Bargain Hunt

No wonder Bingo is taking a break from the Auction. His ticker probably can't take any more strain. Hence Eric and not the Girls too.

 

His Nitroglycerine inhaler could be put to better use by obliterating the Auction Audience along with Red Bird.

 

Another good spot!
Reg watching whilst sober, and through opera glasses.

 

Levi Roots and a young Michael Jackson at the fair today...

 

BBC approved preamble:
Detling 22
Series 69
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0023j6n
Eric Knowles and the teams are shopping in Detling, Kent, with experts Catherine Southon and Mark Stacey. Eric Knowles has a mystery item for fair-goers to puzzle over from an antiques fair in Detling, Kent. It is made of silver with a mother of pearl handle and has a sharp point at one end – but what is it? Meanwhile, two teams browse hundreds of stalls to buy three items to sell at auction. On the red team are husband and wife Vicky and John, ably assisted by their expert Catherine Southon. Their opponents in blue are couple Sam and Kara, guided by Mark Stacey. Over in Portsmouth, auctioneer Daniel Tricker is on the rostrum trying to deliver profits for both teams – but which one will be crowned the winners?

The Translation:
Uncle Eric and his dark eyebrows, probably a symptom of excessive sausage eating during Lockdown is in Detling in Kent, with Praerandus Extraordinous Totalum Southon, who'll be praying for men and Sarky Marky, who'll also be praying for men. As we're in Kent it seems strange to have an Auction all the way along the South Coast in Pompey. It's not Bingo, who's obviously giving his ticker a rest, but dodgy colleague Dan Trickster, who will try and fool us into thinking that Southsea is a suitable location to make some profits. Ha, Come on, pull the other one, or should that be pull the other loss.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, supreme sausage scoffer
[Red Team Expert] Catherine Southon, super posh, super dull, super randy
[Blue Team Expert] Sarky Marky The Welsh Wit Stacey, he has been known to enjoy a pansy
[Auctioneer] Daniel Trickster
[Auction Location] Southsea South-coast Scrooges
[Miserlin Rating] One Star

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Husband Prod Team Leader John and Wife Retired Manager Vicky, they met online. Don't they all.
(Challenge: First half of the 20th Century)
[Blue Team] Health and Safety Manager Sam and Something Charity Something Somethig Kara couple.
(Challenge: From the Victorian era)

The Shopping:
Reds: Dog Weather vane (39) OK, 1920s Ruskin brooch (30) Should do that, Wooden pond yacht (89) Should be alright.
Blues: Victorian Cameo brooch (28 Challenge) Good start, Leather Medicine ball (75) ouch, Victor travelling wardrobe trunk (80) OK.

The Distraction:
Eric Knowles has a mystery item for fair-goers to puzzle over from an antiques fair in Detling, Kent. It is made of silver with a mother of pearl handle and has a sharp point at one end – but what is it? It's another myster for fairgoers to ponder, How does Eric get his eyesbrows so dark. Some wonder if McWitch has cast a transfer spell, causing her own dark mop to be transported to Eric's eye braids. Others think it may be more chemically induced with the soon to be banned Grecian 2000 Super Syrength with special brow comb. It's neither of those, it's actually because he's a big fan of Groucho Mark and has taken to smoking a lot of cigars and eating alot of Duck Soup.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Dog Weather vane (loses 9), 1920s Ruskin brooch (10 profit), Wooden pond yacht (39 loss).
Gropey's BB is an Edwardian silver and citrine negligee necklace, (45), 60-80 he likes it, 70. Makes a good 25 note profit.

​

Blues: Victorian Cameo brooch (16 loss), Leather Medicine ball (55 loss), Victor travelling wardrobe trunk (50 loss). Southsea Anti-GG acieved.
Sarky's BB is an Eastern silver gilt finger decoration brooch (75), 40-60, 40. Oh dear 35 lost.

​

The Aftermath:
Outside shop in the Garden of England. Eric with his Universal Indicator-style eyebrows. Brows to go with the browsing. Grey during the Fair, Black as the Ace of Spades for the Auction. I'm just waiting for BH to be sponsored by Grecian 2000. Same old Southsea, Southsea same old, Auction. We were duped into thinking thinks would be different, with Bingo on wildly over-optimistic heavily-medicated Valuation-only duties to protect his ticker, so it was left to newbie Ed Sheeran imposter, it fooled the token young girl in the Audience, who had stalked him for the last week, Daniel Trickster, to try and pull the wool over our eyes. BTW, Pompey v Ipswich is next season Ed. A reasonably action-packed episode, with plenty of talking points. A sprightly Catherine, full of errrr beans?, and an on-form, well verbally anyway, Sarky. Catherine loves a cockapoo, which is a euphemism for Anal Intercourse, BH Bum Fun as Sarky would say. Best wear a condom next time, eh. A Distraction involving nut torture, made to make our eyes water. A Red Team with the Wife from Hell, horrid laugh, ultrafussy attitude and the obligatory henpecked husband. Nice agreeable Blue Team, you really wanted them to win. They and Sarky really got on well and didn't deserve the Auction dycking they received. Catherine's Reds bought a dog weather vane very early, hence the swapping of doggy stories, Red Harridan didn't like it, but Hubby put his foot down. He will get the full treatment later, poor sod. It makes a small loss. Then there was an age of umm-ing and arr-ing, with Catherine trying to prod them into action, something she is used to doing every Saturday night. They buy an ugly looking brooch with a Name, it makes a profit to cancel out the previous item, and a crappy pond yacht, which heads straight to the bottom of the water with a large loss. Catherine then produces a Negligee necklace, such jewellery must be well-known round her Southern Hunting Ground. Unlike it's name it makes a decent profit and they end only 13 quid down. Pretty good for Portsmouth. Sarky's Blues buy an old-fashioned brooch, loss, an overpriced medicine ball, which sent Bingo's ticker into a short nostalgic spasm, big loss, and the Anti-GG Pompey First Class was achieved with a big loss on the travelling wardrobe. Remember these items were perfect for the internet. A damning endorsement of his Penny Pinching Parlour. A Grand Slam was then achieved with Sarky's decorative fingering brooch, just needed a matching rimming ring. Another largish loss. Samson's Riddle paraphrased, Out of the Strong came froth sweetness, should be Southsea Piddle, Out from the Bin came forth Steptoe. They end a whopping 156 GBP down, a Pompey par.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick in a cramped space. Blimey, Sarky outdoes Eric in the getting it up and early stakes. Catherine has skirt/age issues and the rest all make a disorganised par, more or less. It's all a bit of a shambles. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Ed Sheeran and his Superfan Stalker



