Bargain Hunt

BBC approved preamble:
Gloucester 7
Bargain HuntSeries 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0006w0r
Today’s reds and blues are bargain hunting at Gloucester antiques centre with the help of experts Raj Bisram and Stephanie Connell. As usual they have one hour to spend £300 on three items to take to auction. Presenter Eric Knowles travels to Stroud to learn about an unknown inventor who changed the landscape of the world.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric Knowles, along with his nephew Dr Evil Raj and niece Steph '93, are snooping around the Gloucester antiques centre in their perpetual quest for bargains. Will their efforts be enhanced or reduced by the Auctioneer. It's Tinpole Tudor Weeks so enhancement and fingers crossed, subsequent enrichment.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Stephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Auctioneer] Tim Beanpole Weeks
[Auction Location] Wessex Auction Rooms, Wilts
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired husband and wife.
(Challenge: Scandi)
[Blue Team] Mother and son, he's a medical student, so hopefully not stupid.
(Challenge: Tea)

The Shopping:
Reds: Scandi brooch (20 Challenge) should be fine, 1887 Swagger stick (100) might struggle, George V glass scent bottle (58) another straggler.
Blues: Festival of Britain teapot (9 Challenge) should be fine, Royal commemorative silver and glass decanter (29) might be OK, Smart 1920s butcher's bicycle (250) not the usual rust bucket.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric Knowles travels to Stroud to learn about Edwin Budding, inventor of the humble lawnmower, basically a lawn denapper. Thousands of garden owners will be thanking or cursing him for chore-ridden Sunday afternoons.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Scandi brooch (profit), 1887 Swagger stick (profit) GG?, George V glass scent bottle (loss), no GG.
Raj's BB are a set of 6 glass cocktail glasses (20), good buy, 20-30, 26, a small profit. Well done Raj. Up to snuff.



Blues: Festval of Britain teapot (profit), Royal commemorative silver and glass decanter (loss), Smart 1920s butcher's bicycle (big profit) not the usual rust bucket but they have probably overspent.
12 quid for Steph, she buys 6 silver-plated dachshund knife rests (12), 25-40, profit all day long, 34 notes. Excellent work Steph, as usual.



The Aftermath:
Young medical student took a Hansonesque punt on a butcher's bike. It was sh1te or bust and it came up smeeling of roses. Shame that awful Chaz and Di decanter, from the Andrew Morton collection, prevented a Golden Gavel. That's the Royals for you, farking things up for the plebs. Nice big profit for the Blues. Reds make a modest profit too. Raj and Steph are 2 decent experts. Their reliable BBs stoked up both teams profits and Timpole Weeks is pretty safe in the Auction Room.



The Hi-Kick:
Outside kick on uneven grass. LThe wide lens camera angle is a bit weird but the kick looks reasonable.

​

 

Thought the jewelled box thing would give them a pasting. 210 paid and valued at 40-60 but Hanson got it up to 200. Still amazing.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Southwell 4
Bargain HuntSeries 55
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000h3m1
Today’s teams are at Southwell Racecourse in Nottinghamshire with experts Thomas Forrester and Tim Weeks. Before heading to today’s auction in Derbyshire, presenter Natasha Raskin Sharp stops off at the National Tramway Museum in Crich to learn about the role trams played in delivering our letters.

The Translation:
In another version of Groundhog Day, Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp relives yet another visit to Southwell/Southall racecourse in Notts with Spongehair Treepants Weeks as Bill Murray and Tubby Thomas as Andie MacDowell. The Auction action is with Charles Hanson and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamblazer, freshly cut from the Deckchair collection.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy
[Blue Team Expert] Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks
[Auctioneer] Charles Hanson, The Phineas T Barnum of the Auction World
[Auction Location] Hanson Auction House, Derbys
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired female friends
(Challenge: Retro)
[Blue Team] Father and son triathletes. The impromptu press-ups are a bit cringeworthy.
(Challenge: Vintage ladies fashion accessory)
Note: Quite an amusing Challenge to give to 2 alpha-males

The Shopping:
Reds: 1960s patchwork jacket, Tubby models it, luckily it is superbaggy (40) maybe, Hornsey Coffee set (28 Challenge) OK, German Hanau silver box (210) Charles almost faints at the price LOL.
Blues: Japanese kimono (30 Challenge) OK, Job lot of costume jewellery brooches (75) maybe not, set of 4 Australian lawn bowls (15) should be fine.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha visits the National Tramway Museum in Crich. She investigates delivering letters by Tram. Later on she has the museum shut down for some minor infringement.

​

The Auction:
Reds: 1960s patchwork jacket (decent profit), Hornsey Coffee set (small profit) GG? probably not, German Hannau silver box (small loss), just miss out on the GG.
Tubby's BB is an Art Noveau-style gold pendant (22), 30-40, profit all day long, 180, a massive profit, Tubby triumphant.



Blues: Japanese kimono (profit), Job lot of costume jewellery brooches (small loss), set of 4 Australian lawn bowls (nice profit).
Treepants BB is a 1930's re-enactment wireless/radio (20), 10-20, should be OK, 30, small profit, good going Tim Weeks.



The Aftermath:
Both teams make a profit and both experts deliver. Both teams close to a Golden Gavel but just fall short. Hanson was very conservative on his valuing for once, but as usual, delivered in the Auction Room. Tubby really excelled himself today with the superb pendant find. He's promised an ice-cream. Careful he may burst his trousers again.

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Red ladies struggle and Tubby Thomas is almost bursting his trousers but everyone else gets it up.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Detling 32
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00183sj
Detling in Kent is the location for today’s programme. Charlie Ross is in charge, with experts Thomas Forrester and Ochuko Ojiri helping the red and blue teams look for bargains. At Catherine Southon Auctioneers, Charlie watches as a valuable collection of scent bottles fetches astonishing amounts. Will the teams' profits follow suit?

The Translation:
Brander newer BH today, Series 62 no less. Posh t1t Charlie reminisces to when he was a 62 year old whippersnapper as he drools down his old school tie. In the meantime there's a huge Antiques Fair at Detling Showground in Kent with Tubby Thomas and Chuko helping out. Will the teams' profits follow suit? Yup, they will nosedive courtesy of the Diva of Dull, Catherine Southon Auction unextraordinaire.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy
[Blue Team Expert] Ochuko Commando Chuko Ojiri, commando on top, let's hope he's not commando below.
[Auctioneer] (Arrrgggghhhh nooooooooooooo!!!!) Catherine Southon, super posh, super dull, super useless
[Auction Location] Catherine Southon Auctioneers
(Miserlin Rating: One Star, Approved, Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Partners, they met in Hong Kong and fell in love for a long time.
(Challenge: Gemstone)
[Blue Team] Partners, blah, blah, very competitive, blah, blah, we're here to win, yawn.
(Challenge: Find on a dressing table)

The Shopping:
Reds: Amber and 15ct gold cheroot holder (34 Challenge) Dully undervalues it, Norwegian silver circular trinket box (80) should be OK, Gustav Keller silver scent bottles and travel case (184) she undervalues again.
Blues: Brass Pineapple pot (18 Challenge) might be OK, Keyboard glockenspiel (150) severly undervalues it, East german pottery vase (25) should be OK but you never know with Dully.

The Distraction:
Charlie watches a valuable collection of smelling salts bottles. He takes a deep breath his eyes glaze over and he passes out. It's the only way to survive a Catherine Southon Auction.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Amber and 15ct gold cheroot holder (profit) another one for Gooner John Hawley's collection, Norwegian silver circular trinket box (evens stevens), Gustav Keller silver scent bottles and travel case (loss).
2 pounds for Tubby BB is a treen match light go-to-bed, 20-30, surely she can sell this at a decent profit, 23 profit. Tubby Good Buy.



Blues: Brass Pineapple pot (good profit), Keyboard glockenspiel (huge loss), East german pottery vase (small profit).
Chuko's BB is a sky blue enamelled silver-mounted Arts and Crafts brooch (28), 30-40, can she balls this up, 30, a tiny profit, she has no pazzaz. Nice object Chuko shame it wasn't auctioned with enthusiasm.



