Bargain Hunt

Oh dear Bingo valuation. You just know these are the very top that will be achievable in that bloody room.

On the brooch, youngsters don't buy it, or the oldsters.

Oh dear again. Bingo pours cold water on the furniture.

Common as muck Red Bird is dreadful.

Reds: Vases Dutch start, up to 60, still short, loses 15, shoe lasts, another Dutch start, Bah Humbug, Blimey a 20 note profit. Persian ewer and dish lose a note of 10.

Phil's BB is a barrel (65), oh fark, 40-60, not too bad says Bingo who loves Cooper, Ben or Tommy, THEY REJECT, 60. Loses 5.

Reds -5 (-10 if they had gone with the BB).

Blues now: Oooo Roo as Number 6, being seeing alot of you, hopefully, the bottle gets an online bid, 29 profit, a fortune for Pompey, the brooch loses 6, here we go, that Lounge suite, 30 notes LOL. Loses 155. Oh dear. Roo will be escorting overtime.

Roo's BB is a chair for a Hobbit aka Phil. 10 notes, 20-30, chair for a doll, can Roo get into it, 10 note profit.

Blues -123

Shame Roo is at the back. That's a fab Prisoner Growler Kick.

 

Or a Banzai T-shirt.

 

Those chairs - panic buy at the end. Gonna sink them easily. Everything else is OK ish I think.

 

wow, Bingo thoroughly crapping on that last item

 

Shut that ghastly Red harridan up, someone!
Days like these you can see why the Taleban are so popular

 

Just give her a selection of large cakes. That should do it.

 

Contrast with marvellous line delivery by Bluebird at the end there

 

ha, and she just used the phrase "exceeedingly good"!
Kiplingtastic

 

Astronaut Tim Peake taking a hazardous Space Walk in the profit vacuum that is a Southsea Auction.

 

Who would like to try Roo's tiny seat for size. Form an orderly queue.

 

Flooding in Chippenham. Will Weeks be washed out?

 

Looks like the equivalent of a Food Bank full of Church Jumble Sale donations.

 

Be seeing you ......



Roo prays for profits, scant hope.



Tonight's the night!!!





A Profit in Pompey, who would've thought.

 

Yer, classy lady the polar opposite to that Red Monster.

 

Oh Hello, this has been on twice before, Sep 2022 and Sep 2023, quite a tricky edit, much back and forth, reads well though .......

Reg:
Idiot Ross, lovely Roo and Muttley.

The Dustbin Duo Red Team have Muttley as their Sartorial equivalent.

Roo looks frozen. She needs warming up. Volunteers stand in line over there round the block.

Roo says she's going to have beads have sweat by the end of the shop. Periscope UP!

French signs @OldTraff78 Full of French charm says Roo. Knowing wink.

You've got a keeper there. Roo is impressed by hallmark knowledge.

Everyone starts swotting up.

Estuary English Red Team. Sigh.

Guady gloden display cabinet which wouldn't look out of place in some Mafia Don's parlour.

Muttley spies some real tat, bottle dryer. LOL.

Chewitt:
Crikey, Roo looks like she’s been thrown around TK Maxx and shoved out for filming

Reg:
That brooch has a large pr1ck attached to it and then you've got the fastening.

Red harridan threatens to molest the dealer and he drops his price to 15.

Roo's wearing her suede boots.

Cockerell spotted, trouser variety?





Chewitt:
Red woman is really f**king irritating, exactly the sort to be shouting for more bids at the auction room. Dreadful person.

If she says “you’re a gentleman and a scholar” once more I’ll use one of Roo’s kinky boots to bludgeon her in the face.

Reg:
An interesting Japanese collection of Hentai?

No. Ah, shame, so no raping tentacle monsters just make sure no pubic hair is shown. Every other act of depravity is allowed but not that bit of hair.

Charl-eh hoping for some Shunga art.

He puts on his geisha facia.

The Auction could be Nip and tuck all the way.

Southsea Auction. Oh dear. Not expecting much.

Moog:
Those chairs/sofa. Awful.

Chewitt:
It’s f**king broken

Moog:
Whichever team doesn't have those chairs has won. Crappy pompey auctions.

