Bargain Hunt

Third gyno-diagram pendant of the week!

Love the toddy-ladle. Any boozing that involves scooping is always gonna be fun.

Hurrah, Henry!

Yet more sly BBC cross-promotion for Wolf Hall.

 

You've lost no money. The Squeak mangles.

 

Roo in her Star Trek dogtooth Uhura outfit.

 

Oh fark, another camera. Does well this time.

That camera on a stand is another butter churn on a stand.

The Squeak jabbing every 3 or so seconds. If he stops doing it does he explode?

 

No surprise to see Blues lose. Only real shock was how much that elastic band thing made.

Some shocking last minute bidders today. Wonder if it was deliberate to see how ruddy they could make Hamface turn?

 

Well - it all depends on the context doesn't it. In some contexts six minutes is quite a long time. In others - nowhere near long enough.

 

Hasn't anyone told Danny it's rude to point?
Does he think he is in a rap video?
He is an aural and visual affront.

 

You are confusing the words 'literally' and 'contextually'.

I would happily have accepted:
"we've six minutes left!"
"and contextually, that's no time!"

 

Has this been choreographed?



And again.



The Squeak tries to make actual contact. God knows what they would do if a Golden Gavel was awarded. Remote possibility I know.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Oswestry 27
Series 69
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0025fpp
Oswestry in Shropshire is the setting for another antiques showdown between the red and blue teams, assisted by experts Roo Irvine and Colin Young. From aircraft to racing cars, military vehicles to spaceships, model building has come a long way since plastic kits and glue were a regular sight on the kitchen table. In Oswestry, Danny Sebastian discovers how this once popular pastime is still very much alive. The red and blue teams are hoping to craft a profit of their own as they shop for bargains at an antiques fair at Oswestry Showground. Glued to them every step of the way are their experts, Roo Irvine and Colin Young. The reds, former DJs Paul and Matt, resort to rock, paper, scissors to decide their final buy, while the blues, father and son Chris and Stuart, can’t get onboard with a set of vintage bus stop signs. Their destination is Matthew Tong’s auction room near Wrexham – but which team will clinch victory?

The Translation:
In biblical times we might have had Daniel in the Lion's Den, but these are not biblical times and it's Daniel in the Seagull's Skip, sifting through the detritus looking for old apple crates, Victorian hosiery props, or perhaps a rightfully discarded hazardous 1970s Dentist lamp to hang up in your local Hipster caff, craft beer emporium, pop-up closing down wholefood shop. It doesn't take long for the gulls to be attracted by the squeaking and squawking to land on his jabbing finger, fly off with his hat and peck holes in his sweat-stained armpits. Meanwhile, at the Oswestry Showground, the Experts assemble, the always lovely Roo, probably not with circulatory squeezing bobble hat, and Colin Middle-Aged, probably with circulatory restricting stretch teen jeans. Then, it's off to the Auction, with the off with their bids King Henry Tong, ransacking the profits at Wrexham.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Danny Squeak of the Dump Sebastian, the Dogwhistle blower of the tat trade, Bored Member of the Squeaksonium Institute of the criminally deaf.
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Blue Team Expert] Colin Mid-life Crisis Young, non-Rick Wakeman variant
[Auctioneer] Matthew Henry VIII Tong, Estimated, Bidden, Died, Estimated, Bidden, Flied
[Auction Location] Tong's Auction House, Wrexham
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Former DJs Groundskeeper Paul and Charity CEO Matt, enter the real world and get jobs in the care sector and as toilet unblockers for Wetherspoons.
(Challenge: Comes in a set)
[Blue Team] Father Retired Chris and son Civil Servant Stuart, footy programme collectors
(Challenge: Find in a study or office)

The Shopping:
Reds: Georgian silver toddy ladle (34) wow, Pair of London silver quaich-style salts (54 Challenge) OK, 9ct gold Edwardian Turquoise and seed pearl pendant (80). fantastic
Blues: Framed Rugby flyer (10) fantastic, Rubber band display box with drawers (79 Challenge) oh dear, Vintage 1930s plate camera (130) it could easily.

