1. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Carmarthen
    Bargain HuntSeries 49-52 (Extended Versions) Episode 6 of 15
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000rvsv
    Eric Knowles oversees today’s Bargain Hunt which comes from The National Botanic Garden of Wales in Carmarthen. Kate Bliss and Ben Cooper are guiding the reds and blues, who have three hundred pounds to spend on three items that will hopefully make them a profit at the auction in Cardiff. Eric also chats to ceramic artist Jonathan Cox, whose work is inspired by the Welsh countryside.

    The Translation:
    The weekend double-header is from The National Botanic Garden of Wales in Carmarthen, Uncle Eric is joined for this tatfest by Trilly and Useless Carlos Wispa. Cardiff appears to be the destination for the Auction which will mean a visit to the Cardiff Misers Profits Anonymous Meeting hosted by Ben Misery Rogers Jones, he of the Dour-Jones index. Get ready to salute the South Wales Hoarderers collective with their anthem Den of Shylock. Profits will be as rare as John Redwood's Welsh vocabulary.


    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, safe pair of hands, not posh.
    [Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, yup she's posh.
    [Blue Team Expert] Posh Useless Ben Cooper, the Butlins George Michael Tribute Act
    [Auctioneer] Unposh Ben Misery Rogers Jones, John Hartson's waxwork.
    [Auction Location] Rogers Jones & Co Fine Art Auctioneers, Cardiff.
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    Start.jpg

    The Teams 1:
    [Red Team] Mother & Daughter, Mother is a learning disability teacher her daughter is autistic, let's hope they come good.
    (Blue Team] Auntie & Niece, who are both close in age, both come across as modest, which makes a change, Auntie has knitted little blue hearts for the team. Cooper for once in your measly life, play a blinder today.

    The Shopping 1:
    Reds: Vintage wheel barrow (29) OK, Brass pig piggy bank (10) OK, Silver butterfly wing pendant necklace (30) fine.
    Blues: Chester silver pepperette (50) struggle, Wooden cuttlery tray (17) might struggle, Silver gilt scent bottle (20) OK.

    The Auction 1:
    Reds: Vintage wheel barrow (loss), Brass pig piggy bank (good profit), Silver butterfly wing pendant necklace (small profit).
    Trilly's BB is a Steiff tortoise, ahh nice, (14) Bargain, 20-30, Misery says we might get there, yep, it depends if the Miser's wallets can be prised open, 32, nice profit. Nice one Trilly.
    Blues: Chester silver pepperette (loss), Wooden cuttlery tray (small profit), Silver gilt scent bottle (profit).
    Cooper's BB is a Dillwyn Swansea pottery plate (50), a bit of damage to it, seems a bit steep, 20-30, another Cooper masterclass?, 55, squeaks a profit. That's about as good as it gets.

    Mascot.jpg

    Shopping1.jpg

    The Aftermath 1:
    Nice profit for the Reds, well directed by Trilly. 2 squid profit for the Blues which is about the upper limit you come to expect from the Poundshop George Michael.

    RedWin1.jpeg BlueWin1..jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Not shown. Booooooooooooo.

    The Distraction:
    Uncle Eric gets to grips with Cox and also some Welsh pottery. Ceramic appreciation comes to the fore. It's actually quite interesting and worth a few minutes of your time.

    Distraction.jpg

    The Teams 2:
    [Red Team] Mother & Son Combo 1, she has just bought a small holding.
    [Blue Team] Mother & Son Combo 2, she is an Am Dram director.

    The Shopping 2:
    Reds: Amber-style necklace (80) overspent as might not be Amber, Vintage Welsh blanket (80) OK, Wooden pine trunk (56) might struggle.
    Blues: Model wooden yacht (15) good, Poole pottery vase (13) OK, Marcasite Welsh 3-feather sweetheart brooch (45) might be OK.

    The Auction 2:
    Reds: Amber-style necklace (big loss) not a good start, Vintage Welsh blanket (loss), Wooden pine trunk (loss)
    Trilly's BB is a Double-ended silver gilt scent bottle (40), non hallmarks, yellow metal, 15-20, a Trilly mistake?, 35. A small loss. Hmmmm.
    Blues: Model wooden yacht (nice profit), Poole pottery vase (nice profit), Marcasite Welsh 3-feather sweetheart brooch (small loss). Almost a GG.
    Poundshop's BB is Hong Kong silver cigarette box (25), 40-50, swoon, Cooper may have sourced a bargain, 95, stone the crows, Useless comes up Trumps this one time.

    Shopping2.jpg

    The Aftermath 2:
    Oh dear, The Miser's were out in force today. Did Trilly forget her specs with the non-Amber pieces in the necklace and the lack of hallmarks on the scent bottle meant overpaying on those 2 items. Trilly head spin. On the other hand Poundshop George had a very good day with the Blues. Missing out on a Golden Gavel by 3 quid and finding a real bargain with that Oriental designed cigarette box.