The Aftermath:
Neither team made a profit, no surprise when the Dreadful Dull Diva is in charge. Blue's Keyboard glockenspiel tanked, it was a big punt (despite a big discount on it) that didn't come off. Tubby had another good day with another smart buy with 2 quid and Chuko was unlucky that his nice looking brooch didn't have more money squeezed out of it like Hanson, Weeks or the Dalek would have achieved. I noticed Steph at the side of Foghorn Southorn today during the Auction, you just know she would've done a better job working the room.



The Hi-Kick:
Outside diagonal kick on uneven grass. Good attempt from everybody. Plenty of gusto. Tubby close to bursting his trousers again.

​

 

Here's a bargain they can snap up.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Malvern
Bargain HuntSeries 47-49 (Shortened Versions)
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000b9d4
The beautiful spa town of Malvern in Worcestershire is the setting for today’s programme, presented by Eric Knowles. Experts Caroline Hawley and Thomas Plant help the teams find some bargains at the Three Counties Showground.

The Translation:
It's a lean mean BH machine with Uncle Eric, Headache Hawley, and Tubby Thomas at the Three Counties Showground in Malvern, Worcs, home of one of the country's biggest flea markets. Talking of fleas, it could be far worse, it could be the Three Counties Skipground in Farley Hill[1], L*t*n[2] with the Auction rooms in one of the Chalets at the historic Kenilworthless Road[3]. Continuing the theme of unfortunate locations, the Auction is to be in the Malvern Misers Mansion with Scruffy Serrell. Profits will be at a Premium.

Context:
Refs:
[1] Farley Hill had a huge 273 crimes reported in April 2019, just two shy of the number reported in the town centre. This places their total number of crimes at almost three times the town's average of 99.3. Violence and sexual offences were the most reported crimes, with 88 in the month of April, compared to an average for the area of 26.7. There were also 22 reports of criminal damage and arson, more than three times the average of seven, and even three reports of possession of weapons.
[2] Luton has been the butt-end of many articles on iLiveHere, with one reviewer calling the town a "weeping sore" and another labelling it "England's toilet". One reviewer definitely went too far and called every Luton resident "the spawn of Satan" with "demonic" children.
[3] "Use the historic surroundings of the oldest (decrepid) football club in Southern England. Memories of great players such as the Mick Harford Toilet Bloc and Ricky Hill (LOL) are built into the very fabric (corrugated iron and tarpaulin) of Kenilworth Road. This combined with top class catering (Straight from the bins Kebab Emporium) and organisation means your event will be one to remember, because you'll never forget the experience."

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, who manages a Robert De Niro "you looking at me?" impersonation
[Red Team Expert] Caroline Headache Hawley, sporting her new new mal-de-mer collection
[Blue Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy
[Auctioneer] It's Benny the Ball himself, Phillip Muttley Serrell with tailoring from Albert Steptoe
[Auction Location] Malvern Salesroom
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Travel bug christian student helper couple
[Blue Team] Oz couple, strewth

The Shopping:
Reds: Wooden shoe (8) should be ok, Silver stamp boxes (32) should be ok, Billiard cue tipper (14) Scruffy dislikes it.
Blues: 19th Century Napoleon firescreen (70) might struggle, Lalique glass lady figure (75) might struggle, Sheffield silver trinket box (90) might struggle.

The Distraction:
None, short arse episode.

The Auction:
Reds: Wooden shoe (profit), Silver stamp boxes (profit), Billiard cue tipper (1 note profit). Golden Gavel sneaks through with a pound profit.
Headache's BB is an enamelled silver pendant (75), 50-80, 70 with an online bid, the misers here don't spend up to this amount, so a fiver loss, another Hawley inspired dud.

​

Blues: 19th Century Napoleon firescreen (big profit), Lalique glass lady figure (small loss), Sheffield silver trinket box (largish loss)



Tubby's Chinese boxwood netsuke with carved heads of foo (45), 20-40, 35 on the net, the moths stay entrapped in wallets and purses.



The Aftermath:
For the Reds, a Golden Gavel (pre-challenge days though as they only spent 58 s0ds in total) in Scruffy's showroom shock, swoon! The Blues spent more, Muttley undervalued the items as he probably new how tight the regulars are there. There firescreen profit was negated by the silver trinket box loss, but that's the way it goes. The Reds played safe and the Blues took a gamble so you can see why they introduced the Challenges to prevent teams playing like the Reds. Both experts disappointed with their safe buys which they overspent on.



The Hi-Kick:
Regular outdoor on grass kick. Excellent Hi-Kicks from the Blues and Reds but not at the same time.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Ardingly 7
Bargain HuntSeries 56
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000jyzx
The reds and the blues are hunting for bargains at the Ardingly International Antiques and Collectors Fair in West Sussex, with experts David Harper and Raj Bisram offering a helping hand. Meanwhile, presenter Natasha Raskin Sharp visits a windmill that has been turned into a museum of rural life.

The Translation:
Strict Natasha is marching in the daytime, despite it p1ss1ng down with rain, at destination Ardingly International Antiques and Collectors Fair in West Sussex. Skulking in the shadows hoping to keep their noses clean are the Tat Trouserer Dayglo Dave and Dr Evil. Gavel bashing is Tubby Thomas in the Penny Pinchers Paradise of Newbury.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Blue Team Expert] Dayglo David Haeber, the Cleveland Columbo
[Auctioneer] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy
[Auction Location] SAS Newbury, should be SOS Newbury as profits will be in peril in this Miser Manor
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Female best mates into amateur theatricals.
(Challenge: Sparkles)
[Blue Team] Female best mates, one of whom is a Psychologist. Let's hope they find plenty of cod to go with their science.
(Challenge: Come as a pair)

The Shopping:
Reds: Silver fly brooch (12 Challenge) bargain, profit all day long, Toy rocket in box (57.50) has a chance, Gunpowder flask (95) may have overspent as it's damaged.
Blues: Victorian silver bird's egg perfume bottle (49) good chance, Pair of Chinese carved boxwood elephants (24 Challenge) bargain, should be a profit, Victorian Silver and mother-of-pearl trinket box (184) heavily overspent. As a bonus, Dayglo Dave treats the Blue Ladies to a sausage sandwich (Snigger). I can't believe he actually said that.

The Distraction:
Chailey windmill converted to being a nurses home and scout hut before becoming a rural museum.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Silver fly brooch (profit), Toy rocket in box (big profit), Gunpowder flask (big loss)
Raj's BB is a miniature Lord Byron poem book (25), 20-30, 25, evens stevens.

​

Blues: Victorian silver bird's egg perfume bottle (loss) Ebeneezer cackles, Pair of Chinese carved boxwood elephants (online profit), Victorian Silver and mother-of-pearl trinket box (online big loss).
Dayglo's BB after the sausage sandwich is a Jose Casicio silver brooch (35), 40-60, 30, an in the sale room loss as 2 miserly ladies fail to haggle over a fiver, typical.



The Aftermath:
As usual for Newbury, the big profits were made online whereas the skinflints snapped up bargains in the sales room like the powder flask. The ****-up over the brooch as 2 skinflints fought over a fiver is indicative of this Auction Room. Tubby needs to work on his charming of the old dears if he wants to extract more blood from the stones. The Trinket box was a Hansonesque folly and the 2 experts failed to turn in profits. Welcome to SOS Auctions Newbury.



The Hi-Kick:
Conventional inside kick. Decent attempts all round but a bit tardy from one of the Red ladies who eventually achieves a decent height.

​

 

Quirky is the word of the day today.

Roo Irivine taking the reigns of her first episode as host, is out quirkied by Harlequin jacket wearing Nick and art student chic Izzie.

The blues are so quirky it hurts and they quirk themselves into a GG with some sound advice from Nick.

Blues overspend on a load of shyte and make 3 losses.