The Distraction:
From aircraft to racing cars, military vehicles to spaceships, model building has come a long way since plastic kits and glue were a regular sight on the kitchen table. In Oswestry, Danny Sebastian discovers how this once popular pastime is still very much alive.The Squeak high-pitchedly Revell's (see what I did there) in nostalgia about Airfix kits. Luckily, they came with their own glue which in this case is extremely handy in sealing his trap shut and affixing his finger into a light socket. The turning on ceremony electrocution execution is watched by millions.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Georgian silver toddy ladle (1 note profit), Pair of London silver quaich-style salts (14 loss), 9ct gold Edwardian Turquoise and seed pearl pendant (evens stevens).
Roo's BB is a 1897 Birmingham silver and mother-of-pearl dip pen (19), 30-50 he loves it, 30. Nice 11 GBP profit.

​

Blues: Framed Rugby flyer (20 profit), Rubber band display box with drawers (9 loss), Vintage 1930s plate camera (55 loss).
Rick's BB is a Yashica-D 2-lens camera (25), 60-80, 45. 20 profit.

​

The Aftermath:
The Squeak mangling his patter, shaking and jabbing his finger at the screen like a Thrusting Dildo (yes, it actually has a name), instead of pleasure he just delivers pain. Lovely large Antiques Fair with plenty of stuff. A Distraction about models, no not those ones, the plastic ones, with 2 blokes who really don't get out much. The lovely Roo in her nicely distracting wardrobe and, oh dear, Colin "I've sold many, many of these before" Mid-Life Crisis. Another 2 sets of Men, and no Catherine. She would've been pawing and groping the Red Blokes at every opportunity. A King Henry Auction. He gives the items every chance but the Old Timer Zombie Audience don't bite, well they can't without losing teeth, gums, their mind. Roo's Reds, who she steered away from large Blokey things, which to be fair, wouldn't have done any better, made a massive 1 quid profit on a ladle, which was silver, but no hallmarks, which would've detracted from its value. The silver quaich-style salts, which made Roo gush due to their Scotchness, lost money and then had their arses wiped by the panic buy pendant. Special mention to the sterling work of King Henry who really worked to get every pound. Roo's BB dip pen, which she got for a steal, made a decent profit but it wasn't quite enough to drag them into overall profit. They finish 2 notes down. Colin's Blues, who he lambasted with his new catchphrase to try and Gaslight them into his favoured purchases, made a decent profit on the Rugby flyer (On January 17, 1959, Wales defeated England 5–0 in a rugby union match at Cardiff Arms Park in Cardiff), and then it all fell flat with a loss on the rubber band display box and a large loss on the knackered vintage plate camera, a butter-churn on legs item, doomed to failure. Don't worry though, Colin has sold these items many, many, times before. Yes, we've often been subjected to your persistent failure. His BB is another camera, DOH!, but at least it's in good nick, a classic name, and was cheap. It surprises and makes 20 notes. Not enough to stop them losing with a 24 note loss. Ha. An entertaining prog, made all the better, with the presence of the lovely Roo and her charms.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick in cramped conditions at a too high angle. The Squeak almost kicks his own head off, which would be a big plus, Roo is up early gives us a lovely Growler kick, as we come (Cough) to expect, the Reds lag behind and get in each others way, while Colin and the Blues manage just fine. It's a bit of a mess not helped by being concertinaed in that small space. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Boots to start, always a good sign.



Good to see Roo fondling and groping as an Expert.









The Reds get in on the act by fingering her salty receptacles.



Where's Red Blokes hand?



And you can't beat a bit of Roo Tongue



Colin bores his team with his new catchphrase.



Sandi Toksvig in the Audience, Quite Uninteresting. Jay Rayner standing up on the left. Unfortunately we can see The Squeak being filmed at the back.

