Bargain Hunt

LOL HAHAHA Arf, Oh, I've shat myself.

 

I wonder who you could mean??????

 

Another Covid emergence outside fair with Tash and the lovely purple booted Roo.

Tash wearing pyjamas.

That clown's head makes another appearance.

Collection of Sarky dolls in a box.

Interior designer Blue monster. You just know it's going to be bad.

You shouldn't be buying for you, you monster.

She rejects Roo's advice.

Urgh she was wanting those Mafia boss lampstands.

Look at the base says Roo. Yup we're be doing that.

Roo talking fondly about chips. True Scot.

Ooo-er Roo thigh flesh and tight skirt.

It's new. Everything's new when it's made says Madders.

It's stunning says the Monster not referring to herself.

Tash Tight T1tty Top Tips.

 

Milkshakes and cream shown.

Find somewhere Private and use your phone. Cough.

Get a tape measure. Is it that big!!!

You might strike it lucky.

Have fun she says.

Tight arse dealer. Welcome to Yorks.

1100 for a Copper weather vane. Madders almost has a heart attack.

We will love you forever says Roo. That would be lovely.

Chine snuff box to snuff out their overall profit?

I bet Roo buys those Red and Yellow Art Glass vases from the beginning.

Hawley in a Village Hall, Bawley Hall.

 

Bluebird says she loves her box.
And Roo loves the doggy style.

I like that crappy crate.

 

Roo's an animal according to Tash.

Watch Caroline on the screen which has now become saturated.

Read that screen.

Foghorn loves everything French. Gulp. Hopefully not literally.

Told you so, regarding Roo's BB.

Ghastly Blue Monster wails like a hideous Banshee.

Red Wife doesn't like losing.

How would you describe the experience in one word? asks Tash.

 

French vane? (Yes, they are.)
Becoming very valuable over here.


Oooh well done Richard

 

Rooo loves doggy more than ever!!
wtf!!
Good auction, this.
Even my crate is doing well

 

In Reg We Trust

 

Bingo without Bingo. Plenty of glass fondling too.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Harrogate 18
Series 61
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0016cnx
Natasha Raskin Sharp is in Harrogate with experts Richard Madley and Roo Irvine and the teams. Natasha soaks up the atmosphere of the fair while giving her top tips on how to bag a bargain.

The Translation:
We're in hoary skinflinty old Harrogate at a Covid emergence outside.Antiques Fair with the always welcome Strict Tash the Lash. Joining her at a safe distance will be D1ckko Madley not Madeley and the Scot who'll get your Rocks off, suede-booted Roo Irvine, hopefully with plenty of objects to grap, cup, and fondle. Unfortunately, we are in Yorkshire, so they've decided to go down the route of Foghorn Bawley, the route to Profit Hell. You know the optics won't be good, no doubt another Tartan monstrosity, this time from the Dustin Dustbin collection as worn by the Dung Beatles aka the Faeces Four, the soundbites loud and ear bleeding, and the gavel bashing loud and terminally early.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Sportsmad Richard Madley not Madeley
[Blue Team Expert] Delightful purple-booted Roo Irvine
[Auctioneer] Caroline Anadin What-a-din Hawley pooouuunnnnddddssss thump
[Auction Location] Beverley, East Yorks (temporary located to a Village Hall for a Village Bawl)
[Miserlin Rating] Approved

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married Sales manager hubby and office manager wifey. Clay pigeon shooters. Another bossy Yorkshire lady, poor D1cko, poor husband, she nags, nags, nags. He shoots her later.
(Challenge: Made from iron or steel)
[Blue Team] Very Northern Product manager hubby and Interior designer wifey, WAG stands for What A Gormless .....
(Challenge: Decorative glass)

The Shopping:
Reds: French 19th Century stoneware olive oil jug (64) OK, Vintage enamel Avery shop scales (29) good, Chinese snuff bottle (125) oooofffff.
Blues: Pair of Art Deco Terracotta dogs (89) OK, Advertising Starch wooden box (40) OK, 3 Green glass storage mason jars (99 Challenge) struggle.

