Bargain Hunt

Being a gentleman, I'd always let Dizzie go ahead of me going up stairs.

In fact its a dream of mine to follow her upstairs..

 

• "hello mr moog, perhaps i might interest you in an anglepoise? or an old house in Famagusta (just one previous owner)?"

 

Sugar sifter need to go on the bingo card.

 

We heard Hawley Bawley in June last year and our ears have been ringing ever since .......

Reg:
Hawley handling an old shoe horn to go with the Foghorn.

Haggle to 19, fools.

Blue bird likes a little spoon. Oh yes.

Oh dear pompous Blue bloke is very rude to Sarky.

Izzie not excited by Bristol Blue.

A Roman grooming device. Even the Ancients were at it.

Top dollar prices in that Antiques Centre. American/Japanese tourists driving the prices up?

Foghorn explains about blowing long rods.

One last whip around says Dizzie.

Read those cards Foghorn.

Moog:
Two quid discounts. Blow me down. What an exhausting shop

I'm gonna put my neck on the line and say 'no overall profits for anyone today.'

Reg:
Dizzie and Sarky not the best experts. So yep.

Fark me a Golden Gavel for the annoying Blues.

Mind the Piggie may wee-wee-wee over their profits.

It doesn't. Well well well.

Moog:
Blue bloke needs a bit of a slap

Reg:
Not the most exciting items on the planet.

Dutch Auction Time.

Nice Blue John brooch.

Moog:
Golden Gavel!

Don't take the pig.

Well, 8 quid profit on the expensive boar. Anything can happen on BH!

Reg:
Pigs are collectable, pin cushions are collectible, nice quirky Edwardian item, plenty of things in its favour.

Moog:
I'll add Izzie to the wanque list though.

Reg:
You can really take that both ways. Z-list expert or more grist for the butter churn.

I should've really said More Sauce For the Sauce Boat.

She does a good kick though.. Considering it was a skinflinting Auction House, Sarky did really well.

OT78:
Colin on a handkerchief vase bid: "not to be sniffed at"

poor Izzy "stressed" by controlling grim redbloke.

Bluebloke needs a slap. Like many these past couple of days.

Foghorn's hair now doing an impression of handmade fettuccine being street-dried in a Napoli slum.

Aged female Viewing Partner: "the state of her...if i'd turned up to school looking like that, i'd have been sent home"

Sarky deadly today. Good show!

arf from Reg:
"Foghorn explains about blowing long rods."

Presumably how she got the telly gig....

Reg:
Call The Exorcist. After just one meeting, this poor woman is forever haunted (see apparition on the left) by a loud-voiced demon spewing rubbish and covered in offensive Tartan.





Despite the Golden Gavel, the Misers were out in force. Probably there for the free bread and dripping.



What a cakehole. Blue bird learns from the Master.



The Last 3 Blue Team Experts in the latest series have all won Golden Gavels for their team.

OT78:
So. A Blue treble...


Reg:
Citeh BH. The Sky Blue Team is given 1 billion pounds to spend with an Auction held in Dubai by Charles Hanson. Their expert Pep Guardiola gets massive profits on 3 of his purchases including the humungous Very Big Spend item and then watch as his Golden Gavel Legacy goes up in flames when Strict Natasha's Champions League Challenge item is DQed. Meanwhile, Gino Pozzo's Yellow Team are sunk with a Grand Slam of losses with a Mogi Anglepoise lamp, a Fools Gold Giaretta Binatone watch, an upcycled football stand Duxbury Planter and a Troy Deeney concrete cherub.

Clive:
Why has Caroline Hawley got sad clown face makeup on for the kick?

Also, if the blue father was annoying, imagine the daughter. Look at that sharp hooter and big gob. Full of herself, she is. And a director of operations you say? Imagine being a pawn worker under her management. What a world we live in eh?

OT78:

tremendous agitprop infiltration here, Clive:

director of operations you say? Imagine being a pawn worker under her management. What a world we live in eh?

that is the sort of canny pop-culture class war detournement that might have helped prevent 1989, comrade.

instead of Erich Honecker

 

Have to say something there has caught my eye. Think I'd like to have a hold and give it a good feel all over to see how tactile it is. Definitely needs to be taken out and inspected closely just check for any cracks or nibbles. I have my loupe in my pocket to check for marks.

 

“Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,—
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.”

