Bargain Hunt

What a dreadful pair of Auctions on today's combined mish-mash. Shocking.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Builth Wells 3
Bargain HuntSeries 49-52 (Extended Versions) Episode 13 of 15
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000fs12
Today’s show comes from the Royal Welsh Showground at Builth Wells, where Eric Knowles is joined by experts Caroline Hawley and Raj Bisram. The reds and blues are tasked with tracking down some fantastic finds that they hope will make a profit at auction.

The Translation:
Double header, clipped versions of Uncle Eric, Foghorn, and Dr Evil back at the Royal Welsh Showground at Builth Wells. It'll be 2 whirlwind bouts of tat accumulation with the Auction in Cirencester with meek Becky Gilbert.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, steady Eddy
[Red Team Expert] Caroline Foghorn Eyesore Hawley wearing a tasteful outfit from the Ishihara Test collection
[Blue Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Auctioneer] Quiet Becky Gilbert, fresh out of finishing school, a rabbit caught in the headlights
[Auction Location] Cotswold Auction Company, Cirencester
(Miserlin Rating: One Star, Approved, Unlisted)

​

The Teams 1:
[Red Team] Married couple who met while divorced in a Cardiff park
[Blue Team] Married couple who met at a printers firm, he was a commercial apprentice

The Shopping 1:
Reds: Figurative fishbowl (60) good, Reproduction table on brass feet (35) OK, Regal-looking sugar sifter (100) might struggle.
Blues: Oriental cloisonne vase (35) OK, 1919 Silver Scent bottle (85) struggle, Set of Japanese silver spoons (80) OK.

The Auction 1:
Reds: Figurative fishbowl (largish loss), Reproduction table on brass feet (loss), Regal-looking sugar sifter (largish loss). Excellent work Foghorn.
Foghorn's BB is a 1916 Birmingham silver (Foghorn blares) finger purse (80), 40-60, Dud perhaps?, 60, yup, a big shining silver dud.
Blues: Oriental cloisonne vase (loss), 1919 Silver Scent bottle (big loss)e, Set of Japanese silver spoons (small loss) felt like a profit.
Raj's BB is a Coronation Scot Railway board game (10), surely can't lose, 10-15, 15 s0ds, cough splutter, a profit.

​

The Aftermath 1:
Hmm. Becky Gilbert is a very quiet Auctioneer and needs to go on some assertiveness course. The poor lamb will probably end up as a brood mare for some loudmouth Tory careerist. Couple this with a Miserly audience and you have a recipe for disaster, the scale of which depends on the competence of your expert. Another BH buying masterclass from Foghorn Hawley. A stonking 3 figure loss. The Blues actually managed a profit with Raj's BB and almost sneaked a profit on those Japanese spoons. Doesn't bode well for Auction 2 in the second part of the Prog.



The Hi-Kick:
Not shown. Booooooooooooo.

The Distraction:
Cirencester Museum. Lots of Roman artefacts. Uncle Eric admires a majestic c0ckk.

​

The Teams 2:
[Red Team] Male best friends, his girlfriends wouldn't go on but his mate would
[Blue Team] Married couple with joker husband

The Shopping 2:
Reds: Oak butter churn (160) struggle, Four-stone diamond ring (85) a chance, Solid silver bangle (25) OK.
Blues: Moorcroft breakfast service (80) might have overpaid, Treen butter stamp (50) OK, 19th-century apothecary set (55) very good buy, normally, maybe not in this auction house.

The Auction 2:
Reds: Oak butter churn (ooof big loss), Four-stone diamond ring (largish loss), Solid silver bangle (loss)
Foghorn's BB is a Wicker basket/hamper, she can put her reputation in it and set fire to it later, (25), 30-50, 40, shock horror a modest profit.
Blues: Moorcroft breakfast service (fark me, a fiver), Treen butter stamp (largish loss), 19th-century apothecary set (nice profit)
Raj's BB is a 1930s Art Deco silver scent bottle (55), 50-80, 20, what an awful stingy auction.

​

The Aftermath 2:
Another dreadful Auction. Embarrassing. I sincerely hope that Cirencester Auction Houses were noisily dumped from future Bargain Hunts. Absolutely atrocious. Such a miserly Audience. Wow, that was bad.



The Hi-Kick 2:
Standard indoor kick. Difficult to tell if it's a lacklustre effort or a bad camera set-up.

​

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Christina Trevanion is a hottie!

 

Yer, absolutely, and she conducts a good Auction too. She even went to her local comprehensive school in Cheshire. Great to see her doing well against the odds.

 

Terrible kick.

One of the reds hasn't even got it up in the slightest.

