Bargain Hunt

Miserable discounts being offered oop north today especially from the invisible fellow who's voice sold them the record player for 29 quid.

He's awful. Why are they all trying to buy from him? He's giving away nothing!

 

Colin and Eric look frail. She's there to add some much needed testosterone.

 

These Geordies with their charity shop tat are really asking for a lot of money. They really have pinned all their hopes and dreams on the fact that those crappy vases or brooches are worth enough for them to retire (about 80 quid in Newcastle).

 

Cackle, cackle. 131 for Colin to waste.

Those Chinese vases are doomed in a Foghorn Auction. Hairline cracks will spring up with the shock wave.

Jet Black.

 

A bit worrying to give a Jet Black necklace rather than a pearl one.

The Transgressor likes to give those.

TBF, that Distractioness, I would.

Foghorn pre-school valuing.

If she thinks it's cool, then it's not.

Beware of the voice.

Sarky as an extra from I Claudius spotted during the sign sale.

Unlikely GG on. What is going on here?

Unbelievable, have they moved from Yorks to Bourne End.

Lazy Lion Colin buy.

We know they are resin, Jericho.

Head shaking the wrong way.

Have they shipped in philanthropic millionaires.

That gavel twirling is annoying.

@wfcmoog Your MILF is in the Audience.

Shiitty vases fail as expected.

Pee and Cokk, yes it is.

 

Today's distraction:

 

No idea what to expect from Foghawn's auction today.

Beware of the Motor (mouth)

 

Colin with yet another lazy BB. Not impressed. He's gone downhill since his days in Yes.

 

Good job Irita pushed for more discount after blue girl executive decided to buy the gramophone for 35.

Profit on the dog too.

Now the vases. Big risk. Slow bidding so far......

Loss. No surprise.

 

There was even a bidding war in the Auction room. What is going on. Those 2 online helpers we saw on an earlier episode are really earning their corn.

7 profits out of 8 with Foghorn!!!!!!

 

Arf arf

"She can speak 4 languages"
English, Latvian, GiantTroll, Lurve

"TBF, that Distractioness, I would. "
Me too. Whiffs of Stevie Nicks/howling at the moon but I bet she loves Hammer, and being hammered.

Couple of nice shots of moog's MILF.

Pleased to see the record player did OK. Vinyl rocks, and so does shellac.

Enjoyed Colin claiming to be "born ready". (In his longhaired iteration, he is also born to be wild.)

At first glance, I thought that sign cruelly said 'Beware Of The Motors'

 

happy new year, Timmy: look who is taking over this today...

 

He might be reading this and defiantly waving a golden gavel at you

 

Leaving me the owner of a broken heart.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Wolsingham 3
Series 70
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0026prq
Eric Knowles is in Wolsingham, County Durham, where experts Colin Young and Irita Marriott lead two teams of mums and daughters. 'If it isn’t jet black, then put it back!' Eric Knowles gets some expert advice on telling the difference between original and replica Whitby jet. The seaside town of Whitby saw a boom in the production of the organic gemstone in the 1830s, before Queen Victoria famously wore it as mourning jewellery. Meanwhile, in County Durham, two teams of mums and daughters scour the stalls of a salvage and antiques fair for collectibles to sell at auction. Janet and Amanda are 'looking for hidden treasures', while Debra and Jade are hoping to 'find that needle in a haystack'. With £300 to spend, Amanda spots a stall of plaques displaying car logos, but her expert Colin Young steers her away from them. Over with the blue team, Jade likes a black forest carved fish, but she decides to throw it back. Can auctioneer Caroline Hawley hammer out profits for both teams in the sale at Beverley Racecourse? (Answer: Probably not).

The Translation:
Uncle Eric, mid-life crisis Colin with his spay-on jeans, Ford Capri Ghia, and bluff Clarkson attitude, along with Ryvita Decathlete, the Latvian Caitlyn Jenner, head up to the Land That Time Forgot aka the North-East for some Antique Fair Frolics. No doubt it will be grim and p1ssy, which incidently sounds just like the comedic double-act the BBC would hire to host a 1970s Summertime Special from Hartlepool. Auction is with Yorks Vagrant Foghorn Bawley, so get ready to cover-up your ears, eyes, grimace, and shake your head the wrong way.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, supreme sausage scoffer
[Red Team Expert] Colin Mid-life Crisis Young, non-Rick Wakeman variant
[Blue Team Expert] Ryvita Marryalot, the Latvian Karen Brady, CEO of Riga City FC, The Crispbreads, owned by Oligarch Lane Park van Sully
[Auctioneer] Caroline Hurricane Howl Hawley pooouuunnnnddddssss Thump, wearing her Signature Scorched Earth Tartan designed by Top Colourblind British Chinese Designer Wei-Ping Soare
[Auction Location] Hawknose Auctioneers and Valuers, Beverley Racecourse
[Miserlin Rating] Approved (might have to change this)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Staff Nurse Mum Janet and Student coordinator Daughter Amanda, sounds like herding cats.
(Challenge: With a motoring connection)
[Blue Team] Mum Investor Debra and Daughter Dog Trainer Jade, physician heal thyself.
(Challenge: Dog related)

