1. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    We're in Lincoln, prime Pork country today, with daft old boar Charl-eh Ross and fellow troughers and rootlers in the woodland of Bargains, Nick Plaid All Over Hall, Keir Stamer's Hobgoblin and Vinderloo variant, and Gary PeePee, Bonus Buyus Sidus Splitus Hilarium. I've been a bit disappointed with Gary's BB recently, as they've been far too sensible rather than his hilarious off-the-wall offerings. Let's wait and see what transpires. Does this mean the Auctioneer will be Colin Speedy Young, the Rapido short-haired non-Rick Wakeman variant, in his Lincoln franchise of PennyPinchers? No, it's Nigel Rees-Moog Kirk in Nottingham who'll be dealing with the riff-raff. Nanny those ghastly people are littering my Auction House.

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Distraction involves treasure hunting at the bottom of your garden. Charleh's Stash of Scandinavian Literature is probably safe for now as long as the slugs don't get to them.

    Best friend tax consultant Red Team dodge and avoid their way to:
    (Challenge: Far East)
    Large display glass scent bottle 135, (20-40) Rees-Moog is very sniffy about the scent bottle, 60, big loss, serves you right for being common;
    Burmese wooden elephant (Challenge) 29, (20-30) should be fine, 20, another loss, the Notts Misers are in;
    Dresser-style toast rack 43, (20-30) maybe, probably not, 45, squeaks a profit, here are your pennies, spend them wisely.
    Gary's BB is a candle holder, which is back to his weird best, 24, (20-30) he's not raarlee convinced, a fiver, LOL, a mini-disaster with the mini-organ pipe monstrosity. Well Done Gary you've earned your reputation of the bizarre bargain buys back.


    Brothers-in-law identical twin-tagging Blue Team escape for some rest to provide:
    (Challenge: Lighting)
    Plane of wood Lamp (Challenge) 95, (40-60), 15, oooof, big loss;
    Danecraft silver bracelet 69, (25-35) stingy estimate, 25, oooff again, a loss;
    Victorian glass and silver decanter 32, (20-30), 20, another loss.
    Plaidy's BB is a pair of Arts and Crafts-style bowls 49, (25-40) R-M is vaguely impressed, 20. A Grand Slam of losses from Miser Central.


    What a dreadful Auction. Up there with the worst of Muttley and Rosewell. Only one profit of a couple of quid. Ludicrous, as apart from Gary's bizarre piece of art masquerading as a candelabra, they were normal items and didn't deserve the substantial losses. Ress-Moog clone's sniffy attitude didn't help. I wouldn't dare have this peasant's tat in my mansion house, my butler, will dispose of them immediately. Speaking of the Audience, what a slovenly, miserly bunch.

    ReesMoog2.jpeg Audience.jpeg

    Final Hi-Kick is a standard indoor operation which is well executed with good height from all. Can-can silver medal awarded. Yes, YES!!

  2. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp waxes lyrical about Stamford, Lincolnshire the scene for today's BH. Evidently, a very desirable place to live. Lowering the tone is Philip Muttley Serrell, the Dweller of the Dump avec scarf de tat et pull-over de moth, and raising it gain, very posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss, who turns up for the Auction in her 'The Prisoner' outfit again. "It's rare for me to hand over money", Strictly opines, ah a true Scot. Colin Speedster Young in Bourne, Lincs will gives us a Rapido-style Auction at PennyPinchers. Will it be a "20-30/40-60" blanket estimation this time?

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Distraction involves Southwick and the World Conker championships. Careful now, Health&Safety will be after you if you haven't got head to toe full-body armour on. "No compooters in those days" says some bowler-hatted simpleton explaining the rules while showing us his own nuts. Strict Natasha is going to play the World Champion. She has consulted the rule book and is awaiting to DQ him and so be declared the new World Champion. Well there's not so many of those from Sweatyland these days. On the subject of our Tartan friends, it was good to see Billy Connolly in the Auction audience.