    RedLoss2.jpeg BlueWin2.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick 2:
    Standard indoor kick. A real mixed bag. Nothing to write home about.

    HiKick.jpg
     
  2. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Boooooooo. Due to the Truss ennoblement BH has been moved to BBC2 and it starts at 12:00. It's one of those rush through it double-headers of which I'm not a big fan.
     
  3. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Anglesey Episode 11
    Bargain HuntSeries 49-52 (Extended Versions) Episode 11 of 15
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001bvv6
    The reds and blues are bargain hunting at the Mona Showground on the Isle of Anglesey in North Wales. Anita Manning is overseeing proceedings, and experts Danny Sebastian and Nick Hall help the teams invest their £300 wisely. Meanwhile, Anita pays a visit to a local jewellery maker to find out more about amber.

    The Translation:
    Groan. Its another double-header. Double Groan. Look what's washed up on the beach. it's McWitch. Triple Groan. It's The Squeak. Thankfully, Keir Starmer's dobbelganger, Plaidy Hall is there, to bring some common sense to the proceedings at the Mona Showground in Anglesey, North Wales. Auction is with wry Robert Stones at tight-fisted Nantwich.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning
    [Red Team Expert] Danny Squeak Squeak Squeak Sebastian, he of the aged and distressed voice
    [Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid all Over Hall
    [Auctioneer] Robert Stones
    [Auction Location] Peter Wilson's, Nantwich, Cheshire
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    Start.jpg

    The Teams 1:
    [Red Team] Sisters, one is a former Prof of Economics at Manc Met University, the other is a Biological Scientist Group leader, crikey.
    [Blue Team] Former miner, former Mayor of Holyhead, father & Security Officer son.

    The Shopping 1:
    Reds: Squeak special rusty table and chairs rescued from a skip (63) you could buy a new one for less, Damaged model steam engine, missing its burner (30) Bargain, A pair of new oars (69) overspent.
    Blues: Arts & Crafts brass candle holder (30) OK, Bernard Rooke studio pottery vase (30) OK, 20th Century Murano-style studio glass vase (61) might struggle.

    The Auction 1:
    Reds: Squeak special rusty table and chairs rescued from the dump (loss), Damaged model steam engine, missing its burner (nice profit), A pair of new oars (loss).
    Squeaky's BB is a squeaky silver bracelet and necklace (100), 20-40, LOL, the shocked face of the valuer LOL, REJECTED, 20, hahahahahah, careful with the rash you might get from wearing it. Squeak rubbish yet again.
    Blues: Arts & Crafts brass candle holder (loss), Bernard Rooke studio pottery vase (loss), 20th Century Murano-style studio glass vase (largish loss)
    Plaidy's BB is a 20th Century version of a wooden Georgian bucket (32), 30-50, good price, 35, three quid profit. Unlucky it was worth more.

    Shopping1.jpg

    The Aftermath 1:
    Tight-fisted Auction. The Squeak excels yet again with the rusty table and chairs and then surpasses this with a plain old necklace and bracelet which he spunks a ton on. LOL. Plaidster found a nice bucket which should have made more than the 3 quid profit resulted.

    RedLoss1.jpeg BlueLoss1.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Not shown. Booooooooooooo.

    The Distraction:
    McWitch hops on her broomstick and flies over to a local jewellery maker to find out more about amber. He brings out his collection of traffic lights. McWitch is going to turn him into a Dormouse but gets her spells mixed up and turns him into a Dragon instead, who in turn obliterates her with a mouthful of flame.

    Distraction.jpg
    Amber.jpg

    The Teams 2:
    [Red Team] Engaged mixed sex couple, lots of forced laughing from McWitch, he's a fireman, McWitch reoils in horror at the prospect of flames.
    [Blue Team] Married South Asian (Box tick) couple, she is an Associate Prof Economist and he is a Business Manager, no stereotypes here. He loves cricket too.

    The Shopping 2:
    Reds: 1930s French glass perfume bottle (90) OK, Slab of olive wood made into a chess board (12) he doesn't like it but the price is right, French Art Deco garniture clock with dog (50) OK.
    Blues: Ercol wooden trolley (175) paid too much, Pair of slipware continental wall plates (17) he's not keen but price is OK, Weathered sandstone trough (50) overpaid

    The Auction 2:
    Reds: 1930s French glass perfume bottle (evens stevens), Slab of olive wood made into a chess board (good profit), French Art Deco garniture clock with dog (biggish loss)
    Squeak squeak BB is an Edwardian brass and glass haberdashery unit, a real piece of skipware (135), HAHAHAHAHA, it's rubbish, 50-100, surely not at the skinflints auction, REJECTED, 40, big loss. Another Squeak disaster. What dreadful rubbish he finds.
    Blues: Ercol wooden trolley (largish loss), Pair of slipware continental wall plates (loss), Weathered sandstone trough (loss).
    Plaidy's BB is a Tudric Liberty pewter tray (50), 40-60, got a chance, 75, good profit. Well done the Plaidster.