The Shopping:
Reds: Enamel motoring sign (95 Challenge) OK, 9ct gold amethyst target brooch (49) OK, Slightly damaged Poole Leo pottery vase (25) OK despite crack.
Blues: Vintage Wondertone portable gramophone (29) fine, Royal Worcester Yellow Labrador figure (39 Challenge) should be a profit, Pair of Chinese porcelain vases (99) OK but might struggle.

The Distraction:
'If it isn’t jet black, then put it back!' Eric Knowles gets some expert advice on telling the difference between original and replica Whitby jet. The seaside town of Whitby saw a boom in the production of the organic gemstone in the 1830s, before Queen Victoria famously wore it as mourning jewellery. Uncle Eric finds out about the Whitby jet, an aircraft powered on beef dripping and beer froth, remember, A Yorkshireman Drinks With His Eyes!!! If it's jet black then send it back, another slogan from the Yorkshire Branch of Reform UK aka Disillusioned Yorks Tories.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Enamel motoring sign (5 profit), 9ct gold amethyst target brooch (1 note profit) GG on, Slightly damaged Poole Leo pottery vase (15 profit) GG attained.
Colin's BB is the Pair of resin Lions from earlier (110), 50-80, 140. 30 profit. Profit clean sweep! How did that happen at a Bawley Auction!!!

​

Blues: Vintage Wondertone portable gramophone (6 profit), Royal Worcester Yellow Labrador figure (6 profit), Pair of Chinese porcelain vases (19 loss).
Ryvita's BB is a 1900 Peacock glass dish (50), 30-50, Australia bids, bidding war in the room too, Hawley almost brings the hammer down early, ends at 70. 20 note profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Let's start with today's Auction. What has happened in this latest series? It seems that those 2 helpers who we spotted in a previous episode, that have been employed, who must be helping with the online side of things as the bids were flooding in. Her Auction Rooms are no longer a destination of doom. Have they turned them into the Northern Bourne End? Gulp, what a thought. Earlier, we had Eric, Colin, and Mutha Bacon, with 2 teams of Mothers and Daughters, one was a dog trainer who had probably trained herself, at a grim, damp, Salvage and Antiques Fair aka Skip, Sift & Burn, with stingy North-Eastern dealers. One of the Mum's asked to go inside early as even she was feeling the brutal cold. Normally, a location like this would spell disaster but not today. Colin's Reds found joy, not monster profits, but profits none the less, in the sign, gold brooch, and damaged Poole pottery. The Golden Gavel appeared and remained like the Angel of the North. Once again, he goes for a lazy BB of an earlier viewed item. He got a bit more discount and it makes a 30 note profit for a new dawn clean sweep and an overall profit of 51 notes. Will the magic dust fall on the Giantess' Blue Team? Generally, yes. Once again small profits on the gramophone and dog figure, will we get another GG? No, as those crappy vases let the side down. When do expensive Chinese vases make profits these days? The GG is embargoed like a Chinese dildo on it's way to Donald Trump. Will the BB make up for this? Well, partly I suppose, the expensive glass dish triggered a bidding war within the room and Down Under, and it makes 20 notes. Blues end up in profit by 13 quid. Overall, a very good day. A remarkable episode.

Even the Gavel is shocked at the resulting profits and as its head falls off in stunned disbelief.



Fuggin' Al-Fayed Lives

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard outdoor kick on grass in windy conditions. Everyone more or less hits par with good coordination, with the Blues kicking each other and getting in a tangle. Yes, YES!!

​

 

It does look like a Dentist's advert for Teeth Whitening or are we not allowed to say that word any longer.

No doubt the BBC Diversity Guidelines have been strictly applied. So, time for a game of Post-Op or not.