Rick Wakeman does his trick of trying to get the bidders to open at 70, then 50 then 20, before starting at a quid.

Golden gavels, a new host, a prog rocker on the rostrum? Yes- YES!

 

BBC approved preamble:
Southwell 1
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0018byw
Roo Irvine is at Southwell Racecourse, where experts Izzie Balmer and Nick Hall join the teams as they search for the best items to sell at auction. Roo enlists the help of the public to identify today’s mystery object.

The Translation:
What a pleasant surprise as the Delightful Roo Irvine, wearing a silk dress full of eastern promise, moves upstairs from being an expert to being today's presenter. Let's hope she still continues being an expert on other episodes too. Once again, we're back in Southwell/Southall racecourse in Notts with helpmates Dizzy Lizzie and Plaidy Nick Hall, the Beer Hardie stand-in. Hmmm, the Auction is with Rick Wakeman wannabe Colin Young in the Lincs franchise of Steptoe's Thrift Store.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Delightful Roo Irvine
[Red Team Expert] Izzie Lizzie Barmy Balmer
[Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
[Auctioneer] Colin Rapido Young, Rick Wakeman variant
[Auction Location] Golding Young & Mawer, Lincs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married couple, photographer and radio producer
(Challenge: Storage)
[Blue Team] Mother and daughter, Mother Shawwon, both wearing s0dd1ng "look at me" red hats. Daughter reminds me of chinless Goth burd out of This Is England.
(Challenge: Entertainment)

Just for Moog, the Sartorial elegance of the Blue Team with expert Nick The Plaidster Hall.

​

The Shopping:
Reds: Georgian glass champagne flute (125) maybe not, 1930s enamelled RAF badge (55) maybe, travelling cologne bottles in case (45 Challenge) maybe.
Blues: Art Deco-style Dancer sculpture table lamp (23 Challenge) a bargain, Georgian silver cream jug (125) a chance, naff Sunburst battery clock without battery (25) Plaidy hates, might be OK.

The Distraction:
Mystery object. A marmalade slicer. Next episode, a barrel scraper.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Georgian glass champagne flute (loss), 1930s enamelled RAF badge (small loss), travelling cologne bottles in case (loss). Oh dear.
Dizzy's BB is an Art Nouveau glass epergne (44), 30-50, 60, hooray a profit. Well done Dizzy Barmy.



Blues: Art Deco-style Dancer sculpture table lamp (profit), Georgian silver cream jug (profit), naff Sunburst battery clock without battery (one note profit), Golden Gavel by a squeak.
Plaidy's BB Victorian modestry screen (125), she rejects, big Plaidy gamble, 30-50, 65, Plaidy dud. No harm done.

​

The Aftermath:
A real episode of opposing fortunes. Annoying Blues with Red hats get a golden gavel but with an expert loss, unusual for Plaidy, who guides his team to GG glory. Reds have the opposite Triple Crown of losses with an expert profit. A golden Gavel at the Lincoln Franchise of PennyPinchers is not to be sniffed at.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid diagonal kick. A real mixed bag. Roo manages 90 in heels, Plaidy does alright, Dizzy Lizzie barely par, Red woman does well (best of the lot) but Red bloke and Blue girl both need shooting.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Eccleston 23
Bargain HuntSeries 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000byv5
Eric Knowles is in the Lancashire town of Eccleston, with experts Caroline Hawley and Roo Irvine guiding the red and blue teams as they hope to land the biggest profit and scoop the win at the auction.

From laughing policemen to haunted houses, Eric rediscovers his youth at a vintage penny arcade, home to around 50 machines, fully restored by owner and collector Darren Hesketh.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric is back to one of his local haunts, the Lancashire town of Eccleston. As it's grim up North he decides to brighten his day with Caroline Hawley and her radioactive outfit and the delightful Roo Irvine and her sparkling persona. The Auction is in Rickets Central so expect the Lancs spendthrifts to be out in force. This is a low profit announcement.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, a safe pair of hands
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine
[Blue Team Expert] Pantomime dame Caroline Hawley, sporting her new mal-de-mer collection
[Auctioneer] Tom Keep It In The Family Blackmore family footstep follower
[Auction Location] Maxwell's, Stockport, Rickets Central
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Two female friends who are Genetic Counsellors, what the eff are those. Ah, the people who tell you your disease is hereditary and there's nothing you can do, apart from preparing for a premature death. Cheery.
(Challenge: Can play)
[Blue Team] Two male friends, an ambulance driver and firefighter.
(Challenge: Fire)

The Shopping:
Reds: Art Deco garniture clock (81) might struggle, 3 Marcasite silver brooches (30) tight estimate, Child (half-size) violin in case (28 Challenge) OK
Blues: Vintage Fire chrome extinguisher (10 Challenge) good buy, Galvanised metal Dolly tub (24) Headache gives it the heavy sell treatment, should be OK, 18ct gold and platinum diamond ring (150) slightly top heavy.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric reminisces when he was nephew Eric and was a rebellious teen in the 60s in a north-west kitchen sink. He visits a vintage penny arcade and tries to crowbar the cash box to go spend on fags and cheap cider.



The Auction:
Reds: Art Deco garniture clock (loss), 3 Marcasite silver brooches (small loss), Child (half-size) violin in case (online profit). Misertastic.
Roo's BB is a 1970s West German pottery lava ware single-handed vase (35), 25-35, let's see, 30, Steptoe rejoices with his purchase.



Blues: Vintage Fire chrome extinguisher (profit), Galvanised metal Dolly tub (decent profit) is it a GG, possibly not, 18ct gold and platinum diamond ring (big loss) Ebeneezer has his bargain, cackle.
Headache's BB is a Yorkshire dump, no not Rotherham, but a green glass paperweight ideal for Leeds thugs to throw at footy matches (40), 30-50, a decent chance, but these Lancs misers may need convincing, online bid at 40, evens stevens, too high for the skinflints in the room.



The Aftermath:
Headache is ridden in tandem by 2 emergency workers. A grim image. No overall profits from either team. You just knew that the Hawley's ring was going to fail. That sounds wrong, LOL. Dreadful, tight-fisted north-western Auction audience not rescued by online bids, Lancashire miser moths flutter round a candle flame in triumph.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. A truly fantastic effort today with one of the Blue lads setting a new world record with his foot partially off camera over his head. An outstanding effort. One for the archives.

​

 

I caught yesterday's episode and, like everyone else, was very impressed with Roo's performance. However, I did notice that on more than one occasion she described an item as a 'Bobby dazzler'. Was this blatant theft of one of David ****inson's catchphrases a tribute or a case of Roo parking her tanks on the Duke's lawn? It will be fascinating to see how ****inson responds. He is known for his fiery temper

 

Absolute shyte auction today. Rick Wakeman - owner of a lonely heart? More like owner of a den for misers.

Having said that, the model of the plane just made a profit which nobody foresaw.

 

I actually felt sorry for Muttley. He came out with some good advice for once and was visibly frustrated.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Stamford Meadows 11
Bargain HuntSeries 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000b8rp
Join Natasha Raskin Sharp and experts Philip Serrell and Kate Bliss as the red and blue teams go bargain hunting in Stamford Meadows. Will both teams make a profit at the auction? There’s also useful guide on how to identify different kinds of wood when looking at antiques.

The Translation:
Strict Natasha goes on the hunt for a Pizza the Action, along with Benny The Ball, and Trilly as they descend on Stamford Meadows, Lincs hoping to be reunited with some long lost teams in need of some tat sifting, in the hope of aggrandisement. The Auction will be at PennyPinchers, Lincs with Colin RapidFire Young. Trilly turns up for the Auction in her 'The Prisoner' outfit again.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat et pull-over de moth
[Blue Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Auctioneer] Colin Rapido Young, short-haired non-Rick Wakeman variant
[Auction Location] Golding Young & Mawer, Lincs
(Miserlin Rating: Approved, one-star award under consideration)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Engaged military associated couple, oh dear, fussy aim-high woman, poor old scruffy.
(Challenge: Treen)
[Blue Team] Married male couple (Box Ticked) with an Oz connection, will they be camptastic?
(Challenge: Comes as a pair, fnar)

The Shopping:
Reds: RAF swagger stick (32) looks good, Cast Iron log burner (95) looks good, Black Forest treen pocket watch case (35 Challenge) looks good again.
Blues: Brass model bomber (68) it's Bomber county but it's a bit steep, Pair of silver opera glasses (35 Challenge) maybe, Victorian silver ink stand (85) looks OK.

