BBC approved preamble: Ardingly 8 Bargain HuntSeries 56 https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000kjss Experts David Harper and Raj Bisram are guiding the reds and the blues around Ardingly Antiques Fair, before the teams take their items to auction. Natasha also visits an elaborate well, a gift from a Maharajah, opened in 1864. The Translation: Another day, another chance to visit Ardingly/Arding-lie at the Ardingly International Antiques and Collectors Fair in rain-drenched West Sussex (well it was last 2 times they were here in this series). Hoping to stay dry are Strict Natasha and her watertight rule book, Dayglo Dave, let's hope the colours in his trousers don't run and good ol' Dr. Evil. Not so good is that the Auction will be held at Save AreSouls in Newbury, with Tubby Thomas, the Billy Bunter of the Auction World. This Penny Pinching Paragon of Parsimony will almost guarantee minimal profits unless pigs fly, hell freezes over or Boris Johnson tells the truth. The Staff: [Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp [Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram [Blue Team Expert] Dayglo David Harper, the 'Boro 'Bano [Auctioneer] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy [Auction Location] SAS Newbury, should be SOS Newbury as profits will be in peril in this Miser Manor (Miserlin Rating: One Star) The Teams: [Red Team] Married couple, he's a competitive managing director, please fail and make us laugh. He doesn't even eat cheese. Tut-tut. She's very fussy and ultra annoying. Poor Raj. (Challenge: Contains Oak) [Blue Team] Married Brit Asian couple (Box ticked), he's an IT consultant, no stereotypes here. (Challenge: With a frame) The Shopping: Reds: Georgian oak corner cupboard (35 Challenge) struggle, Christian Dior earrings (70) struggle, Georg Jensen silver spoon (90) OK Blues: Edward VII coronation silver photo frame (20 Challenge) OK, Moorcroft lamp (95) it's been cannibalised, major dud, Pair of Japanese Katani ware vases (95) OK. The Distraction: Natasha also visits an elaborate curry house called The Maharajah's Well in Stoke Row, which originally opened in 1964 and has kept the original decor including the peeling garish wallpaper, and a toilet that barely flushes. She orders a Chicken Madras, which has been marked with 2 chilli peppers. It barely makes her eyes water, so she contacts Trading Standards, and has it closed down. The Auction: Reds: Georgian oak corner cupboard (loss), Christian Dior earrings (loss), Georg Jensen silver spoon (largish loss) Raj's BB is a little fat Buddha scent bottle (40), 60-80, rub his belly for luck, the Buddha not Tubby Thomas, 40, evens stevens, feels like a win in Scrooge's parlour. Blues: Edward VII coronation silver photo frame (small profit), Moorcroft lamp (big loss), Pair of Japanese Katani ware vases (largish loss) Dayglo's BB are ancient Egyptian bronze surgical instruments (90), 40-60, 90 evens stevens. The Aftermath: Moorcroft inspired and Japan vase disasters for Blues but they made the only profit for the day. Reds made losses across the board. Tubby Thomas wasn't great but at least put the effort into the ancient Egyptian artefacts to break even. What a bunch of tightwads AGAIN! The Hi-Kick: Standard indoor kick. All more or less make par with Strict Natasha jumping the gun as always.