Bargain Hunt

Lots of eyebrow raised looks from the regular Auction goers.

Obviously filmed before the Truss economy crash.

 

Complete farce. Rich pillocks just donating hundreds for tat for Pudsey.

On the other hand, Hanson, Roo, Christina, **** n Dom lots to like about today's episode.

 

Mrs moog is getting annoyed. They are diminishing the sport of hunting for bargains!

 

Indeed! Well said, Mrs Moog.
It's like a cross between the Charity Shield, a testimonial, and a very low-rent pro-am celebrity thing shown only on itv2. After midnight. In August.
Meaningless and worthless...until I see Reg noting a Roo see-through outfit. Let's hope there's a screengrab!

 

Interesting intro graphic.

 

They would raise so much more if they just cancelled all these tedious CiN programmes and replaced them with payperview of Roo blowing horns.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Children in Need Special
Bargain Hunt Series 64
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001f8gx
Christina Trevanion presents a children’s TV special programme to raise money for BBC Children in Need. Masters of Saturday morning mayhem D1ck and Dom take on 1980s Blue Peter presenter Mark Curry and Newsround’s De-Graft Mensah. Experts Philip Serrell and Roo Irvine guide the celebrity teams as they search for bargains at Southwell Antiques Fair. Who will make the most profits for Pudsey when their buys go under the hammer with auctioneer Charles Hanson?

The Translation:
Confusion reigns as lines of communication are crossed as a strapped up Christina is all geared up to be a Dom with a D1ck in this Needy Presenter Predator Special. She is joined by the trixotically delightful Roo Irvine who has a mischievous glint in her eye and between jobs, Fluffer Muttley, who gets his salubrious epithet from formerly cleaning the tracks in the tunnels of the London Underground or so he says. Bi-curious sexual experimenters D1ck and Dyke take on 1980s Pest List Inductee Stark Korma and Time of the month friction influencer Menstrual van der Graf. Auction is naturally with Madness Hanson, anywhere else would be financial doom, where a piece of belly fluff will make a monkey.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Steamstress Christina Trevanion
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piq*re de puce
[Blue Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
[Auctioneer] Charles Manson Hanson, The Phineas T Barking of the Auction World, Bring on The Clown
[Auction Location] Hanson Auction House, Derbys
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] D1ck and Dyke
(Challenge: Entertain a child)
[Blue Team] Stark Korma and Menstrual van der Graf
(Challenge: Entertain a child)

The Shopping:
Reds: Subbuteo Teams and accessories (95 Challenge) a bit steep, Pantomime cow head (45) steep, Art Deco stained glass panel (30) good.
Blues: Georgian Bute green glass (75) OK, Rufus dog (12 Challenge) Fine, Murano signed glass bowl (40) Good.

The Distraction:
Unsurprisingly, it's an emotional blackmail item. DONATE NOW!!!!! OR ELSE!!!!

So here's some shots of Christina instead.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Subbuteo Teams and accessories (Huge profit), Pantomime cow head (Huge profit), Art Deco stained glass panel (30).
Muttley's BB is a Royal Worcester dish (55) 60-80, 260. Huge profit as expected.

​

Blues: Georgian Bute green glass (Huge profit, 250+210=470, double bid malarkey), Rufus dog (Massive profit), Murano signed glass bowl (40).
Roo's BB is an Art Nouveau studio glass vase (28), 20-40, 160. Bingo profit.

​

The Aftermath:
The Attention Seekers hate all of Muttley's suggestions. Manson likes the Blue Team items, Red Team overpaid in his opinion but it doesn't matter as it's a Loadsamoney charidee fundraising auction where a tog turd on a stick would fetch 100 notes. Even useless Cooper couldn't fail. Obviously, things would have been different at a Southsea or a Serrell auction. Overall 11 grand goes into Pudsey's bucket. That's a lot of custard to stir.





The Hi-Kick:
Standard outdoor kick on grass. Pudsey's a bit late, everyone else hits bar, well Muttley gets as close to par as he's able to. Yes, YES!! For charideeeeeee!!

​

 

*Swoon.*

Thank you.

 

Great competition today. Money made. Everything close to the wire.
Tash the Lash looking surprisingly fruity in short hair.

 

25 s0dding quid!!! Is that the lowest ever amount spent by one team for 3 items. No wonder they brought a big spend challenge into later seasons.

With their first item, the Blues outspend the Reds.