 

All that hard rocking in the 60s has taken its toll.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Oswestry 13
Bargain HuntSeries 51 Episode 15 of 34
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0brgjzp
Natasha Raskin Sharp and the Bargain Hunt team are in Shropshire on the England-Wales border at the Oswestry Showground. Experts David Harper and Charles Hanson help the reds and blues buy three items in an hour with the aim of making a profit at the auction with Christina Trevanion. Natasha takes a trip along Britain's longest navigable aqueduct, nicknamed the stream in the sky.

The Translation:
It's the Oswestry Showground on the Anglo-Welsh border in Shropshire with top Jumble sleuth Strict Natasha as sleuth Sherlock McHolmes, DayGlo Montelbano the urbane Middleborough detective and Charlie Hanson as the Inspector Clouseau of Tat. Auctioneer is the Sexsational Christina Trevanion who really does give the gavel a hefty thwack. She loves banging the wood in her Shropshire Auction House. Yet again, she sends her green-behind-the-ears, mummy's little helper to do the valuing, the uber posh, Ashley Jones, who as Larry Grayson would say, seems like a nice boy. On past performances we should have another briskly efficient auction with Christina.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp with her voluminous rule book
[Red Team Expert] Charles Madness, madness they call it madness Hanson
[Blue Team Expert] DayGlo David Harper, the Teeside Trouserer of Tat
[Auctioneer] Sex Siren Christina Trevanion, another member of the 93% Club, good for her
[Auction Location] Trevanion & Dean, Whitchurch, Shropshire
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Best mates who are Beatles fans, one of them is a former member of The Quarrymen and is a schoolfriend of John Lennon.
[Blue Team] Married couple who met down the pub. He's a plumber and she was a Nursery Teacher.

The Shopping:
Reds: 1911 Birmingham enamelled silver brooch (30) OK, Boxed Red Riding Hood Pelham Puppet (20) OK, Birmingham Edwardian Golf themed silver Vesta case (195) ouch, Hanson folly?
Blues: Early 20th Century luggage case (35) good, Early 20th Century Bagatelle Advanced Pin Table game (150) overspent, Micro-mosaic bracelet (15) OK.

The Distraction:
Pontcysyllte Aqueduct & Canal, 'the stream in the sky'. I've actually walked on this and it's not good if you don't like heights. A really impressive piece of engineering and is extremely picturesque. Well worth a visit.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 1911 Birmingham enamelled silver brooch (loss), Boxed Red Riding Hood Pelham Puppet (profit), Birmingham Edwardian Golf themed silver Vesta case (huge loss), Hanson folly LOL.
Hanson's BB is an Art Deco octagonal gilded metal powder compact (45), 40-60, 100, an excellent find but doesn't make up for the disasterous Vesta case.



Blues: Early 20th Century luggage case (good profit), Early 20th Century Bagatelle Advanced Pin Table game (loss) shame it looked great, Micro-mosaic bracelet (nice profit).
Dayglo's BB is a Welsh brass snuff box (30), 30-50, 30, evens stevens.



The Aftermath:
Strict Natasha overdoes The Beatles puns today. Decent Auction with the lovely Christina. Each team had a big spend risky item. The Bagatelle was a really nice object but was just a tad overpriced. However, the golf Vesta case was pure Hanson folly and made a stonking loss. He made slight amends with his bonus buy but the damage had already been done.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Strict Natasha gets off to a flyer with a head kick to boot. Red gents struggle, Blues make par, DayGlo has a decent kick and Hanson is a trifle late, which matches his pink blancmange coloured suit.

​

 

Today was simply a case of whether the vesta case or the bagatelle would bomb the hardest.

Both were expert led purchases. Both cost about twice the upper limit that any sane person would pay for them.

As it was, Hanson brought his standard folly forward and included it in the regular items rather than his bargain buy.

Not a great auction with lovely Christina. Bit slow and a lack of competing bids. That one woman was the only one bidding for everything.

 

Anthony The Undead Eldred rises again. Now that's what you call a bad Auction.

Also, Tubby Thomas - A Life Of Service (to the Gavel),

 

BBC approved preamble:
Wadebridge 1
Bargain HuntSeries 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00085kf
Charlie Ross and experts Thomas Forrester and Tim Weeks present today’s Bargain Hunt from the Royal Cornwall Showground in Wadebridge.