The Distraction:
Cataloging types of tree product with Muttley. He shows Strict Natasha his wood and she instantly DQs him before throwing a bucket of cold water over his head and calling the wooden-tops.

​

The Auction:
Reds: RAF swagger stick (loss), Cast Iron log burner (loss), Black Forest treen pocket watch case (loss). Trully dreadful as none of the items were that overpriced. Misertastic.
Scruffy's BB is a 19th Century Bristol blue glass rolling pin (22), 30-50, surely a profit, but you never know in this place, 12 s0dding quid. Ridiculous. A Grand Slam Loss. Not Muttley's fault for once. Doesn't bode well for Blue team.



Blues: Brass model bomber (nice profit) well it is Bomber county, Pair of silver opera glasses (loss) cackle, Victorian silver ink stand (evens stevens).
Trilly's BB is another piece of silver, an English 1956 parachute regiment pin dish (40), 40-60, maybe, 48, small profit. Well done Number Six.



The Aftermath:
Safe reasonable estimates in PennyPinchers country. You know what's going to happen. Yup. Scrooge arises from his Candlelit lair. They should carpet bomb it to oblivion. Reds were unlucky. Amazingly, Blues got a small profit.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Fairly standard. Strict Natasha good, Muttley poor. You wood have though with all that tree talk earlier that he would be able to achieve a decent branch erection, evidently knot.

​

 

As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

Have a miser's auction, get a miser's auction.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark 22
Bargain HuntSeries 51 Episode 14 of 34
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bqqr8h
Charlie Ross joins experts Kate Bliss and Ben Cooper at the Newark Runway Antiques and Collectors fair. The reds and blues compete to find some bargains that they hope will make a profit at auction. Meanwhile, Charlie uncovers some hidden gems at Trent Bridge Library.

The Translation:
Posh dimwit Charl-eh stumbles along to Newark Runway Antiques and Collectors fair helped along by his carers Michael George and Blissful Trills. Isn't is a bit dangerous having a fair on an airport runway. Charl-eh is confused he wants to know where he left his duty-free bag. The others smile and prepare the sedatives. Does Trilly's 'The Prisoner' outfit make another appearance today? Be seeing you.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Blue Team Expert] Ben Carlos Wispa Cooper, the George Michael tribute act
[Auctioneer] Nigel Rees-Mogg Kirk, Nanny there's Riff-Raff in my Auction Room
[Auction Location] Mellors & Kirk Auctioneers, Nottingham
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Husband and wife, retired, he writes about UFOs which he blames on the EU.
[Blue Team] Partners who are into Sherlock Holmes and Victorian theatre.

The Shopping:
Reds: Edwardian glass scent bottle (50) undervalues it as the stopper is missing, Art Deco mirror (20) very sniffy about it, Simulated Jet necklace (5) Nanny isn't this ghastly. Charlie takes the p1ss as they're from Yorks, had 300 pounds and only spent 75 LOL.
Blues: Gold mourning brooch (50) conservative (literally) estimate, 1960s Picnic basket (22) should be OK, Prosthetic glass eye (30), the eyes have it, haha, Nanny, it might struggle.

The Distraction:
Charl-eh reminisces about Annie Oakley at Trent Bridge cricket ground. The confusion over rifle-shooting female cowboys and cricket makes his head spin, his eyes glaze over and he lies down for forty winks.



The Auction:
Reds: Edwardian glass scent bottle (big profit), Art Deco mirror (small profit), Simulated Jet necklace (small profit), Golden Gavel from Rees-Mogg. They will have to prise it from his cold, dead hands.
Trilly's BB, she was going to find something Sci-Fi but ended up with, a little Edwardian enamelled brooch (stick to what you know) (20), a good buy don't you think Nanny, despite it not being from a top maker, sniff, sniff, 20-30, it makes a nice crisp tenner. Well done Trilly.

​

Blues: Gold mourning brooch (loss), 1960s Picnic basket (profit), Prosthetic glass eye (profit),
Poundshop George's BB is an early wooden slide projector and enlarger (40) it really is a heap of rubbish, Rees-Mogg practicaaly unsaleable Nanny, 20-30, REJECTED, 10 notes. Good decision. Shame on you Cooper.



The Aftermath:
Dreadful sniffy Auctioneer but a decent auction in an Auction Room which has recently been shown to be a PennyPinchers Paradise. The items sold themselves. Both teams made a profit but the Reds made three figures and bag a Golden Gavel. If this happens again in this Auction Room then the Miserlin Rating might have to be withdrawn. Mind it was an episode from an earlier series (Series 51). A word of note about that bin rescued straight-to-bon fire wooden slide projector/enlarger that George Michael called in. Such a lazy, can't be arsed purchase worthy of being dropped from the program as a so-called "expert". Even The Squeak wouldn't have paid 40 notes. Appalling.



The Hi-Kick:
Conventional indoor kick. Red bloke with the stick gives it a go, Trilly is poor as usual but hats off to Blue Girl with a decent effort.

​

 

Rees-Mogg is such a dreadful sniffy Auctioneer.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Huntingdon 5
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0018bcr
Eric Knowles is in Huntingdon, where experts Colin Young and Raj Bisram guide the red and blue teams as they try to buy three profitable items to take to auction. Eric also pays a visit to the Cromwell Museum to find out about one of the most controversial men in British history, Oliver Cromwell.

The Translation:
Fark me, they're in my neck of the woods. Huntingdon (along with nearby St. Neots) is a classic South-London overspill dumping ground. A quiet historic market town, ultrasafe Tory seat, now with a large sprawling urban estate complete with flat-roofed 70s fighting pub. Used to get quite lively in the 80s/early 90s when off-duty US servicemen from the nearby bases used to drink there for some external "training". However, I digress. Today, Uncle Eric Knowles with Rick Wakeman (haven't seen him as an expert before) and Dr Evil (he's ex-military so will be able to handle himself) are round(head) and about in Cromwell's manor. Let's hope their hunt for bargains is not too cavalier.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles
[Red Team Expert] Colin Rick Wakeman Young
[Blue Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Auctioneer] Elizabeth Talbot, sounds like and looks like a Jane Austen extra. Auntie Liz.
[Auction Location] Diss, Norfolk twinned with Datt in Germany
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Sisters-in-law, the solicitor one looks quite evil
(Challenge: Associated with childhood)
[Blue Team] Female friends who met at secondary school
(Challenge: Keep outdoors)

The Shopping:
Reds: Children's desk and chairs (Challenge 75) OK, Merrythought small teddy bear (10) hopeful, Brass oil lamp (25) another good buy.
Blues: Britain's Zoo animal collection (25) good buy, Industrial spotlamps (75) got a chance, Brass chestnut roaster (Challenge 5) taken from under Red's nose LOL, profit all day long.

The Distraction:
As Uncle Eric is in the birthplace of Olly Cromwell, or as he is now known, Controversial Olly Cromwell then it's only natural he goes to the Controversial Olly Cromwell museum, where he will pay attention, nod sagely, and then shake his head at the appropriate times as this culture minefield is negotiated. Beware the woke landmine Eric!!

​

The Auction:
Reds: Children's desk and chairs (loss), Merrythought small teddy bear (good profit), Brass oil lamp (evens stevens)
Colin's BB is a antique tree-of-life brass charger (5), bargain surely, 10-15, 8, squeaks a profit. Small pat on the back for Rick.