 

Inspired by Lord Percy Percy's brooch of the finest green is that WTF glass bowl. A school project gone wrong.

 

Tubby Thomas is useless. Parroting the bids as they come in, hoping for someone to spend big online does not an auctioneer make.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newbury 9
Bargain Hunt Series 47-49 (Shortened Versions)
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00062zf
Today Natasha Raskin Sharp and the team are in Newbury. The reds and blues will be hitting the Newbury antiques fair today with experts Raj Bisram and Nick Hall. As usual, the reds and blues have 60 minutes in which to buy three items to send to auction.

The Translation:
We're at Newbury Antiques Fair, but lets be honest it could be a crater on Pluto so long as it had a Scout Hut and a Jumble Sale going on. Strict Natasha goes through a few cheap period costumes in what was available in the production company's dressing up box. It looks like she went to the hairdressers and then had to leave in a hurry half way through judging by the new colour and the pinned up mess which was her then barnet. So Strict Bad Hair Day is joined by Bad Boy No Hair Dr Evil and Good Boy Mohair Plaidy Hall. Auction is with the Spectac-ularly Crap Spectacleless Tubby Thomas who hopes that this will distract everyone into forgetting how useless he is in his Parlour of Pernicious Penury.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, Glasgow Southside enforcer
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
Auctioneer] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy, the gooseberry fool, the New Berry Fruit
[Auction Location] SOS Newbury, Miser Manor
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Best female friends
[Blue Team] Best female flatemate friends

The Shopping:
Reds: 20th-century silver-plated hip flask (5) bargain, Silver stamp case (15) bargain, Modern coloured glass, WTF is that, bowl (5) OK. Bloody hell is that lowest amount ever spent by a team.
Blues: Chinese censer (30) bagain, Small Oriental table (22) good, Silver quaich (105) topend.

The Distraction:
None. Shorty Stumpy the D-Warf episode.

The Auction:
Reds: 20th-century silver-plated hip flask (small profit), Silver stamp case (nice profit), Modern coloured glass bowl (profit). Golden Gavel on the smallest ever outlay. Ridiculous.
Raj's BB is 1930s gold chain with an agate necklace REJECTED (100), 40-60, 60, Brainfart moment for Bisram.

​

Blues: Chinese censer (evens stevens), Small Oriental table (evens stevens), Silver quaich (loss).
Plaidy's BB is a 1900s hand-painted Japanese porcelain vase (45), 50-80, 75, good profit from the Plaidster. He shoots he scores.



The Aftermath:
Dr Evil had a senior moment on a par with blowing up his underground lair. The tightfisted Reds were never going to go with his BB at the price he bought it. The other items were so cheap that even the Newbury Hoarders Collective could just buy the things with a jar of hoarded pennies. Plaidy's Blues were unlucky with their items as Tubby Thomas can't fathom that to be an auctioneer you need to find ways and means of squeezing the money out of people, not just parrot the bids as they come in, hoping for someone to have a financial splurge online. Maybe they overpaid for the Scottish Scrooge drinking vessel but he found an excellent Japanese vase which would have had a chance of making 3 figures with a decent auctioneer. Mind, an overall profit in Newbury is not to be sniffed at.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Decent overall effort, even if one of the Blue ladies is a tad late. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Just a reminder that BH is on Early Doors BBC2 tomorrow (Mon) at 11-30 am.

Looks like Strict Natasha's been on the Bucky.

 

Good public service work, Reg. Wouldn't have spotted that.

 

Weird twin start. David Cronenburg would have a field day.

Dully and Muttley. Low yield episode incoming.

Torquay pottery - Fawlty Towers mug?

Dully late out of the traps.

Dartmoor Pixie, do they love a-goblin?

 

That lambing chair is a disaster in waiting. Made of Whicker. They can burn Dully in it later if it bombs.

 

Those two Blues who bought it look like they both belong in Hammer/Amicus casts.
Especially Lurch/Block/Jaap Stam/the cover of Queen's 'Champions' 45 i.e. the tall one.

 

"We find ourselves in an interesting situation...which doesn't happen very often on Bargain Hunt," lashes Tash.
Steady on, girl; you can take self-deprecation too far, y'know.
We don't want viewers thinking we are wasting what is left of our miserable lives, after all...

Speaking of wasting precious hours on pointless competition, I see England have kicked off...