The Translation:
We're at the Royal Cornwall Showground in Wadebridge. As it's cream country then it's appropriate that it's hosted today by chief clot Charl-eh Ross, with large scone bursting with jam and cream, Tubby Thomas, and Beanpole Teapot, Tim Weeks. Charl-eh himself is hoping for a Cornish Cream Pie or perhaps even a Ply-mouth Pie. His face creases and his eyes bulge in anticipation, but his head is perfectly fine and his eyes still have their steely glaze, for now at least. Must be the bracing Cornwall air. The Auction is in nearby Plymouth where it's staffed by skeleton gavel wielder Anthony The Undead Eldred in his Plymouth Penyypinchers Parlour.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy, bursting his fly for Britain
[Blue Team Expert] Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auctioneer] Anthony The Undead Eldred
[Auction Location] Eldreds Auctioneers & Valuers, Plymouth
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Engaged couple, surf school owners, who met in France 10 years ago. Very fussy and up themselves.
(Challenge: Art Deco)
[Blue Team] Mixed couple friends, four-eyed tatooed Mr. Whippy-styled male who may tick a box. He really is a picky pain the arse. Eyebrows raise.
(Challenge: Cornish pottery)

The Shopping:
Reds: Giant pine desk (28) full of oil, low estimate, Art Deco Lead glass water carafe (20 Challenge) been re-ground so low estimate, Vintage folding slide projector and case (85) might be OK. Doesn't look promising.
Blues: Mosaic-pattern acoustic guitar and stand (18) The Undead doesn't play guitar and wonders if they can sell it, Troika marmalade pot (100 Challenge) struggle, low valuation, Model wooden yacht (20) OK.

The Distraction:
Tubby Thomas is grilled by Charleh. Then he is spit-roasted. He's from farming stock. He had to start at the bottom. Get ready to squeal like a pig. Tubby potted history, his love of examining jewels and amber are mentioned. Charl-eh is hoping for a pearl necklace later.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Giant pine desk (loss), Art Deco Lead glass water carafe (small loss), Vintage folding slide projector and case (loss).
Tubby's BB is a Georg Jensen Danish silver pendant (60), the Undead likes it, (60-100), 65, a profit, the extra fiver prised from the Miser's fingers. Decent buy Tubby.



Blues: Mosaic-pattern acoustic guitar and stand (evens stevens), Troika marmalade pot (biggish loss), Model wooden yacht (small loss).
Beanpole's BB is a Dead Or Alive face in the hole board (40), 20-30, the Undead smiles, 25, a loss. Miserable s0ds. Shame as it was a fun item and not overpriced.



The Aftermath:
Absolutely dreadful undeadful auction. Some sarky comments followed by grim valuations which matched the miserly expectations of the audience. Even the internet bids couldn't save them. The South coast appears to be a Doomed place for Auction items. Plymouth and Pompey fight it out for the worst of Britain title.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Tubby does a premature roundhouse and Red bloke completely shoots his bolt. Even else achieves a decent 90 degree par.

​

 

That guitar! What a piece of ****!

 

Today's is on early at 12 noon on BBC2. It's a condensed double-header. Not my favourite format. Too rushed.

 

Double dose of tat at the dreadfully stingy Notts auctions. Gary comes up trumps with a particularly awful BB. Back to his rubbish best. LOL.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Southwell 3
Bargain HuntSeries 49-52 (Extended Versions) Episode 2 of 15
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001cjdd
Eric Knowles presents from Southwell Racecourse in Nottinghamshire. Experts Gary Pe and David Harper help the reds and blues decide which three items to spend their £300 on that they hope will make a profit at the auction in Lincoln. The reds start off at a gallop while it's Donna for the blues who takes the lead. Eric also pays a visit to the Lincoln Vintage Vehicle Society to learn about the old craft of coachbuilding.

The Translation:
It's yet another 2 for the price of one special BH, except it isn't quite. It's 2 sausages with ends cut off repackaged as a special offer leaving an unsatisfied unfulfilled feeling. Everything condensed and rushed. The current offering is at Southwell/Southall Racecourse in Notts with Uncle Eric and his gang, today's members being DayGlo Dave and Gary Peeeeeeee. Auction is with the short-haired Rick Wakeman In the Notts PennyPinchers Parlour. Miser Moths and Dutch-style auctions are the order of the day. The hand of Steptoe will never be far away. Cackle.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, a safe pair of hands.
[Red Team Expert] Dayglo David Harper, the Teeside Tat Trouserer
[Blue Team Expert] Gary PeePee, Bonus Buyus Bizarrus Sh1ttus
[Auctioneer] Colin Rapido Young, pre-Rick Wakeman short-haired variant
[Auction Location] Golding Young & Mawer, Lincs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)

​

The Teams 1:
[Red Team] Mixed sex friends from Aylesbury who met on a film set. He's a horseman and stuntman. She's an 'actress'.
[Blue Team] Mixed sex couple from Loughborough. He's an electrician and a DJ.

The Shopping 1:
Reds: Horse collar and stuff in a battered box (55) box of duds, Pair of Vesta candlestick holders with a handle (10) cheap & nasty, Tin military uniform Campaign box (70) might be OK.
Blues: 3 Arts & Crafts copper wall plaques (12) OK, Wedgwood Glen Mist Susie Cooper bone china coffee service (30) OK, Locke & Co salad bowl with service (45) OK.