Blues: Britain's Zoo animal collection (big profit), Industrial spotlight (loss), Brass chestnut roaster (nice profit) taken from under Red's nose LOL.
Raj's BB is a vintage lobster pot (15) REJECTED, 20-30, 28, nice profit. Good buy Raj.



The Aftermath:
Both teams made a profit. I thought the Auction was good, the Auctioneer humerous, she looks like a frump but turned out to be the opposite, reminds me of a kindly Great Aunt, and accurate with her estimates, and she can fire out the bids when necessary. Very encouraging. Blues should have had more faith in Dr Evil who usually knows what he's talking about and could've added some extra cash to take home. Reds were very tardy and dithered over the chestnut roaster which was snapped up from under their noses by Blues. The Teddy and Zoo animal toy collection were an absolute steal and meant both teams walked away with money. I can see people heading off to Cambs Lock antique centre, on the way to Huntingdon Rail station, to raid it for bargains.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor Covid reverse diagonal. Red girls are a bit slow on the uptake, but one of the Blue girls gets good height. An all-round reasonable effort.

​

 

Auctioneer today was like a school librarian at a C of E school, who surprised everyone by turning out to be a swinger. Definitely a naughty side to her.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Oswestry 23
Bargain HuntSeries 48 Episode 22 of 32
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09hllsv
Eric Knowles presents from Oswestry, Shropshire, with antiques experts Charles Hanson and Kate Bliss offering the reds and blues their help. Eric takes time away from the fair to hear about a magnificent 27-foot angel made out of confiscated knife blades.

The Translation:
Uncle Eric shadowed by Dreamblazer Hanson and the Trillster hot foot it to Oswestry, Shropshire for some tat tomfoolery before skedaddling off to the Auction hosted by the Queen of the Gavel, Christina Trevanion. Earlier Series so no Challenges.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles
[Red Team Expert] The Suit That Launched A Thousand Deckchairs Hanson
[Blue Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Auctioneer] Sexbomb Christina Trevanion
[Auction Location] Trevanion and Dean, Whitchurch
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

​

The Teams:
[Red Team] Father & Daughter, Father is a GP practice manager who's into tap dancing, Daughter into Amateur Dramatics
[Blue Team] Father & Daughter, Father is a grocery manager who cooks and is into The Wombles, Daughter works for a telephone answering company

The Shopping:
Reds: 1825 wooden tea caddy (100) Hanson folly? could well be, Early 20th Century hand mirror (10) should be fine, Edwardian Chester silver stamp holder (60) ouch possible overspend.
Blues: Pearl necklace with a golden finish, snigger (50) has a chance, Big Smith's clock (95) evidently, Christina likes a big 'un, could be OK, 1932 silver cream jug (41) good chance too.

The Distraction:
27ft knife sculpture Angel. Very impressive. It reminds me of the birdwoman out of Clive Barker's Nightbreed. A place to make safe Danny The Squeak's cap feathers which really will have your eye out.

​

The Auction:

​

Reds: 1825 wooden tea caddy (biggish loss) Hanson folly? yup, Early 20th Century hand mirror (nice profit), Edwardian Chester silver stamp holder (small loss).
Charles BB, is it follytastic?, maybe, it's the German enamelled silver belt buckle from earlier plus a Scandi enamelled spoon (105), 50-70, possibly a folly but there has been interest, 55, yup Hanson double folly today.



Blues: Pearl necklace with a golden finish, snigger (profit), Big Smith's clock (small loss), 1932 silver cream jug (1 note loss).
Trilly's BB is an industrial skipware light (30), daughter likes, Wombleman doesn't, 30-50, 20, it was crap, stick to Silver Trilly.



The Aftermath:
Hanson falls over again near the beginning, I bet he was pleased the crew was filming. Hanson metaphorically falls down at the end with his double folly BB and tea caddy. Trilly left her comfort zone and bought a salvaged lamp that was a Dud, which dragged the team to a loss.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard Indoor done with reasonable aplomb.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark 10
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0018kfl
Natasha Raskin Sharp heads to Nottinghamshire, where experts Ben Cooper and Izzie Balmer take the teams antiques hunting before heading to Derby for today’s auction. Natasha discovers how a 16th-century curate revolutionised the world of knitting and tries out his extraordinary invention for herself.

The Translation:
Strict Natasha answers the BH-phone to respond to some incidents of daylight robbery in Newark Notts. The Strict Cusader bundles into the BH-mobile, a rusty old VW camper that's seen better days (vintage vehicle with natural rust, original mouldy features and oodles of charm) along with the boy wonder, as in I wonder how he managed to get on this programme, Carlos Wispa, and BH-Girl Bizzie-Lizzie. If The Auction is in Gotham Derby that will mean the host is either Charles The Joker Hanson or James The Penguin Lewis in his crumpled lair where the item crimes are proved unsaleable and have to be virtually giving away to Messrs Scrooge and Steptoe.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp
[Red Team Expert] Ben Cooper, the Poundshop George Michael
[Blue Team Expert] Dizzie Lizzie Barmy Balmer
[Auctioneer] Charles Hanson, The Phineas T Barnum of the Auction World
[Auction Location] Hanson Auction House, Derbys
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

The Teams:
[Red Team] Sisters, who look like OAP veterans of Village of the Damned
(Challenge: In form of animal or human)
[Blue Team] Married manager numpties
(Challenge: Decorated with flowers or plants)



The Shopping:
Reds: 20th Century Vase (25) he doesn't like it, Arts and Crafts copper tray (75) overspent, Patterdale Pollie parrot (30 Challenge) might be OK.
Blues: Studio pottery stoneware vase (9) profit, Pair of creepy ceramic dolls (26) could be OK, Filigree silver card tray (154 Challenge) overspent.

The Distraction:
Strict Natasha visits the framework knitting museum in Ruddington, near Nottingham, where she's told a good yarn and ends up in stitches.



The Auction:
Reds: 20th Century Vase (evens stevens), Arts and Crafts copper tray (loss), Patterdale Pollie parrot (nice profit).
Carlos BB is a brass chamber stick (10), 10-20, 22, nice profit. A decent buy for a change Cooper.



Blues: Studio pottery stoneware vase (1 squid profit), Pair of creepy ceramic dolls (small profit), Filigree silver card tray (big unsurprising loss).



Barmy's BB is a three piece glass shoe cruet set (15), 10-20, 25, nice profit. Well done Dizzy.

​

The Aftermath:
If you leave it to the last minute then you will panic and overspend. The fact they hadn't bought anything for 30 minutes was spelling disaster. Panic buying your big spend is not the way to go. Reds had Cooper so almost guaranteed low/no profit. A lazy expert. Most items didn't cost much and only made small profits so very conservative buying in general.

​

The Hi-Kick:
In door covid diagonal which has a weird low camera angle with no depth. Must be a cramped room. A visual composition disaster.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Anglesey 24
Bargain HuntSeries 55
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000h49w
Charlie Ross is on the Welsh island of Anglesey for this edition of Bargain Hunt at the Agricultural Showground. The reds and blues go head to head with the help of antiques experts Roo Irvine and Richard Madley. There is also a mystery to solve, and Charlie tucks into some cake!

The Translation:
Moth-eaten saggy old bull Charl-eh Ross is back in Anglesey at the Agricultural Showground along with delightful spring lamb Roo Irvine and Madders Madley not Madeley, the feisty Ram. Later they will be judged and Auctioned by Largish Chris, the Cheshire Cheese. Charlie the bull will be stunned at how much some of the tat is worth, his eyes will glaze over before a bolt gun sends him off to celestial pastures new.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross, the gurning idiot
[Red Team Expert] Delightful Roo Irvine
[Blue Team Expert] Richard Madley not Madeley, SportsMad D1ckko Madders
[Auctioneer] Large Chris, should be plenty of cash in Nantwich floating about.
[Auction Location] Peter Wilson's, Nantwich, Cheshire
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

The Teams:
[Red Team] Married retired chicken-collecting Bassett-owning couple
(Challenge: Floral)
[Blue Team] Female best mates who are into paranormal investigations, urrgggh, I feeelll a strange presence at this antiques fair, it's the ghost of Derek Acorah.
(Challenge: Something found in a kitchen)



The Shopping:
Reds: Floral brooch (10 Challenge) should be fine, German Art Nouveaux tray (95) might struggle, Chester and London silver Buffalo Fraternal society medal (50) unfortunately, despite the amount of work put into it, it's not worth much.
Blues: Lorna Bailey robin teapot (90 Challenge) might struggle, 1980s John Ditchfield scent bottle (50) mights struggle, Amethyst ring (145) might struggle. Oh dear not looking good.

