1. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    I assume his relatively low profile is because he is indisposed, researching in the water closet.

    She was boiling over with frustration.
     
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2023
  2. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Sean Bean talks to Uncle Eric about his latest career change.

    SeanBean.jpeg
     
  3. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Jason Mohammad and Jon Ronson are today's celebrity Red Team. They don't come cheap. 20 notes should do it.

    JasonJohn.jpg
     
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  4. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Dully_Moog2.jpg
     
  5. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    @wfcmoog This should help. A bit of VPL action.

    VPL.jpg
     
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  6. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Some stange shape action there.
    Has she filled her nappy?

    Still: all grist to moog's mill...
     
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  7. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    BBC approved preamble:
    Detling 17
    Bargain Hunt Series 60
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0010zwd
    Eric Knowles visits an antiques fair in Detling, where experts Catherine Southon and Mark Stacey join the red and blue teams as they compete to see who can come out on top at the auction. Eric also takes a trip to Aylesford Priory to learn about a historical method of making pottery that looks at the firing process a little differently.

    The Translation:
    We're back to Antiques Fairs with Uncle Eric in Detling in deepest Kent, for fun and japes with Gropey Catherine and Sarky Marky, which could well mean some bored and disinterested purchasing, unless the teams contain young men, when interest from both experts might well perk up. Auction will most likely be at Bentley's in Cranbrook, so decent valuations and gavelling by either Dr Evil or Plaidy, probably the former. It is Raj.

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Uncle Eric Knowles, supreme sausage scoffer
    [Red Team Expert] Catherine Southon, super posh, super dull, super useless
    [Blue Team Expert] Sarky Marky Stacey, the sleazy, slurry somnambulist, he has been known to enjoy a pansy
    [Auctioneer] Raj Dr Evil Bisram
    [Auction Location] Bentley's Auction Rooms, Cranbrook
    (Miserlin Rating: Unlisted)

    Start.jpeg Auction.jpeg

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Married male couple, met in nightclub, and one is head of diversity, the other is French. BBC Box ticked, Stereotype box ticked.
    (Challenge: Marquetry)
    [Blue Team] Married mixed couple, he trod on her foot and is a gas engineer. True love prevailed.
    (Challenge: Studio pottery)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Knackered rusty weather vane, found in a bin (85) ouch, Knackered wooden hall stand (bought without Dully) (119) ouch again, Wooden inlaid marquetry box, Dully hates it, ghastly she says (14 Challenge) OK.
    Blues: Canterbury studio pottery jug (15 Challenge) Bargain, Hand-decorated Japanese porcelain pottery vase (75) topend but OK, Early 20th Century Arts & Crafts carved nest of tables (30) Wow Bargain.

    The Distraction:
    All Uncle Eric's birthdays have come at once. No, he's not in a Berlin brothel but off to Aylesford Priory, not for old fashioned ale to make your head spin after 2 pints or potent mead which will make you buzz for the rest of the day, but for his first love, no not George Formby or Jumbo sausage, but ceramics and the unique Aylesford Pottery and its Raku firing. He loves it. Tory stooge Tracey Crouch loves it too, "What Aylesford Pottery has done is to respond to the needs of their local community, and in doing so enriched many lives." Standby for the impending bankruptcy followed by flogging off to an anonymous Chinese investor. Either that or turned into a temporary and then permanent immigrant holding/processing centre.

    Distraction.jpeg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Knackered rusty weather vane, found in a bin (loss), Knackered wooden hall stand (bought without Dully) (big loss), Wooden inlaid marquetry box, Dully hates it, ghastly she says (small loss).
    Dully's BB is a Silver-plated table piece (20), 40-60, 45. Decent Dully Dosh Dividend.

    HallStand.jpeg SilverTablePiece.jpeg

    Blues: Canterbury studio pottery jug (1 note loss), Hand-decorated Japanese porcelain pottery vase (largish loss), Early 20th Century Arts & Crafts carved nest of tables (profit).
    Sarky's BB is a Gilded silver pill box (20), 25-50, 52. Great buy Sarky.

    JapaneseVase.jpeg SilverPillBox.jpeg

    The Aftermath:
    Dully was hopeless today with the unfocussed, picky married males. Large near 3-figure loss, only saved by Grabby's decent BB. BTW Reds, BB does not mean Ball Bag. Sarky on the other hand, had a very attentive couple who agreed on his recommendations. Internet only Auction. The Reds pottery deserved better but I imagine postage costs would deter some. The smaller BB's found by the experts sold really well. Sarky's in particular was excellent and made enough profit to drag the Blues to an overall 6 GBP profit.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueWin.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Outdoor Covid diagonal kick on wet, uneven grass. Decent effort from everyone bar Dully who struggles in the wind and rain to part her legs. Either tiredness or a busy previous night leave their mark.