Reg:
We could do with Sake Marky.

Those chairs have a questionable stain, from a fag?, what a drag.

First loss already.

Blimey profit on the shiiiitty shoe trees.

Back to a loss again.

Roll out the barrel with Serrell.

Scrooge won't be paying 65 for an empty barrel.

Converted to a stick and umbrella stand.

Chewitt:
Phil’s BB recklessly dismissed here

Reg:
Still makes a loss.

Moog:
Reds smart to avoid Muttley's overpriced barrell.

Smart choice. Phil knows damn well at his auctioneers that barrell wouldn't have broken 20 quid

Chewitt:
The only beast on today is red woman

Reg:
The Japanese Hentai raping tentacle monsters would be running a mile.

OT78:
LOL. in context, what a great insult!

She must be in the BH Top Five Massive Tw*ts.
Literally and figuratively.

"It's hard to age Asian pieces," sighs Banana Split.
Indeed.
Roo's ears burn.

Reg:
And other places, or should that be tingle. Cough.

OT78:
Gobby speccy Bluebird reminiscent of gobby speccy Sunday Times /HIGNFU bird Camilla Long.

(Recent Addition: Excellent spot)



Reg:
She just, you know, soooooooo loves herself.

OT78:
Ghastly bitch.
Glenda Slagg with a degree.

Reg:
Roo's bottle/inkwell does well.

Yet, the brooch tanks.

30 notes for the sofa set LOL.

Roo, dressed as a Scottish No. 6, gives us a little chair. Be seeing more of you. If only.

Profit.



Moog:
Inkwell goes nicely. Chairs up now. Utter skip fodder. Paid 185 quid! What was Roo thinking. I think she's been got at. That's not her usual MO.

Spectacular loss. What was Roo thinking.

Chewitt:
Far too concerned about the brown splash on her new boots

Reg:
If she modelled reclining on the sofa in one of those 1970s shoots then the bids would have flown in.

Moog:
You'd have paid 185 quid just for a sniff!

Reg:
Even more burning holes would be on display.



Moog:
Roo has a tiny chair. Must be a midget in Pompey in need of a nice chair. Only a tenner paid. Got to be a profit.

Gonna have to go some to eat significantly into their massive losses. Makes a tenner. Good for a BB but won't sway the outcome.

Small loss of a fiver enough to win in Portsmouth once again.

One of the funniest things I remember from school, was some kid who'd joined in 6th form and who was a bit of a nerd, I thought. One day we were both tasked with visiting the school secretary, (a nice enough looking 30 odd year old woman with short hair) and as she left the room to get some paperwork, he immediately stooped to sniff her chair.

Of course, nowadays that sort of thing is frowned upon, but back in 1995 I thought it was hilarious.

SAHorn:
Who are you calling a nerd?
Nothing nerdish about that whatsoever for a 20thC red blooded young sixth former.

You should’ve seen my 20 something biology teacher Miss W in her outrageously short skirt. Sitting opposite each other on those high lab stools to discuss I can’t remember what after class.
I couldn’t stop looking at her legs, She knew I was looking at her legs, I knew she knew I was looking at.. etc and she kept adjusting her position.. very flirtatious.
I still dream about her..

Reg:



SAHorn:
You, sir, are a cad and a rotter.
Spoiling my schoolboy fantasy..

You should’ve seen Miss W in her bikini at our field biology trip in Devon’s Braunton Burrows sand dunes investigating the intertidal pool fauna. It was a very hot day…
Phwoarrrr.
I even have a picture..

Moog:
Post pic

SAHorn:





Moog:
Dislike

Reg:
All I can see is a Brown Starfish.

Poor Roo. Blues dithering didn't help. Left with seconds to go and panic buying the sh1ttiest Parlour Suite you could have found in your nearest council dump. Pompey Auction is bad but not as terrible as yesterday's one.

Yet those awful tat-tastic upcycled shoe trees make a profit. Crazy.

OT78:
oooh, what a bargain.
Say one thing for those channel boats - they are forcing down market prices of oriental exotica



that furniture...what a shocker. bobblehat must've affected her brain circulation

Reg:
Sorry, but this made me larf.