The Distraction:
Mystery object time. A silver-plated, american comb-thing. It's a delicate cake breaker. Charlie gets a sugar overload after stuffing himself with a large cake. His eyes glaze over and he nods off for an agreeable 40 winks.

The Auction:
Reds: Floral brooch (evens stevens), German Art Nouveaux tray (biggish loss), Chester and London silver Buffalo Fraternal society medal (loss).
Roo's BB is a box of 4 sterling silver pocket watches (75), 120-180, a real bargain, 100, another good buy from Roo.

​

Blues: Lorna Bailey robin teapot (evens stevens), 1980s John Ditchfield scent bottle (biggish loss), Amethyst ring (big loss)
Madders has just 15 squids, his BB is a set of 10 moulded and cut glass scent bottles (15), 30-50, another bargain, 15, breaks even. Unlucky Madders that should have made a profit.

​

The Aftermath:
Both teams are real slowcoaches over their purchases. This never bodes well. Too many purchases made with heart rather than head leading to chronic overspending. As they say, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Auctioneer was pretty accurate on his estimating, despite him being a bit brisk, he was not responsible for the losses. Both experts bought well with their BB purchases.

The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. Blue team are lacklustre bordering on non-existent. Poor effort from them. Boooo. Must be the spirits preventing them cocking their legs.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Leominster 2
Bargain HuntSeries 57
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000mvd8
Join Christina Trevanion in the old market town of Leominster. The reds and blues are on the lookout for treasures with experts Kate Bliss and Tim Weeks. Which team will make the most money at auction? Also, Christina learns about the Leominster Chelsea bun that travelled to the battlefields of the First World War and back.

The Translation:
Sultry Christina Trevanion delves into the Casbah of Lemster with her local guides Shrilly Trilly and Beanpole Treepants Weeks with his Desperado look. Auctioneer is Phineas T Hanson in the Greatest Auction Show on Earth.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Christina Trevanion, the thinking man's crumpet
[Red Team Expert] Posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Blue Team Expert] Tim Treepole Tudor Weeks
[Auctioneer] Charles The Suit That Launched A Thousand Deckchairs Hanson
[Auction Location] Bishton Hall, Staffs
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Father and Daughter, he's a Scottish military instructor, kilts up 2-3, pants down 2-3 (obviously not trad kilt wearers)
(Challenge: Victorian)
[Blue Team] Mother and Daughter, mother loikes little toi carrsss
(Challenge: Edwardian)

The Shopping:
Reds: Victorian boot scaper (34 Challenge) OK, Mahogany stationery box (140) might be OK, Coty Powder compact (15) profit all day long.
Blues: Silver camel paperweight (40) might be continental silver on a Brum base, but should be OK, Cast iron pot and kettle (90) overpaid, London 1902 vesta case (Challenge 47) might be OK.

The Distraction:
At the Leominster museum, Christina gives us some sweet treats to savour before focussing on a Chelsea bun sent in the post to the trenches. The Chelsea bun was originally called the Chelski bun and cost around a trillion pounds.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Victorian boot scaper (nice profit), Mahogany stationery box (biggish loss), Coty Powder compact (small profit).
Trilly's BB is an Art Deco faceted glass face ink well with a silver lid (80), might struggle, 50, Charles tried but it still made a loss. You overspent there Trilly. Off to the dog house with you.



Blues: Silver camel paperweight (big profit), Cast iron pot and kettle (evens stevens), London 1902 vesta case (loss)
Treepants BB is a rusty old Stop/Go skipware sign (20), 30-40, Hanson things it's a bargain, 35, nice profit, well done Beanpole.



The Aftermath:
Reds made profits on 2 of their items but overspent on the stationery box which was compounded with Trilly's poor BB. She should stick to delicate silver, jewellery or Teddies. Blues started off well but their items tapered off but Weeks BB helped cement a decent overall profit.



The Hi-Kick:
Outdoor grassy Covid diagonal. As it's on grass, it's not too bad, Trilly almost emphasises another meaning for posh ttwat, but hats off to Blue girl and her excellent head kick. Good stuff.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Harrogate 21
Bargain HuntSeries 52 Episode 10 of 32
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0002v2g
Bargain Hunt arrives in Yorkshire, where experts Philip Serrell and Raj Bisram guide the teams around the Harrogate fair. Presenter Natasha Raskin Sharp stops off at one of best-preserved Victorian Turkish baths in the UK. Back at the auction, as Caroline Hawley takes to the rostrum, which team will come out on top?

The Translation:
Back in Harrogate, back in Yorkshire, Back with Strict Natasha with Scruffy Serrell, Lord of the Fleapits and kindly Dr Evil. Also back in the county of Skinflints at the Yorkshire Event Centre aka Tat Centre. Unfortunately, this series and this location means it's Headache Hawley, Queen of Migraines wearing her latest from the new mal-de-mer collection and sabotaging the Auction with her total lack of aaabbillllllitttyyyy thump.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp complete with rulebook
[Red Team Expert] Philip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat et pull-over de moth
[Blue Team Expert] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
[Auctioneer] Caroline Headache Hawley pooouuunnnnddddssss thump
[Auction Location] Hawleys Auctioneers and Valuers, Beverley Racecourse
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Best of male friends, who are Scottish, but we won't hold that against them, just yet. They are Scruffy's worst nightmare.
[Blue Team] Best of female friends, who are still involved in Girl Guiding. Let's hope they are prepared.
No Challenges are it's an earlier Series. No Challenges offset by having Hawley as the Auctioneer.

The Shopping:
Reds: Jaguar car mascot (37) it's Aluminium so it might struggle, Maritime escape hatch table (100) there is interest, St Leger silver-plated vesta case (35), it might be OK.
Blues: 19th Century wooden treen puzzle snuffbox (30) should be OK, Edwardian silver-stoppered scent bottle (45) should be OK, American child's rocker chair (70) might struggle

The Distraction:
Harrogate Royal Baths, namely the Spa and Turkish baths. Steamed and boiled Yorkshire folk not the prettiest of sites. One of the treatments is called Ozone. Nice, bring on a premature death with that.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Jaguar car mascot (a smalllll lossssssss), Maritime escape hatch table (another loss), St Leger silver-plated vesta case (small profit).
Muttley's BB is a fireman's copper brass hose nozzle (10), 50-80, a bargain, is it Hawley-proof?, yes, just about, sold for 30.



Blues: 19th Century wooden treen puzzle snuffbox (small profit) that's was difficult extracting that out of Yorshire folk, Edwardian silver-stoppered scent bottle (decent profit), American child's rocker chair (small profit). A Golden Gavel. Well done Blues and Raj.
Raj's BB is an Indian wooden bowl (60), 20-40 but there is interest, REJECTED, 55, a small loss. Unlucky Raj, Hawley didn't help sell it.

​

The Aftermath:
Amazingly, the Reds got a small overall profit with the horrendous Hawley. Blues got a bigger profit and amazingly a Golden Gavel in deepest Yorkshire with the anti-Auctioneer Damiana Thump Hawley. One to savour.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. A real mixed bag. Strict Natasha is the only one to get her leg over 90 and one of the Blue Team doesn't even bother. Confiscation of Golden Gavel methinks.

