Bargain Hunt

Yes, I can remember watching the Kessler spin-off. My Jewish mate's Dad was the spitting image of Clifford Rose. A tad unfortunate I thought.

 

The wfcfcbh disco SETLIST 1 (updated) ......

I have the the first 5 tracks for the setlist. Listen while watching the babes, or join in ..........

 

The wfcfcbh disco SETLIST 2 (updated) ......

Only 5 media links per post allowed so here are the next 5 in the setlist

Remember, listen while watching the babes, or join in ..........

 

The wfcfcbh disco SETLIST 3 (updated) ......

Only 5 media links per post allowed so here are the next 5 in the setlist

Remember, listen while watching the babes, or join in ..........

 

ooh, i had never heard that Clash track before. vg.
(my copy of The Singles only has the first bonus track.)
middle section chord changes mildly reminiscent of Another Girl Another Planet

 

My brother bought me the US release of The Clash's first album, when he was on a Jesus College, Oxford, Rugby Tour of New York, Boston, and the East Coast in 1980. Imagine a Squad of undergraduate Rugby Players being let loose on the night life of New York and Boston. Anyway, this album dropped some of its minor tracks and replaced them with the excellent Singles they had released at the time. It also came with an additional free 7" disc with Gates of the West/Groovy Times. Absolutely adored Groovy Times the first time I heard it.

 

RIP Sam Moore

 

The T1t of T1tz, Lovely Steph, not so lovely Tubby, and the Transgressor.

Big Show. Big Pile of Shiiit more like.

Money for Pleasure. Turning candles into .......

Knights and their gleaming helmets.

We seem to be mining episodes from last March/April.

Twaaat Hat Alert.

Reds Retired Teacher Married Couple who are in a choir

Mother and Twaaat Hat Son.

Is this the bicycle one?

Zaaaaander with his bum-fluff beard.

Nice shot of legs and heels. I presume that's not Tubby.

Am I vibrant and exciting asks Steph. Yup, you are most certainly. Things are looking and pointing up. She is looking really tidy today.

Something that bears a signature/With a face

Did Ronnie play with his cue? Big risk if he didn't, says Steph.

Tubby wrestles with a naked statue.

People might want it for their own personal skip.

Lantern of loss.

10% Discounts Booooo.

Nice movement on the clock and nice movement with the expert.

Some real tat here.

Jim wearing his yellow graph shirt.

69 enquires Steph. Oh, go on then.

 

Reds v Blues likened to Normans v Saxons by Charlie.
Who would we like to see arrowed in the eye?
Losers to be raped and pillaged.
Southon wishes she was on duty.

 

£4 for a Roman coin.
How can that be possible?!

Steph may be a bird but she knows snooker is played at the Crucible. Good girl.

Did I just hear an allusion to doggy style?

 

People do like honey pots brimming with honey, Thomas.

It would bring me joy too.

Lovely arse shot of Steph and now a lovely wiggle.

Bromley soap crate. A bookmark for the wiggle.

Tubby running his finger up and down a phallic glass object. Worrying.

French instrument for measuring wine.

C'mon Steph ask for 69 again.

We've not got long left, says Steph. I'm long Steph, cough.

That skirt suits her.

Tubby giving his Scandi glass lecture. Scandi atse lecture would be better.

We are all in the wary club.

Having to phone the dealers. Wastes time.

Reds: lantern, Clarice Cliff pot, glass vase

Tubby becomes Paddington Bear more like Teddington Bare.

Blues: Car clock, 5 scent trays, dressing table mirror

It got very hairy, unlike Zaaaaaaander.

Steph brings us a couple of extra gifts and some moulds.

Go with pretty and wooden, Steph. Audibly clears throat.

Charles Kemp stains.

Tbf, very impressive.

 

Xaaaaaaander would be putty in her red hot lustful hands.

 

"Am I vibrant and exciting asks Steph. Yup, you are most certainly. Things are looking and pointing up. She is looking really tidy today."