    Shopping2.jpg

    The Aftermath 2:
    Rollercoaster Auction for the Reds. A struggle for the Blues. A tale of 2 BBs. The Squeak's usual rubbish made a big loss and Plaidy found a good item which made a good profit. I can't remember a double-header episode when 2 sets of teams rejected their expert's BB in both parts. Well done Dogwhistle Dan. You really are unique eeek eeek.

    RedWin2.jpeg BlueLoss2.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick 2:
    Standard indoor kick. McWitch doesn't try yet again, everyone else hits par. The Squeak has something green on the bottom of his shoe. He'll scrape it off and turn it into another BB.

    HiKick.jpg
     
  4. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Owestry 31
    Bargain HuntSeries 62
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001bv79
    Christina Trevanion and the teams go antique-hunting in Shropshire with experts Kate Bliss and Richard Madley before heading to Stratford-upon-Avon for today’s auction. Christina discovers how a collector of old bottles can tell the history of this Shropshire market town through his collection.

    The Translation:
    Personification of loveliness Christina Trevanion is back in full tat hunter-gathering mode at the Oswestry Showground Municipal Refuse and Recycling Centre on the English/Welsh border. She is joined by fellow hunters Blissful Trills and Mad Maddo Madders for the experting, with shifty-eyed stalker Mark Ashley, the softly-spoken lurker with deep holed pockets and an unhealthy obsession with Minipops for the gavel fondling in Stratford-upon-Avon as part of the RSC (Really Sinister Creeps) production of the Pervert of Menace.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Christina Trevanion, the face that raised a thousand gavels
    [Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss,
    [Blue Team Expert] Richard D1ckko Madders Madley not Madeley
    [Auctioneer] Mark Ashley
    [Auction Location] Stratford-upon-Avon, Auction Halfway House, day release from the nonce wing.
    (Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Retired female friends (BBC Diversity box ticked )
    (Challenge: Contains colour Red)
    [Blue Team] Customer Service Advisor Best Female Friends
    (Challenge: Contains colour Blue)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Stop/Go sign (34 Challenge) OK, Art Deco-style silver-plated hip flask (44) there's a chance, Chester silver photo frame (79) every chance.
    Blues: Siam sterling silver elephant place holders (61) struggle, Christina gives one of her dirty laughs, Educational milk constituent set (30) might struggle, Art Deco blue glass lamp (132 Challenge) struggle, struggle.

    The Distraction:
    A collector shows Christina his large bottle with its gleaming top. After giving a wink he produces a milk bottle full of a unique mayonnaise. Christina makes her excuses and beats a hasty retreat.

    Distraction.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Stop/Go sign (1 s0d profit), Art Deco-style silver-plated hip flask (small loss), Chester silver photo frame (loss).
    Trilly's BB is a 1940s Chester silver (Trilly tick) powder compact (35), 30-40, got a decent chance, 35, evens stevens. Unlucky Trilly, it was a decent item.

    HipFlask.jpeg SilverCompact.jpeg

    Blues: Siam sterling silver elephant place holders (largish loss), Educational milk constituent set (loss), Art Deco blue glass lamp (largish loss).
    Madders BB is an Art Nouveau 1910 wooden panel (45), 50-70, absolute Bargain, 80, excellent purchase Madders, a regular Auction would have made even more.

    ElephantPlaceholders.jpeg WoodenScreen.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Internet only auctions are always tough, only 2 profits in total, you need to find something really unusual or something bought for a steal. Reds were very efficient and were unlucky not to make an overall profit. Blues took ages to make decisions and consequently overpaid. The elephants were a heart over head moment. Their overall loss was softened by Madders excellent Wooden panel find.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Outdoor kick on grass. Good effort. Head kick from one of the Reds and even Trilly nearly makes 90.

    HiKick.jpg
     
  5. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Bit of a non event today. The stop signs have been done before (Tim Weeks definitely bought one as a BB and I'm sure Danny Squeeks has bought one too).

    None of the items were that interesting, none of the bids were exciting, none of the contestants were whacky, it was just forgettable.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  6. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    And no matter how hard they tried to make out it was interesting, the powdered milk constituents just wasn't, hence its 10 hammer price.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  7. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Ugh. Stallholders today not playing ball. Lots of crappy 10% discounts for trade. Think the items are decent but the priced paid all look a bit steep. Gonna be a struggle.

