darlin'.

* sadly, not:


Reg:
Delvene Delaney alert. Temperatures soar. Call for Jojo Adams immediately for mopping of fevered brows.

Here she is a Gold Coast courtesy maid. An upgrade from a South Coast Lyons Maid




Crikey!!! or should that be Strewth!!!!!



OT78:
Best feature in ages.
Salivating over some of that gear...

Name origin story was new to me; wtf!

Butter churn ...will suit some Anchor.

Lovely laugh from Bluebird as the churn dies its death. Well done to cameraman for close-up (@39mins).
Tim shows her his hard helmet.
She laughs even harder.
A fireman's pole gag looms...must resist...

If Reg does his usual screengrab of the total profit or loss freezeframe, it'll provide evidence that Bluebird belongs on the BH Rostrum of Top Totty

Reg:
I believe these are the images you crave, well the ones that can easily be accessed anyway.





OT78:
Oh yes! that second one is exactly what i lingered over.
(almost typed "fingered" there. freudian slip.)

Reg:
BH courtesy maid.

OT78:
Charlie was really enjoying rubbing Carloss' nose into his own faeces there.
Wispa gritting teeth...i thought he was about to have a pop

 

Blimey. So much goodness above. Thoroughly enjoyed re-reading it.

 

"Since you've been gone" was indeed a "banger" to use the current vernacular. "Down to earth" was/is the only Rainbow album I ever bought. I think it was down to Graham Bonnett's vocal more than anything else.

 

View attachment 34105

.

 

Nice bit of Hammer above there, btw.

Speaking of which, here is a shot that could've come from either today's BH or tonight's House of Hammer episode, both of which star a Charlie.



Voodoo United: one of Subbuteo's less successful offshoots?

Or Danny's brought the family in to watch.

(Actually taken from 1980's Charlie Boy.)

 

Re-up from November 2023 with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Shrewsbury 8
Series 60
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001433h
Charlie Ross referees today's proceedings as experts Tim Weeks and Ben Cooper captain the red and blue teams as they shop for antiques and collectables in Shrewsbury. Each team is hoping to score a hat-trick of profits that could see them win golden gavels at the auction in Malvern. Charlie also learns about the history of table-top football game Subbuteo as he meets a man with one of the biggest collections in the country.

The Translation:
It's the posh twit larking around again in Shrewsbury with Hipster Treepants Wokeley Weeks and Beyond Useless Yeti Carloss Wispa. Each team is hoping to score a hat-trick of profits says the preamble. What, with Cooper, the doyen of the Anti-Golden Gavel. LOL. Even better, the Auction is with King Mutt in his Inverted Pyramid of Despair. Absolutely no chance. Wooden spoons, yes, Auric Hammers, a definite no.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie The Tool Ross
[Red Team Expert] Ben Carloss Wispa Tragicooper, bad buys woo-woo
[Blue Team Expert] Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auctioneer] Phillip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piqure de puce
[Auction Location] Titus A Ducksarse Auction Tomb, Malvern, Worcester
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Medical student male friends, support Red Scouse FC.
(Challenge: Related to medicine)
[Blue Team] Retired Firefighter Dad and not too shabby Hairdresser Daughter.
(Challenge: Fit in your pocket)

The Shopping:
Reds: Set of surgical instruments (35 Challenge) OK, 19th Century mahogany step commodes (20) OK, Victorian silver pocket-watch, missing its minute hand (75) in with a shout.
Blues: Set of Lead(?) soldiers (12) topend, 1908 Chester silver Bridge Pencil (19 Challenge) topend, Butter churn (180) darts maximum ouch.

The Distraction:
Charlie also learns about the history of table-top football game Subbuteo as he meets a man with one of the biggest collections in the country. Charl-eh learns about a table top parlour game that working families play, something called Supertato. It must be something to do with Spuds he imagines. He can remember making Potato Stamps when he was a child. One was able to produce a remarkable facsimile of an eviction notice which he used to post through the letter boxes of the tenants on his Grandfather's Estate at Yuletide. Oh how he roared with laughter at the distraught families and only a few hung themselves before realising it was a crude trick. Did that actually happen or has he been reading too much Dicckens recently? He's so confused that his head spins like a whirling dervish and he fills his Adult Nappy.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Set of surgical instruments (15 loss), 19th Century mahogany step commodes (20-2=18 loss haha), Victorian silver pocket-watch, missing its minute hand (5 loss).
Wispa's BB is the Surveyor's staff from earlier (125), 30-50, 20. Big 105 loss. Outstanding work even for you Tragicooper.