The Auction 1:
Reds: Horse collar and stuff in a battered box (loss), Pair of Vesta candlestick holders with a handle (small profit), Tin military uniform Campaign box (largish loss).
DayGlo's BB is an Indian cast-iron lock (55), 50-80, 45, a bit of a DayGlo Dud.
Blues: 3 Arts & Crafts copper wall plaques (1 note loss), Wedgwood Glen Mist Susie Cooper bone china coffee service (evens stevens), Locke & Co salad bowl with service (loss).
Gary's PP BB is a Brass and Agate inkwell (34), 25-40, 25, 1 pound profit, a victory LOL.

​

The Aftermath 1:
Awful box of rubbish got the bid and loss it deserved. In fact all of the Reds items were a bit sh1te. Tight-fisted audience as you come to expect from Colin Young's Boudoir.



The Hi-Kick:
Not shown. Booooooooooooo.

The Distraction:
Coachbuilding at the Lincoln Vintage Vehicle Society. Not much to say about a bunch of old service vehicles.

​

The Teams 2:
[Red Team] Male Best Friends from University of Sheffield, my old alma mater.
[Blue Team] Married couple from Melton Mowbray who met on a Michael Caine film, not alot of people know that.

The Shopping 2:
Reds: Set of 3 Art Deco-style glass decanters (31) OK, Retro-style Fire engine children's toy (25) OK, Knobbly rustic walking stick (28) OK.
Blues: Male plaster torso (34) good, Porcelain duck decanter (8) OK, Pair of Art Nouveaux-style tile panels (49) struggle.

The Auction 2:
Reds: Set of 3 Art Deco-style glass decanters (small loss), Retro-style Fire engine children's toy (nice profit), Knobbly rustic walking stick (loss)
DayGlo's Manly BB is a Painted pine tool trunk with tools (65), 40-60, maybe, but probably not in the Miser's Emporium, 38, Steptoe cackles, another DayGlo Dud.
Blues: Male plaster torso (2 quid loss), Porcelain duck decanter (1 quid loss), Pair of Art Nouveaux-style tile panels (loss).
Gary's PP BB is a turn of the century Dramatic religious print (30), Uncle Eric finds it eerie, 25-40, wall filler LOL, yup, 3 quid, LOL, Hahahaha Hohohohoh, what a totally sh1tty BB from Gary.

​

The Aftermath 2:
Some real tat here particularly from the Blues. Another Dutch-style Auction with a dreadful Audience. That Torso LOL. The Duck Decanter Hahahaha. Gary was back to his BB sh1te buying best. A huge, and hugely awful religious style monochrome print. A real WTF moment from our Gary.



The Hi-Kick 2:
Standard indoor kick. A bit uncoordinated but at some point everyone makes 90 deg par.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Leominster 4
Bargain HuntSeries 57
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000prp7
Christina Trevanion is in Leominster in Herefordshire, where experts Kate Bliss and Tim Weeks are helping today’s teams bag a bargain. Will it be the reds or blues who make the most profit at auction with auctioneer Charles Hanson? Christina also learns about local photographer Derek Evans.

The Translation:
Today we're in the chic metroland of Leominster in Herefordshire. Bombe de sexe Christina Trevanion is joined by Cosplay dressed Timpole replete with his Desperado hat and Laura Ashley mannequin Trilly Bliss, in a "All under one roof" recycling centre for today's Jumble Sale Tatfest. It's a Covid Holocaust shopping experience, empty with only a couple of shop keepers followed by an outside Auction with Dreamblazer Hanson.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Christina Trevanion, the thinking man's crumpet
[Red Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Blue Team Expert] Tim Treepole Tudor Weeks
[Auctioneer] Charles Madness, madness they call it madness Manson Hanson
[Auction Location] Bishton Hall, Staffs
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple probation officer and solicitor
(Challenge: With Buttons)
[Blue Team] Married couple South Asian married couple (Box tick), he's an accountant (stereotype box tick)
(Challenge: With Hinges)

The Shopping:
Reds: Silver photo frame (49 Challenge) OK, Angle poised lamp (45), sigh, it is tat, overpaid, Silver and glass hip flask (90), ouch, overpaid.
Blues: Set of small copper and brass pans (30) good price, Bell & Howell cine camera and case (20 Challenge) fine, Pair of Doulton Lambeth vases (110) probably overpaid, let's see.

