1. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    BBC approved preamble:
    Peterborough 14
    Bargain Hunt Series 55
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000fzvj
    Presenter Eric Knowles is in Peterborough for one of the largest antiques fairs in the UK. He’s joined by Bargain Hunt regular Colin Young, who has some top tips for porcelain collectors. Experts Stephanie Connell and Philip Serrell guide the red and blue teams around the fair, but who will go home empty-handed and who is making a big score?

    The Translation:
    A notably weak pre-credits sequence for this episode with Uncle Eric. Well I suppose they couldn't bring themselves to show off Pikeyborough,. This episide has been on before but I thought it could do with a redo. Remember, best nail everything down in Peeborough otherwise it'll be off in the back of someone's Transit. He's joined by Our Steph and Muttley the Vagabond. Auctioneer is with the Nonce merit badged, paddling pool attendant, the Goggle-eyed transgressor himself, Mark Ashley, sectioned in his Stratford-upon-Avon secure wing.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, the Steady Eddie, he loves Jumbo sausage
    [Red Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, all hail the 93%
    [Blue Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piq*re de puce
    [Auctioneer] Mark Ashley, lurking at the playground fence near the wooded glade with the Werthers Originals and to share his exquisite butter candy
    [Auction Location] Bigwood Fine Art Auctioneers, Stratford-upon-Avon
    (Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

    Starter.jpg Auction.jpg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Male street-talking Leeds University medical students
    (Challenge: Bears a signature)
    [Blue Team] Bed-sharing East of England female (we are told) cousins who are probably mother and daughter. One of them has a really annoying machine gun laugh which deserves to be silenced with a vintage Lewis gun.
    (Challenge: Used to carry things)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Late 19th Century floral vase (30) good, Norwegian silver and enamel decorated spoon (20) good, Bugatti "Yeah, like the car" bronze sculpture (85 Challenge) good.
    Blues: Tatty chinese leather suitcase with a broken handle (50 Challenge) struggle, Busty babes poster, glamour models from the 1950s, Red fan in Manc will be w@nking over it or Red fan in the Pool will be turning it into bog paper, (30) OK, Cast-iron Keswick Road street sign (75) overpaid.

    The Distraction:
    Distractionless edit. The preamble mentions Rick Wakeman passing on top tips for porcelain collectors such as how to piss over the central pipe in the urinal and how to budge those stubborn skidmarks. His efforts were deemed of the cutting room floor to shorten the prog (geddit) by 10 guitar/keyboard solo minutes.

    Porcelin2.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Late 19th Century floral vase (loss), Norwegian silver and enamel decorated spoon (good profit), Bugatti "Yeah, like the car" bronze sculpture (massive 450-85=365 profit, gulp), settled on an earlier game of rock, paper, scissors.
    Steph's BB Pair Leach Pottery bowls (65), 80-120, they deserve to do well, 60, that's harsh.

    Brass.jpg Bowls.jpeg

    Blues: Tatty Chinese leather suitcase with a broken handle (loss), Busty babes poster, glamour models from the 1950s (loss), Cast-iron Keswick Road street sign (largish loss). Very poor showing.
    Scruffy's BB is 19 Jugs (100 sods), 120-180 quantity over quality, nobody wants them, builder's hardcore, 35. LOL, oh dear. Another Grand Slam disaster. A real Muttley special to join those tragi-comedy highlights much beloved by Tragicooper and The Squeak.

    Sign.jpg LossOfJugs.jpg

    The Aftermath:
    Steph certainly had the golden touch today directing, the most gormless looking medical students you will ever likely to meet, towards the Bugatti bronze sculpture which really coined it in. The gormless duo almost forgoed it with a game of rock, paper, scissors. Big wad of notes for the brain fog duo. They got very, very lucky. Helps when you have a good expert like Steph. Massive overall profit. No doubt they will spunk it all on a new phone or some useless bit of technology which will be obsolete in 6 months. In contrast to the Reds, the incestuous Blues had a dose of Muttley's Masterful Manoeuvrings. What a pile of tat they bought culminating with his piece de binriddance, a bulk buy of jugs that was so overpriced it hurt. Dreadful, resulting in a 3-figure loss. Muttley serenaded off with raspberries.

    RedWin.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Standard indoor kick. Pretty lacklustre from one of the gormless Reds. Steph struggles in heels and Muttley reaches 30 deg.