    HiKick.jpeg
     
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  8. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Missed it. Will watch on catch up when the wife's gone to bed.
     
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  9. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

  10. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Eric is a true example to all on how to commit to a 'yes' kick.
     
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  11. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    The fool in Marigolds. Dirty business.

    Circus knife-throwing Red Daughter. No clowning around then.

    Red Mum is very loud. Pity her poor hubby particularly on early nights.
     
  12. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Good to see McWitch put in an appearance.

    McWitch.jpg
     
  13. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    That nutcracker will knacker their profits.

    Red Mum on Speed.

    Fat Blue Bird doesn't like anything. Boring Dad has no clue, typical IT consultant.

    Butter churn disaster time. LOL.

    Creamy glaze. Snigger.

    Not another bloody trunk.

    Those cuffs won't match any collars.

    Tefal-headed Dad.

    Madders is going to take them up in the world. Oo-er
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2023
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  14. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    2 large overall losses incoming?

    Muttley auction.

    Yup it'll be a disaster.

    You know Muttley's Special Skinflints won't be spending more than 20.

    Dreadful. No profits yet.

    The step-ladder should make a few coins profit.

    Bingo. It makes a 15 note profit. Jesus.

    Muttley calls his audience Mean. LOL.

    Classic car crash. LOL.

    Trilly might get a profit.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2023
  15. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    very pointedly, poor richard highlighted the nutcrackers.
    those gobby redbirds were what we call here casse-couilles
     
  16. wfcmoog

    wfcmoog Tinpot

    Serrell auction. Bargains ahoy.
     
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  17. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    "did they not want a golden gavel? asks muttley at the valuation table :D

    " you are two of the liveliest contestants we have ever had, " euphemises Charlie to the redbirds, one of whom instantly detects he might be having a subtle pop...
     
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  18. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Poor Trilly, that was a nice brooch. Wasted on Muttley's Steptoes.

    Two huge losses. Might be a record combined loss.
     
  19. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    butter churn turns rancid. oh dear
     
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  20. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    "you all did your damndest to lose the whole lot!" giggles charlie.

    Great episode.
     
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  21. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    What a cake hole. No wonder she was so loud.

    Cakehole.jpeg
     
  22. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    BBC approved preamble:
    Builth Wells 7
    Bargain HuntSeries 54 Episode 10 of 32
    https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0009vlr
    Charlie Ross is at the helm as the red and blue teams go in search for items they can buy for £300. Charlie finds out why Merthyr Tydfil was once the washing machine capital of the world and meets Ben Price from the Cyfarthfa Castle Museum and Art Gallery, who shows him one of the first electric machines produced in the town. Today’s shopping takes place at the International Antiques Fair of Wales in Builth Wells, where experts Richard Madley and Kate Bliss help the red and blue teams find three items they hope will make them a profit at the auction in Malvern. Only one team can be declared the winner. Who will it be?

    The Translation:
    Back in Wales. Charl-eh adorns rubber gloves and get's scrubbing and plunging into various orifices while foaming (low suds) at the mouth the senile old fool. He vaguely remembers he's at the International Antiques Fair of Wales in Builth Wells with prompters sportsmad Richard D1cko Madley not Madeley and the ridiculously posh Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss. Bugger eyeryone sideways!! The Auctioneer is Philip Muttley Serrell in the Malvern Misers Mausoleum. Death to all profits. Muttley used to be a PE (LOL) and Geography teacher, the location of profits is still a mystery to him.

    [​IMG][​IMG]

    The Staff:
    [Gaffer] Omnifool Charlie The Tool Ross
    [Red Team Expert] Kate Shrilly Trilly Bliss,
    [Blue Team Expert] Richard D1ckko Madders Madley not Madeley
    [Auctioneer] Phillip Muttley Serrell avec scarf de tat, pullover de moth et gillet piq*re de puce
    [Auction Location] Titus A Ducksarse Auction Tomb, Malvern, Worcester
    (Miserlin Rating: One Star)

    The Teams:
    [Red Team] Idiot, annoying Mother and circus runaway knife-throwing Daughter (no wonder she ran away)
    (Challenge: Domestic)
    [Blue Team] Aging Tom Hollander IT Consultant Tefal-headed Father and his know-it-all 18 year old student daughter take a break from his busy schedule.
    (Challenge: Agricultural)

    The Shopping:
    Reds: Black Forest treen nutcracker (150 Challenge) could struggle, Handmade Chinese embroidered cuff framed panels (100) ouch, Fossilised stone plate (30) OK.
    Blues: Butter churn (165 Challenge) ouch, Bronze (probably not) dog on marble (50) ouch, 1919 Birmingham silver Oval-shaped Vesta case (50) ouch.

