1. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Actually Blue bloke looks like D1ck1e Attenborough's John Christie at the 10 Rillington Place Auction Rooms, how much for this gas mask and dead body under the floorboards:

    upload_2022-11-16_14-42-37.png
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2022
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  2. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Or is he Fred Scuttle:

    upload_2022-11-16_14-45-50.png
    [​IMG]
     
  3. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    These are all A Shot In The Dark.
     
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  4. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    === 10 Rillington Place Auction Rooms, how much for this gas mask and dead body under the floorboards

    Heh heh heh
    That could be a promising oldskool channel 4-style sketch.
     
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  5. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    "...and in tomorrow's BH, there's vintage female lingerie under the hammer at Fred West & Co..."
     
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  6. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    It's truly heartwarming to know that the good old traditional methods of scam and entrapment are still alive and kicking. All they need to add is I'm attracted to men with enormous beer guts and am partial to a chicken phall/phal/phaal on a Friday night.

    TraditionalMethods.jpg
     
  7. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Why is 36 the trigger age. Surely you want to cast your scam net to as wide an area as possible. She could at least be holding an upcycled industrial lamp or a beautifully hallmarked silver vesta case, or be sitting in a white egg chair. What a wasted opportunity.
     
  8. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    heh heh.
    Lacks any sign of individualised targeting effort though.
    Ironic, as it's usually the woman who complains we make no effort to get to know them before trying to screw her.
     
  9. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    Hmm....36 sounds like it might be the average age of a man at his first divorce? Seven year itch from 29?
    And naturally, he'd now like something ten years younger and exotic ie nothing like that *** he married from round the corner who **** his best mate and **** on his record collection etc etc
     
  10. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

  11. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    :D:D
    arftastic!

    and, umm, if only...:)
     
  12. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Roo not a power lifter.

    Are they barking to go for concrete Greyhounds?

    Uh-oh, skipware stove.

    Scruffy Serrell skipware item in the bin, sorry bag
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2022
  13. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    No, not more bloody urns Serrell.

    What a set of rubbish from Muttley. LOL.
     
  14. Harefield Yellow

    Harefield Yellow Academy Graduate

    That urn (bloody hideous) reminds me of Tom & Jerry cartoons where Tom would end up in a vase and you'd see his eyes blinking.
     
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  15. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Bloody hell, a large Pompey profit. Cough, splutter.

    What a sh1tty Buddha-ha-ha.
     
  16. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Pompey Golden Gavel !!!!!!!!!!!!

    In fact the other team were close to one too. In Pompey, profits galore. What is going on.

    @wfcmoog you need to see this.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2022
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  17. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    arf!
    As borrowed by wallace and gromit, when the dog hides from the penguin in a box
     
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  18. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    Indeed.
    The apocalypse must be close now.
    That Poland missile, and those four Blue Pompey profits...signs and omens.
    It's probably in Revelations.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2022
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  19. Harefield Yellow

    Harefield Yellow Academy Graduate

    THAT doesn't count as a proper Golden Gavel !

    It's like an academy youngster picking up an F.A. Cup winners' medal for coming on as a sub for five minutes in the 3rd Round when they were 5-0 up against Dustbin Rovers.
     
  20. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    Mmm. Roo looks like an all-girl boarding school prefect in that jacket. Smiling proudly as she is pinned in the breast with the merit badge/gavel. What a trouper.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2022
  21. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    You're Out Charl-eh. I mean in a cricketing sense.

    Out.jpg
     
  22. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    She's been auditioning for a Scottish re-make of The Prisoner. She is very much a leading participant of the 6 in 1 appreciation society, as a delightful Number 6 battling with McWitch as the dastardly Number Twos.
     
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  23. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Ardingly 23
    Bargain Hunt Series 58
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000vtct
    Charlie Ross is in Sussex, where experts Philip Serrell and Roo Irvine guide the teams around Ardingly Antiques Fair. Charlie also visits a family business that specialises in conserving historical artefacts.

    The Translation:
    Meditation time or should that be medication time for Charl-eh, in a daft pre-credits sequence. Om chanting is soon replaced with errrrrr, followed by zzzzzzzz and a nasty pool of something yellow. Meditative stimulation is provided by the always delightful Roo Irvine, fiscal obliteration is provided by Muttley Serrell. Zen Auctioneering will be at the Pompey Pagoda as Dodgy Llama Marine Boy will turn profits into a whisper of smoke. The only Nirvana reached here is when Ebeneezer Scrooge blows his head off with an antique blunderbuss.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Charles Ross
    [Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piq*re de puce
    [Blue Team Expert] Delightful Purple-booted Roo Irvine, full of Eastern Promise
    [Auctioneer] John Marine Boy Cameron
    [Auction Location] Nesbits Antiques Auctions Ltd, Southsea, Pompey, Pompey, Southsea
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Mother gardener and Receptionist daughter.
    (Challenge: Find in a garden)
    [Blue Team] Retired Husband and Wifey. He's into brewing cider, probably to lessen the effect of his wife.
    (Challenge: Made from wood)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Vintage hedge trimmer (30 Challenge) OK, Pompey loss, 2 skipware planter bowls (75 Challenge) topend, Pompey loss, Large terracotta urn (90) topend, Pompey triple crown loss.
    Blues: Pair of Art Deco-style Congrete greyhound heads (75) damaged 140 pound valuation, guaranteed Pompey profit, Vintage wooden brick barrow (90) struggle, Pompey big loss, 6 glasses and decanter liqueur set (20), Bargain, small Pompey profit.