    Distraction.jpeg BigYin.jpeg

    Tattooed to buuggery partners Red Team, ***** and ink their way to:
    (Challenge: 4 legs)
    4-sided custom and excise ruler 20, (20-30) ping, 12, hmmm a Muttley-inspired loss;
    WWI collapsable trench ladders 90, (100-150) good chance, 120, nice profit;
    Beswick Corgi (Challenge) 7, (20-30) profit all day long, 20, nice.
    Benny The Ball's BB tatastic Agate pistol waxing seal 25, (25-40) looking good for once, 27, LOL, 2 notes profit, Woo-Hoo. Almost a GG but Muttley does have a penchant for messing up somwhere and someway for his team.

    Corgi.jpeg PistolSeal.jpeg

    Married couple, Spencer is in showbiz, Frank Spencer more like, Blue Team fuss and mither their way to:
    (Challenge: Ladies fashion accessory)
    1920's Silver and enamel brooch 40, (30-50) maybe, 15, oops a loss;
    Vintage ladies hat pins (Challenge) 40, (30-50) maybe, 20, another loss, they were a bit ***** to be fair;
    Clockwork Submarine and box 80, (40-60) ping, 25, another loss, is it going to be a grand slam?
    Trilly No.6's BB Edwardian Pince-nez glasses and aluminium case 15, (20-30) got a chance, 6 pounds, LOL, oh dear, a real bunch of Lincs tightarses.

    Submarine.jpeg Glasses.jpeg

    Victory for the Reds who make a respectable profit and a magnificent Grand Slam of losses for the Blues.


    Final Hi-Kick is standard indoor setting, reasonable kick, Strict Natasha is always premature and Muttley can't be bothered this time, the lazy scrote.

    wfcmoog likes this.
  3. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Tubby Thomas' auction today is horrendous.

    I hate the way he says 'I can start the bidding at £x' when he doesn't actually have a bid. He can't start there, because he often has to drop.

    Awful miserly buyers today.
    reg_varney likes this.
  4. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    All new BH again, Uncle Eric Knowles starts off in the town of Newbury, home of Newbury Racecourse, that house in Downsyndrom Abbey, and famous for the local sweet treat Newbury fruits. The experts are sweetness personified with Raj Dr Evil Bisram, and Nick Plaid All Over Hall, the Keir Starmer waxwork, shuffling through the tat at Adingly Antiques Fair. Talking of Newbury fruits the Auctioneer is Tubby Thomas Forrester, the plump schoolboy, centrepoint for the Berkshire bin scavengers who gravitate towards his Auction House. Profits are very much not on the horizon. They are all stuffed in a mattress in Private Frazer's cold bedroom.

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Distraction involves Uncle Eric sneaking off down the canal, here he finds a secret stash of Gentlemen's literature, some discarded disposable cigarette lighters, and a bag of rotten apples swarming in ants. He then goes on a barge trip along the Kennet and Avon Canal and admires it's radiant off-brown colour thanks to the raw sewage discharge providing much needed waterbourne nutrients.


    "We like looking at things married couple" Red Team, spy through the keyhole and observe:
    (Challenge: American connection)
    Stoneware bird water feeder 28, (20-30) maybe not, a tenner, not a good start;
    US knife sharpener (Challenge) 120, (60-100) it might struggle, 20, huge, huge loss, Scrooge rejoices;
    French film projector in a homemade case 30, (30-50) Mon Dieu, 30, Sacre bleu, evens stevens.
    Raj's BB is a silver-collared glass decanter 30, (30-50) maybe, but this is Newbury, 20, poor Raj, undone by the skinflints.

    Sharpener.jpeg Decanter.jpeg

    Reindeer wrangler Blue Team who like, err, things, are conned out of 300 quid to bring us:
    (Challenge: Asian connection)
    Green glass fishing float 20, (30-50), 20, evens stevens;
    19th Century leather chair 150, (50-100) Tubby loves it, but it's damaged, not hopeful, 170, a huge 20 quid profit for Newbury, the moths fly out en masse;
    Cambodian elephant-shaped nut box (Challenge) 48, (40-60) good chance, 15, Steptoe has his elephant.
    Plaidy's BB is an enamelled silver napkin hook holder 35, (40-60) should be a profit, but let's see, 20 notes, Ebeneezer cackles and adds to his hoard.