 

Deep joy! Oohhhhh! Whole series already up on iplayer. Cast has increased somewhat. Princess dulcet tones doing the voiceover. Lovely jubbly

 

@OldTraff78 oops in my excitement I forgot to reciprocate your good wishes. Happy new year!

 

in an hour on Together TV:

 

'If it isn’t jet black, then put it back!'

Dangerously close to
'Once you go black, you never go back'

 

I see moog's bid for an hour with the milf was a winner:



Geoffrey Howe there too, making it official.

 

With These Hands (1972)

Directed by: Don Chaffey
Stars: Georgina Ward, Alexander Davion, Polly Adams
Language: English
Country: Uk | Imdb Info
Also known as: Clinic Exclusive, Sex Clinic
Description: A place of healing offers its clients all kinds of extras for the right fee. The kinky clinic is run by the archetypal boss-bitch menacingly played by Georgina Ward who, aside from conventional sex, offers her richer clients spankings and lashings which come in handy later when she blackmails them. However, a wealthy lesbian begins an affair with Ward – and her son soon turns up looking for her, turning the place upside down.

 

To be absolutely correct Wolsingham is in County Durham so people here are not Geordies but more likely to be Mackems. You may need to pop into nearby Barnard Castle to get your eyes tested?

 

"Caroline heads to the Jackfield Tile Museum"

Ah, that's where I've seen those outfits before, in a room with tiles, and a mechanism for flushing.

 

Yer, Geordies usually refer to people from Newcastle or Gateshead.

Don't forget the Monkey Hangers if you happen to unfortunately visit Hartlepool. There again perhaps, do forget them.

 

Foghorn with that Harpic flush look.

Shrewsbury with the Archshrew.

P1ssy, p1ssy weather.

Reds are Retired Married couple. They keep roast chickens. She collects mice.

Blues are Nurse Bloke and Farmer Female of the Species, we assume, who met online, stalking each other.

Who's taking it for the Reds says Bawley with an enormous strap-on.

Tubby and Sarky. The Reds scream in terror, Tubby has that effect.

Includes fabric/Carved.

Cast Iron bath for Birds.

Cast Iron Pig feeder corrects Jericho.

Evidently, the crew will be lugging it.

The purpose of a blotter has to be explained.

The Reds are Saddlers. Not leather workers but come from Walsall. Lucky them.

Red Witch, yam, yam, yam.

Blue Farmer thing doesn't understand the purpose of collecting. Why are you here?

Tubby in his black and white D-Day frames.

He's a public weighing machine.

For 140, Tubby would rip their arm off.

Reds confess to being <insert suspicions here>-ophiles.

Tubby fiddles with the bear under it's kilt. What he normally does when confronted with a Scotsman.

Tribal Tourist Tat.

Now we get a shouty lecture about Boomerangs.

"Another rib gone there", Sarky Sarkily replies to a weak joke.

 

I've never been north of Yorkshire tbf. You're all geordies to me.

 

Thomas has his hands full with red lady. She's haggling a bit too hard for his sensibilities.
I'm gonna call her a Brummie even though she's
Black Country.

 

Which one is supposed to be me?

 

and if you do, you may bump into Dayglow Harper..

 

Pervy Dave. Teeside, borderline North-East/Humberside/Yorks.

 

Reds out of breath, whilst Thomas unflustered. Is he deceptively athletic?

 

We've seen several of those chain mail purses. From memory they always fail.

 

Return of the Stop/Go sign. When I see/hear Foghorn, I stop immediately.




Reds buy: desk blotter, teddy bear, silver chainmail puse.

Blues: Cast-Iron pig feeder, boomerang, silver bonbon dish

Will the Tile makers seal up Hawley's gob with filler. Let's hope so.

Dalek time.

He's perky, Plunger up, despite Jericho.

Blotter plunger up, Teddy plunger up, purse plunger down.

Pig feeder plunger up, hands should fly, profit, profit, profit. Boomerang, plunger down. Silver bonbon dish, plunger is at Karen Gillan vertical.

Reds up: Blotter makes 10, Red Bird confesses undying love for Tubby, Grim, Teddy now, another profit, FIFTY-FIVE!!!!, a fiver made. Silver purse 9needs 100 to get the GG, 20, 25, oh dear, loses 74. Ouch. Golden Gavel melts in the flames of loss.

Tubby BB is Danish Silver and Enamel geese brooch for 60, 30-50. Should be OK. 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 60. Wipes arse.

Reds -59. How are you feeling, Jericho uses standard BBC interview post-event opener.