She sure is. Lovely dark mischievous flash to her eyes today.

Ah, the Transgressor! Clean shaven too. Must be dodging identification.

Says he couldn't get his clock working.

"pretty and wooden Steph"
Where can i get one? Or even better, in silicone?

 

She looks really fab.

 

Transgressor in his Hansel and Gretel House.

Lovely little pot.

Swedish glass. His glasses steam up.

Evidently if it's not working, the catalogue doesn't mention it.

Those crates are a Bargain.

The market is poor for Brown says Gaaaasssley, white is better.

Noel Gallagher on the phones.

Reds wipe arse on the lantern, CC (not Color Climax) pot, are you out asks GET, when Steph is on I will be, it loses 20, glass vase loses 10.

Tubby BB is a sack barrow, straight from the skip, 130. LOL. Talk about being ripped off. Rape and pillage in one. LOL. 60-80. A bit rich says the Transgressor. Tubby laughing like a Hyaena. Dutch start, 45, oh dear. Massive 85 loss.

Reds -115 superb work from Tubby.

Blues are you excited. Yes, it's Steph.

Car clock, loses 33 despite phone bidder, crates now, hooray a profit of 15, dressing table mirror, starts at 30, 35, lovely thing, now 50, 60, creeping up, like the Transgressor, 70. Loses 10.

We need Steph, yes we do.

Her BB is the ebullioscope from earlier (60), good looking thing says GET, 40-60, lovely looking thing, starts at 80, Steph squeals with delight, is 90 going to be the deattttthhh, 90, profit of 30.

Blues +2

Victory for Steph's Blues.

Very enjoyable episode with Steph on top form in BBs and herself.

 

Ohhhh noooo, Tubby!
'Biggest one ever seen'
Biggest pile of crap, certainly.

Steph pulls Macauley Culkin face.

Great French instrument!
But enough about my horn.

'Didn't she do well?' bruceys Charlie.
Give us a twirl, Steph.

 

LOL Arf LOL Arf LOL Arf LOL Arf LOL Arf LOL Arf.

 

seconded.
And always good to see Tubby trampled.

 

Plenty of grist for Reg's mill.

Oh yeah. Have got the latest Blu-Ray release (Severin in the US who always do great extras) of Drowning By Numbers on it's way here today with an all new Greenaway commentary and Bernhard Hill interview.

 

Further follow-up, it was originally released on The Clash's Cost of Living EP:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cost_of_Living_(EP)











As a Bonus,The Clash - The Lost 1978 Studio EP:



Clash City Rockers
The Prisoner
White Man in Hammersmith Palais Garageland (Revisited)
Danger Love (The Vice Creems)
Like a Tiger (The Vice Creems)
All The Young Punks (Studio Mix)
Stay Free (Studio Mix)

More about The Vice Creems:
"Following more gigs (including dates with The Adverts & The Lurkers), on the eve of returning to the studio to record a Mick Jones produced second single, Birchall, Lugmayer & Godfrey quit the band. Jones said "don't worry" & offered to get Needs & Keinch a band for the session, which he did :- The Clash's Topper Headon on drums, Generation X's Tony James on bass & Jones himself on guitar! (& apparently Billy Idol is in there on backing vocals too!). The recordings materialized as a single "Danger Love" / "Like A Tiger" on ZigZag Records shortly afterwards, with (for legal reasons) Jones credited as "Michael Blair", Headon as "Nicholas Kahn" & James as "Anthony Ross"!"

 

Buzzcocks were my favourite, mind.
Manc bias, perhaps.

 

RegGrab candidate?

 

Well there was catting before in March last year and again the previous March, so why are we seeing it again in January, fark if I know .....

Oh yeah, I've embellished it with snaps taken today, so enjoy.