 

BBC approved preamble:
Westpoint 9
Bargain Hunt Series 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0007f85
Join Natasha Raskin Sharp for today’s Bargain Hunt from Exeter’s Westpoint Arena. Experts Philip Serrell and Catherine Southon try to help the teams make a profit when they head to auction. Natasha also pops down to Exeter’s Historic quayside to find out why it was once one of the busiest trading centres in England .

The Translation:
We're in Exeter’s Westpoint Arena where Strict Natasha turns into Dead Ringers-style doppelgangers. Before David Cronenberg gets involved probing orifices, invading with sex crazed-inducing parasites, and strange mutating diseases taking hold, along comes the experts. Today we're saddled with Muttley the Mutation and Dully Rabid Southon, well she will be if things aren't bought with her approval. Auction is with Barney New Order Sumner. True Faith will be needed at the Auction. Let's hope there's no Confusion and they are not Blue this Monday.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat et pull-over de moth
[Blue Team Expert] Extremely dull posh Catherine Southon, the Liz Truss of the Auction world
[Auctioneer] David Sumner, brother of Barney out of New Order.
[Auction Location] Ottery St Mary, East Devon
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired female friends, the smiling assassins
(Challenge: With a Mechanism)
[Blue Team] Male friends & neighbours Scrapyard Manager
(Challenge: Torquay pottery)

The Shopping:
Reds: Shed Art unmatching wooden schooldesk and chair (30) topend, Omega wrist watch (100 Challenge) profit all day long, Glass and silver collared oil and vinegar dispensor (50) might struggle.
Blues: Silver matchbox holder, Dully hates (30) OK, Dartmoor Pixie Torquayware mug (33 Challenge) topend, Wicker lambing chair as opposed to a Queening chair (160) Good.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha visits Exter Quay. Woolen cloth boom in Devon. Deadly Dull. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Shed Art unmatching wooden schooldesk and chair (nice profit), Omega wrist watch (big profit), Glass and silver collared oil and vinegar dispensor (profit) Golden Gavel.
Scruffy's BB is a 1950s toy dog on wheels (45), REJECTED, 20-30, 55. A Muttley winner. They should have gone with it.

​

Blues: Silver matchbox holder (small profit), Dartmoor Pixie Torquayware mug (small loss), Wicker lambing chair as opposed to a Queening chair (nice profit).
Dully's BB is a Art Deco shaped RAF silver cigarette box (30), REJECTED, 30-50, 35, small profit. Dully did OK with it.



The Aftermath:
A Muttley Golden Gavel for the Reds is a rare thing. Big three figure profit. They could have made a tenner more but rejected his BB. Blues had a less consistent shop. The chair could have bombed but was interesting enough to make a decent profit. The Blues also reject the BB which also makes a profit.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick which is usually rushed with Strict Natasha, it is. The Blue Gnome hardly bothers and makes even less effort than Muttley.

​

 

Wow! Rapido reporting, Reg!
Presume Ingerlund kickoff time acted as spur.
vg! p.s found pic of that Blue in his day job:

 

Whereas bespectacled beardy shortarse sidekick, whilst waiting for his next horrorflick villain part, could also have slotted straight into the Graham Bond Organisation when their cream left:

 

Surprised BH didn't do a WCup Desert special, though.
Scope for comic stunts with Manson Hanson in a dishdash, pursuing Roo in her seven transparent veils, until Strict Natash turns up as Gertrude Bell in a pith helmet to restore order.

 

Or as a Michael Berryman stunt double. Those West Country Hills Have Eyes.


The other Blue used to be The Bear

 

Muttley and Tubby Thomas as dodgy sheikhs. Charl-eh as the mad British governor who's been out in the sun way too long, Dully Southon as his sexually frustrated wife, Hawley as a camel with a Tartan hump, Christina as wife number one.

 

'Carry On Bargain Hunting Up The Khyber On Your Camel'

"Is that a gavel up your galabayha or are you just pleased to see me?" etc etc

 

Sequel to Carry on Gavelling.

 

More Hawley eye terrorism.

 

Do you think Peck, henpeck's her hubby? He's called Nest(or), arf arf. Cluck, cluck.

 

Not a bloody skipware step ladder.

2 dithering teams.

End of the day, the bonus buys will be interesting as the dealers clear up and disappear.

 

Chester silver fingering purse, snigger.

 

Carry on Shouting with the Foghorn.

 

Good buys today. Looking interesting.

 

I spy Charlie copping an extended feel with fruity Redbird...where did that grabbed hand go inbetween shots?