    Charlie's 'time's up' prop was the Stop Go sign from yesterday. It's almost as though they film a dozen of these shows in a single day!
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  8. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Auctioneer seems to share my opinions. He's close to tears at some of the priced paid. This is gonna be a bloodbath.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  9. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    If anyone can keep it to 2 figure losses today they've won IMO. Come on Boris Soundalike and get those bids.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  10. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Well, for the Blues to buy those cinema chairs and still win, that's like conceding 5 at home and still getting 3 points.

    Hard episode.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  11. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Newark 13
    Bargain HuntSeries 57 Episode 22 of 32
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000pk16
    Charlie Ross is in Nottinghamshire, where he discovers the story of a local woman whose legacy can still be seen in the small town of Newark-on-Trent. The Reds and Blues are hoping to make a profit with the help of experts Caroline Hawley and David Harper at the Newark Antiques Fair.

    The Translation:
    The three Musketeers of BH, Charl-eh D'Ar-tat-gone, Foghorn, the awful one and one forlorn, Dayglo, swoop and swashbuckle within Newark Antiques and Collectables Fair in Notts. Charl-eh has heard it's a really large one, so ends up getting his sword out with it's gleaming tip and twirling it around results in his head spinning, followed by his eyes glazing over and a dark unsightly stain appearing down his pantaloons. Crumpled James Lewis, the hobo with a hammer, who looks like he has spent the night in a p1ss-stained telephone box, is today's pantomime Cardinal Richelieu.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Ross
    [Red Team Expert] Caroline Foghorn Hawley wearing another from the exclusive House of Spew collection
    [Blue Team Expert] Dayglo David Harper, the 'Boro' Bano
    [Auctioneer] Crumpled James Lewis
    [Auction Location] Bamfords, Derbyshire
    (Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Retired Mother & Geospatial apprentice Daughter
    (Challenge: 20th Century porcelain)
    [Blue Team] Retired Plod Father & Son
    (Challenge: Features a key)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Royal Crown Derby dragon paperweight (85 Challenge) way overspent, 1980s Robot (39) good, Glass pub window pane (100) oh dear way overspent. Foghorn special.
    Blues: Indian embossed tea table (40) fine, 5 Knackered theatre seats (75) skipware says Crumpled, LOL, German clockwork elephant tin-plate toy (65) struggle.

    The Distraction:
    A local woman leaves a legacy for Charl-eh which results in a trip to the Sexual Health Clinic and a course of Penicillin.

    Distraction.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Royal Crown Derby dragon paperweight (largish loss), 1980s Robot (small profit), Glass pub window pane (big loss).
    Foghorn's BB is an Edwardian Sheffield silver (Foghorn tick) taper stick (70), 30-50, might do it, Dutch auction, 50, another overpriced dud.

    PubWindow.jpeg SilverTaperStick.jpeg

    Blues: Indian embossed tea table (nice profit), 5 Knackered theatre seats (loss), German clockwork elephant tin-plate toy (loss).
    Dayglo's BB is a Signed modern Japanese wall hanging plaque (50), 20-30, maybe, 40, another loss. Another dud.

    TheatreChairs.jpeg JapanesePlaque.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Echoey echo auction. Both teams make a loss. Hawley led Reds heavily overspent and even Foghorn's BB made a loss. A very poor three figure loss performance from her team. Shame all round. For the Blues, things were slightly better, a decent profit on the Tea Table but losses on everything else. The awful rotten mouldy Theatre Chairs actually made 55 quid, (a 20 squid loss). They were awful. Dayglo had one of "those" days.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Outdoor Covid diagonal kick on grass. Hawley gives a close range Growler kick, luckily the revolting Tartan and the direction of the sun, overload our visual senses and ease the mental shock. Everyone else makes a decent attempt on the uneven ground.

    HiKick.jpg
     
  12. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Even Crumpled laughed and said did he find them in a skip. Beyond awful. I was amazed they made 55 quid. God knows what critters are living in them.

    Both experts were really poor, Foghorn was especially terrible.
     
  13. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    I did like the oriental tea table. I'd have paid 40 quid for that myself. And I'm a tightwad.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  14. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    I thought the taper stand was worth the money in raw silver alone. Tightwad bidding. The whacky Japanese wood carving could have gone either way, I suppose.

    The cinema seats were appalling. Looks like they were salvaged from a fire. They were gutted.

    The glass window was a huge folly and to be honest, I'm surprised the robot didn't lose money too.

    The other toy was well overpriced, and Foghorn should have looked for the key indicators on the dragon paperweight. Bojo Auctioneer made it clear from the outset that with no case, no stopper and something else missing, it was gonna be a tough sell.