    HiKick.jpg
     
  2. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    full sunday service from Reg, even for an early shortened repeat. bravo!
     
  3. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Tomorrow (Monday), BH is on BBC2 at noon, Edinburgh Series 53, which may mean a trip to Hangar 84 in Scotland's Roswell to be anally probed by Sybelle Thomson probably the worst Auctioneer North of the Border. The Tartan Miser Moths will be much in evidence. Stand by for a McRotten Auction.
     
  4. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    No it's her underling. Bumfluff Boy.

    Roo is new and she loves glassware and jewellery.
     
  5. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Blue Girl flirting with DayGlo.
     
  6. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    "such happily married Blues...laughing and enjoying this together...so nice to see" etc etc
    Dayglo Turtlehead astonished and delighted by this admittedly rare sight.

    Then Reg notes: "Blue Girl flirting with DayGlo..."

    Oh no...is he...is Dave thinking 'threesome opportunity'?!

    Pass the sick bucket, Alice. It's about to receive a 'contemporary relining'.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2022
    reg_varney likes this.
  7. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Argh, she's valuing. If the items were made of chocolate and came with chips she would scoff the lot.
     
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  8. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    True Scots undervaluing. Mind getting them to open their wallets is another thing.

    Wrong again, it's Ross Pervis.

    That Red body builder woman, I don't like it.

    Better not put that glass vase literally under the hammer.

    Talking of Hammer, Sybelle Thompson is one of their monster stars.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2022
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  9. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    "My heart's racing," says Redbloke as auction kicks off.
    Of course it is; you're standing next to a fully made-up and shimmering Roo.
    Heart attack recipe.
     
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  10. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    ooh, i would buy that vase, and i'm neither gay nor italian. (but i am useless with money.)
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2022
  11. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    "Feel my ball," leers Turtlehead at Bluebird.
    Ugh.
     
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  12. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    That weird crystal ball atop a figure. Should actually be a coconut. LOL.
     
  13. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    ha. a whiff of the Peggy Mount about her too.
     
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  14. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    happy married attractive bubbly blue couple had lovely and successful day out. they seemed really nice, tbf.


    *what a sickening display*
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2022
  15. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    === Talking of Hammer, Sybelle Thompson is one of their monster stars.
    === a whiff of the Peggy Mount about her.

    Worst Tinder profile ever.
     
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  16. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    BBC approved preamble:
    Edinburgh 16
    Bargain Hunt Series 53
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0007swj
    Natasha Raskin Sharp is in charge of proceedings at the Royal Highland Centre in Edinburgh as the reds and blues have 60 minutes to buy three items with £300. Helping to make sure the teams make a profit, experts Roo Irvine and David Harper are ready to spend the leftover lolly on a bonus buy.

    The Translation:
    Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp is back in the Land of the Sweaties at the Highland Centre in Edinburgh for another McTat bazaar home of the legendary Tartan Miser Moths who "enjoy" spending minimal money. She's joined by BH virgin, the always delightful Roo Irvine and DayGlo Dave, Middlesbrough's slap-headed Montalbano. Auction is alien territory, quite literally, in Rosewall Roswall with alien swamp thing Sybelle "I'll have everything with chips" Thomson and her bumfluffed assistant Purvy Purves. Remember folks, profits will be low on anything that can't be eaten, drank, smoked, injected, or hoovered up their nasal passage. The only Golden Gavels you'll see here will be deep fried and served with chips.

    Q: Have you heard about the lecherous Scotsman who lured a girl up to his attic to see his etchings?
    A: He sold her four of them.
    Arf Arf.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
    [Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
    [Blue Team Expert] DayGlo David Harper, the Teeside Trouserer of Tat
    [Auctioneer] Gross Perverts
    [Auction Location] Thomson Roddick Auctioneers & Valuers, Hangar 84, Roswell
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Married Piano tuner and she's a retired body builder
    (Challenge: Depicts a face)
    [Blue Team] Married receptionist and electrician, ballroom dancers
    (Challenge: Mauchline ware)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Bronze figure (175 Challenge) ouch, Tiffany silver loveheart necklace (30) OK, Vintage WMF cocktail stick holder (55) struggle.
    Blues: Swedish Kosta Boda glass vase (45) OK, Mauchline ware wooden string holder (20 Challenge) OK, London silver hip flask (145) ouch, singe.