The Distraction:
Christina innocently delves into the Local "photography" scene in raunchy Leominister, a real hotbed of "portrait" photography. Local snapper Derek asks if she is a Reader and a Wife? She confirms that she is both. He suggests he can do a special "fashion" portfolio for her in his exclusive studio down the back streets above the second-hand bookshop. Christina thinks he has a strange facial tick as everytime he mentions photography, photos, or portfolio, he starts to wink.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Silver photo frame (profit), Angle poised lamp (big dud), Silver and glass hip flask (loss)
Trilly's BB is a Silver topped oil and vinegar bottle (60), cracked during transit, perfect 60-80, so it's valued at a guaranteed 70, sells at 50, so it's an adjusted profit of a tenner.



Blues: Set of small copper and brass pans (big profit), Bell & Howell cine camera and case (profit), GG?, possibly not, Pair of Doulton Lambeth vases (110), stalls at 95. No Golden Gavel. Close but no cigar.
Treepants BB is a set of enormous furnace bellows (130), gulp, REJECTED, a rush of blood to the head, there is a demonstration of blowing with Charles and Christina, eyebrows raised, 50-80, 90. Yup, it's a dud and a good decision not to go with it.



The Aftermath:
Standard Hanson outside Auction, so the items were given a decent chance. Reds overspent and were seduced by a tatty angle-poised lamp which unsurprisingly bombed. Blues bought better and overpaid on their vases which thwarted their GG. What was Tim Weeks thinking buying those crapola bellows. A real dusty Dud which you usually expect from Danny Dogwhistle or Muttley Serrell. At least, Timpole recognised he had erred.



The Hi-Kick:
Covid outdoor narrow diagonal, almost side on. It's on uneven grass so more difficult to reach par which is achieved, so good effort there.

​

 

Has Timpole Weeks stumbled in off a Wild West film set. Wa-Wa-Wahhhhh.

 

Today, it's on BBC2 at the usual time.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Elsecar 1
Bargain HuntSeries 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0004xgn
Elsecar Heritage Centre plays host to today’s Bargain Hunt. Anita Manning is at the helm, with experts Tim Weeks and Caroline Hawley. There are plenty of highs and lows in the sale room, and Anita travels to the home of steel to learn the bespoke craft of a cutler.

The Translation:
Stone The Crows! Stone the big black crow, McWitch. No doubt there will be some arse-cringing pre-credits sequence. For once it's fairly normal with some fine exterior shots of Sheffield and some some facts that stick in the brain for 30 nanoseconds. Today she flies in on her broomstick to Elsecar Heritage Centre in Barnsley, South Yorks. She is joined by junior warlock Timpole Weeks and Harpy Hawley wearing a hat and cowl fashioned by the achromatopsic fashion designer Mads Shreik-Chunder. Auction is back to the Steel City and the South Yorks branch HQ of the National Union of Misers. It's Rob Lee with the thankless task of extracting blood out of a stone.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning
[Red Team Expert] Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks aka Spongehair Treepants
[Blue Team Expert] Caroline Psychotronic Hawley, wearing an outfit 'Nausea' from her new Eyesore collection.
[Auctioneer] Rob Lee, "Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire!!!!"
[Auction Location] Sheffield Auction Gallery
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)

The Teams:
[Red Team] Best female friends, A content writer and a PR person, one of them is addicted to tea.
(Challenge: Tableware)
[Blue Team] Best male friends, bromantic Estate Agents (boo hiss). We have our pantomine villains for today.
(Challenge: Timepiece)



The Shopping:
Reds: Singer sewing machine (29) touch-and-go, Cornish Troika marmalade pot (80 Challenge) struggle, Vintage Steiff toy dog (15) nice buy.
Blues: George III long case clock (210 Challenge) ouch overpaid, Mary Gregory-style vase (30) OK, 1921 Sheffield silver topped cut glass scent bottle (55) might struggle.

The Distraction:
McWitch meets a Sheffield cutler who fashions a crucifix out of silver and holds it up to the old hag to ward her off. McWitch reminds him she's not a werewolf so the crucifix will have no use. He then hallmarks it and values it at 150 quid. McWitch recoils in horror at the extravagance. The undead North of the Border wouldn't be seen dead, quite literally, paying such an exorbitant amount. She turns him into a whippet just for good measure. The whippet immediately hares off toward the local pub.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Singer sewing machine (loss), Cornish Troika marmalade pot (loss), Vintage Steiff toy dog (good profit).
Timpole's BB is a Black and white Hornsea vase (30), 20-30, it is liked, 35, a fiver profit in Scrooge's den is not to be sniffed at.



Blues: George III long case clock (big dud), Mary Gregory-style vase (small profit), 1921 Sheffield silver topped cut glass scent bottle (small loss).
Foghorn's fiver BB is a triple ringneck cut glass decanter (5), 10-20, 28, decent profit. Well done Foghorn. Husband John lights a cheroot in celebration.