    Yeah, not a classic this one and not one to watch on repeat.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  15. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Programme interrupted/abandoned with the news that the Queen is unwell. This was news that was announced earlier this morning. Couldn't they have waited until 1 pm. Perhaps the stress of a Hanson BB folly is too much. Meeting Johnson and Truss on Tues wouldn't have helped. Better get the black armbands out ready. Gollum Witchell will be on soon no doubt. Dark suits are being hastily dusted off.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2022
  16. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    It's on IPlayer, so I finished watching it whilst BBC1 regurgitates the same news and informs us that they really don't know what is going on, while each new presenter's suit and tie get darker.

    BBC approved preamble:
    Peterborough 10
    Bargain HuntSeries 58 Episode 9 of 32
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000t8w5
    Join Natasha Raskin Sharp for today’s Bargain Hunt in Peterborough. With the expert help of Charles Hanson and David Harper the Reds and the Blues battle it out at the East of England showground to see who can buy the most profitable three items to take to auction, and Natasha learns about a collection of fountain pens.

    The Translation:
    Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp is back in Pikeyborough, bizarrely twinned mayorally with Cambridge, the very definition of chalk and cheese. Durobrivae was the Roman forefather of today's city and Strict Natasha would have made a great Roman magistrate, making sure the roads were absolutely straight, the correct colour of purple was worn, all in her portable bronze tablet of rules. She would have been joined by bizarre soothsayer Hanson and Centurion Harper with his Dayglo Purple robe. The Auction would be presided over by provincial governor Palmer, and his Particularly Pessimistic Patois. Ave Tattus Bazaarum.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp and her every expanding rulebook
    [Red Team Expert] Charles Amazing Technicolour Dreamblazer Hanson
    [Blue Team Expert] Dayglo David Harper, the 'Boro' Bano
    [Auctioneer] David Harry Palmer, Pessimist of Peterborough
    [Auction Location] Peterborough
    (Miserlin Rating: Approved)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Married mixed sex couple, very nondescript, he's not happy about anything
    (Challenge: Mohagany)
    [Blue Team] Boyfriend & Girlfriend, even more nondescript
    (Challenge: Bone china)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Pair of distressed tape measure (24) might struggle, Mahogany spirit level (9 Challenge) might struggle, Edwardian oak mantel clock (75 Challenge) overspent.
    Blues: Top hat and box (100) overspent, British Airways Royal Doulton china set (10 Challenge) OK, 1960s Porton resuscitator (30) struggle. Grim valuing. He doesn't like anything.

    The Distraction:
    Strict Natasha views Harry Palmer's fountain pen collection, not alot of people know that. He shows her the perished bladder of his large pen. His pen is ready for action. He pumps it until his fountain makes an awful mess. Strict Natasha makes a mental note to DQ pens in the future.

    Distraction.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Pair of distressed tape measure (loss), Mahogany spirit level (small loss), Edwardian oak mantel clock (loss).
    Hanson's BB is an expensive looking silver-topped claret jug, did he spunk it all on this?, yup (192), LOL, Pessimistic Palmer values it at 50-80, Hahahahahaha, massive heavy sigh, Hohohohohoho, 50 sods, oh deal, LOL, one of his top follies.

    MantelClock.jpeg ClaretJug.jpeg

    Blues: Top hat and box (loss and bought by America), British Airways Royal Doulton china set (small loss), 1960s Porton resuscitator (small loss).
    Dayglo's BB is a Mid-20th Century plaster bust of a young lady (35), 20-25, doom and gloom then, 20, LOL, every item today is a loss.

    AirlineChina.jpeg PlasterBust.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Pessimistic Palmer is an understatement. Everything very sparsely valued. Also, this pessimism carries over to the Auction, when the Auctioneer doesn't believe in the item then this permeates to the audience. Every item made a loss, all 8 items. Has that happened before. I bet they dropped this Auction House for later series. Hanson was on top follitastic form with that spunk-it-up-the-wall claret jug for 192 GBP. No wonder the BBC pulled the live programme. The stress would've been too much to bare.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Indoor Covid diagonal kick. Everyone just about makes the par of 90 degrees. Hanson gives us a left nipple shot.

    HiKick.jpg
     
    Clive_ofthe_Kremlin likes this.
  17. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    What a waste of time. That auction house on some softly spoken auctioneer's narrowboat, one of the very worst fortresses of frugality I've seen.

    Natasha was gagging to dq that spirit level wasn't she?

    Hanson absolutely delivered. What was he thinking? The jug was lovely but should not have broken 3 figures.

    Today was a day where everyone paid a bit (a lot in Hanson's case) too much, whilst the auction was one of the worst on earth. Washout in Posh.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  18. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Pessimistic Palmer's Posh Penny Pinchers. I've never seen such frugal underestimates. His collection of pens would've been estimated at 20-30.