    The Distraction:
    Charl-eh visits an oriental nursery. He shows off his Bonsaied old fella and blames it on his latest set of tablets. The Bonsai bush beautifier bawls Banzai and attacks Charl-eh's todger topiary with a pair of secateurs. Time to soothe with some Old Spice for Old Men, his eyes glaze over and the lad of nod is entered.

    Distraction.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Vintage hedge trimmer (loss), 2 skipware planter bowls (small profit) eyebrows raise, Large terracotta urn (large profit) cough splutter.
    Scruffy's BB is a bronze-effect Buddha-ha-ha (40), 20-40, 28, it sinks like a concrete block. Another Muttley BB goes south.

    Urn.jpg Buddha.jpeg

    Blues: Pair of Art Deco-style concrete greyhound heads (guaranteed 65 profit) best way of ensuring a profit, Vintage wooden brick barrow (nice profit) swoon, 6 glasses and decanter liqueur set (decent profit). Golden Gavel achieved. Unbelievable shock.
    Roo's BB ia a 1945 Johnson Matthey silver propelling pencil (23), good bargain, 30-50, 25, it makes a small profit but was worth more. Good find Roo.

    Blues.jpg

    The Aftermath:
    "What in the name of bloody hell" has happened here. Roo led Blues with a Golden Gavel in Pompey and the Reds, a knackered hedge trimmer away from getting one too. Both teams with overall profits, The Blues making a 3-figure profit, in s0dding Southsea. Once again a fragile item damaged in transit is a way of guaranteeing a decent profit. There's decent Karma here today, perhaps it's because Roo is wearing her 'The Prisoner' jacket. Be seeing you.

    RedWin.jpeg BlueWin.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Indoor Covid diagonal, camera is too close and we get a close shot of a very gammon-faced Muttley who, no doubt, will be making minimal effort. Roo and The Fool make decent kicks aswell as Red girl and Blue bloke, with the other 2 maybe hitting a possible uncoordinated par.

    HiKick.jpeg
     
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  24. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    ha! good spot!
    And if she'd been Number 1 instead, McGoohan would surely never have tried to escape.
     
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  25. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    "That's a huge lawn trimmer!" oohs Charlie to the Reds.
    I suspect that bulky brunette mother has a demanding big bush.
    Historic day's auction. Can we ever again be so disdainful of Pompey? (Yes.)
     
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  26. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

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  27. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    One-off Pompey, Pompey one-off!!!!
     
  28. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Another good spot. Surely it's a Vegas nerve as in Las Vegas. What sticks in Vegas, stays in Vegas?

    There's an orgasm brought on by watching BH. I believe it's brought on by the Negus nerve which connects the arse to the elbow, which is one way of knowing one from the other.

    upload_2022-11-18_2-18-2.jpeg
     
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  29. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    An early draft of Minder was set in an Antiques shop with Arthur Daley, based on Arthur Negus (natch) as a colourful antiques dealer doing suspect deals. It was only much later that Daley got moved to be the dodgy proprietor of a second hand car lot. Funny old world eh.
     
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  30. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    There's a strong rumour going around that McWitch is going to peg one of the experts for charidee later. The smart money is on it being either Tubby Thomas or Muttley who won't be fast enough to run away.
     
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  31. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Academy Graduate

    chortle chortle.
    Though I shall now have to delay lunch for ten minutes until that vision has faded..
     
  32. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    "Celebrity" special incoming.

    No doubt it will be severely cringe inducing.
     
  33. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    "You can't beat (custard) pie and slime on a Saturday morning" says Christina

    Muttley on a scooter

    Roo hula-hooping. "I've got my hands full". she says. See-thru dress too.

    Scary cow head
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2022
  34. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Roo and Christina ask for your donation. Ahem.

    A lady discloses her age, shock. Roo is 42.
     
  35. Harefield Yellow

    Harefield Yellow Academy Graduate

    No Charlie, that Subbuteo stuff is PRE-1980, those teams are the heavy base older ones ! VERRRYY nice.
     

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