    The Distraction:
    The Distraction involves the history of clothes washing where the posh twit finds out why Merthyr Tydfil and its Hoover factory was once the washing machine capital of the world. His eyes glaze over and then his brain spins. The maintenance engineers in white coats come and take him away for another long lie down in a darkened room. Later on, Charl-eh's posh mates demonstrate how to "wash" his profits along with getting rid of stubborn stains after a classic de-bagging.

    Distraction.jpg

    The Auction:
    Reds: Black Forest treen nutcracker (huge loss), Handmade Chinese embroidered cuff framed panels (large loss), Fossilised stone plate (evens stevens).
    Madders BB are a Pair of vintage knackered step-ladders (10) skip value, 10-20 all-day long says Muttley, 25. Madders hits the Jackpot at Muttley's Miser Manor. A platinum gavel is on its way to you.

    [​IMG][​IMG]

    Blues: Butter churn (huge loss), Bronze (probably not) dog on marble (loss), 1919 Birmingham silver Oval-shaped Vesta case (loss).
    Trilly's BB is a silver and butterfly wing brooch (20), 15-30, 20. Well, it's not a loss. Should have made a profit. Wallets remain tightly shut.

    [​IMG][​IMG]

    The Aftermath:
    Welcome to Muttley's World of Wonder, sorry I mean Miser Mausoleum. It's so wonderful here that even Serrell calls his audience Mean. He's resigned to his fate so doesn't bother to work the room. Poor Madders and Trilly, huge losses guaranteed no matter what items are brought forward. Madders Red Team with the annoying loud Mum and adventurous daughter, how adventurous one muses (wink). Big spend items, no matter what they are, even blocks of gold bullion, will not generate profits here as the Misers won't be spending money. So 2 large losses, a break even item, and Madders BB makes a 15 quid profit. Jackpot. Still it is a 135 overall loss. Trilly's Blues fare worse with large picky daughter and Tefal-headed Dunce Dad, Tom Hollander. No profits on any of the items. Classic butter churn huge loss helps give them a nice 150 round overall figure loss. I wonder if the (135 + 150) 285 combined loss is a record. I'm sure I heard the cry of Scrrooooooge echoing round the chamber. They should never use that Malvern doss house ever again! I'm still laughing about Scruffy Derrell's former PE teacher prowess. Hahahahaha. Hohohohohoho.

    RedLoss.jpeg BlueLoss.jpeg

    The Hi-Kick:
    Standard indoor kick. Decent all-round effort with a superb head-kick from Blue Girl balanced with Tom Hollander's effort which is so late he almost misses the edit point. Wakey wakey Daddio. Yes, YES!!

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2023
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  23. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    View attachment 17770

    Poor Richard!
    Look at his anguished expression there.
    Reminiscent of Richard II getting Pontefract-pokered.
     
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  24. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    good Q! historic episode?!

    "wonder if the (135 + 150) 285 combined loss is a record."

    Bliss is it in this dawn to be alive.
     
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  25. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    She was really groping him earlier.
     
  26. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Lock your back doors and keep away from the local 'spoons, as a particular minority is the focus of today's episode.

    Strict Natasha in her rock chick biker garb.

    I spy sleeve of Dreamblazer.

    Blue Dance bloke looks like a toilet brush.

    Red Team of Iranian dissidents.

    Blue Dancing Bird loves rabbits.

    That dealer didn't haggle much over the Lorna Bailey cats.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2023
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  27. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Soda syphon skip ware. Tubby disaster at 88 notes?

    Dog figurine straight for the bin. Tubby on form.

    The hipsters will love that rusty pedal car.

    Natasha is enjoying the Vardo vibe.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2023
  28. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Here we go.
    Woke lecture about peg-sellers is price of entry.
     
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  29. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    Bluebird's a bit glam. Hammerworthy.
     
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  30. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    "Look at my puppies?" asks Manson.
    Nicking lines from the goggle-eyed transgressor...
     
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  31. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Hanson weaves his magic.
     
  32. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Yer, dancer too. Cue dirty thoughts.
     
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  33. OldTraff78

    OldTraff78 Reservist

    wow. redbird is quite the shrieker.
    Imagine her poor neighbours, saturday night bedtime...

    Bluebird has good eye for shapely pussies.
     
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  34. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    82 notes for a tape measure. LOL
     
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  35. reg_varney

    reg_varney Squad Player

    Like Red Mum yesterday.
     

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