    Yer, she was a bit taken aback to hear there were many different types of Mahogony and it was not surprising to find it on something like this.

    I loved the way Hanson broke the news about how much he paid, Did you spend all of it (192). I paid 100, sigh of relief, ............. and 92 pounds, huge sigh of distress LOL.

    I was half expecting Hanson to hang himself with one of those dreadful tape measures out of pure shame. The resuscitator might of then come in handy.
     
    wfcmoog likes this.
  19. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Today it's on BBC2 at the usual time.
     
  20. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    It's a toss up between this jug and Muttley's bucket for worst BB in living memory.

    Thing is, at least Hanson would have had a fighting chance of whipping his crowd into a frenzy to get close to 192. Iain Anderson from Jethro Tull was never going to get his misers going with his calm, posh voice.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  21. UEA_Hornet

    UEA_Hornet First Team Captain

    Only if Charles doesn't kick the bucket midway through.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  22. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Or kick Muttley's bucket and break his foot.
     
  23. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Some good looking items bought today.

    Mid range auction with dribbling, frenetic Yorkshire Auctioneer to get them out of jail for some quite stout prices paid.
     
  24. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Jp delivers another **** bonus buy. Not in the league of a 3 figure Hanson, but still, utterly phoned in, bought the first thing he saw with no haggling.
     
  25. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Well done reds. Bought well with good guidance from Gary Pe. World class BH.
     
  26. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Gary's bonus fell just short. Still, the team's main lots were a good mix.
     
  27. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Think the pig could go either way.
     
  28. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Big loss
     
  29. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    The blues must be thinking that not often you get 2 decent profits and end up losing on BH.

    Watch up next.
     
  30. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Jp proves me wrong! Nice profit.
     
  31. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    JPs BB, the military watch without the arrow symbol, such a basic error. Luckily for him there were internet bidders who hadn't looked closely at the item and didn't grasp it was a military-style watch.

    Gary played a blinder though, spotting the lantern and those Scandi earrings. A yorkshire Golden Gavel is not to be sniffed at.
     
    wfcmoog likes this.
  32. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Lincoln 31
    Bargain HuntSeries 51 Episode 21 of 34
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bw63x8
    Bargain Hunt comes from the Lincolnshire Antiques and Home show. Eric Knowles presents and helping the teams are Jonathan Pratt and Gary Pe. Both teams race around the fair pursuing potential purchases for profit at auction. Meanwhile, Eric shares some top tips on collecting Clarice Cliff pottery.

    The Translation:
    All aboard the Tat Train destination Lincolnshire Antiques and Home show. Stoking the boiler and directing this express is Uncle Eric, along with posh Guard JP Pratt and Buffet Steward Gary Peeeeeeeee. Finally, there's an excursion to Sheffield for the Auction with the Steel City's Rob Lee trying to prise away some folding money out of the cold dead hands of the South Yorks tightwads. So that's JPee, Peeeee, Leeee, and Knowlesee, to form a Barber Shop quartet, The Tatronics.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, a National Treasure who loves his sausage
    [Red Team Expert] Gary My Bonus Buys are often Pee
    [Blue Team Expert] Gently effeminate, gaffe prone Jonathan JP Pratt with his Tory boy sensibility
    [Auctioneer] Rob Lee, "Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire!!!!"
    [Auction Location] Sheffield Auction Galleries
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Male and female friends, local comprehensive school teachers, he's a former trainee Priest
    [Blue Team] Best Female friends for over 40 years, former ex-pats.

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Metal yacht mounted on stone (22) OK, Arts & Crafts lantern (80) goes low, Norwegian silver enamelled earrings and cowboy necklace (35) OK.
    Blues: Art Deco silver-plated tea service (50) in with a shout, Wooden pig chef (120) oof may have overpaid, Small wooden workbench (50) might be OK.

    The Distraction:
    Clarice Cliff pottery. Classic Art Deco design. What more is there to say. Uncle Eric gives us a whistle-stop tour.

    Distraction.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Metal yacht mounted on stone (small profit), Arts & Crafts lantern (excellent profit), Norwegian silver enamelled earrings and cowboy necklace (profit), Golden Gavel. Well done Gary.
    Gary's Pee Pee BB is a Silver fairy brooch (25), perhaps JP might buy it, 20-30, OK, 20, oh dear, the Misers' got a bargain.

    Reds.jpg

    Blues: Art Deco silver-plated tea service (profit), Wooden pig chef (largish loss), Small wooden workbench (nice profit).
    JP's BB is a CWC military watch on a NATO strap (60), military-style, no military arrow on it, another overlooked mistake from JP, he's making a habit of it (20-30), 80, decent profit for a flawed item.