OT78:
wonderfully firm-chested and authoritative reply-salute from our NSBHP poster girl! strength through joy indeed.



~~~ 'Schnäppchenjagd macht frei!' ~~~

Reg:
Blah blah The Weather. We will be having some.

The Fool, Tubby, lovely Steph and a Christie Auction.

Antique Centre Boo.

Retired Teaher. He sings in a choir of Micks.

Twaaat in the Hat alert for the Blues.

Take that cap off you're indoors you idiot. Xander. What a kn0b.

He overwinds and breaks a clock.

Covid Longhair Episode.

Tubby looking like Rolf Harris.

Long flowing hair suits Steph.



She's is very tidy.



Bears a signature/Bears a face

Meating in the middle. Snigger.

Tubby bullshiiiting away as usual.

Will he get his didgeridoo out?

Charl-eh likes a drink.

Did Ronnie O'Sullivan play with his cue?

Look at the faces, does antyhing take your fancy says Steph.

You most certainly do my dear.

Tubby loves the rusty lamp. Avoid then.

Ruth Davidson Centre Manager.

Hat twaaat is called Xander. Well that fits.

Moog:
**** in a hat on the blues team.

Bet he plays the ukulele, loves Korean pop music and only eats 'Street food' from pop up markets in Shoreditch

Reg:
Xander. What a tool.

Tubby Rolf has a real eye for tat.

Almost a 69 for Steph. Did the tongue slip?

Other Centre Manager is wearing a sheet of Graph Paper. He looks like Clarkson taking time off from his Tractor protest.



Oooooo Steph Tongue.



I'm sure Tubby makes plenty of time for a large breakfast.

Aren't they going to buy anything?

Bloody soap crates. Ideal Squeak items.

They are very fragrant like the lovely Blue Expert.



Local items. Half price. 5 for 25. That's OK. Probably a profit in that. Former local company too.

Finland is not Scandi you idiot Tubby Rolf.

Measure for how much wine you've drunk. How Red your nose has got.

Glass Vase looks like the European Cup Winners Cup trophy.

Real pedigree says Tubby pointing to a tin of dog food.

The dithering Blues have had to rush their big spend.

Covid phone the dealer lottery.

Reds have overspent thanks to Rolf Tubbis.

He loves a Marmalade Sabdwich or more accurately a whole plate of them in one sitting.

Steph's Blues have some risky items. Crates should be fine but the speedometer and mirror are a gamble.

Steph looking to find something pretty and wooden. I'm sure something will come to hand. Cough.



Charl-eh meets Norman and his church.

ABC holiday = Another bloody cathedral/church.

Treasure of Abbot Thomas stained glass window. Beware of an MR James style blob monster known as Tubby Thomas.

Thank you Rosemar-eh.

Christie loves the lamp. Shame it's not gaassssssss.

Nice pot to finger.

Scandi object to toy and play with like those exchange students.

Speedometer doesn't work.

The crates are a guaranteed ptofit.

Brown furniture mirror. Doom and gloom.

Was that Elton on the phone.

No, more like Jarvis Cocker trying to be Paul McCartney.



Lamp wipes its arse.

Clarice Cliffe marmalade pot.

Will you come 70 slathers Ashley.

No, it flops.

Manndy wants more.

Glass makes a loss too.

Tubby BB is a huge sack truck. 130. Are you having a larf? Tubby overspend? Disaster incoming.

It's only someone else's money.

Moog:
Charlie looking a bit lockdown dishevelled. Needs a barber.

Rotten old truck from Tubby. 130. Worth every penny of the 30.

Reg:
Another Tubby Dud!.

A bit riiiich hisses Gassssssley.

Starts at 40 and stalls at 45. LOL. 85 loss. A disaster.

Awful Auction. Skinflint Central.

Reds -115. The usual for Tubby. God he's crap.

Moog:
45 quid. Better than I though. Utter gash from the tubster

Reg:
Blues next.

Speedo being sold by the ...... cough. Loss.

Moog:
Who wants a crap broken clock for 70 notes?
Nobody? Oh but Xander liked it.

Reg:
Crates make a profit.



Criminal says the Transgressor. Yes you are





Mirror loses 10.



Moog:
Professor Yaffle doing his best to get some stagnant bidders to come to life.

Who wants an ugly old mirror like the one you had to take to the tip when you cleaned out your grandma's house after she passed?

Reg:
We need Steph. Yup



Steph has a pretty box. Cough.

Moog:
Steph has a brass enema kit

Xander 'loves it'
He's just so zany and quirky
What a legend
Sorry, *******

Reg:
Nice instrument but I can't see the Misers spending more than 30 notes.

It's the wine thing from earlier. 60 notes. Let's see.

We're in the right area, his basement?

Lovely looking thing, he says gazing at the playground.

90 notes. Steph squeals in delight.

Steph to the rescue.

Losses wiped out and a 2 note profit acquired. Good work Steph that place is often the Profits Graveyard.

Rapid wrap-up.

Boo Blue mother blocks a Steph sneaky peak.



OT78:
goggle-eyed auctioneer does try very hard, tbf.

persuasive cajoler, continually pushing reluctant punters to swallow his goods.



hmmmm!

oh dear. tubby vs steph ended up like MU v LFC the other day.

Guy:
Thomas off his trolley

Reg:
You know what, I'd feel exactly the same.



OT78:

great RegGrab

Reg:
What kind of spell does McWitch hold over Paul Laidlaw. Where did you say the car keys were again?



OT78:
Disability-dissing Anita channelling Lennon...

 

Re-up from last March, 2024, and the March before, 2023, with some additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Brackley 6
Series 59
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000y2v6
Charlie Ross and experts Thomas Forrester and Stephanie Connell go antique-hunting in Brackley, Northamptonshire, before heading to Stratford-upon-Avon for today’s auction. Charlie seeks illumination about the life of Victorian designer Charles Kempe, famous for his stained glass.

The Translation:
The posh fool Charl-eh Ross drones on about someone called Norman Saxon and how he wanted a market stall in Brackley or something like that. He gets very confused these days. Helping him mop the drool from his chin are Matron Tubby Thomas, bursting out of his uniform, and lovely Sister Steph to help mop fevered brows. He'll finish off recovering at the Auction where Mark Ashley, the goggle-eyed transgressor, will show off photos from his nudge-nudge-wink-w@nk collection.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy, bursting his fly for Britain
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, Our Steph.
[Auctioneer] Mark Ashley, lurking down the road in a lay-by, offering sweets and lifts to view non-existant puppies. The gas mask will be waiting.
[Auction Location] Bigwood Fine Art Auctioneers, Stratford-upon-Avon
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Married Teacher couple
(Challenge: Bears a signature)
[Blue Team] Retired mother and IT Engineer cap wearing numpty son
(Challenge: With a face)

The Shopping:
Reds: Edwardian copper and brass oil lantern (35) good, Clarice Cliff Crocus marmalade pot (85 Challenge) topend, Scandi Kosta Boda Linstrand glass vase (50) OK.
Blues: Vintage Jaeger car clock (68 Challenge) struggle, Set of 5 Bronnley soap wooden crates (25) big bargain make hay, 19th Century mahogany dressing table mirror (80) topend.

The Distraction:
The posh idiot, mis-hears what's going to be discussed and is ready for some Camp Charles glorious stained arse inspired by John Thomas. He overstimulates, his eyes glaze over, his head spins and he rabidly froths at the mouth. Time for the tablets and a lie down in the crypt.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Edwardian copper and brass oil lantern (evens stevens), Clarice Cliff Crocus marmalade pot (20 loss), Scandi Kosta Boda Linstrand glass vase (10 loss).
Tubby's BB is an Early 20th Century sack truck (130), 60-80, 45. LOL. An 85 quid loss. A Tubby disaster.

​

Blues: Vintage Jaeger car clock (33 loss), Set of 5 Bronnley soap wooden crates (15 profit), 19th Century mahogany dressing table mirror (10 loss).