​

The Distraction:
Some of the Distractions are getting as threadbare as a Squeaktastic rescued carpet. Today, it's top tips on how to bag a bargain. The tips are bleedin' obvious like your defence is sh1te so buy some competent defenders. That sort of thing. You wonder who they think their target audience is. Yes, I know, Daytime TV viewers. In the meantime, Tash expertly grips and cups various phallic objects. If you don't measure up then the Red Card and punishment will be severe.

​

The Auction:
Reds: French 19th Century stoneware olive oil jug (6 profit), Vintage enamel Avery shop scales (4 loss), Chinese snuff bottle (55 loss).
Madders BB is a 1930s/40s French weather vane (45), 30-50, 90 pooooouuuuuuunnnddsss thump. They wanted a weather vane and you certainly delivered Richard. I doff my cap Sir.

​

Blues: Pair of Art Deco Terracotta dogs (211 profit), Advertising Starch wooden box (15 profit) GG on, 3 Green glass storage mason jars (29 loss) GG nope.
Roo's BB are a Pair of Art Glass vases (25), 20-40, 35. Nice profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Dimples and nose wrinkling Tash, which is nice, offering us her Top Tips to encourage and make us stand proud. Madders on good form. Joking that his BB will make 1 pound profit. Well they are in Yorks. Lovely Purple suede-booted Roo in a short tight outfit. Superb. Then the not quite so good things. Jericho Bawley Auction in a Village Hall, she reads the screen, presses some buttons, and barks out the bids like a demented Victor Meldrew in drag. For once the internet bidding is decent and it's not the usual shiiitshow. 2 strict and fussy wives on both teams. Poor Blokes. Red Rotarian and Blue Interior Design Monster. Urrggh. Madders Red Team had a fussy shop, with skinflinting, overbearing Red Wife having too much influence. Dikko's well-spotted olive oil jar made a small profit while the Avery scales balanced that out with a small loss. Then it was the turn of the very risky Chinese glass snuff bottle. Unfortunately, today was not the day, as the Chinese nation was too busy hacking the world and re-educating its populance, rather than buying one of their old bottles. The sale got snuffed out too early and it suffers a 55 loss. Can the Welsh Wizard redress the balance? The Reds, well annoying Red wife were desperate for a Weather Vane and Richard delivered with his BB. Good on you Rich, the contestants friend. At least you listen unlike some, yes I'm talking about you DayGlo, Wokesfuhrer, and the other Gaslighters. It catches the wind to profit and doubles its money, making a large dent in the loss. They end on 7 notes down. It could have been so much worse. Roo had a real job getting the Blue Team of idiots to buy items. They seem to forget that the goal is to make a profit and not buy stuff to adorn your dreadful footballer WAG mock mansion. Neo-classical light stand? Urgh. However, her patience, organisation, and gentle thumb-screwing skills are put to good use. The Terracotta dogs, which she knew had the potential for profit. Animals do well at auction advises Roo. Errr do they?, replies braindead. The lights dim as the brain struggles to work. The dogs end up doing fantastically well, and they race to a 211 pofit as they are sold for 300 notes!!! Will this bring them momentum for the GG. Things were looking good when the well-spotted wooden advert box made 15 GBP. However, the 3 Mason jars were just a little top heavy and fell 29 short. GG smashed. It was then left for Roo to bring forth the original Pair of funky glass vases, which the idiots earlier rejected but not this time. Thay make a solid tenner and the Reds end on an eye-watering 207 quid. Superb work Roo. Well today was her show. Not only did she have to put up with the thickest contestants I've seen in a long time, she managed to make them a massive profit and if they had gone with the funky glass vases she originally suggested, rather than a panic punt on the Mason jars, then they would have had undeserved Golden Gavels. The portents weren't great but Roo and Madders bought some great items and the Blues made an outstanding profit. Very entertaining.

​

The Hi-Kick:
Outsisde diagonal Covid kick, in the wind, bad camera angle. However, the kicks are very well executed and coordinated with excellent synchronised Tash and Roo Growler kicks. Poor Roo looks frozen. Yes, YES!!

​

 

Tubby The Trumpet.

 

Dolls for Sarky's Attic.

 

Clarkson Sells Snuff. No wonder that Chinese bottle was so overpriced.