The Aftermath:
Foghorn turns her nose up at sewing machines. McWitch's false laugh/cackle grates very quickly. The usual miserly Yorkshire skinflints audience. Unsurprisingly, the Estate Agents tried to flog some overpriced tat particularly the grandfather clock, and came out with their fingers burnt. No worries though, it was someone else's money as usual. So, two sets of overall losses, welcome to Yorkshire.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. McWitch does her usual non-kick, all that false laughing has obviously taken its toll. Everyone else hits 90 degree par even though one of the Estate Agents is as late as a sneaky gazumped offer.

​

 

Indeed.
These are some of the best commentaries on combat since Caesar wrote up the Gaul campaign.

 

Whenever I am feeling grumpy, all I have to do is remember his description of 'expert' beardy Ben as 'Carlos Whispa' and I am good for ten minutes of chuckling.

 

I made up George Michael from Wish and Reg just took it to another level. Absolutely sublime.

Rather forgettable episode today. Once again we learned that Troika sells for 80-100 in shops and 40-60 at auction.

 

It must have been Rob Lee's birthday, though. Instead of his usual M.O. of miserably crapping from a height onto everything put in front of him, he actually professed to like almost all of today's offerings.
Or perhaps it was just the propinquity of fellow Tyke Fogorn Hawley that had cheered him up.
Anyway, roll on tomorrow: Natasha's hosting. Yum!

 

Rob Lee's ever more desperate pleas for bids from the Skinflints.

 

yes, your aforementioned "National Union of Misers".

 

Sarky struck gold today (well yesterday now), with his French pouffe, Fnarr.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Stamford Meadows 8
Bargain HuntSeries 52 Episode 21 of 32
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0003fvl
Natasha Raskin-Sharp is leading proceedings today from Stamford Meadows in Lincolnshire. Mark Stacey and Gary Pe are the experts helping the reds and blues spend £300 on three items within an hour in the hope that they’ll make a profit at the auction. Natasha also visits Grimsthorpe castle to view a special ceiling painting.

The Translation:
We're back at BH Bomber Command in Stamford Meadows in Lincs with Squadron Leader Strict Natasha of the Tat-tical Division joined by Flighty Gary Peeeee pathfinding through the swathes of rubbish masquerading as valuable antiques, and tail gunner Sarky with his hands full with the rear. She declared The Dam Busters raid to be a failure as the Bouncing bombs weren't proper bombs so should be DQed. BTW Natasha, its's Dambusters not Dam Busters. Tut-tut. That should be you DQed according to my rule book. Then it's off to Rapidfire Young's Lincs PennyPinchers Parlour. Dutch-style auctions and Miser Moths on their kamikaze flight to the flame of vanquished profits are the usual fare. Here Divine Wind is the after effects of Sarky's Gala pie lunch.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin-Sharp, any infringements met with a wagging finger followed by a spanked arse, if you're lucky
[Red Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist, he does enjoy a pansy
[Blue Team Expert] Gary PeePee, Bonus Buyus Bizarrus Sh1ttus
[Auctioneer] Colin Rapido Young, pre-Rick Wakeman short-haired variant with Alan Sugar-style beard
[Auction Location] Golding Young & Mawer, Bourne, Lincs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Best retired female friends who are close neighbours. One of them looks like The Governess off The Chase.
[Blue Team] Best male friends who are both on the radio. One of them is doing the Up with the Partridge dawn slot.

The Shopping:
Reds: Victorian cast iron boot scraper (38) OK, Silver spill vase (28) fine, Ornate French-style chairs and pouffe (snigger, trust Sarky to go for this) (205) will the Miser's cough up that much.
Blues: Arts & Crafts candlesticks (55) OK, Boxed James Bond Aston Martin Corgi toy (exshellent, I had one of these) (92) overpaid, Porcelain character jug (9) fine.

The Distraction:
For the distraction. Strict Natasha is back visiting Grimupnorth Castle to run her expert eye over a painting on the ceiling. A fresco? No, it was not painted directly on the plaster but is a series of canvases woven together and suspended from the ceiling. Strict Nnatasha knows all the art rules on frescoes and the like. It is a stunning piece of art.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Victorian cast iron boot scraper (small loss), Silver spill vase (small profit), Ornate French-style chairs and pouffe (sells for 360, huge profit).
Sarky's BB is an Art Deco ladies needlework etui (10), 10-20, 30, crikey he's on a roll.



Blues: Arts & Crafts candlesticks (largish loss), Boxed James Bond Aston Martin Corgi toy (largish loss), Porcelain character jug (1 pound profit).
Gary's BB is a Meissen Porcelin bust of a horse (80), is it a stud asks Strict Natasha with a sparkle in her eye, 60-90, will it be a bust bust, 80, evens stevens, not your best Gary, bur certainly not your worst.