    Pig.jpeg Watch.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Gary was in storming form. Great find for the lantern and Scandi silver earrings. Fully deserving of the Golden Gavel. As usual a glaring error from JP showed up but it didn't hamper the bidding on the watch. The Auction was saved by the internet bidding as the local bids were a bit sparse and tight.

    RedWin.jpeg BlueWin.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Standard indoor kick. A bit uncoordinated with Gary a bit late getting it up.

    HiKick.jpg
     
    Clive_ofthe_Kremlin likes this.
  33. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    This was Gary Pe's aristeia. It was like that one Danny Webber performance where he scored 2 and was utterly unplayable. Sublime expertise.
     
    reg_varney likes this.
  34. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC approved preamble:
    Newark
    Bargain HuntSeries 47-49 (50-Minute Versions)
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0006s0k
    Today’s show comes from the historic market town of Newark in Nottinghamshire, presented by Charlie Ross. Experts Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson help the teams find some bargains in the town’s antique shops, hoping they will make a profit at auction. Meanwhile Charlie finds out more about the extraordinary story of T.E Lawrence, better known as ‘Lawrence of Arabia’.

    The Translation:
    We jump into the BH Time Machine for an episode from Series 47-49 in Mesozoic Newark in the county that will become Nottinghamshire. Has much changed? Do Dinosaurs roam the Earth. Well, yes they do in the form of small brained Poshosaurus idiot Charl-eh Ross. Joining him are fossil headed Muttley Serrell, who looks like he's just been dug out of the ground after thousands of years, and Charles Hanson, the excited caveman, who looks like he's just discovered fire, which means he now has a use for that vesta case and candlestick holders. The Auction is in a posh cave with an audience of troglodytes with the biggest dinosaur of them all Nigel Rees-Moggosaur as bone smasher in chief. Nanny, my Auction cave is full of Neanderthal riff-raff types. One thinks that one has had enough of the dark suited sanctimonious pontificators currently living on the main channels.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie Charles Ross
    [Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat et pullover de moth
    [Blue Team Expert] Charles Amazing Technicolour Dreamblazer Hanson
    [Auctioneer] Nigel Rees-Mogg Kirk, Nanny there's Riff-Raff in my Auction Room
    [Auction Location] Mellors & Kirk Auctioneers, Sniff Nottingham Sniff
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    First.jpg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Married couple who met in a cupboard playing sardines, beats being in the closet eh Charl-eh.
    [Blue Team] Married couple, a very large midwife/health visitir, aren't they often. He's into his caravaning and talking the hind legs off a Yorkshire donkey.

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Knackered co-op bicycle (155) quaint sniff but overpaid sniff, Morse code keyer (25) Sniff Alright, Vintage vacuuum for hoovering up profits hoho (20) Sir James Dyson won't improve on this sniff.
    Blues: Edwardian ladies sterling silver inkwell (40) it's lost its lid in transit, affected the value, Antique ahipwrecked chinese bowl (18) OK, Georgian Oak Drop Leaf Table (120) it's top is not original, so it could be a Hanson folly.

    The Distraction:
    Dah-dah-de-de-de-dah-dah-de-dah-dah-de-dah-dah-dah-de, it's Lawrence of Arabia. There is also a second Distraction item about caves below Nottingham city centre.

    Distraction.jpg

    Caves.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Knackered co-op bicycle (nice profit), Morse code keyer (evens stevens), Vintage vacuum cleaner for hoovering up profits hoho (profit)
    Scruffy's BB is an bamboo library steps (100), not genuine sniff, 40-60, oh dear, 60, yup it's a Scruffy Dud.

    Bicycle.jpeg LibrarySteps.jpeg

    Blues: Edwardian ladies sterling silver inkwell (adjusted profit) they'll get 70 for it as the top was lost in transit, Antique shipwrecked Chinese bowl (2 quid profit), Georgian Oak Drop Leaf Table (big loss).
    Hanson's BB is a a Framed sampler (90), hmmmmm, attractive but stained sniff, 80-120, 60, oh dear a loss, not a Follitastic Hanson loss, but still a Dud.

    DropLeafTable.jpeg Sampler.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Rees-Mogg is such a super-starched sniffy snob. All his jokes are sarcastic put-downs, whereas all he does is just is trot out what's on the computer screen. Hanson got ahead of himself and made a mistake of not spotting that the table top was not original so it made a big loss. His Sampler BB was also a Dud. Not a good day in the Auction Office for him and his Bluff Yorkshire Blues. Serrell's Red lot with the bossy wife faired a little better and at least made a decent profit on the bike which could've nosedived down the hill.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Standard indoor kick. Bit of a strange one. Muttley did his usual feet of stone, while Hanson knee forward which looks like a complete false-start. Red bloke just about get his foot off the ground and everone else more or less hits 90 deg.