Edward Woodward Blue Bloke with Lisa Nandy



No Coach Parties Please



Bill Maynard



Piers Morgan Moron

 

I concur. The knowing look from her other half, knowing full well that he'll be seeking consolation in them later.

 

Operation Knicker Storm Exhaustion

 

As soon as the World Wide Web came to being, she was the first woman on the internet waiting for the first hapless, I mean, eligible male to stumble into her Penis Guy Trap.

 

It's not on BH that often.

 

It looks just like a Travel Agents, taking all your money and sending you on a Package Tour that The Sun has offered to its readers for a pound.

 

Eric just asked him if he was looking forward to the Auction. Perhaps he can only watching it on a TV screen while lying down and getting a massage from some work experience lovelies.

 

Yeah, he looked forward to it, as someone who was gonna be hooked up to an AED can enjoy anything.

 

snigger:
'Catherine loves a cockapoo, which is a euphemism for Anal Intercourse'

 

I misread that as IED, perhaps he was radicalised in the hospital.

 

as a relative newbie on here I started reading through the forum from page 1 last night (well I must have been bored) wondering how the thread had developed from a simple "I like the show", "why did they buy that" and "I thought that would have sold for more" into the wonderful expanse of chat we have now. I was extremely pleaser to see that the first "Phwoar" appeared as early as page 2.

 

TBF, the beauty of this entire forum is that although it's ostensibly about Watford FC, 99% of the content is puerile, left field content which doesn't conform with modern social media norms. It's a special place.

 

It certainly is a very special place. The admins are top notch in allowing us this school playground for our juvenile hormone fueled "non-woke" harmless humour. As a northerner (who doesn't support watford) I don't venture far from the BH thread, but as you say, 99% of what we put on here would get us booted off most places where the admins don't have a sense of humour.

 

**** off.

 

Today, it's Dross, JP, Plaidy, and Crumpled Lewis inbetween courses of apple crumble and custard and the Cheeseboard.

Brown furniture is also mentioned.

I'm stuck in an all-day meeting, so will watch and review later.

 

Yer, an early appreciation of the Princess before I discovered the Thread.

 

Great feature!
Hurrah for old brown, veneers, and corner pieces.
Nice dig from Crumpled about self-assembly, and good point re green element.

 

= Reg is at all-day spa 'n' massage centre having his chakra drained by trained professionals...

 

Red chap has absolutely blown his beans on that table

 

So far I've seen a bell, some tables, a cheese thing and some cufflinks bought. All look like losers to me. Reds spending 180 on a crappy table. Brilliant surrender. Who gives a ****? Not them!

Reds:
Nest of tables (65) - will be close 40-60
Cufflinks (23) - close probably will wash their face.
Cricket table - absolute tanker. 3 fig loss.

Italian vase (40) - nothing special 20-30
Cheese dish (35) - 40-50
bell (140) - ding dong! Absolute tanker! 60-80
Blues

 

Luckily for him, blue chap has spent 140 on a bell. Could make a fight of it.

 

Charlie is such a laugh!

Looking forward to crumply finding out what they paid for the cricket table.

 

Crumpled enjoying sh*tting on that cheese dish!

Am looking forward to Reg's views on Redbird.

 

Lewis absolutely aghast at the 180 table.

Could be in for some whopping losses

 

Oof cheese dish just gets hoots of derision from the auctioneer. Not a good sign.

Bell is a shocker.

James is lucky to survive that valuation. With John's ticker going yesterday I'm surprised he didn't need resuscitation.

 

cannot believe that thing wiped its face!

"i like it a lot!" enthuses Redmonster about toast rack, which she is already imagining filling, emptying, refilling, emptying. ..

 

Cricket table is flying! Getting a break even on that is a proper century innings and a 'five for' in one! Reds have won this. Bell to end it for blues.

 

That’s unbelievable

 

'I like it a lot'

It's a ******* rack for toast for Christ's sake.

 

I can't believe we were all here to witness that