 

Re-up from June 2023 with additions.
BBC approved preamble:
Hemswell 2
Series 65
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001mp4k
Caroline Hawley presents today’s show from Hemswell in Lincolnshire, with the reds and the blues led by Izzie Balmer and Mark Stacey. Both teams are desperate to make a profit at the auction, but who will win? Meanwhile, at the antiques centre, Caroline has a mystery to solve.

The Translation:
It's going to be a blistering episode today as Foghorn Hawley's outfit and voice will make our eyes burn, ears bleed and skin weep. What have we done to deserve this? The poor populance of Hemswell, Lincs, I bet they didn't sign up to this. The town will be booming but only to the sound of the voice of Jericho. Trying to deflect attention will be Dizzie Izzie, will she end up wearing a beehive, and Sarky Marky enjoying a pansy and the children ephemera. Standby for a PennyPinching Auction at Rick Wakeman's non-progressive refuse processing centre.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Caroline Town Crier Hawley with her exclusive Kensington Gore Tartan as part of the Radiation haemorrhage collection
[Red Team Expert] Dizzie Izzie Barmy Balmer, another member of The 93%, her honey pot overflows .
[Blue Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist, he has been known to enjoy a pansy
[Auctioneer] Colin Rapido Young, short-haired non-Rick Wakeman variant
[Auction Location] Golding Young & Mawer, Lincs
[Miserlin Rating] Approved

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] British South Asian (BBC box well and truly ticked) Civil Servant Mother and Actuary Son
(Challenge: Serve or store drink)
[Blue Team] Retired Idiot Father and Pushy Directer of Operations Daughter
(Challenge: Store or serve food)

The Shopping:
Reds: 4 Dartington crystal champagne glasses (22) OK, 1949 Moorcroft bowl with cover (115) struggle, Ruby glass hankerchief vase (15) good.
Blues: Art Deco-style gilt banded cut-glass carafe and glasses set (20) OK, Silver plated lidded cranberry glass biscuit jar (30) OK, Barker Ellis Silver sugar shaker (87) struggle.

The Distraction:
Meanwhile, Caroline has a mystery to solve. Who killed sartorial elegance and subtle, poetic narration. Was it Miss Scarlett in the bedroom with a Paschal candle? No. Was it Colonel Mustard in the Library with a well-thumbed copy of Pocket Bizarre Dwarfs (unbelievably, it does or did actually exist). No, it was Caroline, in the Antiques Centre with a Klaxon and an item from the Tartan Terror range. Meanwhile, Jericho handles a Roman strigel, a Roman grooming device discovered in the Schofield Bros collection, a Show & Not Tell experience.

​

​

The Auction:
Reds: 4 Dartington crystal champagne glasses (4 loss), 1949 Moorcroft bowl with cover (55 loss), Ruby glass hankerchief vase (10 profit).
Dizzie's BB is a Blue John silver brooch (25), 20-40, 30. It squeezes a profit for Dizzie.

​

Blues: Art Deco-style gilt banded cut-glass carafe and glasses set (12 profit), Silver plated lidded cranberry glass biscuit jar (15 profit) Surely not a GG?, Barker Ellis Silver sugar shaker (8 profit). Jeez a Golden Gavel for the annoying Blue father.
Sarky's BB is the 1902 silver pig pincusion from earlier (82), 80-100, 90. Another small profit for Piggy Sarky to go with his small tail.

​

The Aftermath:
It had all the hallmarks of a Miserly Auction. Rick Wakeman in his Penny Pinching Parlour, Dizzie and Sarky, lowly valuations, some real tat and Dutch Auction opening bids. Dizzie hen-pecked and tried to direct her very boring Red Team to a set of either boring or overpriced, in the case of the Moorcroft, item, with no real attempt to haggle the prices down with the stingy Antiques Centre Manager. So the only items to make a profit were the cheap ruby vase and her smart Blue John brooch BB. Mediocre performance , I think she gave up with them, with a 44 note loss. Things were not looking good. Then we had the Blue team with the know-it-all Father, the pub bore, originally turning his snout up at the boar. However, fair play to Sarky who managed to guide and nudge his team to a set of items, which while not that exciting, were not too expensive. The big spend sugar sifter was the big risk but this was unfounded. All items made nice, unspectacular profits, Sarky went back to the pig pincushion which they debated about earlier and it also made a nice small profit. Well a Golden Gavel in Rick's Miser Mausoleum, and a 43 pound profit, something not to be sniffed at, but instead needs to be rooted out like a prize truffle. Decent episode despite Foghorn and her wardrobe of revolt, hairstyle of despair, and voice of cacophony.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick in an echoey room. Everyone hits around par or above with good coordination and Dizzie gives us full view of her honeypot. Yes, YES!!