    HiKick.jpg
     
  35. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    A "what do you do/have you come far" imaginary Bargain Hunt special.
    BBC approved preamble:
    In a change to our scheduled listing during this time of sober reflection we have a special edition of the programme, where presenters, experts and teams, express their deep sorrow and talk about what distant encounters they had with the Queen and speculate what items she might have liked and whether she would have actually watched the show.

    The Translation:
    Cue sombre Russian state funeral music over a montage of Royal memorabilia that's turned up on the show. Strict Natasha is dressed in black tartan and is holding a copy of Operation Grey Gavel. The programme starts with the two experts reminiscing about their closest dealings with the former monarch.

    Steph recalls that The Queen was going to come up to Cockermouth in Cumbria to open our school's new Home Economics block, unfortunately, it was cancelled at the 11th hour as it clashed with some racing from Chepstow, so she sent Andrew instead. He thought he was coming to an all-girls boarding school in C0ckk-In-Mouth. After he spent his whole day of 30 minutes rushing through the ceremony, he asked me where the nearest golf course was, and hot-footed it to his waiting helicopter as he had a very urgent meeting to attend.

    Danny Dogwhistle, recalls he almost got within 30 feet of The Queen. When she saw him in the distance she smiled with clenched teeth and raised her hands to cover her ears. Meanwhile the Men In Black Goons intervened and bundled him into a Black Maria and off to the local nick where he spent the afternoon in a holding cell sat on a very nice, wooden bench, which could be easily upcycled and put into a trendy coffee shop.

    The Auction, if it hadn't been cancelled out of respect, with a sober and reflective Charles Hanson from his Windsor Showroom in the local Sea Scout Hut. He expresses sadness that during this time of national mourning his two favourite films, King Ralph, and The Naked Gun, won't be shown for the forseeable future. The Auction audience would have fought among themselves to pay top prices to demonstrate their true patriotism.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp, they couldn't gamble on Charlie not disappearing for a nap
    [Black Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian
    [Blue Team Expert] Danny Respectful Squeak Sebastian, his hat feather is at half-c0ckk
    [Auctioneer] Charles Hanson dressed like a grey and black deckchair
    [Auction Location] Sea Scout Hut, Windsor
    (Miserlin Rating: Suspended)

    The Teams:
    [Black Team] Mother & Daughter
    (Challenge: To hold back the tears while talking about someone you've never met)
    [Charcoal Grey Team] Sisters, of the Windrush generation, one of them talks fondly of being deported back to Jamaica after the Home Office had accidently deliberately destroyed her residency documents. However, this unfortunate incident has not changed their political standpoint and they would still vote Conservative. Their love of the Royal Family remains steadfast.
    (Challenge: A horse or dog related item)

    The Shopping:
    Blacks: There's much specualtion about what items the Queen might buy, and they settle on a George IV silver toast rack, a large pewter fire bucket illustrated with the Royal Standard, and a Union flag flat cap which she would have bought for her dear departed husband. Hanson values them all at 50-70.
    Steph's BB is a 1974 World Of Sport Wrestling Annual
    Charcoal Greys: They conclude that The Queen must have been a fan of the show as it contains old antiques often decorated in bright eye-watering colours. In her honour, they imaginatively buy, a bright red bucket hat adorned with Welcome to Rhos-on-Sea, a first edition book of German folk songs and a charming 1970s lava lamp.
    The Squeak finds some old fruit trays he found in the bins at Windsor Castle, he opines that The Queen would have loved to have them back again as planters for her beloved Asparagus.

    The Distraction:
    Strict Natasha meets Nick Gollum Witchell, for it is he, as they review a montage of The Queen and Prince Philip enjoying a light-hearted moment examining some gifts from some foreign dignitaries before they are sent to one of the special rooms where no one visits or discreetly sent to the local Age UK shop.

    The Auction:
    During the Virtual Auction, the confected grief goes into overdrive bordering on the hysterical. All the items make vast profits bar The Squeaks distressed fruit trays which make a 30 quid loss.

    The Aftermath:
    After an exhausting Auction both teams bask in their reflected glory from their huge overall profits, feeling smug and overtly superior for being more patriotic than thou. Later on a dose of reality creeps in when it dawns on them that they have a Green Ink letter writing fogey as Head Of State, a right-leaning plank of wood as political leader, a trashed economy and a potentially devastating winter to endure in the immediate future.

    The Hi-Kick:
    The virtual HiKick is an indoor diagonal which is at a tight angle due to the size limitations of the Scout Hut. Everyone hits 90 so all's right in the world. Yes, YES!!
     
    Diamond likes this.

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