Expert Shame more like

​

Blues: Set of Lead(?) soldiers (7 loss), 1908 Chester silver Bridge Pencil (4 loss), Butter churn (100 loss).
Treepants BB is a West Midlands County Fireman's Helmet (10), 10-20 profit says Muttley, 10. It doesn't make a loss.

​

The Aftermath:
Well that was brilliant. a Total shiiitstorm car crash. Cooper produces one of those performances that is his trademark, a total Disasterclass of sheer incompetence. Utterly hilarious. Treepants not far behind with the big spend, the dreaded butter churn. Phil Serrell, in the ultimate Miser Mausoleum, left flabbergasted by the price paid for the ton plus items, he estimated them fairly at 100 notes less. Let's start with that useless lump of Yeti Poundshop George Cooper. 2 OK items in the surgical instruments and carpetted Victorian commode at a reasonable price, barely take any money, let alone make a profit at Steptoe & Sons Auction. The Anti-Golden Gavel is completed with a small loss on the incomplete silver pocket-watch. So far not great, but around par for Muttley. Then, one of those really bad BBs, the 150 GBP surveyor's staff soon to become fire wood. It sells for 20 notes. LOL. A huge 105 loss. A superb -143 GBP loss for the Reds. That could be a winning score says the fool Ross. LOL. Treepants Blues start off with small losses on their first 2 cheap items including the Chester silver bridge pencil. Then, one of the bette-noires of BH appears as the big spend, a gaudy painted butter churn for 180 notes, a dart maximum score that has Muttley checking-out from his oche. The look of shock on his face was a sight to behold. Unsurprisingly it makes a 100 pound loss and cemented yet another anti-Golden Gavel. Weeks then finds a Fireman's Helmet BB for his retired firefighter contestant. It cost a tenner. A profit surely, even in this pokehole. Nope, it sells for a tenner, so no profit but at least it doesn't make a loss. Small mercies indeed. So, the Blues end up winning with a 111 loss. LOL. Brilliant. Very very entertaining. A quick aside, this Auction just squeezes into the BH Records of Top Combined Losses with a place at No.10. Amusingly, Muttley has had a loss of 300 before so it's not his worst performance. Cooper has had worse losses too, no surprises there!

​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal. Looks like everyone hits par at roughly the same time. Special mention to hairdressing Blue Bird who shows us an absolute beauty of a growler head kick with an extra little flick too. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Charlie Boy. Excellent.

It's Pervy Dave, an example of a piece of tribal art looking like it's potential suitor.

 

Blue Bird should pay Reg for how good he's made he look in the screen caps and gifs. She should probably also get a restraining order.

 

She'll need to get two.

Btw Mighty work from Reg to collate all those visual treats; and not easily done with one hand.

 

If she caught you in the love spuds with that kick you'd be singing too high to be in the BeeGees.

 

Ooh ooh ooh, is today’s episode (S60 E15 Newark) the ‘Natasha’s naked knees and northwards’ episode? If so I recall that wonderful kick!

 

New to us episode. It is in the database though.

Tash has the time if you have the inclination.

 

All the kicks from this set, her summer dress, have been excellent.

Squeaky Young Sisters

Mother and Daughter Admin Assistants. Will they be helping us. Cough.

The Squeakies get The Squeak.

Colin Young looks like he's been to a Tramp's Convention.

For a child/Comes in a set Double snigger

If you need us to do anything say the Red Birds.

She's interested in an expensive ride.

Danny says Child's Desk and all the glass items shatter.

One of the Reds outsqueaks the squeak.

She does sound like Orvill the Duck.

Blonde's stain, wood.

Will they go down?

It's that sort of weather.



Tongue spotted.



Greenwich Time Lady was on another episode. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002390r

Same Distraction Lady



Today:

 

Re-cycling The Distractions?

Colin picking out some real tat today.

Is Red Brunette related to Beth Tweddle?

Danny Twaddle.

Asian feel. There's been alot of that on the News recently.

50K worth of filth.



Rug of loss.

The Reds look like they're out of Cronenberg's The Brood.

Danny and the Girls make my ears hurt.

Jolly Crumpled Lewis.

He's shocked at how poor the sideboard is. LOL.

He realises he has his work cut out.