OT78:
Brilliant

Reg:
I miss The Water Closet cards

 

Re-up from Sep 2023 and from Sep 2022 with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Ardingly 21
Series 58
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000trbt
Charlie Ross heads to Ardingly for today’s Bargain Hunt. With the expert help of Philip Serrell and Roo Irvine, the reds and the blues battle it out at the Ardingly International Antiques Fair to see who can make the most profit at auction. Charlie also discovers the history behind Japan’s most famous and colourful garment, the kimono.

The Translation:
Today the posh fool imitates one of the 70s most annoying (shurely greatest) fools, Frank Spencer, the funny man half of the mighty Marks and Spencer double act. Today's scene of chaos at Ardingly International Antiques Fair, involves a dangerous stunt on some roller skates and a plate glass window. He is joined by Oooooo Betty, Roo Irvine, and cat's whoopsie Muttley Serrell. Today's Auction will be the usual mayhem for profits in Scrooge's Pompey with Bingo Marine Boy, Ooooo I'm a failure he opines, Bingo's ticker joins suit, get the stent ready.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Charles Ross
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piqure de puce
[Blue Team Expert] Delightful Purple-booted Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Auctioneer] John Bingo Marine Boy Cameron
[Auction Location] Nesbits Antiques Auctions Ltd, Southsea, Pompey, Pompey, Southsea
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Train driver hubby Ricky Gervais and wifey Housewife, a real Harridan, rejected from the pages of Razzle, even the Ogres turn and flee.
(Challenge: Connection to Asia)
[Blue Team] Mixed sex cleaning partners Tim Peake and Camilla Long.
(Challenge: Ladies fashion accessory)

​

The Shopping:
Reds: Pair of Royal Doulton stoneware vases (75) struggle, Awful upcycled wooden shoe trees, rescued from the skip (15) he estimates a profit, LOL, Persian copper jug and bowl (38 Challenge) might struggle, probably will.
Blues: Silver topped glass inkwell (22) Ross thinks it's a steal, Marcasite Brooch (16 Challenge) OK, Panic buy damaged late Victorian sofa and chairs, Parlour suite (185), ooff, underestimated by a ton, oofff, they're well farked.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh dresses up in a series of kimonos. He reminisces about his time being a Geisha many moons ago. His mind wanders and he is soon in a compromising situation with a pair of Sumo wrestlers in a paddling pool of olive oil. His eyes glaze over, his head spins and the kimono develops a new lower dark patination design which Japanese businessmen will pay top yen for. He will be Banzai Bummed Beyond Blighty.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Pair of Royal Doulton stoneware vases (15 loss), Upcycled wooden shoe trees (20 profit) amazing they're awful, Persian copper jug and bowl (10 loss).
Scruffy's BB is a sh1tty oak barrell stick and brolly, to lose your lolly, stand, upcycled from landfill (65), REJECTED, 40-60, 60, a Muttley Dud.

​

Blues: Silver topped glass inkwell (28 profit), Marcasite Brooch (6 loss), Panic buy damaged late Victorian sofa and chairs, Parlour suite (155 loss) LOL, this is what happens when you Panic Buy.
Roo's BB is a Mahogany child's doll chair (10), bargain, 20-30, it's Pompey blue too, 20, it makes a profit. Well done Roo to highlight the ongoing concerns of chairs with restricted growth. They need our help and money NOW!

​

The Aftermath:
Frank Spencer Intro with the Tool. Antiques Fair on a wet day. Muttley and Roo. Ricky Gervais and his horrendous wife for the Reds. Camilla Long and Tim Peake for the Blues. In fact, if I was Red Bloke I'd be volunteering to be sent into space. I bet there isn't a moment's peace. Bingo Southsea Auction so we are already primed for what will happen. Yes, it does. It's cold outside at the Fair but your cardio cockle warmer is here with the always delightful Roo Irvine and her Fab Purple Suede Boots. Poor Roo, she had a difficult shop, with her team bickering away like an old married couple, it wasn't evident whether they were, wasting time. They would have been better off not buying their third item, with so much dithering and fussy purchasing.They had seconds left for their big spend, away from the main gaggle of stalls, and had to buy one of the sh1ttiest items you could imagine. "In the Auction there are ups and downs" says the Posh t1t. It's Southsleazy so it's virtually always downs. 3 whole profits out of the 9 is not a complete disaster. The Red Team, idiot bloke and real Harpy of a wife nearly make an overall profit (down by 5 quid), despite Phil's best efforts. The Blues suffer the stereotypical grim Pompey performance compounded with that nasty sofa reclaimed from a dodgy 70s strip club even a desperate sailor wouldn't go near, fag burn and all. Blues lose 123 notes, not unheard of in Scrooge's Southsea. So, once again, both teams make an overall loss. Quelle surprise? No wonder Bingo is feeling the strain.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal, great kicking from the Blue half furthest from the camera, let down by a gammon-faced Muttley and the Red Team closest to the camera. Shame Roo is so far away her skirted Growler kick looks the stuff of leg-end, Yes, YES!!