    The Distraction:
    Strict Natasha is off to the Scots National Portrait Gallery, or in other words, the Scottish Crimewatch Mug Shot gallery. She sees a mugshot of arch criminal Robbing Burns and headbutts it as a mark of appreciation.

    Distraction.jpeg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Bronze figure (big loss), Tiffany silver loveheart necklace (evens stevens), Vintage WMF cocktail stick holder (nice profit).
    Roo's BB is a Murano style glass vase (35), 20-40, 25. Oh dear, Roo who is new, a BH virgin, needs to be a quick learner. Which she is.

    BronzeFigure.jpeg GlassVase.jpeg

    Blues: Swedish Kosta Boda glass vase (good profit) OK, Mauchline ware wooden string holder (nice profit) OK, London silver hip flask (largish loss).
    DayGlo's BB is a figure with a crystal ball on top, it should be a coconut (20), 20-40, 40. Good but strange buy Dayglo.

    HipFlask.jpeg CrystalBall.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    End of day shopping, never the best time, so decent BBs are harder to find. Not the greatest of Auctions as expected but the Blues actually made an overall profit. Roo had a mixed time with the Reds. Stung on the figure, unlucky with her BB vase but a good spot with the Tiffany loveheart and the WMF cocktail holder. DayGlo had a good day, even with that weird BB crystal ball combo, but took a punt with the hip flask that that died like a deflated bagpipe bag.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueWin.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Standard indoor kick. Some monster kicks in there, let down by Red Bloke who is a tad late. Otherwise absolutely superb. Yes, YES!!

    HiKick.jpeg
     
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  17. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Bluebird pawing Dayglo Turtle in that penultimate screengrab.
    bleurgh!!! quick, pass that Swedish vase...
     
  18. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Not surprised that tiny flask bombed. Totally impractical; barely enough capacity for a couple of treble measures. Get through that in ten tense minutes watching England.
     
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  19. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Some absolute **** purchases and overpayment today. Blues did well until paying at least double what they should've for flask. Roo off form.
     
  20. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    First series for Roo, "Roo is new and she loves (gl)assware and jewellery", so she obviously had to quickly learn the ropes.

    You can buy anything on Etsy.

    plug.jpg
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2022
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  21. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    It's Thérèse Coffey's Scottish cousin.

    I'll have large fish, pickled egg, mushy peas, oooh, and a pie, jumbo sausage, and a large portion of chips. Buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrp.

    Monster1.jpeg Monster2.jpeg
     
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  22. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    hahaha, that's a keeper:
    "Thérèse Coffey's Scottish cousin"
    Brilliant spot for the screengrab belch opportunity too.
    A good BHWFC day, all told.
     
  23. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Peggy/McTherese offers up a BB. Mid-century silver-plated tat. Good provenance, admittedly...

    download (1).jpeg
     
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  24. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    just noticed the creepy vent doll vibe here...dare we ask how he is operating her? Start.jpeg
     
  25. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    don't tell 'em, Pike

    michael-redgrave-ventriloquist-dead-of-night.jpg
     
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  26. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Gary Peepee joins in the ventdoll fun. Seen here valuing Shepherds Bush plastic prop at £200...

    152.jpg
     
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  27. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    snigger!

    erm, i mean, how disgusting!
     
  28. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Here we go, down the rickety, bumpy old road. Woah!! Horsey!! Woah!!

    [​IMG]
     
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  29. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    The classic 'Dead of Night', Charlie's earliest role, there he is with Sir Michael Redgrave.

    To paraphrase one of the classic quotes from the film with a more recent pic:

    "Just room for one inside, sir"

    [​IMG]
     
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  30. Bwood_Horn

    Bwood_Horn Squad Player

    Excellent choice of images @OldTraff78 :

    Perhaps that last genuinely scary horror film ever made (that bit of the film heavily influenced' the marvellous 'Magic' with Tony Hopkins genuinely doing 'scary' (forget Lector).

    And you follow it up with a still from the best 'Doctor Who' ever!

     
  31. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    aha! a fellow 'Talons' fan!
    Much more haunting than any Dalek stuff.
     
  32. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Domestos Hawley. Arrgggghhh.

    Thrilled by the simple things in life like peeling an apple.
     
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  33. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Blues going for the tat today.

    Danger, danger. That tram seat.
     
  34. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Very generous of Nick to describe that tram seat as gardenalia. They massively overpaid IMO.
     
  35. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    That ring is a real knuckle duster.
     

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