They Squeal like victims of the Transgressor.

 

What a savaging Crumpled dished out there!

Loud podgy Red bird getting excited. Mops ready.
(Although...if she could be shrunk and have the fat removed, she could end up vaguely reminding us of lovely Kimberley Nixon?)

Sideboard goes for firewood! Voodoo sacrifice deserved.

"We've got faith in Danny."
A sentence never previously uttered on BH?

 

Some observations in no order:

Colin's jeans are showing what religion he is
50k for some item at the fair? Why would you drag it there in the elements? Hardly likely some geezer is gonna give you 50k sovs in cash and then bung it in his van.
Tash overwhelmingly endorses the teaset as having met her challenge. She was very good at hiding the disappointment of not being able to disqualify.
Squeak buys a very sqeak set of junkshop furniture items

 

They both are. What a racket they would make.

60 loss on the sideboard. LOL.

70 for Danny's Tor-Peado.

Sweetheart brooch modelled as munition. LOL.

The Squeakiest Team in history?

The Wheels comes off the Wheel.

Kill the Infidels Rug. Wipes the Unbelievers Arse.

Colin's Cheap Chair.

It's pegged. Snigger.

Bent wood. T1tter.

The Reds lost a chunky amount to go with their chunky frames.

Standby for Tash The Flash kick.

Oh no. Blues block.

 

Both teams representing the lollypop guild of Munchkinland

 

1973 prog Colin schools 1969 psych Danny.

Trailer for The Apprentice follows. More clueless contestants, and another host you'd like to see get fcked.

 

The Peak Peek. Such a shame.

 

Would this have done better? Rejected for the bought monstrosity round the corner.



The Reds did do decent kicks to be fair.

 

Colin with a growler shot for the ladies. Equal opportunities to perv.

 

Blue girl's bent knee kick is worthy of discussion. Her upper leg achieves a solid angle, but the bent let with dangling foot lacks oomph and impact.

 

Very poor form from the Blues in that kick, I suspect deliberate Growler censorship ( almost typed Growler interference but that would be something else completely)

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark 15
Series 60
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00134hs
Natasha Raskin Sharp is in Newark, where experts Danny Sebastian and Colin Young help the teams find potentially profitable items to take to Derby for the auction. Natasha has her eye on the clock as she learns the extraordinary story of Ruth Belville, the Greenwich Time Lady.

The Translation:
Strictly lovely Tash and her dimples are today's focal point at the Newark Antiques Fair. Unfortunately this high bar of loveliness is instantly lowered when The Squeak and Colin Mid-Life Crisisman shuffle up. Beggars can't be choosers but they can turn up as so-called Experts. Auction is with Crumpled Lewis in Dirtbox Derby, an event as well as the name of his Gentleman's Evening Club when, as soon as the day's Gavel action ends, another form of Hammering starts. Is Naomi on the 'phones doing her set?

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
[Red Team Expert] Danny Smoke Alarm Squeak Shock, glass shatters along with any hopes
[Blue Team Expert] Colin Rick Wakeman Young in his mid-life crisis denims.
[Auctioneer] Crumpled James Lewis
[Auction Location] Bamfords, Derbyshire
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Plump and Squeaky Young Sisters, Admin manager Brunette and Blonde Physio.
(Challenge: For a child)
[Blue Team] Mother and Daughter Admin Assistants, seems like an Admin Orgy is on the cards.
(Challenge: Comes in a set)

The Shopping:
Reds: Vintage Child's school desk and chair (24 Challenge) Absolutely fine, 4 Ercol dining chairs (44) Small loss, Retro Castle Teak sideboard (75) There is nothing good about it LOL.
Blues: Vintage i.e. knackered Iron Flywheel (40) Got a chance, Continental miniature porcelain Tea service (20 Challenge) OK, Iranian Stone The Disbelievers Rug (90) top end but possible.

The Distraction:
Natasha has her eye on the clock as she learns the extraordinary story of Ruth Belville, the Greenwich Time Lady. A sense of Deja-Vu here as in Heanor 10, Series 69 https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002390r Natasha Raskin Sharp hears the story of the woman who ‘sold’ time, Natasha Raskin Sharp tells the fascinating story of Ruth Belville who walked the streets of London, ‘selling’ the time to local businesses. If you had the inclination then she had the time.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Vintage Child's school desk and chair (6 profit), 4 Ercol dining chairs (6 profit), Retro Castle Teak sideboard (60 loss).
The Squeak's BB is a George V silver torpedo brooch/tiepin (70), he really likes it 40-60, 90. 20 note profit.