 

In half an hour on BBC1:

Auctioneer Izzie Balmer has just one day to sort through 90-year-old RAF veteran Terry's collection of antiques. After a recent fall resulting in a broken hip, Terry has been left with a large bill to pay for his at-home nursing care and has decided it's time to part with the cherished antique collection he's been building for 50-years.

Nice to see Dizzy bring relief to older gentlemen, Timmy?

 

d1ckz out for Harambe?

 

Absolutely. Brings relief to this old gentleman on a regular basis, though sadly not in person. But on a serious note, isn't it awful that he's having to sell stuff to pay for his care after the life he's had.

 

Perhaps she'll fiddle for him in person.

 

I have a violin, I wonder if she'd fiddle with me

 

We're busy setting up for today's programme fair.

The words b@st@rd and jammy have been uttered towards Terry on a few occasions. Git.

 

Hope your day goes well

 

Did he bag and seal up everything she handled? A genuine 1966 World Cup Final programme handled by the Princess, pheromones included.

If the chair she sat on was covered. Did he manage to remove it as a trophy? To be found later by a latterday Pickles.

 

Uncle Eric himself was the feature on Antiques Roadshow tonight. 38 minutes in. Showed his first two most important items, talked about his career at Bonhams, watching Negus on telly...says he has now done 43 years on Roadshow!
Climaxed by leering at Fiona the Bruce and saying how much he'd enjoyed watching her on the screen for years...

 

Did he visualise her as a large Hot Dog or Sausage Roll?

 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...rgain-Hunt-illegally-sold-film-keepsakes.html

'Kid' from the railway children fuming after a box of her tat sold by Pompey lad.

 

Sally Thomsett stars in
'Man About The Auction House' ?

 

Talking of Eric , today he takes the sausage reigns with Randy Catherine and Sarky. A Bingo/Ed Sheeran Auction. So profits unlikely.

Eric enjoying a Golden Shower.



Catherine in Double Denim but kept away from the men.



Trainee Blacksmith Blue Son is Giant Haystacks Jnr.

He doesn't realise that 65 was less than 70. Hmm, not the sharpest, like the saw.

Enormous T1tty biscuit tin.

Clock this, will Catherine get the horn?



That looks like a stuck on mouse.

Doesn't have whixkers so it's not a Mouseman.

Catherine fingering rings.

 

Sarky looking like an extra out of 1984.

That's pretty says Red Bird. Unfortunately, you are not.

Catherine and the Reds have fat wrists it seems.

Sarky enjoying himself.

Eric loves his Wensleydale. He is Wallace.

A single swallow doesn't make a summer, says Sarky. LOL. Ha ha ha ha.

Mark E Smith? No, Mark E W Lewis.

 

"Ladies had slimmer wrists back then," says Southon diplomatically. Yer, not all Greggs-stuffed lardarses like these days.

edit: ha, snap!

 

Lovely to hear the word 'gramophone' repeatedly.
Not sure about that item, mind.

Portsea map...I spy the road my ancestor lived on in the 1830s.
Couldn't wait to leave, by all accounts!

Hello! Familiar hairtosser/porno librarian in the audience.
And the off-shoulder cutie too.

Bingo, unusually, very casual in mere shirt. Must've been a very hot day? Blimey, imagine the state of Southon's snatch..

 

LOL

 

25 notes of firewood I'm afraid. Pompey Steptoes already have one.

 

Screen grab request of the Latina looking woman who flicks her hair in the transition from mural to auction @reg_varney

 

Didn't see them buy the saw. Did they think it belonged to Jesus? 65 quid. They lucked out on the alabaster pedestal. That was gonna lose them big.

 

Mouseman? More like Ratboy.

 

Damaged alabaster. Tut, but instant profit.

Are Blue Goliath and Red Bird a match made in heaven?

Superb work from Sarky. The Swallow King or should that be Queen.

 

That bit of Georg was a steal at 80.

 

Cool bangle!