​

 

BBC approved preamble:
Wrexham 25
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0018km8
Charlie Ross heads to Wrexham with experts Stephanie Connell and Thomas Forrester. Charlie goes behind the scenes at Wrexham’s museum to find out what part lager and football have played in the town’s history.

The Translation:
It's back to North Wales and the newly crowned city of Wrexham. The prospect of sinking a few pints and some Hollywood-inspired footy glam has the posh fool Charl-eh, our Steph, and Tubby Thomas, bursting at the seams like a posh Clark Kent morphing into Superman, heading to the huge, local Antiques Centre at full pelt. Today's knock-on-wood arbiter is Sheffield's Rob Lee.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] tephanie Connell, the Cockermouth Cumbrian, the Auction-world state-educated trailblazer, poster girl for The 93%
[Blue Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant, the plump schoolboy
[Auctioneer] Rob Lee, "Yorkshire, Yorkshire, Yorkshire!!!!"
[Auction Location] Sheffield Auction Galleries
(Miserlin Rating: Approved)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Father and camp (box ticked) Blue-haired stepson
(Challenge: Comes in a pair)
[Blue Team] French Teacher Mother and son
(Challenge: Four legs)

The Shopping:
Reds: Pair of turtle-shaped brass book ends (13) should be a profit, Box of gilded silver spoons (120) might struggle, 19th Century Toleware boxed bicorn naval hat (130) might be OK.
Blues: Brown pottery Hippo novelty coffee table (145 Challenge) overpaid, Newcastle silver spoon (40) OK, Vintage 1943 Carjack (35) maybe.

The Distraction:
Excellent, even the posh daft t1t can't upstage Wrexham lager and North Wales footy.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Pair of turtle-shaped brass book ends (good profit), Box of gilded silver spoons (biggish loss) misers rejoice, 19th Century Toleware boxed bicorn naval hat (small profit).
Tubby's BB is a 19th Century gold banded agate brooch (19), 20-30, should be a profit, 30, Tubby good-buy



Blues: Brown pottery Hippo novelty coffee table (biggish loss) too quirky for Yorks, Newcastle silver spoon (profit), Vintage 1943 Carjack (loss).
Steph's BB is 19th Century Royal Crown Derby oyster dish (10) a steal, 10-20, 50, great work Steph.



The Aftermath:
Reds made an overall profit in a Yorks Auction is not to be sniffed at. The Blue team fell in love with a Brown Hippo coffee Table, probably one of the quirkiest things ever to appear on BH. I know it was a heart over head gamble, but it was worth going for. I'm sure if the seller was present in person they would've been able to get a bigger discount. Shame it was too quirky and made a loss. However, Steph found a real bargain making a 40 quid profit on an item that cost a tenner at a Yorks auction to boot.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard Indoor Kick. A finale of 2 halves. Red half up to snuff, Blue half poor.

​

 

Red bloke looks like he's wearing a Chinese hat in the above image LOL.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Ardingly 19
Bargain HuntSeries 54
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000bqqh
Antiques experts Gary Pe and Nick Hall take the teams bargain hunting in the East Sussex town of Ardingly. Will the reds or blues make the most profit? At the auction, Anita Manning finds out how much one of Willy Wonka's golden tickets makes when it goes under the hammer.

The Translation:
Hubble bubble toil and trouble, it's McWitch, the Glaswegian Ghoul. Today she hops on her broomstick and flies off to the East Sussex town of Ardingly at the Antiques & Collectors Fair where she is served by her entranced slaves, Eye of Newt Gary Peeee and Keir Starmer's Poppet, Nick Plaid Rags Hall. Today's Matthew Hopkins Witchfinder General turns out to be the Liz Truss of the Auction World, the dreadful Catherine Southon watch the profits go up in flames. Let the battle of our-souls commence.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Anita McWitch Manning
[Red Team Expert] Garry BB is PP
[Blue Team Expert] Nick Plaid All Over Hall
[Auctioneer] Catherine Southon, super posh, super dull, super useless
[Auction Location] Catherine Southon Auctioneers
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Mother and artistic green-haired lump of daughter.
(Challenge: Kitchenalia)
[Blue Team] Bossy mother and her daughter.
(Challenge: Silver jewellery)

The Shopping:
Reds: French treen butter presses (89 Challenge) overspent LOL, Pair of Nanny Still Finnish glass decanters (32) dully says definite profit, miniature Bible with a bit of Shakespeare (5) bargain, lots of interest.
Blues: Fairground rocket sign (89) overspent, Silver Pegasus necklace (34 Challenge) struggle, 18th-century coin (24) might be OK.

The Distraction:
Dully gives McWitch a Golden Wonka which makes her hat blow off.

​

The Auction:
Reds: French treen butter presses (biggish loss), Pair of Nanny Still Finnish glass decanters (3 note profit), miniature Bible with a bit of Shakespeare (huge profit)
Gary's BB is Apple shaped Australian ice buckets (44) REJECTED, Dully loves, 20-40, 45, 1 note profit. At least it wasn't a loss.



Blues: Fairground rocket sign (nice profit), Silver Pegasus necklace (loss), 18th-century coin (1 note profit).
Plaidy's BB is 14ct white gold topaz and diamond pendant (150), 50-80, oh dear, Dully doesn't rate it, 220, a stonking profit. Well done Nick, a great buy, shows Dully up to be a right Dud.



The Aftermath:
Dully Truss is as wooden as her gavel. Her and Hawley are 2 of the worst auctioneers. No flair, just so deadly dull. Dully loves = negligible profit, Dully dislikes = massive profit. Both teams make decent profits, with both teams having a big profit item, with the Reds winning by 1 pound.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. McWitch and Blue Mum don't bother, Gary is too early but Plaidy shoots and scores for England.

​

 

Antiques Road Trip paying a little visit to my little local centre.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Shrewsbury 24
Bargain HuntSeries 62
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0018slk
Caroline Hawley heads to Shrewsbury in Shropshire, where experts Thomas Forrester and Mark Stacey guide the red and blue teams as they go in search of some bargains before selling them at auction in Lichfield. Caroline visits RAF Cosford to learn about a team of Spitfire-flying women.

The Translation:
Christ on a bike, are they all going to have a turn at presenting. This time it's Headache Hawley avec Christian Chunders Mal-de-mer Collection to throw her hat into the ring. This time she's dressed more like Austin Powers. At she won't be Auctioning and putting the kiss of death on any profits to be made. Joining her in Shrewsbury will be Tubby Thomas and Sarky Marky. The Auctioneer is Dalek Winterton. Should be a decent Auction then.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Caroline Hawley with her exclusive Technicolour yawn collection
[Red Team Expert] Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy
[Blue Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist
[Auctioneer] Richard Emperor Dalek Winterton
[Auction Location] Skaro aka Lichfield
(Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Married BAME (box ticked) couple
(Challenge: Moving parts)
[Blue Team] Retired mixed sex partners
(Challenge: Handle)

The Shopping:
Reds: Tricycle planter with terracotta pots (20) OK, Victorian brass candle stick (70) overspent, First World War Swiss pocket watch (80 Challenge) might be OK.
Blues: Japanese copper ship's red light (110 Challenge) probably overspent, Vintage wrench and screwdriver set (10) OK, Vintage 1920's portable gramophone (70) might struggle.

The Distraction:
La Migraine visits RAF Cosford where she enters the 60 metres sprint which she easily wins when the other competitors are either blinded by her outfit or uncontrollably vomit before collapsing. Afterwards, she discovers about the WWII female ATA spitfire pilots, including air pioneer Amy Johnson, who transported planes from factories to airbases and vice-versa for repairs.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Tricycle planter with terracotta pots (loss), Victorian brass candle stick (loss), First World War Swiss pocket watch (small profit).
Tubby's BB is a Boxed set of Silver gilt 1936 coronation spoons (65), 25-35 but he things they're worth double that, 65, evens stevens.



Blues: Japanese copper ship's red light (Big loss), Vintage wrench and screwdriver set (profit), Vintage 1920's portable gramophone (profit).
Plique-*-jour enamelled bowl in a box (100), severely overspent, 20-30, 25, huge loss. He knew it was overpriced but still paid it. Bad Sarky.