​

Blues: Vintage i.e. knackered Iron Flywheel (5 loss), Continental miniature porcelain Tea service (15 profit), Iranian Stone The Disbelievers Rug (evens stevens).
Rick's BB is a Art Deco oak and bentwood child's chair (20), 20-30 has to be profit otherwise there is something wrong with the world, 35. 15 profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Lovely Tash wearing her summer dress and dimpled smile. A glorious summer's day, polo shirts rather than fleeces. The Squeak who gets the squeakiest of squeaky chunky sisters, to form the Squeakiest Team ever heard on the prog. Prog Colin, who looks like he's be modelling for a Tramp Collection, in Jeans that have shrunk in the wash. His Blue Team of Mother and Daughter commit a Cardinal Sin later in the kick. Decent outside Antiques Fair. Decent enough Crumpled Lewis Internet-only Auction. His damning assessment of the sideboard is hilarious and reproduced below. Squeaky Reds buy 3 wooden items and make identical small profits on the desk and chair and the unusual Ercol (great name) dining chairs. Then, it's the turn of Pandora's sideboard, ruthlessly savaged by Crumpled, he doesn't hold back, it's even worse than his reaction to receiving a collapsed souffle with thin custard. It makes a whopping loss, a big spend that only sells for 15 notes, expensive fire wood. It's left to Dustbin Dan to get his unusual torpedo out, which intrigues everyone and makes 20, which dents the loss due to the chalk painted white elephant sold before. Reds end down by 28. Colin's, soon to be sinning Blue team, are provided with some Classic Colin Crap. His dreadful skip-rescued tat wheel loses a fiver, the Lilliputian tea service makes 15, so they're in profit, and the old rug wipes everyone's arse. He spends small on his BB, in amount and in size, on an Art Deco child's chair which almost doubles its money. Blues end 25 up. A result for Colin. Decent episode. Crumpled Lewis is always good value, and Tash was as delightful as always.

Tash: You like a challenge.
Crumpled: I do.
Tash: Do you like this sort of challenge? Because this ticks off a challenge, the price challenge.
Crumpled: No!
Tash: So therefore this has..
Crumpled: That one?
Tash: ..to have cost at least £75. What worries you more, the general piece of furniture or the chalk paint that has been wildly applied?
Crumpled: Do you know, it's difficult because as an auctioneer you try and be positive about everything and find something positive to say but at the same time you owe it to your buyers to be honest, and there isn't anything good about this, in my opinion. It's mid-century, it's teak, it should be on-trend but it just misses it on every level and I'm afraid £20-£30.
Tash: It was just the big spend - £75.
Crumpled: OK.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Everyone bar Colin, in his Spandex-tight jeans which are far too tight so he can only reach 45, everyone else makes par or above. Unfortunately, Tash in her flowing flowery-dress produces another stupendous full-on up-skirt Growler kick, which is blocked by Blue Mother. Think of the disappointed teenage lads and others. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Bonus Crumpled Lewis Extras:

 

And sneaky peek exposed paunch to really get the juices flowing.

 

Well she's Northern and probably has rickets.

 

Not Censorship but definitely Growler envy.

 

Tomorrow, the Not Grimm Fairy Tale, The Princess and The Butt-Plug.

 

Caught a repeat of Celeb Antiques Roadtrip last nigh on BBC2 - Richard Osman and wife, but that by the by - Tash was looking rather delicious - worth a look on iplayer if you have the time.

Note the BBCs comment at the bottom of the screen re: editing. Doesn't that stir the curiosity...

 

Is she going to play with her squeeze box?

 

I think we've had all the Red Videodrome dress episodes.

Wool darner, darn it.

Plenty here to tempt us. Yes, you.

Horsey team as those teeth demonstarte.

The Princess tricky Challenge. Can you hold out for 45 mins? Nope.

Wokesfuhrer and Plaidy.

Giddy up Boys.



Poison bottle for the losers, sorry runners-up.

Remember it's a Bourne End Auction, with Michael Caine Jnr.

Zyclon B poison cylinder for the Wokesfuhrer?

They love the poison bottle. Are they Ghouls?

Blue student thinks he's an expert.

Like that Bridge set.

It's a Darner, Darling.