Steph's BB is a the earlier viewed French wine ebullioscope (60), 40-60, 90. Well done Steph. Bang on form with a 30 note profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Crappy Auction from the Goggle-eyed transgressor. Online auction with potential telephone bidders but his mild sarcasm doesn't bring forth confidence. Surprise surprise. Tubby's Reds make no profits and he claims the spunked-it-up-the-wall cup with an overpriced wooden sack barrow that would take itself to the municipal dump. It tanks just as we expect. Tubby's profit balloon bursts like his shirt and the habitual crappy Tubby 3-figure loss results. Steph had a struggle with some of the Blue Team, a car clock and mirror had loss written all over them, particularly when Xander the cap wearing monkey overwound the clock until a bad sound was heard. The Bronnley soap crates had a couple of freebies and would easily make the asking price as fire wood. They made a decent profit but should have made more. However, she showed her mettle by haggling a good price on her ebullioscope BB which made an excellent profit resulting in a 2 note overall profit.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Final Hi-Kick is an outside breezy Covid diagonal special on uneven grass, a bit uncoordinated but everyone gets close to par before they get blown away. Tubby Thomas in Purple Pants Probe. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Dancing jumping bean Steph bidding for entry into your disco there, Reg.
She loves four-on-the-floor..

 

Truncated Trevanion on Sunday.
Giantess Ryvita threatens to trample over any hopes of profits, whilst JP displays shocking signs of fleeting competence.

 

clash of vintage telly totty tonight:

Can You Keep It Up For A Week? (1974)
vs
Up Pompeii (1971)

 

Steamstress episode, Hooooray. Shortened, Boooo.

At least we have the full discussion and report to refer back to in Jan last year.

Runners and Riders at Uttoexeter.

Guess who we all be wanting to ride over the jumps.

Giantess on again.

Brassy Reds

Blue Couple robotically parrot to the camera.

Are you very excited, chides the Princess, Yes we bloody well are.

JP scared shiiitless by the Giant Reds.



Blues scared shiiitless by the Giantess.

Christina’s tricky Personal Challenge, can you last longer than the duration of this programme.

Functional piece of Staffordshire ware/Ornamental or decorative piece of Staffordshire ware.

Christina’s Additional Personal Bucket filling Challenge. Hello Boys!!



One of the Red Harridans is on a crutch, thankfully not JPs …… yet.

Ryvita’s Giant Box.

N-n-n-n-n-n-nineteen.

The Giantess finds a Giant Thimble for her Giant Sewing Box.



Caligula Spunk Bowl with matching Butt Plugs just up JPs alley, well they will be afterwards.



Fee-fi-fo-fum. She’s wearing an Everest Assault Mountain Tent in Leopard Print.



Shiiitty wooden bowl. 100 pounds. 90 pounds. Welcome to the world of loss.

More Trench Art. Another loss maker.

Flashing figurine showing off its monster coq on the right.



90 pounds says that Dealer to all his items.

Giantess crushes the Dealer’s Hand.

Lust is mentioned a lot today.

Here I am Princess.



Reds buy: ladle, chip-carved bowl, lustre pottery Caligula spunk bowl and butt plugs Cosplay set

Something for the Ladies, says smooth JP

Blues: Wooden military first aid box, wedgwood black Lion, carved wooden trench art box

I know what my favourite item is today. Cough.

Something bogey says Irita, as she picks at her huge conk.

Auction walk in and look over shoulder. Nice.



Good King Henry Tong.

Will the Princess be made a Queen?

Massive Dirty Laugh.



The Spunk bowl and butt-plugs are a winner says King Henry.

Christina loves them too.

Somebody’s box will definitely be needing First Aid after a night of debauchery.

Black Lion

Ouch on the WWI box.

She can’t wait to see him in action.

Does a nose pick count as a bid signal.



Reds up first: ladle makes 2, great patter, wooden bowl loses 10, no GG the, Bowl and Plugs make 5 notes.

JP’s BB is a gold-plated amethyst coloured glass brooch (14), 10-20 every chance. 20. 6 profit.

Reds +3

Zip it says the Princess as I disobey.

Blues: first aid cabinet makes a tenner, he barks like the Dalek, Wedgwood Lion loses 18, 1914 oak box loses 59, ouch, Trench Art never really does well.

Ryvita’s BB is a dog ink well (75) blimey, 15-20 big sigh, sells for 45. Loses 30. Well, the well bombed.

Isn’t a Doggie Bonus something for later, Princess.

Here it comes. Yes it does.