    LeatherChair.jpeg NapkinHolder.jpeg

    Well Newbury enhances its reputation as being s0dd1ng dreadful for making a profit. Tubby tries but Tubby can't prise open those firmly closed wallets and purses. Both teams made similar losses with their experts on items which should have made a profit. Both had a break even item and both had a modest loss item. The big difference was that the Blue's big ticket item made a profit while the Red's item made a huge loss.

    Newbury has been awarded a WFC Forum Miserlin star.

    Plaidy2.jpeg Raj.jpeg

    Final Hi-Kick is an outside Woody, uneven grass, Covid diagonal special, well executed, everyone makes a decent attempt. Bronze Can-Can awarded.

  5. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Should be the Newbury Dutch Auction House. Horrendous. Worthy of its Miserlin Star.
    wfcmoog likes this.
  6. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    BBC should have a Bargain Hunt FA Cup Final special.

    How much do we bid for these L*t*n T*wn FA Cup Final medals?

    A big fat zero as they don't exist.

    wfcmoog likes this.
  7. WillisWasTheWorst

    WillisWasTheWorst Its making less grammar mistake's thats important

    Unfortunately that is an open goal for any L*t*n fan seeing this. :(
  8. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    I will feel doubly sad for any L*t*n fan so bored that they are trawling through non-Footy threads on an "away" Forum. No doubt they will lay claim to their bulging Trophy cabinet and their "Radio Rentals" Cup win in the days when you couldn't qualify for Europe. Well good for them to join the illustrious pantheon of winners which include Swindon, QPHa, Maxwell's Oxford etc. What an elite group. Get to an FA Cup SF and the choking starts followed by the nosebleeds.
  9. WillisWasTheWorst

    WillisWasTheWorst Its making less grammar mistake's thats important

    You’ve got to make your own entertainment in L*t*n.
    reg_varney likes this.
  10. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    Obviously, BH is only allowed to be held in a few select locations, well away from sink estates or large town/city ghettos. The sort of places which are often quietly and not so quietly Blue Wall. Gently extolling middle-classness while slowly evolving to meet the current BBC tick-box guidelines, BAME (tick), same sex couples (tick), OAPs, whacky students, local populance aka northern stereotypes. Today it's the mean streets of Shrewsbury, or more precisely the Antiques and Collectables Fair at the West Mid Showground, with Strict Natasha Raskin Sharp and the urbane and delightful Roo Irvine and the been at the Wolfbane and woeful Danny Tat-T1t Squeakbastian. The programme summary says the Auction is in East Yorks, hopefully that doesn't mean Caroline Hawley. Oh bollox it does. Arrrrggggghhhhhh. What nauseau inducing outfit will it be today as she bellows <insert a number> pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, THWACK. She really is dreadful. Profit danger in skinflinting Yorkshire.


    The Distraction involves someones huge poptastic Pop Culture collection incorporated in a homemade Land Of Lost Content Museum. A 'The Damned/Bauhaus' stencilled leather jacket caught my eye. Lets hope Strict Natasha will Smash It Up, I Double Dare her to do it.


    There are so many items in this segment that will jog your memory when you watch it. I've included 8 grabs of assorted items for your nostalgia fix.


    Bizarrely, it's a Roo-in-a-box to guide, mother and referee son Red Team, book and send off to gain:
    (Challenge: Glass)
    Art deco silver-topped sugar sifter (Challenge) 18, (15-25) should be OK, 20 pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, edges a profit;
    Ship's wooden bottle bottle cabinet 140, (80-120) who knows, 100 pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, she undersells;
    Pair of shoe maker's shoe last lamps 50, (20-40) might stuggle with a Steptoe crowd, 35 pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, no surprise.
    Roo's BB is an enormous magniying glass for frying giant ants 20, (20-30) let's see (ho-ho), 45, decent profit.