The Aftermath:
Huge win for the Reds. Sarky was on fire with the chairs and pouffe, is he Jean-Brian Jatapathique, le pouf celebre, in disguise. In comparison, Gary was more like smouldering ashes and his team made a largish overall loss. I'm still shocked that a Colin Young Auction had someone spending over 350 quid in it. Almost unheard of.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor Kick. Anne Hegerty struggles because of her stick as does the other retired Red lady. Everyone else gets close to par but it's very uncoordinated because Strict Natasha is always so quick out of blocks. Even Sarky shows us he has lead in his pencil.

​

 

Reds today have done well. Broken even on first item, but good profits on other two. Nick's BB was further profit.

Blues bought heart over head and were led by limp posh lettuce JP. Absolute massacre. Jp overpaid for a crappy cupboard. Rightly rejected.

 

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! Jp smashed it with a 20 quid profit for his cabinet. The hairless boy man proved me, the blue team, The auctioneer and even Eric wrong. * Tips hat.

 

As Reg rightly flagged up, what a shocker on those vastly profitable repro French chairs Colin sold!
I was watching this episode in France via Freesat with a French relative whose parents were high end antique shop owners. She was howling with laughter when they first appeared on screen ( "...zey are 'id-ee-us...what eedeeot would buy zis?" etc etc) .
Reduced to silence by the auction result.
I tried to taunt her about her costly misappreciation, but she stormed off in a Trafalgaresque huff.
Another proud British moment in this week of all weeks.

 

And yes, wfcmoog, what a stunning result from habitual mincing dunce JP!
He looked like he couldn't believe it either. "Profit?"
btw...he really wasn't comfortable with that large gobby horse-fondling woman, was he? Proper class/sex war issues bubbling under the surface. She would destroy him in combat or bed, to be fair.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Peterborough 13
Bargain HuntSeries 52 Episode 5 of 32
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0c1xf7v
Two mums and their daughters take on the Bargain Hunt challenge at Peterborough's Festival of Antiques. Today's experts Jonathan Pratt and Nick Hall help the teams spend their £300 on three items but which team makes a thumping profit at today's auction over in Lichfield? Eric Knowles tells why 18th-century drinking glasses can be worth some money and which ones to look out for.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric heads back to the part of Cambs which is viewed like the dodgy pervy cousin to the well-heeled (with it's own skeletons rattling in the cupboard) Cambridge. Yes, he's off to Pikeyborough's Festival of Antiques, which is also a quaint way of describing Posh's London Road rusting, creaking amphitheatre, a celebration of civic shabbiness only outdone by Kenilworth FlyTip. Uncle Eric is joined by error prone JP Pratt and Plaidster Hall at this glorified Jumble Sale. Later on they will be off to the Planet of the Dalek, Richard Winterton, for some Staffs Auction fun.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, Steady Eddie
[Red Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall, Keir Starmer Soundalike
[Blue Team Expert] Gently effeminate, gaffe prone Jonathan JP Pratt with his Tory boy sensibility
[Auctioneer] Richard Black Dalek Winterton
[Auction Location] Skaro aka Lichfield, Staffs
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Mother & Daughter, Bue-haired scary-looking mother, who's a screamer and a shouter
[Blue Team] Mother & Daughter, brimming with over-confidence. They are horse-people, Centaurs. Pushy with it.

The Shopping:
Reds: Wicker man conservatory immolation chair (35) OK, Clarice Cliff jug (30) OK, Cartridge display case (55) fine.
Blues: Victorian oak apprentice stool (28) struggle, what are you going to do with it, 19th-century silver box (58) OK, 20th-century cast-iron horse figure (50) overpaid, looks like it's missing something

The Distraction:
English drinking glasses. Pint Dimple Glasses do not make an appearance, Booooooo. There is an expensive toastmaster glass for the Master of Toast, Crumpets, and Muffins.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Wicker man conservatory immolation chair (break even), Clarice Cliff jug (good profit), Cartridge display case (big profit), so, so close to a Golden Gavel.
Plaidy's BB is 19th century balance scales with name (15), 30-40, Bargain, Dalek loves it, 40, excellent buy. Another good 'un Plaidy.



Blues: Victorian oak apprentice stool (small loss), 19th-century silver box (small loss), 20th-century cast-iron horse figure (loss)
JP's BB is a vintage Post Office box/cabinet, they think it looks worn and shabby (100), cough, splutter, 30-50, LOL, JP dud?, REJECTED, 120, well that's a surprise. Well done JP, shame you couldn't be more assertive with the other items.