 

Jasper Beardsley Spotted Again. Or is it Jeremy Corbyn?

 

Poor befuddled Jezza. In a field full of enthusiastic weirdos, so probably thinks he is back at Glastonbury 2017.

 

Come now, Roo, you're not back on the subcontinent now; we don't make our girls sh1t in fields.

 

Seems it's princess's birthday today. Who wants to give her something for her birthday?

 

The Cream Pie contest that was highlighted in that Sexual Deviancy Special recently.

Retail Manager partners. The price will go up and the volume will decrease.

Red Bird is up the duff.

Tje Blue Older pair met at an Oxord Summer School, reminds me of Fred Kite (Peter Sellars) in I'm Alright Jack.

Randy and Sarky.

Communication/In a frame.

Will Catherine be involved in the pie contest later, or will she have her own personal one.

Portmeirion pottery. Nice.

Red Bloke mat have some spare custard as his other half is well and truly progressing.

Catherine mangles WMF. She finds getting her tongue round other things much easier.

Altogether now, Wurttembergische Metallwarenfabrik.

Brian Connolly out of The Sweet is the man with the Salts.



The Distraction is a bit too recent in the memory.

 

I hope she's got plenty of puff for any candles that need dealing with.

 

They're not the most exciting colour says Catherine. She prefers them as black as ebony.

Sarky waxes over the Majolica umbrella pot.

Woolies Homemaker crockery.

Blue Dragon goes on about putting a Pork Chop on it.

Surprisingly Sarky is turned off. However, a large sausage would be much more his thing.

Catherine loves Mouseman. Time to put on that costume @wfcmoog moog

Reds: Tea set, Bakelite phones, enamel clock

Catherine's burning hole is mentioned.

Blues: Silver salts, Towel rail, Tapestry fire screen.

Raj in the sale room. He loves the Portmeirion.

Also, the enamelled clock.

He's confident with the Reds stuff.

He guarantees a profit on the Salts.

He loves all the items. Has he been on the crack pipe as he is well up for it.

Catherine wearing that purple tight across the arse dress again.

 

Jesse's BH tips. Today, I have mostly been selling Georgian Silver Salts and eating Acorns.

 

That custard pie distraction was on very recently.

Note Southern's bespoke standing mat when buying the toy phones.

That clock is a huge loss. Blues to win.

 

love the coffee set. 70s nostalgia.

 

Oh Dear. Portmeirion loses 5.

Phones lose 8.

Oh dear Catherine Anti-GG on the cards.

Bidding is really moribund.

35 loss on the clock.

Red Bird has a really annoying laugh.

Catherine has a box full of goodies.

Catherine goes mushy. Babies.

Another WMF set of christening items .

That bloody laugh sounds like a Green Woodpecker call.

Raj thanking every bid.

It loses 18. A Grand Slam of bereftness.

Reds -66.

If the salts don't make a profit, Eric will eat his shoes.

Wipes face. So does Eric eat one shoe?

Terrible Auction.

Towel rail 24.

Blue Dragon berates Hubby. I told you it wasn't worth it. His thoughts precisely about the marriage.

A 25 profit on the fire screen. Hooray.

Sarky's got something he can tamper with.

Raj calls it a drinks stirrer and thinks it should make a profit.

It does. Sarky strikes again.

Telephone bid pumps up the profit.

46 profit. Outstanding.

The Phone babes knew how to extract every bit of juice out of the Punters.

Blues +47. Well done Sarky.

 

The Prisoner style. Be Seeing You!!

 

Mouse Man

 

init! i'd have bought that and the phones, tbh.

 

Catherine says she 'gets mushy' thinking about babies.
And about making them too?

 

Wretched prices being fetched.

Bluebird deploys the word 'ephemera'. Ooooh, get her.

Blonde porno-librarian/secretary on the phones.

ahhhh, finally; well done that Pansy

 

Look at the cats who found the cream says Eric, whose mind wanders to thoughts of pussies and cream and then pie.

 

Chat with me NOW and also buy some Birmingham silver. I'll also say Wurttembergische Metallwarenfabrik for an extra 20.

 

Yer that recent Special.

 

Smell my cheese you Muther ......