​

 

So many are AI generated. Some eclectic examples and a You Only Live Twice Lobby Card.

 

Not that it matters, but they in a village 3 miles north of Chippenham itself. But flooding could be worse there than in the town I guess.

 

Which may mean they are en route down to Chippenham in no time at all. Either that or Colditz Auction Castle's Moat is a bit fuller than normal. Perhaps Naomi will be on the 'phones to help direct the rescue effort/clean-up.

 

They could get Paul Laidlaw and Roo together to cover dragster racing and call it Roo and Paul's Drag Race. It could be sponsored by Fuller's London Pride.

 

Roo in her Valentine's Dressing gown, Lady Ryvita, Plaidy, and a Tubby Distraction. A fill yer boots Hugo Bourne End Auction. The antithesis to a Scrimping Southsea Fire Sale.

Rarely seen or talked about. BBC Trustees on Systemic Abuse.

Reggae Reds. He looks like years of drug abuse have taken its toll.

More false laughing BAME sister sistas. This could be interesting says Roo. I think not.

This is Ryvita. She uses her ten-tonne body to create a roadblock.



She says she can spend big like her huge frame.

Nick from Plaid Six.



Related to comms/Features a wild animal.

Scots Roo saying it's too early for drink. Well, that's a first.

 

No. Not having this episode. Voices and faces unacceptable.
See you at the valuation table.

 

Shame Roo or the BH Babes aren't fondling and handling these.



Tubby talking about Crime and Punishment, the very definition of SOS Newbury Auction Rooms.



For an executioner, he looks like he's having a right laugh.



Who would be buying this Execution notebooks? Ghouls, The Transgressor, Kedgeree Babadook.

Roo wearing her curtain and chord set. Just give them a good tug and all will be revealed.



The Executioner retired and ran a pub. Steer clear of the shellfish.

On no the camera. The portable version of the Butter Churn.

 

Bourne End will love the crap they're buying.

Yer very irritating.

 

Roo handles a Large C(l)ock.



Reds buy: ship's bell, glass vases, Art Deco camera.

Blues buy: Art Nouveau basket, tribal stool, silver and amber brooches.

Hugo Time. I assume Kenny and Krew will be there.

Easy profit mentioned on the bell, more profit on the vases, even the knackered camera will probably make a profit. 20-30 valued, they paid 75. I bet it still makes a profit.

Chocolate lover mentioned. Big cough.

Biscuit tin should be a profit.

Despite the unervaluation of the tribal stool, Bourne End will love it.

Amber brooches should also fly.

Perky Roo. Her arm is insured for 1 million quid.



Reds: bell makes 17, vases make 20, camera loses 48. Even at Bourne End cameras don't make profit.

Kenny, Barry Cryer, and Pete Waterman spotted already.

Ryvita's BB is a 9ct Gold Art Nouveau pendant (50), they will love it in Bucks, 35-45, 55. Makes a fiver.

Reds -6 (minus in Bourne End what a shiitty shop)

Blues: metal basket loses 4, blimey another loss, what is happening, even shiit sells here, tribal stool (yes it is), loses 9, surely not a Bucks Anti-GG, amber brooches, phew profit, 2 notes made.

Plaidy's BB is a pair of silver collared decanters (25), 40-50, yes very good, the sherry/whisky Home Counties set will snap these up, 47. They make 22 notes.