The Aftermath:
Plaidy had another good day, a gnat's chuff away from a GG, 2 excellent profits on 2 of his directed items and another good profit on his BB. Close to a 3 figure overall profit. Annoying Blue couple who bullied a starched JP made a loss, Ahahahahaha, serves them right. They also rejected his BB which made a profit, Tee-heeheeheehee. Great mirth had.



The Hi-Kick:
JP's a bit late and then produces a massive one, followed by a kick. Sub-par kicking from the stiff-legged contestants.

​

 

LOL. Couldn't put it better myself.

 

That really surprised me. When somebody really wants something they will pay through the nose ......... except in Pompey, or at that dreadful Pessimistic Palmer also of Peterborough. Mind, the Dalek's Auctions are usually feisty affairs.

 

This day's key Reg tittertriggers: "immolation" and "Centaurs".

 

BBC approved preamble:
Sawbridgeworth 8
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001c9z2
Eric Knowles and the teams are in Hertfordshire with experts Colin Young and Raj Bisram. Each team is hoping to make big profits, but will they win golden gavels at the auction in Norfolk? Eric also learns about the remarkable story of the Women’s Land Army as he meets a woman with an amazing collection of memorabilia.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric, Rick Wakeman and Dr Evil today decide to meet up in Sawbridgeworth, Herts for some more tat-minding fun. It's a Covid Holocaust scenario in some almost empty house clearance storage depot, sorry, I mean reputable antiques showroom. Later, we doff our caps and web-slap our flat foreheads when we visit Norfolk for the Auction. It's the excellent Auntie Liz, who was great when she was on before. She looks like an old maid but has a good sense of humour with a twinkle in her eye.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, super safe pair of hands. he does enjoy a sausage
[Red Team Expert] Colin Rick Wakeman Young
[Blue Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram, Jackie Wright's very distant cousin
[Auctioneer] Elizabeth Talbot, sounds like and looks like a Jane Austen extra. Auntie Liz.
[Auction Location] Diss, Norfolk twinned with Datt in Germany
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Husband & Wife, Actor and carer respectively. He thinks he's a Henry VIII lookalike. Yes, he's a fat *******, sorry, I mean a stout gentleman.
(Challenge: Silver jewellery)
[Blue Team] Another married couple, he's a dog swimming instructor LOL. Don't dogs instinctively know how to swim. A fool and their money .......
(Challenge: Dog related item)

The Shopping:
Reds: Vintage leather cased tape measure (10) on the nose, Silver trumpet pendant brooch (18 Challenge) OK, Pair of stoneware brandy barrel and demijohn containers (89) OK. Brandy barrel is from J Stiff company, the origins of having a Stiff drink.
Blues: Vintage one-eyed Teddy with growl (10) fine, Pair of rearing Dachshunds, careful Raj they'll be on your leg (20) OK, Cold-painted bronze bulldog (120) reasonable, got a chance.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric meets a woman with an amazing collection of memorabilia. He inquires whether it's all made of silk, lace, or cotton. After he spends the entire afternoon trying it all on it's time to talk about the Woman's Land Army. He confesses that his only knowledge of this is watching Dads Army's Pte Walker having it off in a haystack with the aforementioned.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Vintage leather cased tape measure (small loss), Silver trumpet pendant brooch (small profit), Pair of stoneware brandy barrel and demijohn containers (large loss).
Rick's BB is a restored Post Office posting box (99), 80-120, let's see if someone online wants it, 120, bang on the upper end of the estimate. Good purchase Colin.



Blues: Vintage one-eyed Teddy with growl (small profit), Pair of rearing Dachshunds (big profit), GG incoming, got a chance, Cold-painted bronxe bulldog (big loss), sinks without a trace. No Golden Gavel.
Raj's BB is a 4-piece aesthetic silver teaset (90), REJECTED, 30-50, oops, 42. A right old Dud Raj.



The Aftermath:
It's kindly Auntie Liz, I do like her, bang on with the low to mid-range estimates as usual. The Normal (i.e. Terrible) Norfolk Auction room behaviour means you are relying on internet bids for the more expensive items which can be a lottery as it was today. The Auction audience, gave her little to work with, so was having to rely on variable online bidding. Covid Holocaust shopping is always difficult as you have to negotiate through a third party so the items won't be super low. Very unlike Raj to pick a big dud, he's allowed an off-day as he's often delivered in the past. In contrast, Rick Wakeman picks a good 'un. On another day Blues would have taken home a Golden Gavel. I'm sure if the dealer was there in person, in the full glare of the TV cameras, they would've gone lower. An item is always a gamble over a ton. There again, a more affluent Auction location would have made a positive difference.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal kick. Well co-ordinated but everyone is par or just below. Weird, perhaps the floor had just been polished.

​