​

 

This needs soooooo much more than a "like" button.

 

To me/to you!

 

Tell us your hairdresser and we’ll get them for you?

 

I like that pear shaped arse says Timmy.

 

Uncle Eric's super-dark eyebrows, Gropey and Sarky with a Bingo-less Southsea Auction, Daniel Trickster to Fool us into thinking we will get profits.

Erics's eyebrows are missing their Grecian 2000?

Nostril Picker Mystery Item?

Catherine has a Cockerpoo called Archie. aka @wfcmoog

Eric has his brains removed.



The Wokesfuhrer Maidens would love that medicine ball for their Aryan fitness regime.

Nutpicks, Walnut peelers. Sounds painful.

Getting out the kernel. Cough.

Roasting your chestnuts.

Can someone else touch the nut.

Indeed, it would feel like Christmas.

 

putting "ninja-pose introduction on the bingo cards..

has Eric borrowed Steph and Christinas glasses? anyway, doesn't have the same effect when he wears them.

Gropey in her "operation desert storm fatigues"

H from steps for the blues - not famous enough for a celebrity edition

ooh, Cameo Brooch going on the bingo card too...

Gropey likes a nice snifter, Sarky likes a nice .......

is the green sign for sale, or is that whats in the oxo tin asks H

 

Wonder if this is the one where Bingo was supposed to be on the rostrum but his ticker played up so Tricker stood in.

 

Victor Luggage looks like an item from 1984.



Catherine demonstrated how to pressure test out an old instrument to see if it's in good working order.

It's quite a hard one, she says.

 

saw last night that Eric, and Dizzie and Raj are filming the Christmas auctions at the Daleks later this month. I may have to pay a visit...

 

That's a sh1tty looking brooch. It'll either sink like a stone or lift-off to the stars.

Catherine can go bigger and better.

Bingo valuing. Trickster selling.

Ed Sheeran.

Keep GOING!!!!! implores Catherine.

Pompey Dutch Auction.

Catherine's Negligee necklace without the negligee. Snigger

-13 at Southsea. Bingo would say Bingo.

Loads of old people and a token young female in the Audience.

Auction back to type.

Southsea Steptoe Skinflints.

Will the 75 brooch make a profit. Errr No.

 

Red bloke hasn’t had the final say on anything in at least 35 years. Drip

 

mention 1984 and this song instantly comes to my mind. Mention Catherine and this song instantly coms to @wfcmoog s mind..

 

looks like it was... Bingo doing the valuations. Glad he seems to be well on the way to recovery. Good bloke.

 

Jeez, this Redbird is a noisy fat ugly horrorshow.
Poor husband.
I bet he spends half his life hiding in the shed.

Couple of quite nice trinkets found by Southon. vg.
Trunk should've done better.
Roo would love Mark's BB.
Mark is probably imagining that on a man's finger, up his....no, it's lunchtime.

 

should pond yacht go on the bingo cards, or does that come up on ART more than BH?

 

Didn't ask if john was taking the auction today. And he isn't.

Katherine promised something sparkly. I will giver her that. I'm gonna start holding these experts accountable for their bonus buy hints.

 

This made me laugh out loud. Her accent gave me indigestion.

 

It should go on the 'never ever makes a profit' card, along with butter churn, trench art and ship's wheels.

 

John's estimates seem wildly optimistic. Maybe he was high on crank at the table and that triggered his heart?

 

The laugh, my god the laugh! Nearly found myself throwing my cuppa in my ears to numb the pain

 

'Go big, go broke.' That's the spirit Blues Bloke.

 

Perfect for the internet says Bingo, i.e. not the Auction Room.

-156. That's about par for Southsea. New Auctioneer, Sam Old Outcome!!!!

Eric's eyebrows have got Darker for the Auction.

 

Oof! Chinese nail thing sinks like a stone. Must have had some bum bogeys stuck under the nail. Can't even get gels done for that price! Blues have been shellaced.

 

Horror show for the blues, an absolute pumping.

Their only silver lining is an apparent reasonable rack on the blue woman

 

Arf Arf lolzzzzzz

 

Hear hear. We break some balls around here, but we love our BH experts and auctioneers. Even the bad ones.

 

Good spot!

 

That bloody laugh. They met online, obviously it must have been on mute or with very muffled sound.