    Bottle.jpeg MagnifyingGlass.jpeg

    Old door hinge, who is incredibly squeaky today, is set lose on, father "we know what we like" and daughter, "he's also my mate", hold on are we in Norfolk, "I don't like spoon" unify as the Blue Team, they inbreed to produce deformed:
    (Challenge: Leather)
    9 squeatastic wooden crates straight from the skip 35, (20-40), 45 pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, a squeaky tenner made;
    Gladstone bag (Challenge) 20, (10-20), 30 pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, another small profit, GG?;
    Wooden sea-saw 75, (30-50) there's some interest, 45 pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, no effort in trying to squeeze more, useless auctioneering.
    Squeak's BB, he rubs his hands in glee, is a French 19th Century Boot Last, really tatastic, Squeakmeister demonstrates its use as a vintage strap-on 70, snigger on many fronts, (40-60) undervalued as usual for Yorks, 10 pouuuuunnnnnddddssss, quite right for such a useless piece of junk. Well done Squeak, a big loss.

    SeaSaw.jpeg StrapOn.jpeg

    Roo had a good day with her item but couldn't steer her Red team away from big spend gambles which are ulikely to pay off in Caroline Hawley's Awful Auction House. A real Misers Palace in Naff Vegas. Squeaky helped with a couple of small profits then got a absolutely dreadful overpriced piece of rubbish which stank the place out and sank without trace.

    RooLaugh.jpeg Squeak.jpeg

    Final Hi-Kick is an outside Covid diagonal on grass, well executed apart from Dan-Dan Squeaksonic Man who can barely get his leg up after pleasuring himself with the Boot Last.

  11. reg_varney

    reg_varney Reservist

    All New BH, brought to you from North Wales, where cracker Christina Trevanion is once again in Wrexham at the Vacant Antique Centre with handmaidens Tim Timpole Tudor Wunderbar Weeks and gently effeminate Jonathan JP Pratt with his prospective Tory MP wardrobe. The Auction is in Dudley, which means Tubby Thomas Forrester nee Plant and his mildly zany glasses, the plump schoolboy in his Tuck Shop gambling rooms. I can't remember if Dudley Auctions are particularly good or bad. So let's have a closed mind about it. I would remain doubly cautious about profits as it's the West Midlands, choco-miser-tastic territory.

    Start2.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Distraction involves Chester Drawers collection of silver. It appears to have gone missing. Blame Arthur.


    Married retired couple, including a dreaded T1t-T1t-Twoo Woy Hodgson lookalike, the male or female, I'll let you decide, Red Team acquire:
    (Challenge: Antique (100 yr old) still used today)
    Pair of Dalton Onion vases 25, (20-30) TubbyTick, 10, Moth Misers rejoice;
    Three-handled Dalton Tyg mug (Challenge- Strict Natasha would've DQ-ed it) 40, (60-100) big TubbyTick, 10, Steptoe has a new mug;
    Sheffield silver desk set 79, (30-50) TubbyCross, 130, big profit. Well Tubby got all those valuations completely wrong LOL.
    JP's BB is a Victorian green glass and enamelled decanter 16, (30-50) TubbyTick, 30, a tidy profit from genteel JP.

    SilverDeskSet.jpeg Decanter.jpeg

    Witch-like Mother and Daughter Blue Team Double, double toil and trouble to:
    (Challenge: Antique not in use today)
    Travelling School Trunk 32, (20-30) TubbyNeutral, 20, a loss;
    Wooden Chemist chest (Challenge) 120, (50-80), TubbyCross, 35, massive loss, Ebeneezer has something to soothe his cough;
    "Unusual" Chess set 20, (50-100) big TubbyTick, 10, it sill made a loss, does Steptoe play chess?
    Treepants' BB is a tin-plate vintage van 22, (30-50) TubbyTick, 25, scrapes a profit.

    ChemistSet.jpeg Vehicle.jpeg

    Apart from the contemporary silver desk set which went for good money, all the other items were sold for relative pocket change, reaffirming the West Midlands as being very Miser friendly.

    RoysReds.jpeg BlueWitches.jpeg

    Final Hi-Kick is an indoors Covid diagonal special. Treepants Tim and Blue Girl get good height but everyone else is just about par.


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