Blues -97 ouch

The Reds cackle like witches.

Plenty of room for two in the Steamstress’ trousers.

Can we all have lingering hugs with our host.

Apply to cum on the show.

 

arf:

The Giantess finds a Giant Thimble for her Giant Sewing Box.

She is just one hell of a unit.
I wonder if the latvian army is full of huge troll wimmin like that?
Even Vlad would think twice.

Arf arf:

'Zip it,' says the Princess, as I disobey.

 

Well back in Jan last year, today's was a full episode with vigerous, energetic discussion, let us re-live these moments:

Reg:



OT78:
Two hands grabbing k0ck and bell...



Timmy:
My first post - I stumbled across the forum googling "bargain hunt"

OT78:
Heh heh.
Similar story here.
One day idly Googled 'trevanion sexy'; stumbled onto a Reg post; pissed pants....now happily stuck in this dungeon, having also meanwhile developed a fervent loathing of Luton.

btw...Flag and watch cracking highlights of the week.
Amazing that neither expert nor auctioneer saw the flag result coming .

(Black girl looked a bit dubious when Madders started raving about 'patriotism for homeland' and flying the flag up the Bristol channel... her greatgrandad in chains en route from Senegal might not have been so thrilled, hey? )

btw, anyone noticed how Uncle Eric has suddenly really harshly aged in the new 2023 episodes?
The pre-valuation close-up a few days ago. .sheesh...Hammer horror stuff, tbh.

Reg:
Reminds me of Chris Lee playing an initially much older Count in Jess Franco's 1970 outing which I believe has been given the 4K treatment after a new complete print was located.



OT78:
p.s. Reg, did you spot the Amicus portmanteau on Legend over xmas?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_House_That_Dripped_Blood
What a cast! Two DrWhos (sort of) plus two Draculas (sort of).
And Denholm E, who was later in another Amicus portmanteau with yet another Dr Who

Reg:
Unfortunately not. Ingrid Pitt at the height of her powers causing underpants to be tested to height of their powers.












OT78:
Yes, she sprang forth right at the climax.
A happy finish for us all.

Reg:
Today, it's .........

Thighs rubbed in anticipation.



Christina instantly given the willies.

She's looking fab again. Must have been the hot weather before.

JP and Ryvita Brady.

That Leopard dressing gown does her no favours.

Some nice Wedgwood.

He's from Hanley. My Mum's neck of the woods.

Christina loves Back to the Future.

It's a pleasure to have you, Tong says to Christina.

He doesn't hide his shock at the prices.

Excellent rolling patter.

Ceramic butt plugs.

Moog:
All Christmases have come at once for that wasitcoated stallholder, selling a wooden bowl and box for 175 quid to these gullible teams.

Reds' butt plugs will be popular at auction

Not sure who the blues expert is. Someone new.

Reg:
Ryvita Marryalot, the Lativian Karen Brady. Yes, she is new. Started off making a huge profit at Hugo Lemons Magic Money Tree Emporium and it's been downhill ever since culminating in today's huge loss.

Timmy:
Indeed, she got golden gavelled first time out if my memory serves me right.

Moog:
Getting a Golden Gavel at Bourne end is like finding a turd in a dung heap.

Reg:
Brass washer in a dung heap surely.

Cheap-looking BB from JP.

He really pushed the boat out there.

That inkwell is going to bomb.

Doggie bonus but says Christina. Snigger.

It bombs. Christina can't help but give us a superb Dirty Laugh.

No wonder JP was attracted to the ornate butt plugs and Caligula style spunk facial bowl. He often played Tiberius in his Public School Staff Room adaptation of Caligula sponsored by Rohypnol.



Ryvita Brady gives us Gary PeePee's now infamous meme.



OT78:
hoohoo, this is surely one of the greatest BH Reg-O-Vision grabs ever.
should be hanging in the Loo(vre).
every individual expressing proper BH emotions (shame, horror, disgust, embarrassment, anger, disappointment , humiliation...hmm..as per marriage?)

Reg:
@OldTraff78 the slinking smile and shrug you so enjoy.



OT78:
Public Service Alert!