The Aftermath:
Hawley is an awful, shouty presenter, foghorn voice to go with the foghorn outfit. Red team's items were a bit naff apart from the pocket watch but they still managed to win. Blues items were good apart from that lamp which they were steered towards by Sarky. He then put both feet right in it, by taking the money he was given and setting it alight a la Bullingdon Boris lighting up a fifty in front of a homeless person.



The Hi-Kick:
Indoor standard kick but in a weird semi-circle. Hawley does a decent kick, Blue bloke and Tubby Thomas reach par, but the rest are very poor. Perhaps Sarky should concentrate on his kicking rather than spunking money up-the-wall on overpriced pottery.

​

 

I thought Hawley made the step up to presenter poorly today.

She missed all kinds of key details, like whether the auctioneer's estimate was a 'wee bit of a come and get me' or any other context about the valuations. She was completely out of her depth.

Stick to the usual crew, plus Roo please BBC.

 

She's just plane dreadful, if you excuse the pun.

Today's Auction was a real shocker by some numpty in a smoking jacket. Tubby Thomas took them over not soon after. Bet he now regrets inheriting a PennyPinchers Paradise.

 

BBC approved preamble:
Dagfields 32
Bargain HuntSeries 53
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0004ww2
Today’s reds and blues are joined by experts Richard Madley and Ben Cooper as they go bargain-hunting at an antiques centre in Cheshire. As usual, they have £300 and one hour to buy three items to take to auction in Dudley, but to beef up the competition now our teams must spend at least £75 on one of their items and complete a shopping challenge picked by today's presenter Eric Knowles. Eric pays a visit to the Black Country Living Museum to find out how chain making was once a major industry in the area.

The Translation:
It'v Dagfields antiques centre in Cheshire with Uncle Eric and sidekicks Madders Madley not Madeley and Carlos Wispa tribute act. Auction in Dudley usually means it's Tubby Thomas and The Distraction is centred around the Black Country Living Museum run by George A Romero who, fittingly, is back from the dead himself.
Auction is from Dudley, but with local Chris Aston, replete in smoking jacket making him a Black Country Noel Coward. This is pre-SAS (Special Auction Services aka Special ******** Service) headed-up by Tubby Thomas Forrester in his TubbyTakeover.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles
[Red Team Expert] Richard Madley not Madeley, SportsMad D1ckko Madders
[Blue Team Expert] Ben Cooper, the Poundshop George Michael
[Auctioneer] Chris Aston is in his smoking jacket
[Auction Location] Dudley pre-TubbyTakeover
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Retired Husband and Wife met at a party who are into Am Drams
(Challenge: 20s-40s Art Deco)
[Blue Team] Engaged mixed sex couple (box not ticked), who at times look like rabbits trapped in the headlights
(Challenge: Original maker's mark that's not silver)

The Shopping:
Reds: Shove halfpenny board (28) OK, Pair of cameo brooches (80) might be OK, Carltonware jug (45 Challenge) might struggle
Blues: G-plan set of tables (58 Challenge) decent buy, Chester silver jug (135) might struggle, Beechwood chair (35) might be OK.

The Distraction:
Uncle Eric pretends he's a zombie at the Living Dead museum and has some fresh chains made to keep him out of mischief. Some chain making women went on strike. See strikes can result in a positive social change.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Shove halfpenny board (loss), Pair of cameo brooches (loss), Carltonware jug (loss).
Madders BB is a Pair of Crown Devon Art Deco dishes (40), 30-50, he loikes 'em, 16. Ebeneezer cackles and dances in delight.



Blues: G-plan set of tables (profit), Chester silver jug (biggish loss) the moths fly in triumph, Beechwood chair (loss), Scrooge has his chair.
Carlos BB is a Pullman lamp with tatty shade (23), 20-30, 16, it was crappy, barely makes scrap value. Crappy Carlos tut-tut.



The Aftermath:
Blues didn't go for the ceramic container from the Blind Beggar pub in Mile End. Kraytastic LOL. Terrible auction. Only one profit made. Tightwad town. Dreadful bunch of misers. P1sspoor auctioneer who latterly got taken over by Tubby Thomas' SAS. Both teams made large losses, not surprising in the Moth Miser's paradise.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor kick. A p1sspoor effort with even Uncle Eric barely making 90.

​

 

BOOOOOOO!! Bloody Wimbledon. No BH today. BOOOOOOOOO!!

 

BBC approved preamble:
Newark 21
Bargain HuntSeries 51 Episode 9 of 34
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bp3ddg
Today, the show comes from the Newark Runway Antiques and Collectors Fair. Charlie Ross leads the way, joined by experts Ben Cooper and Kate Bliss. The reds and blues fly around the runway hoping to bag themselves a bargain and make a profit at auction. Meanwhile, Charlie visits Newark Air Museum to learn about the Royal Observer Corps.

The Translation:
A fool for all seasons Charl-eh is at Newark Runway Antiques and Collectors Fair along with shufflemates Carlos Wispa and the very posh Shrill Trills help sift throgh the tat. Later they will have to endure Nigel Rees-Mogg in the Auction Room. Surely, one of the worst ever to appear on BH. So, the portents aren't good with Poundshop George Michael "guiding" a team and Rees-Mogg stiffly presiding over an Auction Room of Skinflints. As it's an earlier Series will Trilly's 'The Prisoner' outfit make an appearance today? Don't knock yourself out.

The Staff:
[Gaffer] Omnifool Charl-eh Ross
[Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss
[Blue Team Expert] Ben Carlos Wispa Cooper, the George Michael tribute act
[Auctioneer] Nigel Rees-Mogg Kirk, Nanny there's Riff-Raff in my Auction Room, sniff-sniff
[Auction Location] Mellors & Kirk Auctioneers, Nottingham
(Miserlin Rating: One Star)



The Teams:
[Red Team] Father and daughter in the medical profession who are into group diving.
[Blue Team] Mixed friends, she is one-half of a identical modelling twins, twins, modelling, yer we've heard that one before. He is one half of a non-identical twins. Twintastic.

The Shopping:
Reds: Pair of Pink Flamingos (32) might be OK sniff-sniff, 9ct gold opal and sapphire ring (94) mean riff-raff estimate, Stainless steel medical trolley (110) mean sniff-sniff estimate
Blues: 5 Sheffield silver ice-cream spoons (42) should be OK, Pair of Lily-form Victorian glass vases (125) he things they're not worn enough so severely undervalues them, Swiss silver pocket watch (48) very common he says in his elitist tone.

The Distraction:
The posh t1t is at Newark Air Museum talking about the Royal Observer Corps. Charlie-eh reminisces about watching for the Luftwaffe, during his civil defence daydreaming, his eyes glaze over and he's off to the land of nod to sell some dodgy tat to Hitler.

​

The Auction:
Reds: Pair of Pink Flamingos (big profit), 9ct gold opal and sapphire ring (loss), Stainless steel medical trolley (largish loss).
Trilly's BB is an 1825 Georgian silver tea caddy spoon, about as Trilly as you can get, (10) a tenner a bargain, sniffy says 25-30, extremely astute he says upon hearing the price, 80, big Trilly profit, Sheer Bliss.



Blues: 5 Sheffield silver ice-cream spoons (small loss), Pair of Lily-form Victorian glass vases (big loss), Swiss silver pocket watch (loss).
Carlos BB is WWII aircraft compass (50), R-M says 50, it does 40, another loss. Another George Micheal dud.



The Aftermath:
2 big profits for the Reds make sure they return an overall profit. The Blues, directed onto the rocks by Cooper, make a Grand Slam of losses. Dreadful Rees-Mogg, sniffy, auctioneer with a crap expert equals big loss. The Bearded T1t.



The Hi-Kick:
Standard indoor Hi-Kick. Basically par 90 reached, apart from Trilly who probably doesn't want to flash her growler.

​