Strange Injuries

Just trapped my beautiful pric k between two 35kg dumbbells and now it's bleeding.

Anyone else had any unusual injuries?

 

Does this now mean you really are a useless *****

 

You may have misunderstood what people mean by "pumping iron".

 

You missed the decimal point out between the 3 and the 5.

 

When I first started out in engineering and was being trained, as most apprentices are, in a machine shop, our trainer would often say 'don't stick your finger anywhere you wouldn't stick your pr*ck'

You seem to have got those wise words back to front

 

The perils of naked weightlifting.

 

Haven’t done the old trouser zip penis mangle for many a year now. Long may this be true.

 

Picking your nose might be challenging though!

 

Ouch. That might be one for a There’s Something About Mary sequel.

 

I’m guessing too much follow through on the down stroke, followed by a sickening KLANG!

 

Actually it was this. Sometimes being long, thick, solid and tight down there is a curse.

 

A chap I worked with broke his finger when tucking his daughter into bed. Still can't quite work out how he did that.


I've dislocated a finger moving a microwave, but it was just a re-dislocation of one previously done playing basketball.
I split my chin open after tripping over railings, when running to get to the kebab shop before it shut. Never did get that kebab.

Most painful injury ever was spraining an ankle running for a tube, nearly fainted. Foot swelled up like a purple mellon and I couldn't go to work for the next few days as I couldn't get a shoe on it.

I frequently put my back out for many reasons. I think the last time it happened was when I sneezed.

Oh and quite often I "sleep funny" and wake up aching somewhere or the other.

So in summary I generally get injured because I'm old and decrepit or forget I'm old and decrepit and do something stupid.

 

If you had continued the movement downwards you may have stretched it out further.

 

Friend of mine slipped on some cobbles outside a station on the way to catch an overground train. He got up and made it on board just in time.

As the train got going he tried take a look up his jacket sleeve to see what he had done and realised that his broken bone had gone straight through the skin.

He stayed on until London, walked into casualty and didn’t emerge for nearly a week.

 

My mate tore his calf chasing a shop lifter out of his shop a few weeks ago

 

Snapped the old banjo string in my early 20s, the bed looked like a crime scene and ruined my then girlfriends duvet and mattress to the point it had to be thrown out and replaced. Trying to clean it left me in tears and squirming in pain, god knows what her mother who was downstairs thought was going on. Going for a pee hurt for a good week or so after. Being the mature 22 year old I obviously sent a picture to my mates of the absolute devastation it had caused at the time. Good times, 10/10 would do it again.

 

A friend was fooling around in his girlfriend's mum's kitchen when her sharp ring caught his pride and joy. Sounds like a similar story. Apparently the pressure caused blood to hit the ceiling. Required stitches and apparently used to curve like a banana when erect thereafter. Maybe that was useful ?

 

I’ve only done this once and that was one time too many!

 

Likewise, I did it during a gig session when I was a student. Talk about instant sobering up.

 

A mate somehow managed to get a paper cut on his eyeball opening a letter. He said it was an absolute nightmare as he had to try and sleep with his eyes open as it kept sticking to his eyelid as it healed.

 

I put some Olbas Oil in my eye once, mistaking it in the dark for eye drops.

Man, that stung.

 

Yoiks.

 

Are you Victor Meldrew. That is a Victor Meldrew injury. Margaret!

 

I did something similar once: mixed up my contact lens fluids and put the acid cleaning fluid in my lens instead of the stuff you're supposed to use for your eyes.

Popped the lens right into my eye with a nice little pool of acid on the lens.

 

I reckon I’ve spent a good month of my 30 years on this planet in A&E waiting rooms. Broken both arms twice, broken nose twice, dislocated toe, various things requiring stitches, two trips for burns….

Not unusual because I think gardening tools are a pretty common cause of injury but I put my finger in a strimmer last summer. This Bosch thing that looks like a hair clipper. To my shame I briefly passed out when I finally decided to look and saw all the gristle dangling and the bone.

I had my wisdom teeth removed under GA when I was 20 because they were really badly impacted. Loose fragments of jaw bone worked their way out of the sockets after a few days, which was pretty cool.

 

Only ever been to hosiptal once for myself. Was knocked over and knocked out in the playground on my first ever day of school as a 4 year old.

It was a chap a coupel of years older running about like a lunatic. He wore a brown leather jacket and I remeber his name to this day.

 

Captain Tom Moore?

 

Or David Brent.

 

My sister in law couldn't get any superglue out of the dropper so held it up for a closer look, before it worked and glued her eyelid shut.

Snapped my ankle on a total wipeout style inflatable assault course in Greece 2 years ago - the sound still haunts me at night. Broke my other leg as a 13 year old after being late for school and thought that if I ran across the road, the cars would just stop, which was a miscalculation.

Also tore my calf playing foot rounders - made a weird popping sound.

 

Heyyy!

 

It's dangerous up north. It sounds like you got off lightly.