Blues +11 (even that is disappointing for Bourne End).

Plaidy rules with his BB.

Roo in her Soho Escorts Skirt, looks like the ribbon-type entrance of a dubious shop doorway.

 

Another pendant shaped like a gyno diagram. Had one two weeks ago. Nice thing, tbf.
That bin-ready camera case was virtually crumbling in front of us. What possessed them?!
Nick 'Speer' Hall isn't wearing anything remotely NSBHP today. In deference to his team?

"Reggae Reds. He looks like years of drug abuse have taken its toll."
He had that slightly distracted look, aye...expression reminded me a bit of the chap always trying to cadge drug funds in 'Rev'.

 

LOL Arf. LOL.

 

September last year caused the BH chattering classes to comment on the Auction of the chattering classses ........

Reg:
After days of thin gruel, hopefully, we can stuff ourselves at Hugo's executive buffet.

Roo, Plaidy, and Brady.

Roo shows us a large truncheon and a policeman's helmet, snigger.

Handcuffs next? Kinky.

Kenneth Williams in the audience.

Blue sistas couldn't remember their names.

Plaidy tip - breathe on an hallmark to help bring it up to read.

Plaidy's got his work cut out with the dementia twins.

I'm not sure abaaaaht it.

Ryvita mentions hand blown, hand maiden. Blimey.

Roo is going to show us an unusual profession.

Tubby Thomas is into hangman.

Dealer talks about stirring the custard.

Chewitt:
Utter weirdo on the reds with a picture of his Nan on his t-shirt. Instant dislike

[Recent addition: Yer, that is embarrassing]





Reg:
Oh dear Hugo predicts a struggle on the camera. That's a disaster then.

Not keen on the other big spend.

What's going on. Losses at Hugo's magic emporium. Unheard of.

Pair of silver collared decanters for 25. Bargain.

Plaidster shows his worth.

Roo wearing a jumper hiding hidden treasures and dripping with pearl.

Chewitt:
Camera could wipe out any previous profits here, looked like sh*t on closer inspection

Reg:
A real duff buy. Ryvita doesn't know her cameras.

Moog:
Never seen a camera make more than 20-25. Maybe if there was an extremely rare, collector's item or something super early. That was a joke of a price.

Cracking episode. New expert, Roo growing into presenter role, mixed bag of buys (that camera was a shambles) and a good auction from just up the road. Nick, the king of the bonus buy wins it with his savvy decanter bargain.

This is gripping television

Reg:
Good to see the Celebs in the Audience again. Kenneth Williams chatting to his Carry on Screaming c0-star Oddbod. Also Pete Waterman taking a break from playing with his toy trains and perving over Michaela Strachan. His seated neighbour Barry Cryer concurs. Meanwhile, Norman Lamont awakes from his long nap and wonders why he is sitting next to Kenny.




Roo making a good case for why she she should be on the screen more often.



He's more Kenny than Kenny.

 

Re-up from September 2023 with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Detling 2
Series 66
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001q95r
Roo Irvine heads to an antiques fair in Detling in Kent. With help from experts Irita Marriott and Nick Hall, the teams hunt for bargains to sell at auction. Meanwhile, Roo takes a look back at the history of crime and punishment.

The Translation:
We're at an antiques fair in Detling, Kent for some sundry treats. Leading the way is the always delightful Roo Irvine, our perfectly prepared Spicy poppadom accompanied by Plaidy Hovis digestive and Ryvita Marryalot Brady, our Latvian crispbread made from a grain even the Soviets wouldn't touch. She's taking a sabbatical from the Baltic version of The Apprentice, where Commissar Comrade Saccharine barks out his famous catchphrase decree of you're a counter-revolutionary imperialist dog, you're eliminated, with the execution being the next task for the remaining contestants the following week. After quite a few episodes of meagre gruel at Auction, we're hoping for a bumper Midnight Feast round at Hugo Lemon's Magic Money Tree Takeaway, with a free wheelbarrow to take away your lovely lolly.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Red Team Expert] Ryvita Marryalot, the Latvian Karen Brady
[Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
[Auctioneer] Hugo Singing Ringing Lemon Tree, Harmonising Hammerer
[Auction Location] Bourne End Auction Rooms, Bucks.
[Miserlin Rating] Unlisted