Princess Christina interviewed on Morning Live, bbc1, as I type.

"So, could you fill this 'sauceboat', Moog?"



And with that mouth, she looks like she is offering us a choice of receptacles.

(It's the new consumer segment: 'Which Spunkbucket?')



Momentarily thought we were heading for a variant on...

 

Full integrale edition from Jan 2024 with the Princess Cinema Distraction, how could they cut that out, with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Uttoxeter 16
Series 67
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001vdfy
Take your seats for a blockbusting Bargain Hunt from Uttoxeter Racecourse and have your popcorn at the ready as Christina meets a man who built a vintage cinema in his back garden. Take your seat for a blockbuster episode of Bargain Hunt! Christina Trevanion meets bus driver Andy Jones, whose passion for films and cinema memorabilia led him to spend £70,000 building a replica of a vintage movie theatre in in his back garden. Inspired by his grandmother who was an usherette, Andy has sourced original items from many different cinemas, to create his 30-seater auditorium. Will there be a Hollywood style ending for the two teams shopping at Uttoxeter Racecourse in Staffordshire? On the red team are friends Trina and Sharon, whose ambition is to 'make loads of money'. In blue, it’s engaged couple Alex and Fran, who plan to 'spend big'. They’re in the safe hands of experts Jonathan Pratt and Irita Marriott. With the clock ticking, the reds spot a French scent bottle, but do they smell profit? Meanwhile, a toy carousel with horses catches Fran’s eye, but does Irita think it has legs? In Wrexham, auctioneer Matthew Tong reveals his estimates to Christina, but which team will be celebrating by the time the credits roll?

The Translation:
Empress Christina The Very Great is at yet another racecourse, this time in Uttoxeter. The epitome of loveliness is at another Nag Course this time with shy Tory Boy JP and not so shy Lady Brady Tory Lady impersonator Ryvita, taking a break from the Baltic version of The Apprentice where Family Boss Cukurs awards the winner their life and the losers have to pay of their debt in the Amstrad Brothels, I mean Centres of Re-Education, based in the liberal Middle East. Auction for some reason is in Wrexham with it's All Gone Matthew Tong, just 60 miles down the road, in this case A50 and A534, sod keeping it local.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Steamstress Christina Trevanion, Doyen of the dirty laugh.
[Red Team Expert] Gently effeminate, gaffe prone Jonathan JP Pratt with his Tory boy fashion style
[Blue Team Expert] Irritata Marryalot, the Latvian Karen Brady
[Auctioneer] It's all gone Matthew Tong
[Auction Location] Tong's Auction House, Wrexham
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Hairdresser and Charity volunteer female Friends, who met at a swimming club
(Challenge: Functional piece of Staffordshire ware)
[Blue Team] IT Consultant male and Business Specialist female couple
(Challenge: Ornamental or decorative piece of Staffordshire ware)

The Shopping:
Reds: 19th Century blue and white ceramic soup ladle (14 Challenge) OK, 19th Century oak chip-carved bowl (90) might struggle, Matched trio of George III lustreware pottery and silver condiment set (50) good.
Blues: Vintage wooden military first aid box (16) Bargain defo profit, Wedgwood Black Basalt Lion (40 Challenge) struggle, WWI carved trench art wooden box (85) oofff.

The Distraction:
Christina meets a man who built a vintage cinema in his back garden hoping to spend quality time watching vintage lady garden. It's a special Christina Official Visit Double Bill of Deep Inside Desiree Cousteau[1], an underwater documentary made by a relative of the famous oceanographer, muses Christina, and Star Vigin[2], featuring a man wearing a Richard Nixon mask for his role as Igor in the Dracula segment, excellent a political satire, she enthuses. She's greeted by the former driver dressed in his special uniform of long raincoat, with deep pockets, with a curious metal weight dangling just below the hemline. He's built a special love seat on the back row and gets Christina to dress up as an usherette complete with an outfit hastily bought from Ann Summers and a School Uniform sale, a supposed torch that actually vibrates like a spin dryer on maximum when it's bulbous light is turned on and a concessions tray comprised of Red-tipped Zoom lollies and classic overfilled ice cream Oyster delights. Christina asks him the immortal intermission question of Hey Crusader, have you any nuts?, before letting out a Dirty Laugh that causes the film reels to fall of the projector.