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married Imports officer hubby with his Na(a)n T-shirt, he thinks he's a DJ, rights of way officer wifey. (BBC BAME box only half-ticked)
(Challenge: Related to communication)
[Blue Team] Sista sisters of a personal shopper and an accounts assistant (BBC BAME box fully ticked)
(Challenge: Features a wild animal)

The Shopping:
Reds: Brass ship-style alarm bell (15 Challenge) bargain, Set of 4 Victorian brides' bank glass vases (40) good, 1936 Art Deco Coronet Vogue Bakelite camera with a case (75) ouch.
Blues: Art Nouveau chocolate basket (39) OK, African Tribal Wooden chair with a wild animal (99 Challenge) struggle, Danish and Baltic Silver and Amber brooches (35) good.

The Distraction:
Meanwhile, Roo takes a look back at the history of crime and punishment. Does this mean Roo is a sectret dominatrix. She loves to punish her fellow Scots by rolling pennies in front of them to see them agonisingly disappear down the drain. Tubby Thomas turns up as he's really into Discipline. Roo tells him he's been a naughty Tubby, a bad, bad expert, which we know he is, and he'll always be a weedy, miserable little worm of an Auctioneer, so no real change there. She puts him back in his cage for a week. Later on they discuss the Pop Music career of the Laughing Executioner.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Brass ship-style alarm bell (17 profit), Set of 4 Victorian brides' bank glass vases (20 profit), 1936 Art Deco Coronet Vogue Bakelite camera with a case (48 loss).
Brady's BB is a 9ct gold Art nouveau pendant (50), 35-45, 55. Squeaks a profit. Mmmm roast mouse, Latvian delicacy.

​

Blues: Art Nouveau chocolate basket (4 loss), African Tribal Wooden chair with a wild animal (9 loss), Danish and Baltic Silver and Amber brooches (2 profit).
Plaidy's BB are a pair of silver-topped glass decanters (25), 40-50, 47. Excellent profit. Great work Plaidy.

​

The Aftermath:
Well, we were hoping for a prime rib-eye main course and ended up with a minute-steak sandwich. Still it wasn't the thin gruel of recent outings but not the total moneyfest we've previously had there. The weird Reds, dillied and dallied, ummed and ahhed, and ended up with 10 mins to go and only 1 item bought, the knackered bell which actually doubled its money. So they had to dash back and buy the earlier considered brides' bank glass phallic vases, which made a good profit, but then had to rush their big spend, which can often spell disaster. They bought an obscure 1930s camera which looked a bit crap, and then on closer inspection really was crap, basically disintegrating in their hands, Hugo wasn't keen, and for once at his Auction, an item made a large loss. Ryvita tried to rescue their profit with a small pendant that only made some coins and the Reds ended up with a 6 note loss. Looking back at the Records, this happened last time Brady shopped and sold here. Is their a trend developing? Is she a bit crap? Plaidy's Blue Team, who couldn't remember their names, another BBC diversity ploy to include literally every classifiable group in the UK. Next time, we'll probably get a pair of Albanian brothers, one with Tourette's and the other with Parkinson's, best make sure they don't handle too much glass or porcelain, the bill could be enormous. Shock horror, Plaidy's first 2 items made small losses, and they were in danger of an Anti-GG Triple Crown at Hugo's. However, the nice amber brooches made a small profit and Nick's excellent decanter BB turned an 11 GBP loss into an 11 note profit. Always, an entertaining episode with the lovely Roo, Plaidy and the guest celebrities at the Auction House. This time it was Kenneth Williams and Pete Waterman showing their faces.

Let's party with Roo. Cough.​

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Once again Blingy Roo has Steph-style skirt issues, could be the weight of all that pearl then and later. Plaidy, Brady, and Red Bloke up early and the others are late, so it's all a bit of a mess. Yes, YES!!

​

 

possible collection starting here:
The wfcfcbh disco...

 

It's quite hypnotic. Let the collection begin.

 

Ooh, ooh, ooh - Princess day today!!!

 

Yes, Series 58 from Shrewsbury. Is she inviting us to bang her gong? Cough.