Refs:
Links provided for Research Purposes Cough. Don't worry, they are Cough, Very Safe. For umsafer ones, you'll have to do your own digging.
[1] Inside Désirée Cousteau (1979). Unfortunately, the original link to the PG Trailer has disappeared into the ether, like the Transgressor uses. Here are the Laserdisc covers instead.

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[2] Star Vigin (https://nostalgiacentral.com/movies/movies-l-to-z/movies-s/star-virgin-1979/

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The Auction:
Reds: 19th Century blue and white ceramic soup ladle (2 profit), 19th Century oak chip-carved bowl (10 loss), Matched trio of George III lustreware pottery and silver condiment set (5 profit).
JP's BB is a Boxed amethyst glass in a gold-coloured mount brooch (14), 10-20, 20. 6 notes made. Small profits for small ambition.

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Blues: Vintage wooden military first aid box (10 profit), Wedgwood Black Basalt Lion (18 loss), WWI carved trench art wooden box (59 loss).
Ryvita's is a brass begging dog inkwell (75), 15-20, 45. Oh dear a real dud with a clunking 30 quid loss.

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The Aftermath:
Christina was back to looking her lovely best after looking a bit haggard and drawn in recent episodes. As with Uncle Eric, I think these episodes were made during the record breaking summer heatwave of 2022, when using makeup wasn't an option, as it would've melted and fried it's recipients alive. Nice to see the very enthusiastic auctioneer, Good King Henry Tong, back on screen. Tong has the bark of the Dalek but also adds an excellent rolling patter. He knows his Audience and so was pretty much spot on with his estimates. First up was JP's Reds, 2 Welsh battleaxes, careful JP they'll eat you alive with a large helping of chips. They bought conservatively, as you would expect for Tory Boy, and he reigned in his tendency to spunk all the remaining money on his BB, this time time going with a cheap brooch, a fairground prize, or cracker trinket complete with paper hat and poor joke (which he cracked earlier). Small profits for 3 of the items countered by a 10 note loss on that chipped bowl, rather than a bowl of chips. They end with a huge 3 note profit to which Christina cheekily suggests they might need a wheelbarrow before giving us one of her trademark dirty laughs. Ryvita, who now seems to be finding her level i.e. downwards, directed her Blue Team poorly. They made a profit on the cheap wooden box bought immediately as an impulse buy but then made significant losses on the rest of the items including that dogging inkwell trophy, which was a real piece of tat. Even Poundstretcher Brady thought that it could well bomb. Then why risk buying it in the first place. Duh. It was awful and did indeed bomb but almost bombed even bigger. They finish on a 97 note loss. Pretty bad. Entertaining episode with Christina in great form particularly during the Distraction.

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The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick in cramped conditions. A decent effort all round. Everyone hits par at the same time. Yes, YES!!

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Moog:
I used to have that Desiree Cousteaux
movie on VHS 'oooh governor Ryan!'

Reg:
A genuine classic, when they used to put effort and production values into such grumble flicks.

 

Some full size bonus snaps for today.

 

Uttoxeter and Exeter Lobby Cards: